Many dumpees think that their ex must come back in a certain number of days, such as during the 30-day no contact rule, but that doesn’t always happen. In fact, it usually doesn’t because dumpers need much longer than that to process the breakup and find reasons to reconnect with their ex.
They need to find themselves in some painful situation that enables or forces them to reflect and see their ex’s romantic value. That normally takes months, but can also take years or decades. No one can predict how long your ex will need to learn his or her lessons and start seeing you differently. Not even your ex.
So don’t think that your ex will either come back right away or never. Breakups and reconciliations can be much more unpredictable than that, so give them time and try to forget about your ex. It will be easier for you to cope if you get busy with various hobbies and activities and let your ex do what he or she wants.
Before we continue, here’s a little disclaimer.
Although the signs mentioned in this article are as accurate as they can be (at least to my awareness,) your ex could still come back despite giving you all of these signs. Sometimes dumpers return even though they said they wouldn’t and ended up hurting their dumpee emotionally or physically.
I’ve seen the worst types of dumpers come back. But then again, most of them returned because they were in pain and needed their ex to ease their pain and anxiety. I suppose they came back because they weren’t ready to deal with certain situations alone and needed their ex back for love and support.
If you’re interested in learning more about the signs your ex is never coming back, this article is going to provide you with some insight. But read at your own discretion as you might get hurt if you’re not ready to let go of hope yet.
1)Your ex got a restraining order against you
Let’s get the most obvious sign that your ex is never coming back out of the way first. When your ex gets a restraining order against you, you can be certain your ex doesn’t think very fondly of you.
As a matter of fact, your ex can’t stand you, hates you, and finds you extremely repulsive. So much so that a mere thought or reminder of you scares your ex and makes your ex want to avoid you.
If your ex got a restraining order against you or threatened you with one, you’ve probably pestered your ex for a while. You probably begged and pleaded with your ex and made various post-breakup mistakes your ex wasn’t willing to tolerate.
Maybe you’ve even threatened your ex and forced your ex to be afraid.
Whatever you did or wanted to do was too much for your ex, hence why your ex has probably blocked your number and removed you on social media as well. That’s what police officers usually recommend. They take the victim’s side (the person who asks for help) and advise him or her to cut all contact with the abuser.
The reason this is one of the biggest signs that your ex will never come back is that a restraining order destroys your value and erases everything you did for your ex in the past. It makes your ex think that you’re not worthy of respect and that he or she was victimized.
If your ex filed for a restraining order, don’t contact your ex anymore! You may feel like apologizing to your ex is the right thing to do, but it isn’t. Especially not if you have to violate the protective order and try to force your ex to communicate with you.
A restraining order is no joking matter. You need to take it seriously so you don’t get in trouble with the law, hurt yourself, and appear crazy to your ex.
2)Your ex doesn’t let you see your children
The second sign that your ex is never coming back is when your ex doesn’t let you get close to your children. This kind of restrictive behavior indicates that your ex is being resentful and that he or she doesn’t want to give you what you want or need. Your ex doesn’t want to do it because there’s a chance that you would try to turn the children against your ex or that seeing your children would make you happy.
Whether your ex doesn’t trust you, despises you, or simply wants you to be miserable, your ex likely isn’t coming back anytime soon – or ever.
Your ex has developed his or her own opinions and beliefs about you and is emotionally incapable or unwilling to let you see your children. To let you see your children, your ex would have to have at least some form of respect for you. If your ex doesn’t have any respect, your ex doesn’t like you and probably won’t get back together with you in the future.
Not unless your ex changes fundamentally.
It can be painful to be separated from your children, but this probably isn’t something you can resolve directly with your ex. I don’t know much about family law, but you can file a petition in the family court against your ex. If your ex violates the visitation order, your ex will be forced to allow you to make up for the time your ex withheld from you.
3)Your ex annihilated your persona
One of the biggest signs your ex is never coming back is when your ex destroys your persona. A few ways your ex can achieve this is with vicious mockery, spreading rumors, and thinking very poorly of you.
When your ex sees absolutely no romantic value in you, the relationship is likely over forever.
That’s because regaining your significance after it’s been blasted to smithereens is extremely difficult. It likely won’t happen because your ex will raise his or her guard and push you away whenever you try to prove something. Your ex will consciously or subconsciously avoid trusting you and make sure to stay in control by viewing you in a bad light.
How dumpers act post-breakup depends on how high their emotional intelligence is.
If it’s low, they tend to lack self-awareness and act on impulse. And if it’s decent or high, they usually understand that breakups can be difficult for both parties involved and sympathize with the dumpee.
If your ex has no sympathy and always blames you for everything, you shouldn’t expect your ex to take responsibility and come back. It’s much more likely that your ex will stay the way he or she is and continue to perceive you as he or she does now.
4)Your ex is incapable of learning and improving
If your ex lacks the capacity to learn and improve, you’ve got one of the best signs that your ex is never coming back.
When your ex can’t and won’t learn about his or her mistakes and mindlessly keeps moving forward, there’s a big chance your ex is going to keep monkey-branching from one relationship to the next.
He or she is going to continue playing the blame game with every person he or she dates and convince himself or herself that life is about finding the right person rather than growing together as a couple. Such thoughts are going to hold your ex back from maturing and having the kind of relationship he or she could be proud of.
This implies your ex is going to keep accusing others of being unfair, rude, or toxic every time your ex feels hurt and unhappy.
Nobody knows how long this period of ignorance will last for your ex. It could last for a year or many years. Maybe your ex doesn’t believe in personal growth at all and won’t ever stop to learn the things he or she badly needs to learn.
It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you figure out why the breakup happened and start working on your shortcomings and goals. If you do, you’ll learn from your mistakes and have better romantic relationships with your next partners.
5)Your ex was angry all the time
If your ex was temperamental and couldn’t control his or her emotions, your ex was likely very stubborn and difficult to deal with. There were probably times when you felt that your ex was in total control of the relationship and that you didn’t have much of a say.
If that’s how it was, your ex will likely continue to stay angry and refuse to see things differently. Anger will empower your ex and allow your ex to use it to feel victimized and stay broken up with you.
Even though anger may eventually subside, resentment is probably going to stay the way it is. It won’t have a reason to go away because your ex won’t do anything to change his or her mentality (the way your ex thinks and perceives the world). Your ex would need to sign up for anger management and dedicate a big portion of his/her time to developing self-awareness/self-control and broadening his or her horizons.
And let’s face it, most people don’t do that. Especially dumpers because they’d rather enjoy their newfound freedom.
Angry dumpers don’t see a reason to seek help and improve themselves. They tend to work on themselves only when they have to. And they have to when they find themselves in painful situations that require them to grow.
6)Your ex can’t ditch the victim’s mentality
Your ex most definitely feels like a victim. At least right after the breakup.
But when your ex can’t get rid of his or her self-destructive thoughts and feelings months after the breakup, it’s evident you’ve got yourself a stubborn ex-partner.
He or she is caught in a negative loop, thinking that you’ve hurt him or her badly and don’t deserve forgiveness. Such thoughts reinforce your ex’s negative mentality and prevent your ex from respecting you and feeling something for you again.
Post-breakup victim mentality is very common, unfortunately. Many dumpers see things only from their perspective and as a result, keep thinking poorly of their exes. They don’t care if their ex had nice qualities. All they care about are the bad ones.
7)Your ex got married
You should definitely lose hope when your ex gets married, has children, and shows no signs of regret whatsoever.
If your ex is living a happy married life with someone else, you’ve got one of the obvious signs that your ex is never coming back.
Your ex has probably found someone he or she wants to build a life with, so you should try to let your ex go. It would also be nice if you could inwardly wish your ex happiness—even if it’s not with you. That would help you grow into a better person.
Your ex’s marriage could, of course, fail as many marriages do these days. But that’s not something you should hope for and meddle with. You should try to understand that your ex is doing his or her best to settle down with this person and that you need to give their relationship space to breathe.
You would want the same if you were in your ex’s shoes.
8)Your ex is speaking ill of your family
When your ex speaks ill of your family, it’s evident that your ex has no intention of coming back to you. Your ex no longer needs to watch what he or she says and does. And that speaks volumes.
It means that your ex stopped caring about his or her image and that the relationship with your family has ended. It would be difficult to fix the relationship after saying bad things about them. And this is something your ex is aware of but doesn’t care about.
He or she thinks it’s time to express certain frustrations and tell you a thing or two about your family members. You should keep in mind that your ex has lost respect for them and that your ex doesn’t feel the need to impress them or you.
And because your ex doesn’t need to impress anyone, your ex doesn’t want anything from anyone either. Your ex has no expectations.
Remember that an ex who has bad things to say about your loved ones likely won’t come back. In all fairness, you shouldn’t even want someone like that back because you can have many exes but only have one family.
9)Your relationship wasn’t healthy
If your relationship with your ex was toxic and dysfunctional, you’re better off moving on, improving yourself, and finding someone else. Getting back with an ex just because he or she dumped you and caused you separation anxiety isn’t a very smart idea.
Pain isn’t a clear indicator of a good relationship. Pain just means that you were attached to your ex and that the attachment may have been unhealthy.
Ex-couples who were in unhealthy relationships tend to suffer more than those who weren’t. That’s because they trauma-bonded or developed unhealthy attachments caused by constant ups and downs.
If your relationship was unhealthy, pain doesn’t indicate that it was a relationship worth saving. Pain is merely a sign that something wasn’t working and that you may have neglected your health and well-being.
That means you need to figure out why you stayed in an unhealthy relationship and how you can improve your emotional strength so that if you find yourself in a similar relationship again that you don’t get trapped in it.
10)You were given more chances than you probably deserved
If your ex has given you many chances throughout the relationship and you failed to make them count, you’ve got all the signs you need that your ex is never coming back. Your ex would have to be extremely forgiving, naive, or have low self-esteem to give you a chance after he or she has given you lots of chances already.
At some point, people run out of forgiveness and stop giving chances. They figure it’s time to cut their losses and respect themselves.
It’s possible that your ex has run out of patience and that your ex won’t forgive you anymore for making the same mistakes over and over again.
You may finally be ready to make the changes your ex is asking for now that you’re hurting, but it’s a bit too late for your ex. Your ex not only doesn’t trust you anymore but also feels unhealthy emotions around you. You can’t improve the way your ex feels about you simply by wanting your ex to improve them. Your ex has to want to improve them on his or her own.
You probably wouldn’t give your ex hundreds of chances either. Eventually, you’d start thinking your ex is taking you for a fool and that you’re wasting your time.
11)You did something nasty to your ex
Another not-so-subtle sign that your ex won’t be back is when you do something that destroys your chances of reconciliation. Usually, something impulsive, such as an act of revenge will do the job just fine.
You have to understand that nothing destroys your chances of reconciliation more than getting back at your ex for dumping you. Revenge is something weak people get because they think they need to singlehandedly punish their ex for causing them pain.
They have no idea that their emotions are their responsibility and that even if their ex betrayed them, they have no right to cause their ex pain back. Vengeful behavior won’t just instantly destroy their chances of ever getting back with their ex but it will also make them into vindictive people.
So if your ex did you dirty, don’t get revenge on your ex. Stay in no contact instead, and you’ll soon realize that good karma and a clear conscience are more important than getting back at your ex.
12)Your ex never loved you
The last sign that your ex is never coming back is when your ex admits that he or she never loved you and got attached to you. A lack of love indicates that you were your ex’s rebound or just someone your ex dated for boredom and convenience.
You were useful to your ex as long as your ex needed you and had no one better to spend time with. But when your ex found someone else or wanted to do something else, you became too time-consuming or demanding, so you ended up smothering your ex.
If your ex never loved you, it’s not your fault. Your ex probably just got involved with you for the wrong reasons and then strung you along for as long as your ex could benefit from you.
Do you agree with the 12 signs your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend is never coming back? Can you think of any other signs? Leave a comment below the article.
And if you’re looking for breakup coaching and want our help, sign up for a session with us on this page.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.
Hi Zan
Its a bit confusing to me that you say a dumper was wrong to abandon the dumpee and should have learned / grown / tried to work on the relationship. Yet you also advise dumpees not to stay trapped in toxic unhealthy relationships and they should leave n have self-worth. Isnt that what the dumper also did in a way. Thats what makes it difficult to see the dumper as the culprit while dumpees are also advised to be strong enough to walk away which will be a positive thing but its negative when dumper did it. These thoughts make us stay trapped in wishing for a chance at reconciliation after improving oneself. I dont know which is the right thing anymore
Hi Sophia.
You make a good point, however, all relationships are challenging and require work. It’s couples’ understanding of what is toxic, unhealthy, or just not good for them that destroys relationships. If the relationship really is unhealthy (let’s say someone is abusive), that relationship mustn’t continue to exist. That’s because abusers usually don’t break their abusive tendencies.
So if there’s abuse and unwillingness to grow, the person hurting has no choice but to leave. He or she needs to do it out of self-respect. But some dumpers are immature or have unhealthy thinking patterns and consider themselves victims. It’s best that they remove themselves from relationships and avoid dating until they’ve grown.
Sincerely,
Zan
Let them go. If they say they found someone else no matter if it hurts you they’re cheating. Let the cheater go.
That’s right, Angie.
No matter what they did, the best thing you can do is to let them go.
Best,
Zan
Hi, I got to say I don’t believe I have any of these signs. My wife of 15 years announced she wanted to leave our relationship for another woman one week ago.. Of course it was immensely painful. I did try to reason, but did not beg. She is still in my house in my bed. We have shared fun times and even intimacy since she told me. We say I love you to each other. She is a very strong person and I have no doubt whatsoever she will do what she said. I have been very supportive of her, I love her so much. I feel no matter what I do, this is the end of our romantic life together. I will be her friend only.
Hi Chris.
Don’t settle for friendship. It’s all or nothing. Tell her you’ll be needing some time to yourself and ask her politely not to reach out (once she’s moved out).
Best,
Zan
I can’t be happy for my ex who got married less than a year after our breakup. To the girl that he claimed he didn’t cheat with. It hurts that he can be so happy and have completely forgotten about me. It’s been a couple years since the breakup and I’m the only one who has struggled with this. It makes me hate him… I hate feeling like this.
Hey Zan,
Me (24) and my ex girlfriend (21) have been together for 5 months. She never felt this intense love with anyone else before she said. I also never felt this kind of connection before. We both had past relationships. The first weeks were slowly, but when we noticed our connection things started moving really fast.
She was a very sensetive person, and I did things that made her lose trust in me. One week she was giving me a love letter and showing her love for me, the next week we got into a fight and some issues which resulted into the breakup. Eventually she broke up with me due to trust issues. (I told someone about our problems and told her I would find someone else if she keeps acting like that. Also during that week she found out I kissed someone else at the start of our relationship. I did this because at that time I wasnt sure it would become a relationship). She has a hard time truely trusting people because of her past.
After the break up she couldn’t let me go and kept contacting me. She even slept with me again weeks after the breakup and told me I was the one. However things got toxic because she couldnt bring to truely trust me again so after good times we got into fights again. Things became very toxic. I slept with annother girl and she was trying to make me jealous with mutual friends by flirting with them. She blocked me after we got into our last fight. At the end i begged her if we could change the situation somehow, I did this the last two times I saw her. I didn’t speak to her for months after this. She got into a new relationship from which she broke up within 2 months. During that relationship she told mutual friends it wasnt a serious relationship. I also dated others, but nobody came close to what I had with her.
I met her again on october 24th, 5 months after the breakup, on a mutual friends birthday. She couldnt keep her attention off me. And stared at me quite a lot. I couldn’t look at her that much because i was afraid it would hurt me. A few times she came to sit next to me. Looking for attention or wanting me to say something. Also when she went home she walked past me and stopped. Like she was waiting for me to say something. I couldn’t do it. I felt like It wasn’t the right time to talk to her. I did feel something from her what I did not expect.
Two weeks after this I texted her. Just because I was qurious how she is and whar she is doing. She asked me why I reached out and let me know she doesn’t want to get in touch. She also started blaming me for things I did after the relarionship.
I thought she would have let the past behind and that she would have been able to talk to me. Especially because of how she was at the birthday.
I don’t understand why she acts like this to me. Why would she be like this on the birthday and then push me away like that?
Also she contacts my little brother to hang out and also reach out a lot to my friends lately. So it would be normal to just talk to me right?
Kind regards,
Bryan
Hey Zan,
I was together with my ex for 7 and a half years, Engaged for 2. She’s from a different country but moved here for new prospects. But after a while she started developing some depressions which never got treated and had a really hard time finding a stable job. At some point I started nagging at her because she was not getting a job and started taking her efforts for granted. There were also some family issues on my side that caused her to run back to her own country and get into therapy. She said she wanted to break up and to be alone for a while. We’re still on good speaking terms. I agreed with the breakup because we were not happy for a while. I still want to get back with her eventually but I’m afraid that might never happen because she’s introverted and it feels like she doesn’t want to get back together in the future. I started working on myself but I don’t know what the right move is in this situation and when I should reach out to her to start the relationship back up again.
He never said he loved me, just that he cared for me. I was also acting weird due to a lot of personal stress. He has me on do not disturb and avoids me. And I pestered him with texting and calling for a few months after the breakup.
I dumped him because I didn’t think he loved me enough. He asked if I wanted him completely out of my life, and I told him it was too painful to be with someone that didn’t love me.
But it’s been a year. I even saw him on tinder and he swiped left. So it’s safe to conclude he hates me and never wants to see me again?
Hi S.
I don’t know about him hating you, but he’s definitely trying to move on. Stay strong and do the same.
Sincerely,
Zan
On your last reason, you stated that they didn’t love you or find you attractive. Why would they date you in the first place if they didn’t find you attractive?
My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. When I first met him he was vulnerable and had just got broken up with from a 5 month relationship. We dated for a total of 8 months. At first I tried to take things slow but it was hard because it felt so right. We would talk on the phone for hours and he would make lots of efforts to see me. Then, things started to change. He started working more hours due to a new promotion which I was happy for and he only had one day that he was able to see me because the other two he had spent with his children. He didn’t want me to meet them yet and I understood. Because I liked him I wanted to make it work. But then his mother got really sick (cancer) and his schedule was even more hectic. So the last 3 months of our relationship we only saw each other Monday nights and I would sleep over. Before this final break up, he had broke up with me a few times (2) before this last time. I wouldn’t say I “begged” him, but I didn’t convince him to try each time. He was bad at communicating with me and I felt like he gave up on a lot of things in life easily. He smoked marijuana and I think that had a major part in it. After trying for the second time, he told me 3 months later that he feels like he is wasting my time. He knew I wanted kids and said he doesn’t want that right now because he has already been there done that. He also told me he doesn’t feel the same as I do for him. I told him I loved him. I told him I do not expect him to say it back but I just wanted him to know that I do care about him/ love him. I did text him that I missed him and asked him if he hated me because I initially hung up abruptly and had my family/ friends remove him from social media. Immature I know. But he said he doesn’t hate me. I then heard him mom is now on life support. I felt so horrible and sad for him and his family. I Also felt like I maybe stressed him out too much with everything going on or put too much pressure on him and started to feel guilty. I asked him if I can call him to get somethings off my chest and he responded “I dunno about that”. I told him that I know his main focus is his mom and we can talk at a later time. I have not contacted him since. Parts of me think the break up was for the best because maybe we weren’t compatible but a part of me also feels like the relationship became too hard to be in because of all the unexpected and unfortunate events that started to happen. In your opinion, do you think there is a chance he will come back? I have already put it in my head that there is no hope but a part of me feels as if we met at the wrong time and if circumstances were different maybe the relationship would have survived. Thoughts?
Jeanette I too think the same about my ex not loving me or finding me attractive. She told me for many years she didn’t love me but liked the friendship and the things I bought her over the years. New cars, jewelry and clothes for her and her kids and helped her with books while studying to be a BSN. Her and I talked nearly every day though. After she was where she wanted to be, She trashed and dumped me. She’s now with a guy who had her child who’s a music teacher and a church organist.
hi zan,
signs are familiar well he blocked me but before that he agreed on being best friends . he blocked becasue he came to know something about me that was being faked. he had said that he still loves me and recently we have our finals coming up so he is frustrated and in that he told me alot of things saying i wish you a succesful future we cannot get back togehter i swear on my mom. i know we had a serious relationship and i feel he’s just stressed out. i have a sure feeling he might give it another try. could you help me ou on what to do??
i was planning to meet him outside after our finals are over and talk.
I like this article. I hit 9th and 10th point. My ex hides her new social media posts from me. And she looks very happy now. Is there chance to get her back? I really wanna change for her.
Hi, very insightful read. What happened in my case was really my ex giving me more chances than I deserve. I used to lash out on him a lot, and overall bad temperament.
He didnt block me and it didnt get ugly during our last conversations. I might have tried to convince him and pleaded him though. Since then I’ve reflected on it. I have tried to correct my behavior. Do you think he would be able to recover from it and revisit the idea someday? I think he cares about me but told me that there’s no love.
Hi,
So me and my husband were together 13 years married for 5 and have 4 children together. We argued more towards the end and i told him I didn’t want to try anymore in the summer of 19 but regretted that quickly after and wanted him back but within a month he was in an official relationship with a work colleague. They have now been together 3 months and I did a little begging and crying at the very beginning but stopped. Can’t do full no contact as he comes to see his kids. Sometimes when he comes round he is playful towards me and jokey and sometimes he can’t get away quick enough.
I’m not on social media as can’t bear to see or be told what’s going on. But for someone who never posted much he does nothing but post lovey dovey posts now. I try to remain friendly with him but it’s eating me up inside. I have a smile on the outside but I cry a thousand tears inside because I would do anything to get him back.
I pray he is in a rebound relationship but fear it’s the real deal. Also he isn’t in a rush to get a divorce and he still has our joint banking account open despite me telling him to close it.
I have used pyshics and read every ex back article on the Internet and just want a sign that he will come back but I am sooo impatient it feels like a lifetime ago.
Hi Zan,
My ex broke up with me, he said I did nothing wrong but he feels empty like he’s broken and he doesn’t feel the same about me anymore. He said he used to love me and he said I was beautiful. I am overweight but I’m trying to loose weight and will. We dated for almost a year but just before our 1 year anniversary he broke up with me, later he reached out and we started talking again and seeing each other but after two months he ended things with me again. Do you think thirds times the charm and he will come back to me? I keep wondering is it because I’m not in shape. Before he said he didn’t deserve me but I think he was trying not to hurt my feelings while dumping me.
And also I forgot to say thanks for the articles you have written. Your website is helping me through this painful time
Hi Noelle.
Since he left again, the same issues still remain.
Whether it’s your ex’s poor mentality or some sort of a relationship killer, I can’t say for sure.
I can tell you, however, that as long as his (or your) issues aren’t corrected, your relationship is never going to work.
Best,
Zan
Hi Zan, I’m a great follower of your blog I love the content about post break up recovery especially. I’ve got a quick question – what does it mean when your ex is off social media? Not blocked but they’re inactive. I’ve done some sporadic checking up they were not in a good place last time I checked and now inactive for a couple of months. Do you have any idea what this could mean?
Hi Terry.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
It could mean that your ex has nothing positive to publish so she’d rather not post anything. Or perhaps she’s just given up on social media altogether and lives her life offline.
If I had to guess, I’d say that nothing exciting is going on with her life at the moment.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Zan,
My ex and I were together for 3.5 yrs and were very happy for the first 2.5 years and even lived together. We were even engaged. I then got scared of commitment and moved out and keep trying to push them away, testing to see if they would ‘come back’ which they did. They literally cared for me on a Wednesday and wanted to work on the relationship and Thursday kissed someone else and decided to end the relationship. My ex had only briefly known this person for 3 weeks before the kiss. Two weeks into the new relationship they were telling each other they loved each other and my ex is planning on moving to another state to be with this new woman. Its been almost 3 months since the breakup. I did some begging the second week but nothing since. And have gone completely no contact except for legal issues like property. I know I was wrong about pushing them away and have done alot of work on myself regarding commitment. My ex has not reached out at all except for the legal issues. None of the above statements seemed to ring true but do you think there is a chance of reconciliation?
Hi Shelley.
It’s difficult to say whether he will come back. I can, however, tell you that if he does come back, he will come after he’s failed at something important in life. This could be his new romantic relationship or general unhappiness in life.
Stay in no contact, Shelley and invest in yourself. It’s the only way to deal with this.
Kind regards,
Zan
I don’t know if a 22 year friendship can be considered a relationship or even an “EX”. On your list of twelve reasons why your ex isn’t coming back, I pegged 4 out of twelve. We were great friends and had tons of fun together with her and her two younger boys from a previous marriage. A relationship that later turned into a “friends with benefits’ arrangement. She had told me for many years that she didn’t love me but enjoyed the gifts, support and the sex. Years later she met, married and had a child by her new husband while our affair continued as usual except for their Honeymoon trip. I was wrong and deserved to be bull whipped for that. She though was as guilty as I and hasn’t suffered a bit, according to some of her friends and the first couple of months, up to a year, I stalked her FB page (until she blocked me for continually sending her messages on messenger begging her to come back) I too was married and it was my wife who found the few intimate pictures on my computer and emailed them to her husband. I’ve suffered about a year and a half now. At this point I am “no contact” but not for her. Only for myself. Since she’s married and with children, there’s little chance she would dump her husband for a fellow she never loved and split black over. He’s a school teacher and her a registered nurse. Between the both of them they make almost 150,000 a year and he’s also an investor, an accountant and a church organist/pianist, too. How could I ever even think of competing with him. I am only an a/c and refrigeration tech who only makes about 125,000 a year. When her new husband and her started dating, I should have stayed away and ended the affair. I don’t want her back and I regret causing her to cheat on her husband whether she suffers or not
Hi Sy.
You’re not in competition with the guy, first of all. The way I see it is that she didn’t have romantic feelings for you and wanted to be with someone she loved. Your affair had gone on long enough, so she needed to move on. I think you must let this one go. It’s something that needed to happen a long time ago.
It won’t be easy to detach and move on, but you have to start focusing on yourself, too. Figure out what you want in your life.
Kind regards,
Zan