The saying, if you love someone let them go is very true because if a person stopped loving you, you should stop loving that person too. It doesn’t matter why the relationship ended and whose fault it is.
All that matters is that you let go of a person who wants to leave so that you can focus on people who love you/deserve your commitment.
If you try to force a person to stay in your life when he or she clearly doesn’t want to, you could cause a lot of complications for both of you.
You could suffocate the person you love, make him or her angry, and in the end, become more dependent on that person for recognition and self-love.
I know it’s not easy to let go of someone you love. Heck, that’s an understatement because letting go is one of the hardest things people have to do.
But if you don’t let go when you have a chance to let go, you could not only damage the relationship with the person you love but also ruin your self-esteem and self-respect.
This is something that you don’t want to happen as you don’t want to get hurt/depressed and stay fixated on the past for years. You want to move on from the past so that you can forget about people who abandoned you and meet new like-minded people who contribute to your life.
Keep in mind that some people aren’t meant to stay in our lives. Some come into our lives just for a short while to teach us valuable lessons. Lessons that we should accept people’s choices and put ourselves first.
So before you start to doubt yourself as to whether you should let go of someone you’ve loved for months, years, or your entire life, know that letting go is almost always a good idea.
It’s a good idea because it helps the person leaving you to get the space he or she wants and helps you to heal from the pain that the person’s abandonment has caused you.
It’s a win-win for both.
This article is for everyone who believes or wants to believe that if you love someone you should let them go.
If you love someone, let them go
True love is not about your wants, needs, and cravings. It’s about wanting someone you care about to be happy even if that person doesn’t feel the same way about you and wants you gone.
It’s incredibly heartbreaking hard to let go of someone you love when you’ve invested time, money, emotions, and your future into this person. But that doesn’t mean that you should force your way into another person’s life and demand to stay in it just because you did a lot for that person.
That won’t solve your problems.
All it will do is show the person that you lack respect and self-respect, and as a result, bring some kind of reaction out of him or her.
The reaction you elicit will depend on the way this person perceives you and reacts to smothering emotions, of course. But if you keep portraying your unsightly, demanding side and don’t consider this person’s feelings, you can be certain that the reaction will be either bad or neutral.
Either way, you won’t be happy with the feedback you receive, so you may as well not stick around to see how little you mean to the person who abandoned you. You’re better off learning to let go.
Let go of your expectations.
Let go of trying to impress people.
And let go of everything holding you back from moving on and enjoying your life.
You deserve love. And if a person doesn’t want to give you love, you shouldn’t beg for it either. It should come to you on its own out of respect for the person you are.
Why is it necessary to let people go?
If you love a person and that person doesn’t love you back, letting go is your only option.
This is because the person who’s given up on you doesn’t want you to fight for his or her love to the death like in some Hollywood movie. In real life, he or she wants only three things from you:
- To accept that the relationship is over.
- To stop convincing him or her to come back.
- And to mind your own business as anything he or she says and does after the split is no longer your concern.
If at any point in time, the person who left decides to come back, rest assured that you’ll be the first to hear about it. You’ll receive a message or a call and be asked to meet up.
I’ve seen this happen many, many times. People who come back realize that they used to be happier inthe past and that they’ve made a hasty decision to leave.
That’s why all you have to do is sit tight and do your best to let go of the person who left you.
I know that you’re afraid of detaching from the person you love because you think that the person will move on without you, but the truth is that refusing to let go is way more dangerous than keeping your one-sided love alive.
In fact, it’s so dangerous it could cause you long-term psychological, mental, emotional, and physical problems and make you terrified of another abandonment.
It could make you develop trust issues.
Here’s why the saying, “If you love someone let them go” is so important.
So if you’re in a position where your well-being is at risk and you’re wondering if you should let go of someone you love, the answer is always yes.
You should let go of anything and anyone who no longer serves you so that you can attract things and people that contribute to your life.
This is not a selfish thing to do. It’s incredibly brave and self-caring.
Will letting go bring a person back?
No one can say for sure if letting a person go will bring him or her back, but the reason why letting go is your most reliable course of action is that it provides the person who left with lots of space and time to think.
It allows him or her to be as free as the bird, and at the same time, shows him or her that you put yourself first.
This may not seem like a lot if you just got abandoned, but weeks, months, or years later when this person encounters difficulties, he or she could remember that you handled abandonment well.
That’s when this person could apologize for leaving so abruptly and indirectly ask you to help him or her feel better.
All you have to do until then is to let go of all the expectations you have of this person and make sure to remain strong and confident in his or her eyes.
You can do that simply by accepting the abandonment and learning to live with the consequences.
How to let go of someone you love?
Letting go is not just about how good you are at accepting the outcome.
It’s also about how developed you are as a person (personal strength, thinking patterns, experiences, mental health), how you perceive yourself (self-esteem, confidence), and how you contribute to the world (ambitions, passions, social life).
These are the areas of your life that could make letting go of a person you love easy, difficult, or extremely challenging. It all depends on how you think and what you have going on in your life.
For example, if you have low self-esteem, you’ll most likely blame yourself for another person’s actions and suffer as a result. You’ll be in a lot of pain as you’ll have a difficult time convincing yourself that you’ll find someone as reliable as the person who left.
But on the other hand, if you lack ambitions and passion in life, then you’ll probably have too much time on your hands, so you’ll think about your ex, friend, or family member most of the time and drive yourself crazy with could-haves and should-haves.
If you want to let go of a person you love as quickly as possible, you’ll have to self-reflect on your life and discover which parts of your life are not as great as you’d like them to be.
Once you’ve found your weaknesses, you’ll then have to invest in them so that you can get the person who abandoned you out of your head and make sure that the person you think about the most is you.
Letting go affirmations
Here are a few affirmations that could help you accept that the person you’re emotionally attached to is gone.
- I’m feeling stronger by the minute.
- I feel myself detaching and falling in love with myself.
- This person isn’t going to be the end of me. My life will go on.
- I can’t control another person’s thoughts and actions—and that’s okay!
- It’s important that I accept this person’s decision and move on.
- I must keep moving forward. Life is too short and precious to waste.
- Some relationships are not meant to last forever. Ours was here to teach us valuable lessons.
- Change is always difficult, but it’s necessary for my growth.
- I need to let go of the person who doesn’t love me so that I can make room for new people.
- I’m going to be okay. I know I will.
- I did everything in my power to make things right. Now, it’s time for me to rest and let the universe take care of my situation. If it’s meant to be, it will be.
Practicing these affirmations multiple times a day will slowly but surely convince you’re not responsible for chasing after quitters and that you’re going to be okay whether they come back or not.
You just need to want to move on and time will take care of the rest.
If you love someone let them go, and if they come back, they’re yours forever
You’ve probably heard this realistic, yet slightly hope-giving phrase.
If you have, it’s because it’s common. Its intention is to help you let go of someone you love and at the same time, give you a little bit of hope so that you don’t have to go cold turkey.
In all honesty, the part “If you love someone let them go” is definitely true as there’s no point in holding on to the past. As some people say, the past needs to stay in the past.
But the second part “If they come back, they’re yours forever” may not always be completely true.
People who come back, unfortunately, don’t always stay. That’s wishful thinking. Oftentimes, they come back, stay only for a little while, and then leave again to do what they want.
This is because people who return don’t always learn to appreciate us. Many times, they come back simply because they’re out of better/healthier options. They don’t know what to do or who to turn to, so they quickly run back to people they used to have a meaningful connection with and try to restore that connection.
This is also why such people don’t learn and improve much. They merely do what they must to stop feeling lost, hurt, nostalgic, guilty, or depressed and ignore the need to work on themselves.
So don’t think that a person who comes back will stay with you forever. He or she could come back just to:
- heal
- obtain validation
- relieve guilt and nostalgia
- and to not be alone
Of course, there are people who realize they’ve made a mistake and stay for good, but such people normally undergo a series of difficult experiences in order to improve their mentality and appreciate what they had.
So to conclude, before you open the doors to someone who left you, make sure that the person has learned his or her lessons. Make sure that he or she has come back for you and that the story will not repeat itself.
Do you agree with the phrase “If you love someone let them go?” How do you deal with abandonment and the pain that comes from it? Leave your comment below this post.
Very empowering read. I served as someone’s very short-term rebound when their marriage dissolved. I heard all about how neglectful, unsupportive, and brutish the ex-husband was and I’d bristle when she’d report that he’d called her up to plead in desperation or hurl insults. We had a very low-key start and I later discovered that everyone thought they were still together (including him, it seems, in retrospect).
Soon after telling me what a miraculous find I was, she monkey-branched to a younger guy with social cachet and was even callous enough to show me intimate photos of him. She kept me around and gradually managed me into a weird form of friendzone once she was certain he was interested. She continued to flirt and was physically affectionate with me whenever we hung out, which confused and hurt me. She said she didn’t take him seriously and that it wasn’t going to last. Said he was vain and infantile and that she found his fake friends tedious. Took me a while to realise that she would’ve been trashing me to him, too, though to a greater extent.
They’ve had a few hiccups and I always hear how I’m the one who truly understands her. But she hangs in there, despite her ‘misgivings’ about his self-centredness and their lack of any real connection. When I ask her why she flirts and touches me, she says she can’t help herself. If I demonstrate any emotion, she’s repulsed and reminds me that we can’t go there anymore.
After doing some reading, I suspect that I’m just a secondary supply being kept on the backburner. Suffering the devaluation and discard was painful and it damaged my self-esteem, but it’s also been an opportunity for growth. I’ve come to identify my shortcomings and the mistakes I make in relationships, and I realise how vital it is to understand and modify your faulty thinking and maladaptive behaviour. Today I realised that she’s learnt nothing in the meantime and is instead dragging her baggage from one unsuitable partner to the next, seeking validation so she won’t have to confront and solve her own issues. I stopped envying the new guy today, too, when it hit me that he’s never going to be able to make her happy (nobody can) and that she’ll ultimately project her self-loathing onto him until her resentment compels her to discard him for a new supply. (Or, if he proves to remain a valuable supply, she’ll stick around for the sake of opportunism, but not love.) After months of pain and confusion, I’m letting her go today—with love, despite everything, because I know she’s actually suffering far more than I am.
Your blog has helped me through so much heartache. I’m so grateful to have found it and I hope your message reaches as many broken hearts as possible. Thanks so much!
Thank you for this article, definitely something I need to stumble across today.
Today my ex boyfriend and I let each other go. We had been in a relationship for over a year, he broke up with me due to my pride and how I reacted to a disagreement we had. Once we broke up we were simply still seeing each other on and off with no title. I had thought that we were working on things, later to discover that a week after we broke up he had slept with someone. After I discovered that I took him back but yet no commitment from him. We had another disagreement and one night an ex boyfriend of mine reached out to me and I decided to answer the call. My current ex at the time became extremely upset and will throw it in my face all the time. Has been for the past 6 months. I’ve learned to move past our past and work on each other. For the last 6 months that we have been on and off he tells me everyday that he is in love with me still, which always leads me to believe that we have a future and I hold on to hope. This past weekend we were supposed to go to big bear early in the morning, he didn’t reply to my text so I decided to call him to see if he was awake. When I called a female answered the call. I couldn’t believe it. Long story short we all confronted each other. Him and I ended up still going snowboarding (know what you may be thinking) I went with fear of losing him. When I know that he did wrong. I put what happened aside and we made it an amazing weekend. He asked me to be back with him after 6 long months. 3 days later today he told me that he thought about it and still cannot trust me because I answered the call from an ex boyfriend. We had a long discussion last night and we both cried and expressed how much we love each other. I am willing to work things out however he can’t see past my mistake. In the 6 months that we were on and off the longest that we went no contact was 2 weeks. That went both ways, he would reach out or I would. I know that this kind of relationship is not healthy. Please, if you have any advice to share please do.
thank for your article. i stopped almost for 6 months. the reason is he’s texting with other girls in app. i knew it and we stopped. i realized that if he truly loves me, he would not do these things. so my business is let him go, return freedom for both. i think i deserve with some one better.
thanks for your inspiration!
Hi Zan, thank you for your site and posts. I have been in NC for six weeks now and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. My situation seems to be quite different from most of what I see on here. I got into a big fight with my girlfriend’s brother (not her) and without saying a word, she left me. Alcohol was involved and neither one of us handled the situation very well. I learned that she had been sharing our personal information, fights, etc…with him for the past two years and that hurt me deeply. I apologized to him and her the following week and haven’t communicated with her since. We had amazing chemistry and I thought our love was forever. I feel awful about the situation and have since been taking this time to work on myself. I have shared this story with close friends and family, and the general consensus is that yes I made mistakes, but that she also made mistakes and didn’t do anything to acknowledge her part in any of this. I feel trapped between making more of an effort to reconcile and allowing her time to process everything. Any words of wisdom are greatly appreciated.
Hey John, very similar situation with me and my girlfriend of 5 years, except it was with her mother and her younger brother stepped in to escalate things and “defend their honor” while super drunk at Christmas. I was able to diffuse everything and apologized the next day, but she moved out, took our dog, and we haven’t spoken since. I still really care about her, but NC has given me a chance to reflect on a lot of red flags I was ignoring. My friends and family also agreed that the she didn’t handle things well and her family was being spiteful. I’m already doing a lot better than I thought, and you never know where life is going to take you! Maybe it’s the right people, but wrong time. I’ve reconnected with some old hobbies I was neglecting (guitar, music, songwriting), and hit the gym to gain back the muscle mass I lost during quarantine. Already been on a few dates and have some really successful and beautiful women talking to me! Keep your chin up, and you’ll be doing fine in no time!
Hi Ryan, I really like your positive attitude on the situation. It has now been 8 weeks of NC. Do you think I should remove her from my Instagram? She liked one of my photos a couple of weeks ago so I know that she doesn’t have me blocked. I have heard conflicting information. If I leave her as a friend, and continue moving on, then door is still open and it shows her that I’m ok. If I close it, in order to help myself heal, then it feels like I’m giving power to how her feeling affect me. I feel like I’m doing worse now then I was a few weeks ago. I spend time with my friends, play guitar, and hit the gym as well. I, too, have been talking to a couple ladies. My connection with this woman was incredibly deep and I just have a feeling that no matter how hard I try to move forward, this is going to take a long time. I really appreciate your encouragement.
I regret every damn mistake I did with my Ex gf… Too bad it’s too late now. We broke up in February 2020, went NC in May and haven’t heard of her since then. Sucks that I dream of her almost every damn night, guess I still love her but idk what to do.
Dear Zan,
Thank you for your wisdom and providing hope through heartbreak.
After 3 months of no contact, I am certainly feeling much better and feel that I am letting go. I am hopeful for new possibilities. I do still pray to God asking for either my ex to come back new and improved on his accord or for God to send someone better to me in my life. This is still letting go, right?
The phrase “If you love someone let them go” became my anchor in my period of love hurt. My ex left me for a man with more status for whom however she also felt more love. I was devastated and became mentally and physically unbalanced. I couldn’t handle the loss of control and the jealousy.
She came back after five months, bc. her new love made it clear to her that he didn’t want a fixed relationship. I tried seriously during a period of three months, but I had to admit to myself that I couldn’t handle our relationship and I left.
Six months later she called again. For the same reason. She said she had learned her lesson. I adapted a wait-and-see attitude, but after two months she went back again. I then decided to remove her from my life completely.
Our relationship had potential and I pity the fact that she lacked patience and love for me. I am content with my decision but I still regularly suffer from an emotional flashback. By contemplating my biography as a whole, I manage my balance. I love her for what I see in her, but I don’t want her bc. she is not equal to that image.
Hi Dutch.
When your ex came back, she didn’t learn any lessons. She did it because the guy she left you for didn’t want her. This means that you were her second back option and tha she used you as a backup plan.
I hope that if she comes back again that you don’t accept her back because I don’t think she’ll be able to commit to you. At least not until the guy is completely out of the picture.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thank you Zan! I have been reading your articles since my final break in May 2020 when she decided to leave after a very long term relationship which I thought we were serious in. I always tried not to let her go but nah she toyed with my emotions. I couldn’t stop talking to her till sometimes in June or July when I summoned courage and followed all of your advices on NC. I did follow NC and she came back in September about her skin probs and all…i did attended to her and helped but wow even when I knew I was doing the wrong thing, I just did and it backfire on me so bad that I couldn’t get myself. She used me and dumped my ass again and went as far as telling me that I am the one not letting her go. Since then, I mind my business and focusing on people that loves me for who I am. Infact have met many amazing girls since then that truly love me for who I am and what I am not at the same time.
This article was just right for me! Exes hardly come back for good reasons!!! That have learnt in a hard way and now I have recovered 💯….
Hi lb.
Thanks for commenting and reading the blog.
Let me assure you that your ex didn’t leave just because you appeared insecure. The main reason she left was because she didn’t work on herself and develop love and respect for you. She didn’t really want to, so it was only a matter of time before she went down the same road, fell out of love, and left again.
Stay strong, lb.You’ve got this!
Zan
She even called me a manipulator!!! I am on NC again…..Thank you so much Zan! Your articles kept me going. In fact I can’t go a day without reading most of it cause IT IS SO TRUE..
PLEASE CAN YOU SHARE LIGHT ON INFERFAITH RELATIONSHIPS/MARRIAGES?
How can one make sure the other person has learned from their mistakes and has grown when they come back?
Hi Daniel.
You can make sure your ex has learned his or her lesson by observing your ex’s attitude, reconciliation plans, and reasons for coming back.
Basically, try to figure out if your ex sees your worth/is committed to the relationship.
Best regards,
Zan
Oh this article touched a nerve Zan. Well said man.
I think the biggest issue for letting go (at least it was for me) is the urge to get even for the unjustified and brutal betrayal from someone who has absolutely no valid reason to do so. For the longest time, I wanted to make sure she suffers a loss just as big, if not bigger. Obviously, I value myself way too much to act on these feelings of “revenge” but I assure you, they were very strong – something I have never felt before. Then, one day, out of nowhere, these feelings turned into disgust and pity and I finally saw her for the person she really is. A selfish, ungrateful, damaged and immature human being that belongs nowhere but the streets. I haven’t heard from her for almost a year now and I don’t think I ever will because realistically, wtf is she going to say? I’m sorry for lying, cheating, and being a hypocrite? Most of the time they know they will be crucified and don’t want to deal with the self righteous talk and hence they continue to run away into their broken excuse of a life without much improvement unfortunately. People like this end up alone and miserable most of the time or with someone of even lesser value than they are. Trust me when I say this, you will 1000% meet someone that will make you feel like a complete IDIOT for having wasted one iota of energy on an ex that betrayed and left you. Forgive yourself for not seeing the signs earlier (hardest thing I had to do) and have faith that someone smarter, hotter, and younger (female in my case) is waiting to meet you. 🖕the ex. I hope they all get what they deserve and not an iota less. Always bet on Karma – she never misses or forgets anyone.
Hi DK.
It’s in our nature to get back at those who hurt us. If I were you, I wouldn’t overthink it, though. You’re not a bad person for wanting your ex to suffer. You’re just a person who got mistreated and wanted to stop feeling hurt.
This is why these feelings of wanting instant karma soon changed into disgust and contempt. You just needed to get through the storm.
It’s a good thing your ex left you to heal after the damage she’s caused you. At least you can get over her in peace without the constant reminders of her.
And you’re right, DK. You’ll definitely meet someone who will be much better than your ex and you’ll wonder why you even cared about her. It’s only a matter of time.
Best regards,
Zan
Damn, your words soothed my mind more than the last half a dozen articles I’ve read. I wish you were right, but at the moment it feels too good to be true for me.
THANKS FOR THIS GREAT MESSAGE, I AM NOW HEALED AND RELIEVED
Thanks for reading, Sun.
Zan
Such an amazing amazing article! So true! Thank you for telling us the healthiest way possible Zan 🤍
Hi Linda.
As always, thanks for the comment!
Stay safe,
Zan
Great article, Ive been wanting this topic for ages.
I believe love doesn’t have to always be forever, I think as upsetting as abandonment is, love can be anything from a small amount of time to eternity. True love isnt invulnerable to immaturity or other issues unfortunately.
I have to be happy for who I am and all the memories of the relationship and my ex when it was mine, thankful it ended as calmly as I could despite the inevitable ups and downs. She may never come back, im starting to believe that more likely but its okay, ill still treasure what will always be mine…memories.
Ah well, life goes on. One day ill look back, smile, maybe laugh, or cry, who knows? Just remember the fact life and love and everything ends is what gives every second meaning.
Hi Matt.
Not all relationship are meant to last forever. Those that end clearly need more work.
As time goes on, you should realize that your ex had flaws like everyone else and that life goes on with or with her.
Stay strong, Matt!
If you keep moving forward and keep investing in yourself, memories of your ex will soon stop making you feel nostalgic or sad.
Best,
Zan
Those that end clearly need more work? That’s the most upsetting part. Can’t work on that which doesn’t exist anymore. Our last year was so much better than the first three. I was actually proud of us improving so much. Then instead of keeping up the good (and rewarding!) work, she just suddenly left me for my best friend without a warning or explanation.