If your ex is rubbing a new relationship in your face, your ex is probably doing it to let you know that the two of you are just a fling from the past and that you now need to suffer for the way you’ve behaved.
You need to feel or express weeks or months of pain and hold it inside you just the way your ex has.
The reason why your ex is rubbing his or her new relationship in your face is therefore very straightforward. Your ex wants to hurt you and get back at you for the person you were throughout the relationship and give rise to a strong reaction or an unwelcome emotion.
So before you pick up the phone and call your ex a devious bully, keep in mind that your ex holds a lot of anger, hatred, and negative feelings inside. He or she feels victimized by you and is now as a result, looking for ways to level the playing field.
In today’s post, we’ll answer the question, “Why is my ex rubbing a new relationship in my face” and reveal the most mature way to silence an ex who’s trying to get a reaction out of you.
Why is my ex rubbing a new relationship in my face?
First and foremost, if your ex is the dumper, your ex is flaunting his or her new relationship on social media, to you, or to friends for two simple reasons.
- Your ex no longer loves you, respects you, and cares about you.
- Your ex feels angry and thinks that you deserve to suffer.
He or she wants you to know that everything was your fault and that he or she is happy now that you’re gone.
But if your ex is the dumpee, then your ex’s incentives for hurting you are likely slightly different.
Your dumpee ex wants to:
- make you jealous and get your attention
- and hurt you because you’ve made your ex go through the 5 stages of a breakup for the dumpee
Amongst these 5 stages is the anger stage during which dumpees regain a portion of their self-esteem and feel strong enough to stand up for themselves.
That’s why they often project their anger at their ex and take revenge by trash-talking, dating someone new, and posting pictures of a new boyfriend or girlfriend. They essentially engage in self-destructive behavior that would give them immediate results (make them feel better by seeing their ex suffer).
But hurting their ex, unfortunately, doesn’t give them the long-term satisfaction and personal growth that they’re looking for. It only temporarily validates their feelings as revenge typically doesn’t last very long.
Regret, on the other hand, does.
So keep in mind that your ex’s showing off is really just an insecure, spiteful move. It’s a move that doesn’t promote maturity, but rather reduces it and causes pain and suffering to you and the people involved.
Here are 5 reasons why your ex keeps flaunting a new boyfriend or girlfriend on social media or in person.
How to stop your ex from rubbing a new relationship in your face?
The best way to stop any negative behavior is to do nothing.
If you tell your ex how happy you are now that someone else has your leftovers, nothing good will come of it.
Nothing good at all.
All it will do is trigger your ex’s self-defense mechanism and give your ex yet another opportunity to get angry with you. So just don’t do it. Don’t look for trouble and your ex will sooner than later stop looking for trouble too.
Your ex’s anger will eventually subside. And when it does, you’ll be the first to know about it because your ex will let go of the pain you’ve caused to him/her and stop rubbing the new relationship in your face.
It’s that simple.
You can stop your ex from flaunting his or her new relationship without any effort. You just need a little bit of understanding, patience, and self-control—and everything else will take care of itself.
It’s important to understand that if you don’t make your ex feel bad, your ex won’t have a reason to keep making you feel bad either. He or she might want to hurt you for causing pain in the past, but once your ex has thrown a few punches, that will change too.
Your ex will lose interest because that’s how things work.
Exes get over the past if they just mind their own business. The fewer interactions they have and the less they hurt each other, the quicker they forgive each other and move on.
It’s no rocket science.
If you want to stop your ex from bringing you down every time he or she posts pictures of a new boyfriend or girlfriend on social media, do what you should have done ages ago.
Unfollow, mute, or remove your ex from social media and get your ex out of sight for good. There are no benefits of staying friends with an ex when your ex doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
As long as your ex’s toxic behavior is exclusively online, you can easily solve your ex’s flaunting problem. You can just tie a blindfold over your eyes and become oblivious as to what’s going on in your ex’s life. Problem solved.
Your ex is your ex, which is why you don’t really need to know the details of his or her romantic life. You have your own life to worry about.
But if you’re being provoked by your ex in person, then removing your ex from your online life likely won’t make you feel any better.
You’ll need to try something else. Something that creates a lot of physical distance between you and your ex and tells your ex that you’re focusing on yourself.
The best way for you to do that is to tell your ex that you need some time to yourself and that you’ll let him or her know if you change your mind about meeting up in the future.
If you don’t talk to your ex because you’re not on friendly terms, however, then simply stop going to places your ex usually goes to. Avoid your ex until your ex gets over the pain.
It shouldn’t take your ex more than a few months.
Should I make my ex jealous back?
If your ex is the dumper, he or she likely won’t get jealous no matter what kind of stunt you pull off. He or she will probably just get annoyed with you for fighting back and try to make you even more jealous in return.
Your ex could do this by:
- appearing even happier on social media
- posting more romantic/sexual photos
- telling your friends and family how happy he or she is
- showing off in person
- telling you directly how flawed you are and why his or her new partner is superior to you
These are just a few things a vengeful ex can do. I’m sure you can think of more malicious deeds your dumper ex could do (or perhaps did) to hurt you.
But if your ex is the dumpee (the person you left) and your ex is trying to make you jealous, then you most likely possess the power to make your ex jealous back and play with your ex’s feelings.
You can hurt your ex a lot.
But just because you can doesn’t mean that you should. There’s no need to lower yourself on your ex’s level.
If you can understand that your ex is rubbing a new relationship in your face because he or she is starving for attention and recognition, you can also understand that your ex doesn’t really want to fight with you.
It’s a fight your ex can’t win no matter how hard he or she tries. You’re the one who cares less.
So if you’re certain that your ex is rubbing a new relationship in your face, don’t treat your ex the way your ex treats you. Feel sorry for your ex and pity him or her instead.
Your ex is clearly trying to hurt you to feel better about the breakup.
What kind of ex tries to get his/her ex jealous?
First of all, an ex who flaunts someone new in your face knows exactly what jealousy, hatred, and pain feel like. He or she is experiencing these emotions first-hand, hence why he or she is sending them your way, hoping that you experience them too.
Your ex wants you to be miserable, depressed, weak—but most importantly, your ex wants you to be punished for being you.
That’s why we can say that a vengeful ex is an impulsive person who’s looking for unhealthy remedies to restore lost power and balance.
He or she is someone who wants to find his or her happiness by becoming your punisher. Little does such an ex know that this isn’t a healthy way to go about it.
How not to get hurt by your ex’s new relationship?
If you just found out that your ex is flaunting a new boyfriend or girlfriend, you need to understand two things.
- Your ex is hungry for attention and validation (from you and other people).
- He or she isn’t thinking about your happiness and doesn’t care how flaunting affects you.
Your ex feels extremely elated that someone new entered his or her life and saved him or her from the delayed end of the relationship. That’s why your ex now feels the need to prove to you and the world that you were the cause of the problem.
If you understand your ex’s intentions (to gain validation) as well as the reason why your ex looks happy in his or her new relationship (intense love hormones), you’ll have an easier time dealing with your ex’s happiness.
You’ll understand that your ex’s elation is only temporary and that your ex (just like most new couples) feels infatuated with his or her new partner.
This doesn’t in any way, shape, or form reduce your value as a person though. You have your worth and your ex can’t take it away from you by posting pictures with another person.
So protect yourself by refusing to take your ex’s in-person or online behavior personally. Remind yourself that it doesn’t matter whether your ex is pretending to be happy or actually is happy.
Your ex’s exaggerated happiness will soon subside. It always does.
And that’s when your ex will start encountering problems in his/her relationship and see that the new relationship isn’t as perfect as your ex made it out to be.
Don’t be deceived by what you see
The truth is that what you see and hear is likely not how your ex’s new relationship is and will be in the future. Most couples only want their friends and family to see that their relationship is perfect.
But the truth is that it’s not perfect. New couples only appear to be flawless couples because:
- It’s too early for them to display negative traits. They’re still hiding them and/or haven’t had a chance to show them yet.
- People lack insight into their relationship.
Personally, I know a handful of couples who appear to be flawless on social media.
They post the happiest posts on Facebook and Instagram, but in person, they barely talk to each other. It’s like they use social media to hide the chaos going on in their lives.
Perhaps your ex’s new relationship isn’t that chaotic, but your ex just like most people definitely isn’t posting problems and negatives online. Keep that in mind whenever your ex flaunts someone new.
If the relationship is fresh, the negatives (personality clashes and differences, insecurities, misperceptions, shortcomings) haven’t been discovered yet. They’ll be revealed later when your ex and his or her new partner drop their defenses and face difficulties together.
So don’t fall for your ex’s social media bragging and keep in mind that your ex’s new relationship has many flaws. You just don’t know about them because your ex is keeping them private.
Is your ex rubbing a new relationship in your face? What’s your ex doing and how does it make you feel? Drop a comment below.
I was dating a girl, who had a boyfriend 7 years ago. They broke up and remained friends all this years. She referred to him as her friend, but confesed she kept waiting for him ever since. She told me all that before our first date.
We started dating, we talked about moving together, getting married etc. However, months later, she dumped me for her ex.
I went to no contact and then she began to suffer from depression and panic attacks due the break up. She broke no contact to tell me that she still loved me and that she missed me and that she was hoping to be friends in a future. I rejected the friend zone offer and went back to no contact.
1 month after this happened, the rubbed her ex in my face in a party I was.
What does all this behavior mean? By doing this, is she trying to make me suffer on purpose?
Regards,
Bob.
Hi Bob.
It means she hasn’t gotten over her ex and that she’s very emotion-driven. She doesn’t care about you anymore other than your validation and the reaction you give her.
The girl has a tough future ahead of her. She suffers from depression and other mental health problems. So as soon as the infatuation period is over, she’ll struggle once more. She probably wants you to see she’s happy and bring a jealous response out of you. I wouldn’t say she wants you to suffer, but she doesn’t know that she’s doing just that.
Kind regards,
Zan
Helo Zan,
Thanks for your response. I started to suffer from a deep sadness and emotional issues and got into therapy because all of this. I’m recovering.
I’m still in no cotact. However, I feel I need to be prepared for anything could happen in a future. So, at this point, what is most likely to happen, is she going to contact me again? She won’t appear on my life never again?
Regards,
Bob
Hi Bob.
She might contact you at some point, but that doesn’t guarantee reconciliation. She could just breadcrumb you and confuse you. You need to be prepared for anything. This includes breadcrumbs, reconciliation, or nothing.
She’ll probably reach out in the future due to nostalgia, guilt, or curiosity.
Sincerely,
Zan
My ex of 2 years broke up with me, he said that our relationship doesn’t work that I deserve better, and I let go because I got tired I did everything for him, been beside him during his darkest days. Even though he cheated on me so many times before. He even said that I’m not beautiful and sexually attractive. fast forward after I let go and said ”okay if that’s what you want, I respect your decision.” And let go after a week he flex his new girl put it on featured photos on facebook but I was wondering why her face is covered. So when I saw that I blocked my ex and do no contact. I felt really hurt and disrespected. I don’t want him back anymore but I’m struggling with my no contact rule. I did everything working out, focus on my career, but you know sometimes I’m struggling and kept thinking about him, my worth, everything.
Hi Ayan.
It’s okay to think about him at times (or even a lot). He hurt you a lot, so it will be difficult not to think about him. You were also very attached to him as you tolerated cheating. This means your self-esteem could use some improvement. Work on it so you don’t let people walk all over you in your next relationship.
Hang in there!
Zan
my ex partner broke up with me because his mom doesn’t liked me almost 6 months ago we got 2 young children together who is in my care. He started dating after 3 months we separated i guess and now him and his mom is all showing off his new gf. As much as I dont want to be bothered still there is a side of me that hurts ofcourse i was rejected and abandoned. With the kids we never coparent because I don’t want and he doesn’t deserve he never really cared about the kids, he visited very very often and remember them when his bored.the’re very toxic people to deal with i just want to cut ties with them.
Hi
5 year relationship ended late September, got with this guy mid October… brief stint of friendship which I ended with no contact starting November 30th
She reached out Christmas to be friends and to ask about contacting during birthdays and such, I politely declined and she got a bit mad.
Anyways this Valentine’s she posted a meal with her rebound… the only other time she has used Snapchat was to post a meal shortly after I refused her friendship
You think this is a breadcrumb or something?? For what it’s worth she’s got a friend to ask how I am doing in January 😂
Hi Sean.
It’s just a meaningless breadcrumb. Stay in no contact so she knows you’re all in or all out.
Best regards,
Zan
I broke up with my ex about 3 months ago. He treated me like shit and hurt me, so i finally found the courage to leave after about 2 years together. Within those 2 years, my sister gave me a blanket. he came over once and he loved it, so i just let him have it. now, he wears it around school. on his shoulders 24/7. he also has a new girlfriend.. the same girl he was meeting in hallways at school and she was drawing him things when we were together. we had fights about her. now, hes sharing the blanket i gave to him with her, and he is meeting her pretty much everywhere at school. everytime i turn someone is telling me that they just saw them in my blanket. my last class is in the art hallway, and he chooses to wait for her there at bus call, to rub it in my face. it hurts the worst because he always had an excuse to not see me at school. at bus call he told me he couldnt meet me then because he “Didnt have enough seats on the bus.” we see how it is now. everything was a lie, he just didnt want to see me. and now im hurting and wondering what i did wrong, because i feel like i gave him the world, or at least gave him everything i could.
Hi Gaby.
Don’t blame yourself because it’s never just one person’s fault. I presume you’re both young, so you still have a lot to learn about relationships and yourselves. Take this time to reflect on the relationship so you can improve the things you need to.
Best regards,
Zan
Hang in there!
Zan
man my ex ripped my heart out twice, both times she left me for different men, both times she threw it in my face, i have never seen someone go from loving and caring to a stranger the very next day so fast , it completely blows my mind, i remember trying to talk to her in person to understand why she left me , all she did was change the subject constantly , and she was so careless and heartless, i didnt get how it was so easy for her when we were together for literally ever. she discarded me like a piece of trash both times.
Hi Kay.
You got to see the real her in the end. It took her a while, but she showed you how she deals with people she falls out of love with and loses respect for. I hope that you stop giving this person chances. She’s not going to improve the way she sees you. Leaving you is only going to get easier.
Stay strong!
Zan
I called my ex 5yrs after I broke up with him for cheating. He wanted to get intimate right away but we had a good night. Next night a women kept calling and he brought phone by where I was and told me where she could hear that she was trying to keep us from getting intimate? What was he doing that for?
Hi Regina.
I’m not entirely sure what that was about, but it looks like your ex is in a complicated relationship with this woman. She could be his girlfriend or ex-girlfriend. Be careful.
Best,
Zan
Well..my ex baby daddy trying To moved is NEW GIRLFRIEND IN THE SAME HOUSE AS ME while I am having his kid
Hi Tiffany.
That’s not good for your emotional health. Is there any way for someone to move out?
Best regards,
Zan
Good info!
My ex gf and I were together for 5 years. Very toxic relationship at the end. Found out she had slept with my best friend. Confront him and he lied his ass off. Continued to see her casually since she wanted to save the relationship but I was done and I moved on. Months later I find out in an email from her that she wanted me to help her new guy fix his car… I was blown away. Come to find out her new guy was my ex best friends good friend. Months go by, now I find out from a mutual friend that she is moving in with him and is thinking about inviting me over to the apartment leaving party!!! If she reaches out, what should I do?? She’s someone else’s problem now. I’m a completely different person without her. It’s comical how she’s trying to rub this in my face like we ended in good terms. I feel sorry for this guy, but that is his problem now, he should know she’s a homie hopper. Any thoughts?
Hi Befriend your ego.
Your ex has no shame about who she dates, doesn’t she? She’s pretending as if she didn’t betray you in the worst way imaginable.
Anyway, if she invites you to her place, politely reject her invitation. Say you have a lot going on and that you wish her the best of luck.
And if she reaches out just to chat, say you need more time to process the breakup, and once more, wish her well. You don’t want to get in an argument with her because that could start a war.
Best regards,
Zan
Thank you so much.. worth reading
Thanks for reading and commenting, Susan.
Best,
Zan
Thanks for the article it helped…I think? The Break-Up I’m going through is really one of the strangest things I’ve ever dealt with in my life! I had dated a woman for about a year-and-a-half. On our very first date we both knew I would be moving in about one year. As, I had to have shoulder surgery and would needed to rehab with family. In the year that we were together we obviously grew very close. I tried to not get too head over heels 1. I I knew I was leaving and didn’t want the seperation to harder than I knew if I allowed myself to show her how much I really did care. I thought this would have a reciprocal effect and make it easier on her as well. 2. She had told me of past relationships where yhe guys would tell her they loved her and leave thereby leaving her crushed. I didnt want to be another one of those guys. So, I was honest about everything to a fault. Except maybe how much I really did love her. She felt like she wasent my #1 priority. Which ill admit, I said she wasn’t until the the surgery, rehab, move, and finding a new job were taken care of. But, I also said she was absolutely a priority but, until those things were taken car of we really couldn’t plan a future. So, I moved, surgery and we kept it going long distance for 8 months.
During our relationship I was also upfront with her on our very first date about an ex who filed a bogus protective order against me. This ex harassed not just me but my girlfriend throughout our relationship proving to her she was as nuts as I said she was not just because I told her she was because, everyone says their ex is nuts.
Fast-forward…she dont fight, text and talk everyday, and i even drive literally all the way across the country to see last summer. She has a psychedelic experience where she says she had ego death. A few weeks later she breaks up with me through a text, blocks me, and a friend of mine (a woman) she had become really good friends with. I understood and figured id give her her space. In the mean time I start looking for a job closer to her. When I got one I created a fake FB account to make sure she wasn’t dating anyone as, I didnt want to cause any problems. What I found was so much worse. She was now friens with the nut job ex! A woman she had to send a text to while we were dating to leave us alone. A woman she absolutely hated!!!
I sent a few messages but, she never responded. So, when moved closer to her for my new job i went to her moms house where she and her noys had moved with flowers and a card I had made with our pictures thinking we could finally talk and hopefully get back together. She wouldn’t even come to the door. Now I see her on tiktok acting nothing like the woman I fell in love with. Then 3 months from the breakup text she is with another guy and putting up really mean video directed at “exs”…me. She and this new guy are saying I live you always and really over the top stuff. They literally just met like 2 weeks ago as, she was flirting with another guy just before that.
Im just broken because the things she told not long ago at all seemed so real…”youre the most amazing man ive ever known” “ill wait forever…maybe longer”. Ive never had someone tell me in such intense and vivid terms how much they loved me. She even made a digital book of all our times together with the most loving captions to all the pictures.
Now she’s basically posting how much she hates me. Wont and hasent had any contact with me since the break up text. But posting for everyone to see and having the crazy ex text me to not send her emails or text. The last one saying (before she was FB official with anyone) that I respected her decision and would have no more contact. Yet still get a text from the ex who she lothed!!!
I know I shouldn’t look at her social media but, its like an itch and I just cant help but scratch it!! It crazy because everything she said she wanted is now possible. I know I should have been more of the guy she wanted while we were together and I explained why I just couldn’t be at that exact time but, if we just held on we could once all the other stuff was taken care of. Now, Im alone on the other side of the country, she’s looks over the top happy on tiktok, and with this new guy she is saying she loves…literally after a few days!! What can I do? How do I grit and grid till the hurt fades?
Hello Zan, I hope you are well. I’m not sure if you remember me (I posted a very large comment many months ago under a different post). I thought I might share what has happened since, as well as update those who offered me many kind words during that difficult time. I decided to attend the event with my ex and we had a wonderful evening – I feel we both were very mature and, thanks to him, I had a lovely 18th birthday with all my friends. We have parted ways since that time, and we have left things on a good note. However, what I am most excited to share is that I am currently a month into a new relationship with a truly wonderful person. He is very thoughtful, caring and compassionate. We were friends for a long time, but only recently we discovered the connection we shared, firstly as friends, close friends and then now boyfriend/girlfriend. I won’t dive into too much about him, but I wanted to say thank you, Zan, for reassuring me with your wise words during that difficult time – I feel I have grown as a person and I so am grateful for the lessons I learnt. Thank you.
Hi Alice.
I’m glad to hear that you’re doing better and that you’ve even found a person who has your best interests at heart. As you can tell, your ex isn’t worth crying over, so do what you can to get your mind off him and continue to invest in yourself.
Keep growing as a person, Alice! Don’t stop now that you’re dating again.
Zan
Just wow Zan! Thank you for this article especially the end part… because we as dumpee thing that a ex is having the time of they life. So I appreciate that you show us the real real view.
You are the very best :))
Thanks for reading, Linda!