When A Guy Dumps You Unexpectedly ?

When a guy dumps you unexpectedly, your first thoughts are that you must beg and plead for another chance and convince your ex that you are worthy of his love. You think you must correct your mistakes and prove your worth because you strongly believe that the problem is in something you recently said or did.

The truth though is that your ex had been struggling to stay with you for at least a week (probably way longer). He just hasn’t talked to you about it because like most guys, he’s been bottling up unhealthy emotions and dealing with them on his own.

It goes without saying that your ex should have expressed his thoughts and feelings to you and looked for a solution to solve his issues. Maybe he could have worked something out with you. But because he chose to deal with his internal problems himself, he ended up exhausting himself and realized that the relationship wasn’t going to work out.

He didn’t just discern that the breakup will make him happy. He felt it too as he’d been fancying the breakup for so long that he started to feel the weight behind his convictions. He basically made it difficult for himself to love you because he lost the will to fight and focused on the negative aspects of the relationship.

So if your ex-boyfriend broke up with you unexpectedly and you’re wondering what to do, the very first thing you must do is understand that very few breakups occur spontaneously. Yes, there’s usually a final trigger that angers or disappoints the dumper, but behind that trigger, there are piles and piles of unresolved issues that have stacked over the months or years.

In this post, we’ll talk about what to do when a guy dumps you unexpectedly.

When a guy dumps you unexpectedly

Nothing sucks more than an unexpected breakup as it takes us completely by surprise. It shocks us, triggers our separation anxiety and fears, ruins our self-esteem, and makes us beyond starved for explanations as to why the breakup occurred.

Because we’re hurt and in complete denial, we want to know everything from A to Z, starting with how we can fix the relationship. Little do we know that our partner has made up his mind and that convincing him to come back isn’t going to be easy.

It’s actually going to be very difficult as most of the breakup is completely out of our control. We need to understand that reasoning with someone who feels smothered is very hard, not to mention painful as it continuously reminds us it’s our fault the breakup occurred and that we need to fix what we broke before it’s too late.

Most of us make the mistake of thinking that it’s our turn to fight the relationship; that we must show strength and determination and coerce our ex into giving us another shot. But the truth is that the time for coercion has already ended. It ended the moment our partner gave up on us.

Forget what I just said, it ended even before that because our ex-partner developed doubts, resentments, feelings of suffocation, fears, and a strong determination to look for happiness elsewhere.

If we tell our ex that he can be happy with us when he can’t wait to get some space from us, all we do is bring back to life our ex’s negative associations and make him feel guilty and trapped. And as you know, he really doesn’t want to feel trapped anymore because he’d been feeling trapped for a very long time.

(A week or two for a dumper is a really long time).

Now, your ex wants to be free and enjoy the freedom that the breakup has provided for him. So open the doors for your ex and say “Take care of yourself!”

I know you don’t want to give your ex all the time in the world to enjoy himself because you’re afraid he’ll find someone else (or if he’s already found someone else that he’ll have his ever after with her). But you mustn’t be afraid to let go of him. You must dismiss your fears and worries and keep your head up at all costs.

That’s the only way your ex will ever respect you again.

As a dumpee, you must bear in mind that unless your ex-boyfriend comes back within a few months, he will most likely go on a few dates with other girls. He’ll try to move on quickly because that’s what dumpers do. They break up with their partners so they can find happiness on their own or with someone else.

No man or woman breaks up with his or her partner just to mope around all day and remain single.

That’s not what breakups are about. Dumpers may say they want to stay single for a while, but the truth is that they usually don’t. Most of the time, they sign up for dating apps or ask someone out.

I know it’s hard to hear that your ex will be on the lookout for new romantic (or sexual) opportunities, but you have to hear it so that you can prepare yourself for the worst. There’s a chance that your ex will come back and that he might not even have to date someone else to realize your worth. But the chances of that happening are small.

So small in fact that you’d better prepare yourself in advance.

Sudden breakups are… well, very sudden. And you need to know how to handle them so you can minimize the number of emotional setbacks you encounter on your path to recovery.

I’m fortunate to have worked with hundreds of dumpees, and I can tell you that most of them didn’t see the breakup coming. Most of them noticed their ex acting cold, distant, or strange, but they didn’t suspect that their ex was preparing himself or herself to leave the relationship.

Most dumpees had faith that things would improve like they always have.

What to do when a guy dumps you unexpectedly?

When you get dumped unexpectedly by the person you love, there are things you must do for yourself and things you must do for your ex. Since you probably want your ex back, let’s first talk about what you must do for your ex.

First and foremost, you must accept the breakup. You must accept it without reducing your worth because the moment you show your ex you need him to be happy, you put pressure on him and make him feel guilty. And when he feels pressured and guilty, he also feels angry and victimized.

So avoid making your ex think that you can’t go on without him. Preserve your value instead and exude high confidence and self-esteem. If you do that, you’ll show your ex that you value yourself and that you know when it’s time to fight and when to back off.

Here are 4 things you must do for your ex if you want him back:

• accept the breakup as calmly as you can. The fewer negative emotions you exhibit, the fewer negative emotions your ex will feel. He’ll be happier (and respect you more) if he sees that you can handle the separation confidently.
• discuss any unfinished business. If you live together, have kids, or you need to communicate about something, this is the time to discuss how things will work after the breakup. Your ex will obviously need time to himself to deal with his smothering post-breakup emotions, so figuring things out in advance will help him know what to expect.
• thank your ex for being honest with you. You don’t have to thank your ex for everything you’ve been through together. If you do that, there’s a risk that you’ll make him feel guilty and/or give him your remaining power. So to be safe, just thank your ex for gathering the strength to tell you the truth.
• give your ex his stuff back. Some dumpers can get upset when dumpees return their belongings. This is because they despise the fact that their ex is taking control and telling them what to do. They feel victimized and want the breakup to go their way. My advice is to give your ex his things back right away and ask for your things as well. Do so in a polite manner so that your ex doesn’t find a reason to string you along later.

When you do everything in your power to give your ex what he needs, give yourself what you need too:

• ask for closure. Say something like, I know this may not be the best time to talk about it, but would you be so kind to tell me why you’re ending the relationship. I’d just like to hear it from you so I know what to work on.
• inform your ex you’ll need time to yourself. This might seem like the opposite of what you need to get your ex back after a sudden breakup, but it’s what you need to be happy. You need to get some space from your ex so you can heal and re-evaluate the breakup. Many dumpers want to remain friends with an ex because they don’t know what friendship does to an ex. Make sure you don’t fall for that trap or you’ll get stuck in a friend zone with your ex.
• deal with breadcrumbs properly. It can feel empowering to hear from your ex weeks or months after the breakup, but keep in mind that hearing from an ex can ruin your emotional progress. It can give you a taste of what you badly crave and make you dependent on your ex again. So avoid getting hurt by learning how to respond to breadcrumbs from an ex.
• avoid breakup mistakes. It feels incredibly tempting to break no contact and stalk your ex on social media. Pain can make you do impulsive things, which is why you need to find a way to stick to the rules of no contact and control your emotions.
• get busy. You’ll have an easier time dealing with an unexpected breakup if you make use of your post-breakup time. Hang out with friends, go on vacation, try new things, and do the things you like. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you stay busy and heal from the shock your ex forced you to experience.
• rebuild yourself. When a guy dumps you unexpectedly, he forces you to doubt your own worth and as a result, puts you through a lot of stress. That’s why you must focus on yourself as much as possible. Your brain will tell you to focus on getting your ex back, but that is not what it needs to be content. What it needs is time to grieve and rebuild itself from the ground up. So do things that build your self-esteem and help you detach because the more you do that, the quicker you’ll find yourself and get over the breakup.

Sudden breakups have a decent chance of reconciliation

Earlier, I said that chances of getting back with an ex after the breakup are quite low. But this is true only for regular, premeditated breakups. When a breakup is sudden – spontaneous and unpremeditated, a lot of couples actually end up back together.

This is because their breakup isn’t an actual breakup. It’s a temporary breakup which is more of a fight for power rather than a full package deal.

You can tell a breakup is sudden and temporary if it lasts only a week or two. Anything longer than that is probably not a temporary breakup. It’s a breakup caused by unhealthy breakup emotions, all of which prevent your ex from letting go of negativity and feeling the need for intimacy.

Lots of couples go through sudden breakups because of some random argument or disagreement. But most couples who keep experiencing these breakups eventually break up for good. The reason for that is that discontent and resentment slowly put stress on the relationship and cause it to break at a fundamental level.

So if a guy dumped you unexpectedly out of the blue when your relationship was great, keep in mind that your breakup may be temporary. You’ll find out as soon as he realizes you’re not going to beg him to come back.

Did your boyfriend dump you unexpectedly? Post your breakup story and thoughts below.

Or if you’re looking for personalized 1-on-1 guidance, click here to see our coaching plans.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.