Signs Your Breakup Is Not Permanent

Sometimes couples break up for a week or two (rarely 3) and then get another (usually final) chance to resolve their problems and stay together. If they resolve them, they can grow more committed and develop stronger and healthier feelings for each other.

But if they focus on enjoying their space and ignore their problems, they tend to stay broken up as they do what they want to do individually and drift further apart. The truth is that ex-couples (especially dumpers) tend not to think about their problems very much. They like to point fingers and refuse to take any responsibility.

By doing so, they empower themselves with negative beliefs that their ex is bad for them and that they made a good decision to break up with their ex. That makes them feel extremely relieved and gives them a chance to move on very quickly.

If you’re hoping your ex hasn’t moved on yet, you need to face some hard truth. It won’t be easy to hear, let alone accept, but it applies to most dumpees looking for hope after the breakup.

The thing you need to be aware of is that dumpers fall out of love before they even break up with you. They may cry, appear sad, or say the breakup is not permanent, but they say these things because they feel bad for hurting you and leaving you to fend for yourself.

Dumpers feel overwhelmed with guilt, so they say things that give you hope and get you off their back. If they can stop you from guilt-tripping them (directly or indirectly), they can stop thinking of themselves as bad people and finally begin to enjoy their space and freedom.

So if you’re looking for signs your breakup is not permanent, try not to get hope from any of the signs in this article or anywhere on the internet because some signs are just signs. They aren’t surefire ways to tell your ex is still planning to get back with you and start loving you again.

Some signs may be hard to notice because if you’re doing things right, you’re doing your best to stay in no contact and avoid checking up on your ex. You aren’t communicating with your ex and trying to convince your ex to give you another chance either.

Begging and pleading and other breakup mistakes are huge turn-offs for your ex and signs your ex won’t get back with you as they make your ex see that you’re not the right person for him or her.

So keep in mind that you don’t need to (and shouldn’t) keep an eye on your ex now that you broke up and wonder if your breakup is permanent or not. You just need to follow the rules of no contact like all dumpees and let your ex do most (if not all) of the work.

While you’re waiting for that to happen, remember that an ex who cares about you will put the work in because he or she will be scared to let you go and permit you to move on and find someone new to be with.

In today’s post, we’ll talk about some signs your breakup may not be permanent. As we’ve discussed, make sure to keep your hopes low as hope will make you crazy obsessed with your ex and stop you from loving yourself, moving on, and improving yourself.

Signs your breakup is not permanent

One thing I’d like to mention before we start talking about the signs is that you don’t need to know whether your breakup is permanent or not. If you read or hear that you’ll get back with your ex by a certain date, you’ll get a lot of hope and wait for your ex to make a move.

This is how you’ll keep your eyes peeled for your ex and perhaps even think it’s your job to make a move on your ex—when it is in fact not. Your only responsibility as a dumpee is to recover emotionally and learn from your mistakes.

The getting back together part is on your ex as your ex was the one who left and started looking for happiness elsewhere.

Here are some things to pay attention to if you’re hoping your breakup is not permanent.

Interpreting your ex’s words and behavior can be tricky because some dumpers say the right things but don’t do the right things. They’re very good with their words, but do nothing to show they’re serious and willing to give the relationship another chance.

Such dumpers aren’t to be taken seriously or you could get hurt by them.

Sadly, most dumpees look for signs their ex still loves them because they’re looking for an excuse to stop waiting (hurting) and start taking the initiative (feeling in control).

But, unfortunately, those who run after their ex seldom succeed. More often than not, they fail and suffer immense psychological harm because they jump the gun and smother their space-deprived ex. Only those who understand breakup dynamics, practice self-control, and leave their ex to his or her devices can succeed in the end.

That’s because they either wait for their ex to hit a snag and want them back or they simply move on and find someone better.

Chances are you aren’t ready to move on yet. You want your ex back because your heart still aches for your ex and doesn’t let you stop feeling hopeful. That’s completely fine as hope is the last thing that goes away after a breakup. Hope makes you desire a person who may not even be good for you.

Just don’t put your life on hold and deliberately look for more hope because if you do, you will need months or years of time to stop depending on your ex emotionally and regain your inner peace.

With that in mind, let’s now talk about the signs your breakup is not permanent.

1)You agreed that the breakup was temporary

Don’t get me wrong. If your ex broke up with you and told you that he or she wants to take a break from the relationship for a few months, that’s not the same as agreeing to step away from each other to fix some important issues.

When someone solitarily decides to break up, it’s not an amicable breakup, but a one-sided one. It’s the real deal because it shows that the dumper has no more love for the dumpee and that he or she won’t return weeks or months later.

Time on its own does very little for the dumper. It just makes it easier for him or her to be happy and do what he or she wants. For the dumper to regret breaking up with the dumpee, the dumper must get rid of the problem or problems that caused the breakup.

You have to understand that dumpers sometimes give breakup excuses such as “Let’s spend some time apart and see how we feel later” or “The breakup is just temporary, we’ll give it another chance later.” The sad thing about these excuses is that they’re merely excuses.

Dumpers don’t take them seriously as the purpose of breakup excuses is to make the problem seem less difficult than it is. By pretending that it’s not a big issue for them, they normally stop their ex from being angry or sad and trying to change their mind.

Dumpers’ feelings usually don’t change (or change in a matter of weeks) as they want the breakup and the freedom it provides. They want to stay broken up as doing so gives them a new beginning.

When people have a good time after the breakup, they don’t think about returning. They think about how happy they are that they finally have some space to breathe and enjoy their life.

You should, therefore, keep in mind that one of the best signs your breakup is not permanent is when you and your ex concurrently and in unison agree that you’re breaking up temporarily until something that needs to happen happens. If you don’t agree on what you’ll work on in each other’s absence, that’s not a temporary, amicable breakup.

It’s the dumper’s sneaky way of abandoning the relationship without facing the consequences. Consequences include being a responsible person and helping the dumpee get closure.

A person who loves you will think about you and miss you. He or she won’t appear detached and happy, sleep around with other people, ignore you, talk badly about you, or do anything that shows he or she has completely cut off the past.

An ex who only wishes to break up temporarily will keep thinking fondly of you. There will be no resentment, anger, or contempt in that ex’s heart. There will only be positive feelings next to thoughts that certain things need to change before the relationship can continue.

Some couples have a temporary breakup when:

• they face issues they weren’t prepared for
• their relationship goes from a physical one to an LDR
• they strongly disagree about something important
• someone gets depressed
• someone isn’t emotionally ready for a relationship
• someone’s parents disapprove of the relationship
• they have temporary issues to resolve

If you ask me, none of these are good excuses to go on a hiatus with your partner, but sometimes people can’t handle their problems and break up anyway. They choose the easy way out as it’s always easier to avoid problems and start anew than to fix the issues they and their partner have caused.

2)Your ex wants to work on himself/herself

Some dumpers (usually guys) say they “just want to work on themselves for a while.” They say they might come back when they’ve fixed themselves as they’re afraid of permanently breaking up with their ex.

Little do they know that they’re giving their ex hope to cling to and that they likely won’t change their relationship mentality as well as their perception of their ex. These two things take enormous self-awareness, willpower, and effort. They don’t improve on their own just because the dumper says they might.

That’s why you must differentiate between a cowardly guilt-ridden dumper and a dumper who genuinely wants to work on his or her shortcomings.

A guilt-ridden dumper will probably apologize and try to obtain your validation so that he or she can move on and enjoy life whereas a dumper who wants to fix his or her issues will actively work on problems and probably even update you on them.

So if your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend told you things like “I need to fix myself, I need to work on myself, I don’t like the way I am,” your ex just told you what you wanted to hear. It doesn’t mean that your ex is actually going to work on problems and shortcomings.

All it means is that your ex wants to put the blame on himself or herself with the intention to calm you down and avoid receiving an unwanted (highly emotional) response from you.

What you need to pay attention to is whether your ex actually does the work he or she promised and needs to do. Is your ex improving the things required to be in a committed relationship with you or is your ex going out with friends, meeting new people, and having fun?

If it’s the latter – having fun, you can forget about your ex coming back any time soon. It won’t happen because your ex will continue to self-prioritize and lack the incentive to reflect, improve, and return.

Always remember that a dumper who regrets breaking up with you but is forced to stay broken up because of some personal issue will continue to love you and feel sad or depressed without you. He or she will feel incomplete and unhappy, hence why you shouldn’t think that an ex who has feelings for you will be perfectly fine without you.

Some of the things the dumper could work on after the breakup are:

• anger issues
• self-esteem issues
• stress
• grief
• depression
• financial issues
• career pressure
• health

It’s normally new/short-term couples who break up temporarily. They have unresolved issues from the past (oftentimes from the previous relationship), so they decide to slow down and work on things they needed to work on before they got into a new relationship.

If they resolve their issues, they might return because they could start to desire each other again. But if they discern they’re happier now than they were before, then they usually stay away from each other and focus entirely on themselves and their friends.

I want you to be aware of that so you know that even if your ex has certain issues to work on that he or she might have associated negative emotions with you and destroyed his or her chances of returning to you even after resolving his or her issues.

I know you’re looking for strong signs that your breakup is not permanent, but there’s no guarantee that it is. There are just signs that your ex might deal with whatever problem he or she is facing and develop a desire to love you and be loved by you.

For that to happen, though, your ex needs to respect you and have a healthy relationship mindset.

3)Your ex is insecure or not ready to be alone

That’s probably not a good sign to count on, but dumpers who rely on others for validation, money, self-esteem, help with kids, boredom, motivation, or an active lifestyle tend to come back more often than others because they aren’t happy with themselves or the direction their life is heading.

They need their ex to give them something they lack or value a lot, so they return for those benefits. This doesn’t mean that your ex will come back for sure if you were rich. It means that if your ex values money above other things, your ex might choose comfort over compatibility.

Lots of people settle for comfort, including couples who stay together purely for the sake of their children.

Therefore, some things that might bring your ex back are:

• insecurities
• anxiety and depression
• low self-esteem
• loneliness
• a lack of romantic options
• and most importantly, failing in life and suffering because of it

Failure is what you’re looking for. But the kind of failure that hits dumpers the most is the one where they feel rejected, unworthy, and dispirited. Such feelings can make dumpers crave a person or lifestyle that made them feel secure and the happiest.

In conclusion, the breakup is only temporary if your ex isn’t prepared to let go of you and start anew with someone else. Starting over would mean that he or she has to get back into the dating pool and search for a more compatible person.

And that could be tedious. Especially if your ex has bad dating experiences, trust issues, and lots of personal issues to address.

Common misconceptions about signs your breakup is only temporary

Dumpees often see signs in everything their ex says, does, and doesn’t do. Heck, they sometimes go as far as to wonder about the clothes their ex wears and the number of times he or she leaves the house. Such analyzing behavior is obsessive and won’t help you understand whether the breakup is temporary or permanent.

It will just force you to stay attached to your ex.

That’s why I’d like you to forget about the things you see and hear and only consider the signs mentioned in this post. If you try to make sense of your ex’s post-breakup behavior, you’ll suffer a lot because you’ll mostly find signs that your ex doesn’t want to be with you. You’ll discover that your ex doesn’t need you and take that very personally.

So don’t stalk your ex on social media, message your ex’s friends, and show up unannounced to learn more about your ex. Desperation will get you rejected, ignored, or blocked. Perhaps all of these things if you’re persistent.

Don’t think that your ex secretly has feelings for you if your ex keeps your gifts or won’t return your belongings either.

They aren’t signs that your ex is leaving the door open, but signs that your ex is okay with the way things are. Reaching out because you think your ex is waiting for you to make the first move would likely smother your ex and create new problems that your ex would rather not deal with.

So as hope-killing as this article was, try to remember that you need to treat your breakup no different than a permanent breakup. That way, you’ll feel less hopeful and more eager to accept the unfortunate turn of events.

Are you still looking for signs your breakup is not permanent? Do you wish you could get back with your ex and feel the way you used to? Let us know if you saw any of the above-mentioned signs the breakup is temporary in the comments below.

And if want to get in touch with us directly to discuss your unique situation, visit our breakup coaching page for more information.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.