“Does he miss me, will he miss me in no contact, how long before he misses me” are all common questions broken-hearted dumpees wish to know answers to.
Or at least they think they do.
The truth is that you as a dumpee, don’t want to know the truth because as you know—the truth always hurts. It doesn’t help you move on, nor does it help you lose hope any quicker.
If anything, knowing the answer (whether positive or negative) only makes your suffering worse. It either gives you a ton of false hope or shatters your self-esteem further, making your recovery harder than it needs to be. That’s why there’s really no point in knowing whether your ex misses you.
I’m aware of that fact that if your ex missed you, you would likely feel validated and worthy of your ex’s love. It would fill you up with optimism and make you think that it’s still possible for your broken relationship to work.
Your ex’s recognition would tell you that your relationship wasn’t a lie and that you matter to him as a person.
In other words, it would give you an ego boost.
So if you’re still curious and insist on finding out whether your ex misses you, this is the article for you.
Does my ex miss me as much as I miss him?
First of all, no dumper ever misses his dumpee as much as the dumpee misses him. This is a given and there’s no arguing with that.
The main reason why you miss your ex more than he misses you is because of the breakup itself.
The separation which for the lack of better words—messes you up so much, it leaves you devastated beyond the point of rational comprehension.
It leaves you so wounded you can’t tell up from down as if you’ve got the worst case of vertigo imaginable.
Due to the breakup, emotional and physical pain convince you that you miss your ex like crazy and need him back for your happiness. It’s a truly horrible feeling and ironically, drugs have the same effect.
As for your ex, he isn’t experiencing the dumpee’s syndrome from the loss of the relationship so he isn’t as negatively affected as you are.
It was his choice to end the relationship after all so your ex just can’t miss you as much as you’d like him to. And just to make things worse, you can’t deliberately make him miss you through acts of love either.
You see, when a person detaches from his partner, he loses attraction, care, love, and often—even respect for that person. So if you consider that for a second, you will understand why your ex doesn’t miss you after the breakup.
It’s impossible for him to miss you because he wants to get away from you. This is especially true if your breakup just occurred and your ex is still under the influence of the dumper’s syndrome.
My ex doesn’t miss me at all!
As a dumpee, you lack the power to influence your ex directly. So the most you can do is hope that your ex develops the kind of mentality where he becomes aware of your amazing traits.
Even though your ex may not miss you right now, it won’t necessarily stay that way forever. It really depends on what’s going on with your ex in his life. If he’s busy with other people and various activities, then he likely won’t miss you until the newness of his life turns into a boring routine.
Once your ex’s new friends get old and your ex makes his way out of the relief and elation stage, he will without a doubt become receptive again.
This means that he could miss you provided his life doesn’t go as he had planned.
And since it usually doesn’t or it turns boring eventually, all you have to do is wait until your ex gets to the third stage of the grass is greener syndrome.
Signs my ex misses me
It’s not easy to tell that your ex misses you as long as you’re in no contact—healing and recovering from the breakup.
You actually shouldn’t be looking for signs that your ex misses you because it quite frankly doesn’t matter. Not until he actually misses you enough to come back.
But if you’re still looking for hope to latch on to, here are some possible signs:
- frequent texting and calling
- apologizing profusely
- comparing you to his new partner/old life
- online and offline stalking
- actually saying he misses you
These are just a few signs that your ex misses you. But most of the time, you won’t know any of this is happening in the background.
If your ex misses you, he will likely just silently miss you without your awareness.
That’s why I said it’s pointless to know whether he actually misses you because you won’t be reaching out to him. He will.
Will my ex miss me in no contact?
Indefinite no contact is your best option when it comes to getting your ex to realize your worth—and essentially, make him miss you. There is truly no better way for your ex to miss you than to let your absence do its work.
Things your ex will miss about you:
- your personality
Things your ex won’t miss about you.
Apart from your bad personality traits, exes don’t miss the things you did for them frequently. Or if they do, it’s not enough for them to come back because of them. At least not soon after the breakup.
These things include:
- cooking
- cleaning
- shopping
- helping them out
- various skills and techniques
- babysitting their kids
- your history
- joint hobbies and activities
- your pets
Your ex initially won’t miss these things when his new partner doesn’t provide them. He could, however, miss them later on when he doesn’t get along with his partner and starts comparing his partner with you.
But the point I’m trying to make is that these things won’t be the incentive for getting back together. Your personality will be. And if it’s not your personality that attracts your ex back, it’s his broken ego and low self-esteem.
How to make my ex miss me?
Please don’t think there’s something you must personally do to make your ex miss you. All you “have to do” is remain in no contact and work on becoming the best version of yourself. Do this mainly for yourself to guarantee a smooth recovery as well as for your successful future relationships.
The more you invest in yourself right now, the better your relationships will be once you heal from heartbreak. That’s why you shouldn’t underestimate the power of no contact after the breakup.
Take this valuable time seriously as it could be the deciding factor in getting your ex to miss you and ultimately, want you back.
Here’s how you inadvertently make your ex miss you in the long-run.
A while back, we’ve conducted a survey and learned that 90% of dumpees will hear from their exes again. Most of them will get contacted by their exes within the first 6 months of no contact, and chances are, you will too.
Once your ex experiences the aforementioned grass is greener syndrome: GIGS, your ex will reach out to you. And if you’re lucky, he might even tell you he misses you.
But until that happens, you don’t beg, cry, or talk to your ex. You must instead diligently obey the rules of no contact—which every dumpee should strictly adhere to.
Learn these rules, memorize them and make them your second nature because they should be used on anyone who doesn’t respect you.
Your ex needs a push
Have you ever noticed that you miss your ex more when something bad happens to you?
If you did, that’s because you immediately thought back to the day when you felt safe and secure.
The same goes for your empowered ex. In order for him to miss you, your ex has to go through something painful.
Here’s when your ex could miss you:
- after a failed rebound relationship
- when he’s having trouble in his new relationship
- because of failed exams
- after a breakup
- after a rejection
- death in family
- due to nightmares
There are obviously a million more reasons why your ex would miss you, but the truth is that something bad needs to happen to him first.
Expecting he will wake up one day and miss you is absurd. Theoretically, he could have a nightmare with you in it, but that likely won’t occur unless he’s already regretful, doubtful or miserable.
Breakups happen for a reason and nightmares usually do as well. Anxiety and depression are the two most common reasons why nightmares occur in adults.
If you’re experiencing nightmares or you’re curious about this topic, you can read more about them on WebMD.
How long before my ex misses me?
It’s impossible to say how long it will take before your ex misses you and contacts you. We can, however, say that the 30-day no contact rule is a hoax – a fairy tale.
Expecting a person to miss you in a pre-set amount of days is silly as every person is different. Waiting 30, 45, 60, 90, or 365 days and contacting your ex before he’s ready is ridiculous and detrimental to your health. That’s why you should never reach out to your ex and follow any type of no contact rule other than the indefinite no contact rule.
It’s important to note that dumpers aren’t dumpees. They don’t feel what dumpees do and never will.
Here’s how long it takes dumpers to miss their dumpees and reach out.
For your ex to miss you, the following conditions must be met in his life.
Your ex needs to:
- Get his hopes up about his life.
- Process the breakup.
- Get his hopes destroyed.
- Become receptive and nostalgic.
- Experience negative emotions.
- Look for ways to soothe anxiety
Dumpers that miss their dumpees
Since we’ve previously discussed that dumpers often reach out in no contact, we can also say that certain types of dumpers miss their exes more than others.
It goes without saying that the worst self-esteem the dumper has, the sooner he will “miss his ex” and reach out.
This is true because a person who doesn’t value himself very much usually looks for validation and support in others.
So if your ex has self-esteem issues, low confidence, or is bad at dating others, he’s going to get to the 5th stage of a breakup for the dumper much quicker.
And as we’d mentioned before, you can’t speed up this process as it doesn’t involve you. It solely depends on what your ex is thinking, feeling, and doing with his life so leave him completely alone.
If you don’t, you could unintentionally give him the moral support he needs to deal with his difficulties in life and self-sabotage your chances.
Does your ex miss you as much as you miss him? Has your ex given you any signs that he misses you? Let me know in the comments section below.
My ex reached out after one month of no contact. Contact slowly build up from her end. She wanted to remain friends but I never reached out. At some point she said she missed me and she missed when the relationship was good. I tried to get her on video call (as we’ve done twice before), but she flaked out on it. After that her contact kind of went down. She still reached out on holidays and on my birthday. She mentioned she broke off with one guy but she is now seeing someone else (as am I). Should I have been more aggressive about the “i miss you” text? Most people say that I miss you does not mean reconciling. I feel like I blew my chances. I try to focus on myself but its very hard. I meditate, do yoga and exercise. I started my own webcomic series which she follows fanatically (she loves my art). I’m trying to cut back from social media because seeing her online gives me separation anxiety. I still hope she will reach out for something but I feel this is is false hope. We were together for 7 years and engaged for 2 of those 7. She moved back to her home country so meeting in person is not possible due to covid. She did say shed want to see me again at some point. I told her I could come over once I got my drivers license (which I still dont have due to covid)
it sounds sad bc im feeling the same way. how r u now?
Hi,
So my boyfriend of 5 years recently broke up with me nearly 2 months ago now. throughout our relationship we had our pitty arguments like everyone else has. We was currently saving to buy a house in the new year and to start a family. Which we bothered talked about and he especially was looking forward to this as well. One mornings he basically said he had enough, he didn’t want to fight for our relationship because he thought we had tried and tried in the past for (me) to ‘change’ which by that he just says my attitude. However no one is prefect. Throughout our whole relationship even to the very end he used to tell me every day he loves me kisses me cuddled me just like a normal relationship. From day 1 of the break up I tried to ring and get him to speak to me to sort things out I even tried going round face to face to see him wrote him a letter, however he blocked me but I kept finding my way to speak to him as I needed answers as to way he said all the things he wanted for our future to now doesn’t want anymore. This is what is has been like for the past 6weeks and each time I speak to him hes just horrible and tell me to ‘move on’ and that he doesn’t want to see or speak to me. however, I have asked him over the phone if he still loves me and he says yes and ask him how he can get over it so quickly but he says he isn’t. but I can’t get my head around if he still loves me and isn’t over me why doesn’t he want to speak to me does it mean he doesn’t miss me and not bothered. How he can throw 5 years away like that. Throughout his time I have heard of someone of our mutual friends that he felt pressured which I think he meant about the house next year. I just don’t know what to do I miss and love him I just want to be able to talk to him and sort things out but he won’t.
so sorry to hear this. how r u guys now?
I am in the same position as Jmak is.. mine has been a planned back out for a new one.. and she is very dramatic.. till now its been 6 months.. please let me know my chances of him coming bak as he is in rebound with this female.. and has not yet contacted me. meanwhile no contact is on from my end since long
Hi Piyali.
It’s best you don’t obsess over your chances right now.
Prioritize yourself and get well again.
It’s all you can do right now.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thanks Zan.. but its been to long i am carrying on wid my life but unable to understand without my fault am being left behind
Hi Piyali.
Your life s short and precious, so don’t waste it on someone who doesn’t respect it.
It’s not worth ruining your health over them.
Moving forward is the best thing you can do.
So do that. Don’t wait around because you have way better things to do with your life!
Best,
Zan
Hi Zan. It’s been 8 months NC for me. You mention most exes contact within 6 months, does this mean my chances are now dwindling off? My ex has just moved to start a new career. Feels like she has the world ahead. I was doing great this summer on the surface, although having career problems. I suspect I hadn’t delt with the rele and had just stored it all. I’m really terribly struggling again, it’s like week 1.
Knowing she moved away this month has made it worse. I feel the loss acutely, and am swamped by what was in the past (11 years of memories).
Them being in a rebound greatly affects the timeline, especially if the rebound is working. My ex is in 7 months of rebound/gigs. We have been no contact from the start, before I knew about this other person. I do however know that their relationship has been rocky, with several times that they have gone silent treatment and arguing, and one break up that lasted a few days. She is much older and very dramatic. I guess he may really be in love now though. 7 months seems like its working out.
How do you know all of these details about your ex’s other relationships????
Well my ex leaves bread crumbs and I respond and go back in no contact. The last time I heard from her was 2 two months ago. I imagine I will hear from her again. In the meantime I will stay in no contact.
Hi Gary.
You will likely hear from her again. That’s why no contact is your best and only option.
Stay strong!
Zan
my ex broke up with my one week ago because i was getting upset all the time. he told me that he broke and cant handle it anymore. he also told me that he still cared about me and we could be just friends. of course i told him that i dont wanted that. he muted me on instagram. i know that because he is really active with posting stuff but he has never seen my story after breakup. he followed his ex on ig too. we have been together for 11 month. he was truly the best thing that happened to me but because of my depression i was on a bad mood last time a lot. i moved in different country 1 year ago and thats the reason. he was really supporting and when i was getting upset he was doing everything to make me feel better. i just feel terrible. im interested if ill hear from him at all.