If you got dumped after a month of dating and you miss the person who dumped you, you need to know that you miss your ex because the relationship was new and love sparks were flying all over the place.
You really liked where your relationship was going.
You liked the vibe, the conversations, the attention, and most of all, the affection you received from this person. Everything was like out of the movie as you felt joyous at the thought that you’ve found a person who was as interested in you as you were in her.
But then something happened. Something changed inside your girlfriend’s mind and forced her to detach very quickly. Suddenly, she no longer seemed into you as much as before. She seemed preoccupied with her own wants and needs, so she soon broke up with you, force-stopped your supply of happy hormones, and hurt your male ego.
She indirectly let you know that the relationship wasn’t making her happy and that she can be happier on her own.
This is how she made you feel rejected and caused you to miss her or rather, miss the way you felt when she cared about you romantically.
To put it plainly, your ex-girlfriend’s abandonment made you addicted to her lack of admiration, which is why you now crave her admiration and attention and wish to once again feel empowered by her. Just how drug abusers get addicted to drugs, you got emotionally addicted to your ex-girlfriend’s presence and affection and now need her to stay in control of your breakup emotions.
But before we talk about why you miss this person so much, you need to know that there are several possible reasons why your ex-girlfriend dumped you after dating you only for a month. It’s possible that she had commitment issues, fears from the past, anxiety, anger, or even depression. But to make it simpler to understand, we can just say that she broke up with you either because she wasn’t emotionally ready for a new relationship or because she couldn’t give you as much love and affection as you expected or demanded from her.
She couldn’t continue to invest in you because she wasn’t on the same page with you. She had different relationship expectations and/or different emotional needs.
These are the two most common reasons why short-term relationships end. Someone rushes into the next relationship without addressing the issues from the past and growing as a person while at the same time, the other person wants too much love and attention and ends up smothering his or her partner.
This is how a couple becomes emotionally incompatible and works against each other’s basic wants and needs.
As a result, the person who’s ready for a relationship (you) become anxious and worried about the lack of love you receive, so you start to give even more love with the expectation that you’ll receive more in return.
But in turn, this doesn’t make your girlfriend any happier. It makes her feel even more pressured into investing in you and causes her to pull away even harder. Your chasing depletes your girlfriend emotionally and forces her to ask for more space.
Or if she’s already done that and it didn’t work, she may just get irritated and break up with you.
How your girlfriend responds to your highly emotionally demanding behavior depends on how pushy you are and how much self-control your girlfriend has. If you contact her all the time and keep asking her to do more than she’s capable of doing, she probably won’t stay composed for a very long time. On the contrary, she’ll most likely push you away because you’ll appear too clingy for her.
You’ll appear as someone she needs to talk to and not as someone she wants to talk to.
Today, we’ll talk about what to do if you only dated for a month but miss her like crazy.
Why do I miss her when we only dated for a month?
If you dated a girl for less than a few months but miss her a lot, you feel this way because you got attached to her, developed certain expectations of her, and planned on continuing to be with her.
You had plans for the relationship and felt extremely excited to be with her.
But because she dumped you without a warning (or with very few warnings), she abruptly put an end to your daydream-like scenarios that played out in your head and damaged the way you see yourself. She made you doubt your self-worth and consequently, caused you to seek approval for the emotional suffering she’s caused.
Of course, the girl didn’t mean to hurt you this much on purpose. But because you weren’t expecting the relationship to end or weren’t equipped with the skills to deal with heartbreak, the breakup hurt you immensely and caused you to desire her more than ever before.
It made you emotionally dependent on her for self-love and self-acceptance.
Before the breakup, you probably thought you had something long-lasting with this person – something rare and valuable. But it turned out that the girl didn’t think the same way. She wanted to be single/relieved of commitment and responsibilities so she could spend her time in different ways. In ways that promoted her sense of freedom and independence.
And because you know this, the breakup has hurt you very badly. It’s shocked you so much that it made you miss your ex’s good traits and drove you to wonder about what the relationship could have developed into if it didn’t end.
If this is what you’re relentlessly pestering your brain about on a daily basis, you need to know that your relationship couldn’t get past the infatuation phase. Or if it barely got past it, it couldn’t continue to grow because your ex-girlfriend detached from you and fell out of love.
Whether she intentionally fell out of love or unintentionally doesn’t matter. What matters is that she quit and that she did it to protect herself from being forced to give more love than she was willing to give. In her mind, it was her only answer for her lack of space and happiness.
So if you’re wondering why your ex-girlfriend broke up with you after a month of dating, bear in mind that her emotional needs just weren’t on the same level as yours. She wanted less intimacy and you wanted more—which is why she felt trapped and appeared unreceptive, impatient, angry, mean, or cold.
Now that you’re dealing with heartbreak, you’re probably in shock and don’t know why you feel so attracted to this person. You want to know why you even care about someone you’d dated only for a month or so.
Well, there isn’t just one reason why you feel so hurt. There are probably more reasons. And the picture below will reveal them to you.
Getting back with someone you briefly dated
If you want to get back with a person you briefly dated, you need to keep in mind that you won’t get back with a dumper ex on your terms. You won’t be able to lure her back into the relationship because she:
- Isn’t emotionally ready to date you.
- Or because she didn’t and still doesn’t like you.
Yes, there’s a possibility that she wasn’t into you and that it took her a while to realize that.
If that’s the case, really don’t want to stay your ex’s friend and hope that she’ll change her mind about you in the future. The chances of that happening are smaller than you may think. Friendship is most likely only going to let her move on quicker and provide her with a shoulder to lean on at your expense (detachment).
That’s why you mustn’t get in your ex’s way. You must make it easy for her to leave and shut the door the moment she does. By “shutting the door,” I don’t mean that you must get angry and tell her you never want to see her again. That would make you look angry and extremely unattractive.
Instead, you must show her that you’ve accepted the breakup and that you aren’t thinking of getting back together with her. When you do that, you’ll keep your dignity and her respect, remain strong in her eyes, and encourage her to contact you if she realizes that she couldn’t commit to you because she wasn’t emotionally capable of spending energy on the relationship.
However, if she had a problem with your personality, then this girl likely won’t come back no matter how confident you appear and what you do to improve yourself. Nothing will work on her because she’ll continue to view you in the same way she viewed you when she left you.
No matter what her reason for breaking up with you is, you must leave your ex alone. You must let her do what she wants (even if she wants to date other guys) and mind your own business. Time will tell if she left because she perceived you in a bad light or because she had lots of issues of her own.
You’ll see her reason for leaving because she’ll either come back on her own or she won’t come back at all.
It’s impossible to predict if and when she will come back, but from what I see, most dumpers who aren’t emotionally ready for a new relationship come back after 3-8 months. So focus on rebuilding yourself and rest assured that if the problem is with your ex’s emotional state that she’ll come back when the time is right.
How long does it take to get over a relationship if we only dated for a month?
Most dumpees who dated their ex only for a month or two get over their ex in just a few months. They don’t have a lot of memories to ruminate about and many mistakes to blame themselves for, so they process the breakup relatively quickly.
But those who have never been in a relationship before or those who have an anxious attachment style and low self-esteem usually aren’t that lucky. Such guys and women tend to suffer a lot because they lack the personal strength and experience to overcome their breakup.
They don’t know how to tackle their pain, so they often suffer even more than dumpees who come out of a long-term relationship.
There are many factors at play, so it’s hard to say exactly how long it will take you to get over your ex. But if you view yourself in confident light, trust yourself that you’ll find love again, and avoid committing post-breakup mistakes, you can expect to get over your ex in just a few months.
It all comes down to your mentality and what you do with your life after the breakup. For example, if you’re in denial and incessantly analyze the breakup day and night, you obviously won’t give your brain the rest it needs to process the breakup.
Instead, you’ll become obsessed with your ex and delay the time it takes you to get over your ex. So don’t just sit inside your house and do nothing with your life. Get busy and do things that give purpose to your existence.
In other words, do the hobbies and activities that you like because they will keep you occupied. If you’re in a lot of pain, you can also talk to your friends about it and get professional help. A professional may be able to ease your anxiety and prescribe you antidepressants.
So stay strong and make use of the help that is available to you. As long as you strive to get over your ex, you will eventually get over her and stop missing her. Take my words for it. You’ll get over your ex. And that’s when you’ll wonder why you spent so much time thinking about someone who doesn’t deserve you.
Did you date only for a month but miss your ex? Is it your first breakup? Let me know how you feel by commenting below this post.
And if you prefer to work one-on-one with us, visit our coaching page to learn more.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.
This article hits the spot.
Unfortunately i’m in the same situation. I met this guy and I wouldn’t give him the time of day at first. So after a decent period of texting and phone calls, we go on a date and hit it off. A few weeks later we make it official. I started to like him more and more everyday. He did let me know early on that he was facing seasonal depression. We kept seeing each other and one night he tells me that he’s starting to fall in love with me. I ask him if he’s serious and he tells me that he jumped the gun and felt like we were friends more than anything. We kept dating for a little bit longer until the night he broke up with me. He told me that he was extremely depressed due to being in college pursuing a masters degree that he doesn’t even want and our relationship. He felt that it was unfair for us to continue dating each other due to the fact that I was clearly developing stronger feelings for him and he only saw me as a friend. So we broke up and agreed to be friends. We were hanging out once a week and still communicating via text. He confided in me and said “ I want to tell you I enjoy your friendship a lot, I actually feel like going out and having fun with you where I don’t feel that way about my other friends.” So I thought okay since a month has passed our breakup and we’re still actively hanging out and talking maybe now would be a good time to have the talk. So I ask him to meet with me so we could have a talk. He basically says that he still sees me as just a friend. I haven’t spoken to him since. Is it even worth trying to potentially get him back or is this the end?
Hi Sam.
He’ll continue seeing you as a friend. Right now, he seems to have a lot on his place and is stressed/depressed. He doesn’t have the time and energy to invest in you and the relationship. I suggest that you stay away from him for a while as you’re not ready to downgrade to friendship.
Contact him only if/when you’re ready to be friends.
Best regards,
Zan
it’s been 6 months since i got dumped from my first boyfriend, we dated for 2 and a half months, everything happened very fast, he asked me to be his girlfriend after 3 weeks of meeting each other at college. At first, everything was very intense, we connected very quickly and he was very affectionate towards me, at first it was perfect but later the spark started to slowly disappear. He became a bit cold and apologized for being like that and said that it was difficult for him to show affection and that he was like that. Then he dumped me after a few days his grandma past away, he said that he was going through family problems and didn’t feel with the energy to put effort in the relationship and that I didn’t deserve that, he also said that he thinks that I expect him to me more affectionate and that he is not like that, but he told me that he loved me and didn’t want it to end it, he just thinks it’s for the best and that everything happened so fast. He also said that he had always been like this and with his ex he was the same and that they didn’t show much affection in the relationship. He only had ons ex before me when he was 15 (now we are both 19) and was also a short term relationship, i never asked anything about her ex or why they broke up but once he said that this time he wanted to do things right with me. I was very confused when i got dumped because at first he made promises of having something long lasting and meaningful with me. I begged a little the day of the breakup but then accepted it and started no contact. We were in no contact for 2-3 months but then he started reaching out multiple times, he texted asking very random questions, replied to my stories, texted me in Christmas, etc. I never initiated contact, i just replied but didn’t continue the conversation and acted cold, but him reaching out made it more difficult for me to move on. (english isn’t my first language, i apologize for any grammar mistake).
Thanks
Hi Mari.
Your relationship ended very quickly. This normally happens due to incompatiblity, emotional unavailability, or immaturity. The dumper finds the relationship emotionally draining and convinces himself he’ll be happier on his own. I suggest you tell your ex not to reach out. He shouldn’t be texting you just because he feels like it. You need to prioritize healing and keep him away from you unless he wants you back. If he wants you back, he’ll put in the effort.
Best regards,
Zan
I met someone a few months ago, had an instant connection. We messaged for a bit then it tailed off – due to him not me. A few months later we meet and hit it off again – it was quite intense, he seemed into it, I asked why he had stopped messaging the first time and he just said he was evasive. We dated, it was going great, then he didn’t message for a couple of days. Based on previous behaviour, I asked him directly if he was ghosting me. He responded very angrily, said he’d been busy with work and was very stressed, that neither of us had messaged (which was true, but if sent the last message) it wasn’t him. I immediately apologised, but he was still angry and very upset. A few days later we started messaging again and I thought things were ok, then he said he didn’t think it would work because our communication was triggering – it had blindsided him and made him feel terrible. His message was confusing so I asked him to clarify if he was ending things but he didn’t respond. I sent a message basically giving my side of the story in a non accusing way, he still didn’t confirm what he was thinking – said he needed time/headspace. I gave him a few days then ended it, but we agreed to stay friends. I reached out three weeks later with a friendly message, he responded in a friendly way but didn’t encourage further conversation, I responded with something casual that also didn’t invite further conversation. It’s been a week now, I would still like to reconnect because I feel like we just got off on the wrong foot, clearly something triggered him but I feel like if we could take things slower and get to know each other there could be something there. I don’t know if no contact is the best way to go, or if he will just close that door definitively. He seems very avoidant, he’s had difficult relationships in the past, I got the impression he was reacting to a past hurt rather than to what I had done or said.
Hi R.
He’s either not ready for a new relationship or isn’t developed enough to communicate. He seems very avoidant to me, and that’s a red flag. I think you should leave him alone and look for someone who can give you what you want. This person won’t do that for a very long time. I don’t see why he would, considering his impatience and behavior.
Sincerely,
Zan
I feel your article applies directly to me. It is so devastating though because I got broken up after 1 month out of no where and I don’t know how I could done anything different to change it. Now i’m scared in the future this could happen again..
Hi Be.
Sometimes it’s not about what you did and didn’t do but what your ex thought and felt. Some people aren’t ready for a new relationship and/or don’t feel a connection.
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi Zan,
Any advice for a relapse? I dated someone for about a month and then ran into her almost immediately. It wasn’t too terrible the first time as I had started seeing someone else. But I ran into her again about 4 months later and I was like a deer in the headlights. At this time I was 100 percent single and it appeared she was as well. Kept talk to a minimum but now feel the same as when she told me she didn’t want to date any more in the first place and now it is WAY more difficult to move on.
Hi John.
Do what you did the first time. Stay away from her, distract yourself, and talk to other people. You don’t need to date them. Just get your self-esteem back up!
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi Zan
Maybe you wont see this by the time im writing it, also sorry for my englis since im not a native speaker. Its been a month since I got dumped by my first “relationship”(if you can give it a name, never had a girllfriend this is a closest as it can be) we dated for a month and as you said in the article, for me, it came out of the blue. I didnt see any sign and I cant find any even to this day, after our last date she said to me by text message that she didnt want any serious relationship at the moment(wich is weird cause I never told her that I want that we were just geting to know each othr and having a good time), even though she told me we had a great time together, 2 days later we had our last conversation and she told me that somewhere during our last week dating whatever she felt for me was just gone, and for the same reason she wanted to be just friends. I said no because I would never see her as a friend.
I tried NC for an entire month, but she didnt messaged me or see my social media activity. Then I texted her because there was something I need to told her about what I thought ended his feelings for me, but she told me that wasnt the reason and also that she was already seeing another person wich was quite devastating. I still cant get closure, there isnt a day or an hour that I dont think about this situation. I overthink and analyzed every date, every moment we had together looking for what went wrong, cause I dont want to make the same mistake next time I met another person that I hope will be equal or better cause I really liked her and we had lots of things in common. I guess it just wasnt meant to be and I have the fear that I will never have something like this again. Oh and thanks for the article!
Hi Mike.
This was your first relationship, so it hurt you a lot. It made you obsessed with her to the point where you think about her all the time. This is normal, Mike. The breakup triggered your separation anxiety and your deepest fears. She seems to date a lot of people and couldn’t appreciate you as much as you appreciated her. To her, you were just someone she casually dated between her serious relationships.
You’ll definitely find another person you bond with, Mike. Before you do, though, you should get over this person, discover your worth, and improve your self-esteem.
Best,
Zan
wow, I feel like this is the exact same situation as me
Zan I know this article has been up for for a year but can you help me? Dated this girl for two months and we were official for a little over 2 weeks. Just like others have said we seemed like a great match, my friends and parents even agreed. Strong in faith with our religion, had big talks early on about where we stood with certain topics which we agreed upon, anything you’d really need we both seemed to have. When we first started dating she mentioned she had a 2 year old relationship end in March and wanted to take things slow as I believe she said she was having trouble opening up again. I feel as if we may have moved to quick but 2 months later I asked if she was ready for a relationship to which she said yes. Anyway something felt off as we were texting while I was at work and she made a comment about be emotionally exhausted from the day and was having seconds thoughts. I called her and it was a good conversation. She essentially said she thought she was ready but realized she wasn’t properly healed from the last one but it had nothing to do with her ex, she just felt she couldn’t give 100%. I told her I’d back away and occasionally reach out but mainly leave it to her. I may have made a mistake by asking if this is something she’d want to try again to which she said yes but didn’t want to keep me waiting and wasn’t sure how long it’d take. I’ve been single for 2-3 years so I was 100% ready, I think what you described does fit well where I came off more clingy but I want to know if you think there’s a chance? I planned on reaching out mid September which would be a month later just to let her know I hope all is well and then try for a friendship a month or two after if all seems well. Thoughts?
Hi Joseph.
You might get another chance with this person when she recovers emotionally. You have to understand that by dating you, she exhausted herself and needs time to herself now. You shouldn’t reach out in September. You should stay in no contact and let her come to you if she wants to. Everything will work itself out if you retain your value and let her become afraid of losing you permanently.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hey zan,
have just stumbled across your article, thanks for writing about the topic. I’m suffering a bit from dating this guy for a month and it ending abruptly – i guess the circumstance was that we both weren’t ready for a relationship, as he had just left a 7 year relationship and i was moving into a big self discovery stage of my life and didn’t want to get side tracked again from another guy.. Anyway, that month was as you described, fireworks, an insanely beautiful connection – i honestly haven’t felt this way for someone ever. So, we had a chat where i confronted him and explained that it isn’t just fun anymore, its still fun but im getting big feelings and that i really like him and he replied its just fun but he does really like me.. this triggered me, since my previous relationships have been utter let downs from guys not wanting to commit.. so i explained that i didn’t feel safe opening my heart and thought we should end things, where he then decides to open his heart truthfully and tell me how much i meant to him – i didn’t say much, it was so much to process.. but 3 days later, i thought fuck it, i like this guy and i dont want to end it – i drove to his house, uninvited, he wasn’t home, so i called – to his response that he didn’t want to see me..
the day after he called and i said im hurt and just shut off and think its better to be friends.. we have spoke briefly since but he seems so shut off and distant and i just dont know if he cares and the thing that hurts is how can someone mean so much to me and have that type of connection with someone for them to be able to just distance themselves so quickly..
it hurt a lot and what im struggling with now, is that i can’t get over him – i think about him all the time, wondering if he will come back.. and ive read a million things on how to get over someone or attract them back… i guess, only time will tell or heal..
Let me know your thoughts on the whole thing?
Hi Cait.
You were both on different paths in life and weren’t ready for this relationship. While your ex wanted to have fun, you wanted a commitment—and that didn’t make him happy. Just like your exes, it put pressure on him and gave him cold feet.
When your ex said that you meant a lot to him, he meant that he feels something for you. But his feelings at that point in time were increased by your “threats” to walk away. The relationship was also still new and there was a lot of mutual attraction caused by the newness of the relationship.
But since he wasn’t willing to commit to you, he detached and distanced from you very quickly. To you, it seemed that it happened fast, but to your ex, it’s been happening for quite some time.
Now, the only thing you can do is leave him alone and focus on healing.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thanks for replying – yeh, re-reading what i wrote i feel like i sound like a silly emotional girl haha I’ve sat with a lot of the emotions and realised that yes – we were on complete different paths, he just entered the scene that i had been living for the last few years where i was in the process of transitioning into a new way of living and not feeling in alignment to that fast paced-druggy-music rock n roll vibe anymore. A lot of emotions and trauma that has come up for me in the last couple of weeks nearly have nothing to do with this person, yes what happened triggered them and brought that darkness to light but as i’ve been processing everything it has more to do with my self and how i have neglected loving myself with the distraction of intense connections with men..
So, I’ve moved to the middle of no where, away from everything to try heal and find myself – it’s going well so far.. There are confronting moments, where i still use social media and have seen posts/videos of this guy move onto another pretty little thing, at first – i wanted to project my hurt onto him, but after sitting with the emotions that had risen, i now feel a sense of calmness that he looks happy and she looks like a nice wholesome girl – there was a lot of jealousy and intrusive thoughts but at the root of it all, it’s okay – i decided to take myself away and focus on myself, if i wanted to have stayed in that life – i’d most probably be distracting myself with either drugs or another man. I chose to push him away; somewhere deep down i feel that it was because i knew he was leading me back to a life i was trying to escape from – basically, he wasn’t the one to journey with – i believe now that our bond was built on a familiarity of past-trauma, sex, drugs and an unhealthy vulnerability attachment. We were both in extremely vulnerable positions when we met where we ended up being temporary bandaids for one anothers pain – i’ve been through so many stages of emotions because of this and really feel that i’ve healed some deep issues that i’ve been carrying on from one guy to the next.. It’s time for me to fucking flourish and adventure with the flow of life, i have a clear mind and body for once – and it’s nice.
I’m hopeful that one day i’ll meet someone who doesn’t play games and see’s me as i am – even writing that, im 100% sure there’s a nice fellow out there that won’t leave me questioning and feeling unsafe to explore the depths of intimacy.. I’ve just gotta do the work on loving myself first – how exciting.
Thanks again for your words and posting advice and tips on how to deal with such heavy emotions.
Hi Cait.
The more you improve yourself, the higher quality individuals you will meet. Back then, you met your ex because you had a lot in common. But now, that’s no longer the thing. You’ve grown apart and become a lot more like yourself. This is good Cait because you’ve regained your identity and become stronger.
From now on, things should get better. You should meet a guy who matches the new you.
Stay strong!
Zan
Hi Zan this is Claire, I hope you remember we spoke last month in a one on one counseling session. Well, just as you predicted, the man who dumped me last year contacted me again. However, he used a very odd method to do it. I got a strange text from someone claiming to have gotten my number from a dating site. Since I wasn’t on one at the time, I immediately knew it was him texting from a burner number. I felt sorry for him, because this is something boys do, and he is an adult man. So I emailed letting him know not to do that again as it was beneath him. He emailed back denying it saying of course it wasn’t him etc., etc. However, the strange texts mysteriously stopped. Fast forward to about a month later, and I received a notice from one of his military brothers that there was a lucrative job opening that he should apply for. I guess these guys use me as a go between or something as I know many of them from the nature of my job. So I sent my ex the link to the job, and he responded the next day to let me know how well he’s doing having just found a dream job that he’s wanted for a long time. He even sent pictures of him on the job and he looked very happy and content.
I am now grateful for two things Zan:
1. By pretending to be someone who said he got my number from someone else on a dating app, I know he actually cared about me enough to do something so dumb and immature.
2. He finally got his dream job and isn’t suffering anymore from being unemployed. I think that was his whole problem all along, as he is very proud and a high achiever. Men have enormous egos, and he was deeply miserable after losing his old job.
Anyway, I have moved on from the pain of being dumped. I think I will meet someone someday. Zan, I am so glad you told me to always be the bigger person and to be kind first and foremost. I was very hurt when i got dumped and thought about saying all kinds of mean things. But talking to you made me feel better, you made me see that that my ex didn’t have room for me in his life because he was dealing with losing his former job shortly after I met him last year, and therefore he wasn’t in a place to return any feelings. Talking with you helped me grow as a person, thanks Zan!
Hi Claire.
You mustn’t entertain this guy anymore. Whenever you send him an email, you make it more fun for him to keep calling you/texting you. You need to ignore everything he does from now on and you’ll see that he’ll get tired of bothering you soon. Or if that doesn’t help, you can always change your phone number and be done with it. That’s also an option.
It wasn’t easy, but I’m glad you were the bigger person, Claire. Reacting to him would bring you down to his level or maybe even lower. Hang in there, Claire!
Best wishes,
Zan
Always so excited to read every single article of yours Zan!
And I always always learn something new so I’m so so grateful!!!
Sending lot of love for every dumpee
Thank you for reading the blog, Linda!
I’m glad you find it enlightening.
Zan