The 10 signs your ex is hurting after the breakup come in different shapes and sizes. Some are big, others are small, but they’re all signs your ex is in pain and that he needs to deal with the breakup after effects.
Although dumpers aren’t necessarily going through the same kind of emotional pain as dumpees (unless they’re depressed), they nevertheless experience pain and anxiety. The only difference is that they deal with it differently.
Instead of crying about it the way dumpees do, dumpers focus on distracting themselves. They feel relieved after the breakup, so they do things that appear strange and superficial to dumpees.
Oftentimes, guys:
- go out a lot
- drink and party
- become more social and meet new people
- take up new hobbies
- and even date other people
They feel free and empowered by the end of the relationship, so they do things that help them not think about their dumpee and focus on themselves instead. This is how they ease their guilt, worries, and doubts and make sure they don’t reach out to their ex when they’re wondering how their ex is doing.
And that’s something dumpees often don’t understand. Dumpees tend to judge their exes by their actions (by the things they see and hear) even though they have no idea what’s actually going on with their exes. All they know is that their exes have changed/are changing and that they must not be hurting.
But this isn’t true.
The irony is that the signs your ex is hurting after the breakup are usually hidden from public view. Guys especially hate displaying weakness because we’re taught from a young age to “act like men”—not to cry like girls. Society expects us to be strong and resilient even when we’re hurt and need a shoulder to lean on.
So what we do is we hold things inside and focus on work or something that keeps us busy.
I’m not saying your ex-boyfriend’s been crying all day, every day because that’s not typical for healthy dumpers. All I’m saying is that guys don’t usually act like girls. We oftentimes hold emotions inside and are typically more selective when it comes to revealing emotions we interpret as weak.
But are we really any stronger than women? Are guys better equipped to deal with grief, anxiety, and pain?
Personally, I wouldn’t say so. Most of us have learned to control certain types of emotions better, but not all of them. Especially not the ones that bring us down and do the most damage to us.
I’m willing to bet that women deal with unhealthy emotions better because they communicate about them and get them off their chests. They know how therapeutic sharing difficult emotions with empathetic people can be, so they recover quicker.
We guys, have conditioned ourselves to internalize difficult emotions and act robotically. In movies and social media, we’re always portrayed as machos, so we believe that we must appear and act masculine too.
And that we do. We act tough even though that’s often just an act.
When we can no longer endure anxiety, we eventually erupt like a geyser. And that’s when things become very difficult for us to cope with.
Some guys react explosively and others suffer inwardly. It really depends on each other’s person’s upbringing, emotional strength, impulse control, and maturity.
So if you’re looking for signs he is hurting after the breakup, look no more. Here are 10 signs you need to be aware of.
1)He blocked you or removed you from social media
Don’t think that your ex is incapable of getting hurt because he definitely can/ But there’s a difference between you and him. And that difference is that he’s the dumper and you’re the dumpee.
Your ex doesn’t feel sad and depressed like you do because your ex’s pain isn’t your kind of pain. His pain comes from frustrations, anger, resentments that developed weeks prior to the breakup. That’s why he’s now acting cold and vengeful and wants you to know that he doesn’t approve of your behavior.
A good example of your ex’s suffering is when your ex ignores you and blocks you on social media. Such behaviors portray so much negativity that you don’t need your ex’s verbal explanation to understand that he’s suffering. His actions speak for themselves as they show he’s incapable of dealing with breakup emotions.
You must understand that the signs he’s hurting after the breakup are nearly the opposite of yours. While you’re hurting because of the loss of your relationship, your ex is hurting and recovering from the lack of space, freedom, or power he had while he was with you.
He feels that he’s finally in control of his life and that this is his time to change things up.
If you resist the breakup by begging and pleading and reasoning with him, he can’t get what he needs to self-prioritize. Instead, he sees that you’re not accepting the breakup and that you lack strength and respect for him. Your demanding actions then cause him so much pain that your ex could block you out of anger and disrespect and hurt you in return.
So cut your ex some slack because he’s suffering too. It may not be as bad as you, but your ex removing you from social media is a sign your ex can’t handle seeing any reminders of you. Reminders remind your ex of the past and trigger unwanted emotions.
2)Your ex is avoiding you
When your ex avoids you like the plague, you’ve got one of the best signs he’s hurting after the breakup. You can be certain your ex-boyfriend is in pain because he’s afraid of being confronted and running into you now that the relationship has ended.
Your ex just doesn’t have the strength to face his fears and doesn’t know how to act around you anymore. Not in a way that would make him feel calm, relaxed, and “normal,” anyway.
That’s why your ex would rather pretend he’s okay and that he doesn’t see you when he runs into you.
When dumpers do that (men or women), they lack something a healthy individual should have.
They lack:
- maturity
- emotional strength
- breakup knowledge
- and decent moral values
The signs your ex is hurting after a breakup depict your ex’s attitude toward you as well as himself. Pay attention to the way your ex thinks, feels, and behaves and you might realize you don’t even want your ex back anymore.
If your ex has hurt you a lot and hasn’t done anything to help you, you probably shouldn’t try to get your ex back. Getting back with him would put you in a position where he could disappoint you and hurt you again.
3)Trash-talking you
One of the signs your ex is hurting after the breakup is when your ex cold-heartedly talks badly about you to his friends and family. Talking badly about you shows he’s being resentful and that he blames you for the breakup.
But why would your ex be hurting when he talks badly about you, you ask?
As you likely already know, people consciously or subconsciously project their fears, shortcomings, insecurities, and anger onto others. They try to put others down to gain others’ understanding and uplift themselves.
When your ex deliberately insults you and puts the blame on you, your ex, in essence, tries to portray himself in a better light than you. He thinks that if he makes you look bad that others will take his side and disassociate him from you completely.
And that’s very bad for your ex because it’s a sign that he’s hurting after the breakup and that he should do something about his pain. If he ignores it, he’s going to develop himself into a person who puts exes down and fails to grow when it’s time to grow.
So if your ex is trash-talking you and you’re not sure what to think of it, know that your ex is using anger as a self-defense mechanism. Your ex is trying to put the blame on you to feel better about the things he said or did.
4)Negative consequences
Dumpers initially don’t realize that things can get much worse for them in the long run. Losing friends, jobs, ambitions, relationships, and falling into the depression are just a few unpredictable things that can take them by surprise and hurt them.
So when they do, dumpers often find themselves perplexed and confused because they never thought they would feel worse than they did before the breakup. They thought they would stay happy and relieved forever, but such emotions don’t last forever.
They last only for a couple of months, depending on the length and the intensity of the relationship.
There aren’t that many differences between dumpees and dumpers when they’re in pain. Both often become reflective and think back to when they were in a relationship. That’s when it becomes possible for them to wonder if their ex would take them back and make them feel better.
The main reasons dumpers come back after the breakup are discontent, pain, and suffering. Any kind of pain makes dumpers see that their ex wasn’t the main issue and that they had taken their ex for granted. Such realizations allow them to develop feelings for their ex again and force them to reach out to their ex when they can’t bear the pain anymore.
So when you see signs your ex is hurting after a breakup, chances are your ex is already devising a plan on how to reach out. All you have to do is wait for your ex to contact you so you can then take control of the reconciliation and tell your ex what you need him to change and work on.
5)Your ex rebounded or failed at dating
If your ex tried dating someone else and failed badly, your ex rebounded with the new person and is in pain. He’s wondering whether he’s made the right decision and if you’ll still take him back.
Not all dumpers run back to the ex after a failed rebound relationship, of course, but many do. Many dumpers realize their ex’s worth by dating someone else and getting hurt by him or her. It’s possible your ex did too. The less luck he has dating others, the higher the chances that he’s hurting and that he will choose you to confide in and make himself feel better with.
The reason why rebound relationships can have a positive effect on your ex is that rebounds destroy dumpers’ expectations and trigger their deepest fears. They make them wonder if they’re even worthy of love and commitment and if they were responsible for leaving their exes.
You’ve experienced rejection not too long ago, so you know just how much it sucks to get dumped. It feels like you’re not good enough and that you don’t deserve the person who dumped you.
Breakups are so hard they feel like they’ll kill you. And your ex can feel that way too if he fails to make a relationship work with another person. This is especially true if your ex’s self-esteem is low and if he monkey-branched to someone else.
So if your ex went on Tinder right after the breakup or you see your ex dating without much luck, bear in mind that it’s a sign your ex is hurting after the breakup. He’s hurting because he’s in a hurry to connect with someone else and doesn’t want to take the time to figure out what went wrong in your relationship.
6)Impulsive behavior
When your ex acts impulsively and does nasty things to you, you have yet another sign he is hurting after the breakup.
Whether it’s taking revenge, angry outbursts, contacting your new partner, or threatening you—your ex is showing he’s affected by the breakup.
Instead of controlling his emotions, he’s reacting to them and revealing to you that he’s in pain and in need of help. Although his pain isn’t as severe as yours (anger is a self-defense mechanism), it’s still a sign your ex isn’t happy about the place he’s in now.
He can’t be happy when he’s going out of his way to project his unhappiness onto you and making your life more difficult.
You must understand that an ex who’s happy won’t stay in your life and waste his time and emotions. He’ll try to get as much space from you as possible so that he can enjoy his life.
That’s why your ex operating purely on emotions and instincts is one of the greatest signs he’s hurting after the breakup.
7)Your ex is calling you all the time
This sign is slightly different from others. When your ex is hurting after the breakup, you could see him call you and try to extort validation from you.
Your ex will probably do this without awareness and might even say that he misses you or loves you. Whatever you do, though, don’t fall for his sweet words.
Although your ex might call you and express sorrow, your ex won’t necessarily want you back the moment he says a few nice things to you. He could only be looking for sympathy and understanding—which is something you used to provide on a daily basis.
Now that you’re no longer a couple, however, your ex knows that he shouldn’t ask for emotional support from you. But despite knowing, he might not have any better people to ask for help, so he could message you and appear as if he cares about you romantically. As someone who got dumped, you have to be careful about an ex who seems to need you.
You have to hold back emotionally, let him come to you, and read his intentions.
So bear in mind that a guy who contacts you only when he needs something doesn’t love you. He just loves the things you do for him. You mustn’t give him your love, validation, and support until he realizes he’s made a mistake and that he wants you back.
8)Guilt
Anyone with a bad conscience can experience waves of guilt for treating a person badly. And the same goes for your ex.
If he cheated on you or did something that showed he didn’t deserve you, your ex could now be looking for forgiveness. He could be trying to see you’re over the pain he’s caused and that he can move on with a clear conscience.
Whether your ex drunk-dials from the bar, texts you apologetic texts, or calls you every day “to check up on you,” know that your ex could be trying to help himself more than you. He could have gotten enough space to process the breakup and see that the way he treated you was unfair.
If your ex feels guilty, your ex doesn’t see you in a horrible light. It’s quite the contrary actually. Your ex has dealt with the most difficult breakup emotions and is now capable of feeling guilt, sorrow, and regret.
So if your ex feels bad for treating you badly and is struggling to accept his behavior, it’s now up to you to decide if you want to forgive your ex. You have one of the signs he is hurting after the breakup, so don’t confuse guilt for regret.
9)Your ex regressed
Another sign your ex is hurting is if your ex regressed to his old ways of living.
If your ex stopped eating healthy, put on weight, doesn’t exercise, drinks alcohol, does drugs, or participates in anything your ex used to do and shouldn’t be doing, your ex’s life moved backward.
Instead of going forward, your ex slipped back into his comfort zone and is not growing from the breakup.
It’s crucial for you to understand that bad habits can’t make your ex internally happy. They give the impression that they do, but they actually have the opposite effect. They make your ex’s life more difficult.
I suppose many dumpers focus on external happiness—such as partying, dating, and things that don’t make them happy for long.
Eventually, new friends, drinking, and dating get old. And that’s when dumpers usually have an epiphany and realize that they may have been faking their happiness.
You can tell your ex regressed if he:
- stopped taking care of his emotional and physical health
- focused on external happiness
- spends time with the wrong people
- started doing drugs
- refused to learn anything from the breakup
10)Repeating the same mistakes
Dumpers seldom improve after the breakup.
Sure, they change a thing or two, such as the people they hang out with or the number of drinks they can handle, but other than that, they don’t improve the things that really matter – their behavior.
Because they stay the same behavior-wise, they often repeat the same bad behavioral habits and patterns that got them into this mess (the breakup). It’s a shame they don’t pay enough attention to problems that ended the relationship.
If they focused on them, they could prevent history from repeating itself and have better relationships. Most dumpers, unfortunately, are forced to improve themselves only when they fail again months or years later. That’s when they learn that they’re not perfect and that they have shortcomings to work on like everyone else.
Have you noticed any signs your ex is hurting after the breakup? Let us know what you think about this article by posting a comment below.
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My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.
I will keep you up to date on how the relationship with my ex gf that I got back with zan but thanks for the support along the way
Sincerely Mason
Thanks, Mason.
Keep me posted. I’m curious to see how it unfolds.
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi zan I’ve got an update on me and my girlfriend
We’ve been goin places together lately and I think that she’s feeling better now after what we both went thru
Sincerely
Mason
Hi Mason.
It seems that things are looking better now. Make sure to talk about the breakup from time to time so she stays aware of her mistakes. You don’t want her to go back to her old ways.
Best regards,
Zan
I completely agree with you I don’t want her to go back to her old ways but if I talk about the breakup from time to time how do I do that ??
Yours
Sincerely mason
Hi Mason.
Say something’s been on your mind recently and that you’d like to talk to her about it if she’s okay with it. When she agrees, say that you want to make sure you’re on a different path now and that you want to see if she’s learned anything and grown.
Best,
Zan
Hi zan it’s mason I’ve
Got you great news me and
Megan got married yesterday and she’s a realy great girl
Yours
Sincerely
Mason
Hi Mason.
Congratulations on getting married. I hope you have a loving, lost-lasting marriage!
Best,
Zan
Hi zan it’s mason again my ex girlfriend Megan came round my place last night wanting to get back with me but she came with the ex she ditched me to get back with and it hurts my heart I just
Hate it I had a break up 3 years ago with another girl and I almost committed suicide coz of another break up 3 years ago idk what to do man please help me
Hi Mason.
Why would she come back with the ex she ditched you for? That feels wrong and sounds disrespectful. You need to be careful, Mason. Figure out what she’s up to before you decide what to do. Know that you don’t need to go back with her even if you still have feelings for her. Self-respect and self-care are more important.
Sincerely,
Zan
I understand Zan self-respect and self-care is most important but when she’s coming back to my place every Friday realy makes me mad she begs me to take her back and she tells me that she was wrong to dump me and that she is sorry for breaking my heart but it hurts me badly
Sincerely,
Mason
Hi Mason.
Did you take her back? How are things going? If she’s truly sorry for what she did, she should be willing to do whatever you need to trust her from now on.
Sincerely,
Zan
I took her back and I told her she’s got one last chance but she got kicked out her parents home so I took her in with me shes doing good she’s earned my trust back but it’s all thanks to your advice zan
That’s great, Mason!
Make sure she really understands what she’s done wrong and that she hasn’t come back just because she doesn’t have a place to stay.
Sincerely,
Zan
I will make sure she under stands and she is realy happy now but im glad that she is nice to me now and I’m happy she’s happy but it’s thanks to your support and advice zan sincerely mason
It was all you, Mason.
Let me know how it goes.
Zan
hi zan my names is mason i recently broke up with my girlfriend named Megan she dumped me to go back to ex girlfriend which annoys me and I cant get over her which hurts me badly
Hi Mason.
Make sure not to check up on your ex and her girlfriend. From now on, you’ve got to focus on yourself and try not to obsess about the breakup. You’ll get over her soon!
Best regards,
Zan
hi zan the advice you gave me about forgetting my ex girlfriend but it isn’t easy to forget her life for me is tough man
So I broke up with my boyfriend last week because my friend heard him say he wanted to break up with me and that he was using me and he said that he should of left me along time ago. Because we broke up once because my friend told him i wanted to break up with him but I never said that. And there is this girl that hates me because I dated him, and I did nothing to her. So we broke up last week, and im still hurt about it. But once he told one of my friends to tell me that his sorry and another one of my friends told me that he was crying the whole day because of the break up and I know he wants me back. But I found out that he started dating that girl that hated me so much, and he wont talk to me, he blocked me, he ignores me. And im really heartbroken right know.!
And Idk if i should even give him a 3rd chance because I never felt what I felt with him. And I get his parents are divorced but that doesn’t mean he had to do this to me
Hi Valeria.
This seems complicated. Next time, try to keep your friends out of your relationship and just talk to your boyfriend right away.
As for now, focus on yourself. Time will heal your wounds
Sincerely,
Zan
i already done that and she said that he was out of her type then he broke up with me and know she likes him . and she will not speak to me but i just pretend that she not there itś really hard.
my ex and he broke up with me then told my niece that he liked her after like 30 minutes after and the he looks at me in one class and he still and talk’s bad about me but my niece has a boyfriend and she is giving what my ex want’s that is attention at it hurt’s my feeling’s .
Hi Cap.
Your ex doesn’t care that he’s hurting your feelings. It’s hard to be away from him because you’re in the same place, but perhaps you can talk to your niece not to entertain the guy. She should understand if you explain things nicely.
Kind regards,
Zan
So this boy and I were talking for a month and I really like him.we stopped talking due to something that happened and he told me he’s over me. I asked if he wanted space he said no he’s fine. He took me off his snap but is still on my ig and Twitter . I’ve muted him so I don’t watch his stories I think he noticed and also stopped now he’s back to watching it again. He retweets thing on Twitter such as “ if I go two weeks without talking to you I can go a life time “ and a whole lot of things lol
Hi Amin.
It seems that this boy you talk to is quite immature. He must be young, so learn what you can from this experience and avoid boys/guys like this in the future.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi
Me and my boyfriend broke up yesterday and he kept on moving when I was near him even though I was with my friends. He also kept looking at me afterwards. What does that mean? I still like him a lot though, should I tell him or not?
Hi Lilly.
It means he’s curious about you and wants to know what you feel. If he broke up with you, don’t tell him how you feel. Let him think about your thoughts and feelings.
Kind regards,
Zan
that´s what my ex is doing to me
Hello,
My ex and I broke up a few days ago because I could not agree to him to see other women while we are physically apart. He is in Morocco and I am in France. After asking the break up, it seems that he lashed out- calling me names like “ugly,” “bitch,” “whore,” etc. His behavior is obviously concerning as it is now bordering on abusive. He even said that I’m just a lonely ugly girl who cannot get laid. I don’t see any path for reconciliation after that. I wish him well still and after reading your article, I realized that he is probably just hurting. I hope he will seek help and he does not get into this kind of behavior in his next relationship
Hi Anonymous.
Your ex is indeed hurting, but that’s not a good excuse for his behavior. No matter how rejected he feels, he can’t call you those names. It’s not appropriate and completely disrespectful.
I think breaking up was the right thing to do because if he wants to see other women, he’s not really into you very much. He’s lost attraction, so it’s best to go separate ways. You have to know your worth and treat yourself with dignity.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi,my ex and I broke up a few days ago,we had a physical fight and things got out of hand ,his frnds got involved and embarrassed me,and my family found out about it,everything just became messy,have made up my mind to move on,he sent me a text wishing me well,I did the same but he didn’t reply.i really don’t know if I should keep on reaching out to him just for his well-being because he sounded hurt or should I just give him space?
Hi Underscore.
You should give your ex space – especially since he didn’t reply. Focus on yourself and see what you can improve about yourself. There has to be something for you to work on.
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi, we broke up 2 weeks ago. I am a female and my ex is a female. Anyone here been in a similar situation and can share more? She just told me it aint the right time for her and that usual talk about how if we’re meant for each other we’d gravitate back to each other, and wished me the best. It tore me apart but I did tell her that she could talk when she’s ready. What are your thoughts on this?
Hi apeaceofmind1.
“It’s not the right time” is only an excuse. It means that she isn’t emotionally ready or willing to invest in you.
It’s best you go no contact and wait for her to make the first move.
Kind regards,
Zan
hI in my experience, for 4 years we are on and off he will break up with me and then blocked me in all social media platforms and then after few months comes back beg and take me back again always chances given. but the last time we ca me back together he changed so far for the past few months but get back to the same worst person again… while im stress and in pain he used to post in hes FB that hes falling in love again. changes my nick name form my lady into my name only on hes face book and started ignoring some of my text always stressed with me and made me feel like my presence is just a distrubance. i decided to let go and leave.
I wanted to ask who came up with this. As a the dumper in the last relationship: I just wanted to be left alone and move on. I didn’t care what my ex is doing, who he is with, or anything else that involves his life. The relationship didn’t work and I have no regrets. I will say this if a person blocked you or removed you from social media, it doesn’t mean they are hurting. Either they figured you will harass them/bring drama they don’t want deal with or it’s no point of keeping you posted on their life. Some of the points on here sounds like the beginning of toxic way to seek closure. Most dumpers already made their minds up a long time ago, some stalled because they did not want to hurt the dumpee’s feelings/trying find a way to let them down easily. The best advice for both parties is: don’t waste your energy on a person who will not love and cherish the beautiful person you are and please heal/get rid of the negative baggage from past relationships before moving on to the next.
The man i am in love with was always sweet when we were together. He said i was the first person he ever had real feelings for. Little by little he became distant, then would come back or message me. Then one day said it would be better we didn’t talk anymore but then wished me a happy birthday on my birthday and even flirted a little with me. Then stopped talking to me again, few days later said he wanted me to know that he didn’t want me to think he stopped talking to me and ended things because of something i did or didn’t do.. We didn’t talk for a while after that then one day i messaged him just telling him i missed talking to him. He sent back that he moved on and that i was the biggest regret of his life and to stop trying to talk to him.. I don’t get why he suddenly changed and became so mean. He blocked me on everything, avoids passing my house, almost all the signs are what he has done. Could he be hurting and that’s why he has done all this?
I relate to all the signs except the calling part…but my ex is exactly like this…i fucked up by calling him and he was not so nice to me…he said some pretty hurtul things…like he’s messed up and i always complain about his actions I asked him if he ever loved me he said “of course I did” when I asked him if he still loves me he was silent then said “of course i do”…I dont know I messed up in this case but he isnt exactly Mr Innocent either…i dont know I just feel like I need to get over him😢 buy U love him so much we had such an amazing relationship…I’m prolly just going through a phase but I just wanna get over him already
Hello Zan,
When I read your article, I see a lot of signs my ex seems to experience, but I’m not sure what it means though.
She broke up with me on Wednesday lastweek, I asked her why ?.. because I didn’t do her no wrong. She still kept saying she wants to be alone and be on her own, that she is sorry but she has no choice. She also said she’s not mentally prepared for relationship and her relatives telling her things about relationship but I and she has been dating for 2years. We had our faults but we always fix it up usually me doing the fixing most of the time.
But this time I was reserved she wished me well I did too to her and moved on. I didn’t really feel pain but I was not happy someone I wanted to spend my whole life with just betrayed me and broke up with me. I just slept off the next hour and been doing fine.
She suggested we could be friends I agreed on first may this year we talked and wished happy new month messages. She sent the message I replied with a heart emoji. And went into no contact she sort of texted me telling me that can’t I wish her the same as she wished me.
But I read the message and ignored her after 5hours 3:31pm she text again and apologized for telling me why I didn’t wish her the same saying she didn’t mean to start up shit.
And again I kept mute and ignored her.
Then the unbelievable happened she started posting hate and mocking updates on her whatapp status I saw them but never reacted to them but displayed total cold silence.
When she saw I wasn’t over reacting she started posting other things.
Then i mute her just 2days ago and I never did anything to hurt her wether with status or anything.i was actually handling the breakup well and without stress.
I have no hate for her though about the mocking and insults and all that, I feel it’s just immaturity.
As time went on she started being offline most of the time unlike her that usually stays online and chatting now she doesn’t even stay, she feels lonely and sad Because she posted it too on her status that was yesterday.
I always chat her up and we talk quality time when we were together even staying late night like 3am, she never feels bored when am around but now am not hers she’s now maybe what I feel as sad and hurt.
Then yesterday night she blocked me on Facebook and whatapp I still didn’t react.
I didn’t block her either because I see it as an insult to her face and quite immature of me.
I have been having a good time, I don’t worry or think about her like I used to.
I feel like I wasn’t even heartbroken..
I don’t expect her to return though even if she does I will welcome her back with open arms.
Till then I prefer to maintain my no contact..
Hi, thanks for this article. My ex has been experiencing a lot of those things what you mentioned above. Especially hot and cold behavior. Two days ago we both of us were crying in the phone because we still have feelings for each other and I can see/feel how he is struggling inside that we are not together. I love him so much I wish we were together again. We are in daily contact and I can see how he still cares about me and we call each other our nick names. Crazy
Hi Zan, I’m always a fan of your blog wish I found it sooner I did a little chasing one text asking my ex to reconsider and eventually I apologized and told her that she’s free to go cause that seems to be the case was this a bad move? Also would you say that the points above mean my ex will regret breaking up with me in the long run? Cause about 4 boxes are ticked here. Regards Fuego
Hi Fuego.
You did the right thing when you told her she’s free to go. You didn’t cause any harm whatsoever.
I can’t say whether your ex will come back though. But generally speaking, the more she’s hurting, the higher the chances.
Best regards,
Zan
Hello Zan,
When I read your article, I see a lot of signs my ex seems to experience, but I’m not sure what it means.
He dumped me 3 months ago after a long depressive episode and started dating someone else right away, he’s still with her (and he doesn’t know I know about them). We were together for almost a decade and just bought a house together and moved in very shortly (2 months) before he left me. She’s 10 years younger and shows off her body a lot on Instagram.
I have been in no contact right away, but he kept contacting me for business stuff (surrounding the house). I asked him for some space from both him and already having to move again (as I am also recovering from an illness), so I could heal and move on and then in a little while we would have a clearer view on how to move forward with everything. He never replied to me anymore after that.
In the mean time all of a sudden he seems angry with me and although I haven’t talked to him or seen him, little things have happened that confirm this. Like unfriending me, throwing a gift in a corner I once bought for him when he picked up his stuff when I wasn’t home, deleting an inactive Facebook page I once made and now he actually let his lawyer contact me regarding the house, without trying to resolve it with me first or just respect my wishes for a few months. He seems like hes acting as if I am the one who left him shortly after moving and for some toyboy, but I haven’t done anything wrong at all, even after the break up I have given him space and have been polite.
I don’t get what this means exactly and why he seems to hate me so much all of a sudden, but I think it is safe to say that after all this he is never gonna change his mind. Not sure if I could ever forgive him after all this tbh, but I would still like for him to regret what he did.
Hi Charlie.
He seems very angry right now so perhaps he won’t ever regret what he did. Not unless he calms down and perceives you in a better light.
That’s why I suggest you don’t expect his apology.
Be better and forgive him as well as yourself.
You’ll live better when you do.
Best regards,
Zan
Hmm, I don’t really have any way of knowing any of this as I won’t even look at her instagram.
The only sign was she did live with me for quite a while after the breakup and started going out drinking a lot. She has a lot of negative habits like eating lots of junk food, weed and alcohol to self-medicate. I can’t imagine her life being great. She moved out 10 weeks ago.
Thankfully I’m finally starting to feel better and like I’m detaching. I desperately wanted her back at first. She’s very attractive physically and now I have these thoughts about just using her for sex and staying emotionally distant if she reached out. Probably not very healthy, but I’ve got some anger now. The sex was really good lol.
Hi Trevor.
You’re doing great. It’s a sign that you’re detaching.
Just a bit longer and you will see your ex for who she is.
Stay strong,
Zan