Multiple Breakups: How To Tell It’s Final?

If you went through multiple breakups and you’re wondering how to tell it’s your final breakup, look at your ex’s behavior. Study your ex’s emotions and attitude and discern if there’s a lot of coldness or hostility coming from your ex.

If there is, it’s highly likely that your ex has reached a melting point and that your ex won’t be able to forgive you and come back to work on the relationship. Your ex will probably stay away from you because your ex will want to protect himself or herself from getting hurt and disappointed again.

As a person who went through multiple breakups, you have to understand that most relationships aren’t durable enough to withstand multiple breakups. Most relationships are so fragile that they break apart when someone gets tired of going through the same negative experience.

That someone is usually the person with the least patience, understanding, and self-control.

So how can you tell if your breakup is final?

You have to recognize your ex’s usual patterns of coming and going, remember how your ex behaved after the other breakups, and discover if your ex is receptive to you.

When you understand your ex’s way of dealing with breakups and measure your ex’s respect and self-respect, you should be able to predict whether your breakup is final or only temporary.

Today, we’re going to talk about how to tell if a breakup is final or impulsive.

How to tell if a breakup is final?

Most people who go through multiple breakups (2 breakups or more) don’t learn their lessons, nor improve as people. They tend to remain exactly as they are behavior-wise and as a result, encounter the same personality clashes and maturity incompatibilities in the near future.

That’s why even if they get back together after a while, the outcome is often the same. They take each other for granted and break up again.

If you’re trying to figure out if your breakup is final, start by asking yourself some important questions.

Ask yourself:

• Did I do something to hurt, anger, smother, or humiliate my ex? If I did, how badly did I mess up?
• Is my ex mature, self-aware, and understanding enough to forgive me/let go of all the bottled-up negativity?
• Is this breakup any different from the previous breakup/s? Is my ex angrier, meaner, dating someone else, or being self-destructive?
• Why did the breakup occur? Was my ex emotionally ready for this relationship?

Reflecting on your relationship will help you find the real reason behind the breakup and give you some useful pointers on what to work on while your ex is gone.

So use this valuable post-breakup time to discover your flaws and strive hard to improve them.

As for learning if your breakup is final, pay attention to your ex’s post-breakup behavior. If it’s completely different from before (almost unrecognizable), you have a sign that your ex feels relieved by the distance the breakup provided and that your ex doesn’t want to see you or hear from you anymore.

To discern if your ex is relieved (going through the 5 stages of a breakup for the dumper), look out for any unusual traits and behaviors that are new and/or self-destructive. They should tell you what’s going on with your ex mentally and emotionally.

Some of the most common signs of relief you’re looking for are:

• drinking and partying
• meeting new people
• dating them
• avoiding the people you associate with
• avoiding you like the plague
• talking badly about you
• and showing an interest in things that he or she previously disliked or had no time for

Basically, figure out if your ex feels empowered by the breakup and pay attention to the way he or she interacts with you and others.

The following picture depicts how to tell if a breakup is final.

Are we meant for each other if we broke up multiple times and always got back together?

It amazes me how many people think that the more negativity relationships go through, the stronger they become.

I don’t know what relationship quotes people get this idea from, but constant quarrels and breakups are anything but a sign of compatibility.

They’re a sign that something is really, really wrong in a relationship and that couples must fix the issues within themselves before they can have a decent relationship with anyone.

I’ve heard a couple say that they were in an abusive relationship with each other but that they always ended up back together because they loved each other.

This couple indeed had a connection, but their connection was very unhealthy. It was based on negativity, hopelessness, and the fact that they couldn’t find anyone better during the time they were broken up.

We could say that they ended up back together every time because their vibrational frequencies were very similar.

Behavior-wise, they disrespected each other, but because they were codependent, they gravitated toward each other anyway. The law of attraction had made sure of it.

This was a very dark example, but the point is that most people end up together for the wrong reasons.

They feel that they need their partners rather than want them, so they return to them without addressing the issues that are begging to get fixed.

Can I get my ex back if we broke up multiple times?

There’s always a chance to get back with your ex after breaking up multiple times. But keep in mind that every time you break up, your chances of reconciliation decrease significantly.

I can’t say how much they decrease because some people get back with their exes many times before they break up permanently, but if we assume that couples go through multiple breakups 3 times on average, we can say that each breakup reduces chances of reconciliation by 33%.

This means that couples who keep breaking up time after time eventually break up for good. No begging or pleading can fix their relationship after its final breakup because the emotions created by the final (real breakup) change completely.

There is no more love and attachment holding a bond together. There’s just relief, detachment, and the determination to stay broken up.

So even though there’s a chance that your ex will come back after a second, third, or even fourth breakup, there’s also a chance (a significantly higher chance) that he or she won’t come back.

It’s possible that your ex reached a point of complete detachment and associated more stress with being with you than not being with you.

The thing with multiple breakups is that most of them aren’t real breakups.

Couples who get back together shortly after the breakup obviously don’t completely lose respect and feelings for each other. This is why in most cases, multiple breakups are just temporary disconnections caused by disagreements, ingratitude, and power struggles.

Your job as someone who broke up multiple times is to figure out if your ex is trying to prove a point (get power over you) or if your ex feels victimized and wants you to leave him or her alone.

How can I find out if this breakup is the last one?

The best way to learn if your ex is done for good is to go no contact and leave your ex to his or her own devices for a few days (or longer).

If your ex is still emotionally connected to you and loves you, your ex will get hurt by your lack of attention and feel a strong need to reconnect with you. Because of this overwhelming desire to bond, your ex will forget about the relationship killers (reasons behind the breakup) and talk to you to obtain your recognition.

Your ex will basically try to win your love back and hurry back to you as quickly as possible.

However, if your ex doesn’t reach out after a while and appears to be happy without you (relieved), it’s probably safe to assume that your ex is over you and gone for good. Your ex has detached from you and is looking forward to being single or with someone else.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that your ex can’t come back in the future as some exes come back years later. But right now, your ex probably doesn’t have any feelings left for you and needs time to himself or herself.

Either way, whether your ex comes back or not, you and your ex both got a chance to grow inward so that you can correct the issues that triggered multiple breakups.

You may not agree that this breakup happened for a reason – for your own good, but unfortunately, it did. Your breakup desperately needed to happen so that something fundamental could change.

It’s of utmost importance that you use the time away from your ex to identify the issue(s) that led to the breakup and commence your healing process. The sooner you begin to detach and lose hope, the more you’ll learn, and the higher the chances that your next relationship (with or without your ex) will work out.

How do I prevent another breakup?

If you get/got back together with your ex and you don’t want to go through another breakup, you and your partner will have to do a lot of internal work. You’ll both have to want to be with each other more than ever before and develop a healthier relationship mentality.

The best way you can improve your commitments to each other is to verbally and physically express gratitude. Tell and show each other how lucky you are to have found each other and frequently compliment each other’s personal growth.

If you do this on a regular basis, you’ll get closer to each other in a relatively short span of time and feel that your bond is not only stronger but also much more fulfilling.

It’s important to note that both people must be willing to invest equally in the new relationship. If you’re the only one who puts the effort in, there’s a high risk that you’ll smother your partner, appear demanding, and get taken for granted again.

This is especially true if your ex broke up with you because you were clingy and insecure. In this case, you should first create a self-fulfilling life for yourself and only then work on a bond with your partner.

As the saying goes, you can’t love your partner if you don’t love yourself.

So be careful about bonding with someone who’s not as engrossed in you as you are in him/her. Do your best at all times, but don’t give more than your partner can return or you’ll appear very demanding and self-centered.

How do I get over the fear of breaking up?

First of all, know that it’s okay to feel afraid. It’s okay to feel apprehensive and uncertain about the future because your partner caused you excruciating separation anxiety and affected your self-worth.

He or she hurt you probably more than anyone ever has before. But despite everything this person has put you through, it’s still not okay to act on your anxiety and look clingy, mean, quarrelsome, or distant.

If you act negatively in any shape or form, you won’t help your new relationship grow in ways that it needs to grow. You won’t make your ex feel good either. You’ll probably just hinder the growth of the relationship and remind your partner that you haven’t worked on yourself during the time you were on your own.

The best way to deal with trust issues is to acknowledge them and accept them. You don’t have to like them and you don’t have to love them. But realizing that you have them will help you cope with them and get over them.

So if you want to maximize your chances of having a well-balanced relationship, work on your self-esteem and the things that give meaning to your life. Do exactly the opposite of what your fears and anxiety tell you to do and you’ll slowly but surely become much more self-confident and accepting of the agonizing past.

I know it’s not easy to ignore the fears and pretend that you’re perfectly happy, but you have to let the past stay in the past. You have to face your fears head-on and allow yourself to leap into the unknown.

You just need to make a decision to never again react to fear, stress, or anger the way you did or wanted to and keep reminding yourself why it’s necessary to stay strong and in control of your emotions.

That’s how you can overcome any impulsive desire and avoid regression.

Have you been through multiple breakups and you’re wondering how to tell it’s final? Are you worried your ex is gone for good? Tell us your story and get it off your chest. It might help you feel a bit better.

Or if you prefer 1-on-1 guidance, click here to see our coaching plans.