Should I Tell My Ex To Contact Me If She Changes Her Mind?

The internet has sparked a lot of controversy on this subject. Some internet coaches blatantly advise their listeners, viewers, and readers to tell their exes to contact them if they change their mind.

They give them the straightforward, “Contact me if you change your mind” formula and tell them to go back to no contact after every encounter.

But is this really the right thing to do?

Should you really keep the doors open and tell your ex to contact you in case your ex changes his or her mind?

In my opinion, you should never tell your ex that you’ll be waiting by the pole like a good dog right where your ex left you. ?‍?

I think you shouldn’t do it whether your ex wants to stay friends or wants nothing to do with you.

And that’s because professing your eternal loyalty to your ex is counterproductive.

Your ex already knows that you intended to stay with him or her long-term. You remained committed to the very end.

Your actions made sure of it.

So why would you tell your ex to contact you if he or she changes his or her mind? Is this something you want your ex to know in case your ex has seller’s remorse?

In case your ex’s next relationship doesn’t end well? Or if your ex starts to miss your absence?

Probably, right?

You’re thinking that you’d rather be safe than sorry and that you must let your ex know how you feel.

That way, you’ll have done everything in your power to maximize your chances of reconciliation.

Let me assure you that asking your ex to contact you isn’t necessary. Most dumpees are controlled by the fear of loss—which makes them believe they need to act before it’s too late.

They think they need to be clear with their intentions—or their ex will move on.

But the truth is that every single dumper always tries to move on. No dumper ever patiently waits for his or her feelings for his or her dumpee to suddenly change.

That’s why I’ve written this article for all dumpees who want to tell their ex, “Contact me if you change your mind.”

I’ve also made sure to include directions for those who have already told their ex that and for those who are in a dilemma as to whether they should.

Should I tell my ex to contact me if my ex changes his/her mind?

I can tell you that you don’t need to play the overly nice guy this time. You were nice in a relationship with your ex-partner.

But now that you’re no longer a duo, your ex doesn’t deserve your loyalty. He or she doesn’t want it anyway. It sickens and smothers your ex.

So don’t tell your ex to contact you if his or her thoughts and feelings about you change in the future.

You’re not a clown who needs to point a sign at himself or herself that says, “I’m still here if you want me six months from now.”

Recognition is not what you’re looking for. It shouldn’t be because it makes you look weak and desperate.

You’re a person of high value who doesn’t need to remind your ex that you’re still around just in case your ex’s perception of you changes over time.

So show some self-respect. It’s one of the most attractive traits you can display whether you’re attracting a man, a woman, or any other gender.

Confidence and high self-esteem are what give you value and desirability. Don’t sell yourself short and beg your ex to come back to you.

Become scarce and unavailable to your ex

Take bread or milk for instance.

You can buy either any time you want because they’re always available and you can buy cheap (especially if you live in the western part of the world).

But imagine that all the stores, dairies, and farms go out of business for some reason—and you can’t get your hands on the supplies anymore.

Suddenly, the food you’d been taking for granted for decades becomes immensely valuable. It becomes incredibly desirable because you want it but can’t have it.

And if you really, really want it badly enough, it can eventually turn into a basic human need.

The same scarcity idea applies to your ex. Your ex can also value that which is scarce, unique, or unavailable.

But only after you’ve become incredibly valuable or unattainable.

This is something no contact can help you with.

Unless your ex has moved on and hates you, of course. In that case, the whole “I’m valuable” scarcity principle makes no difference to your ex.

But it will to you as a person wanting to be of high value—hence you’ll attract other (and the right kind of) people into your life.

You just have to focus on improving yourself and your happiness—and the rest will take care of itself.

In the end, forget about attracting your ex back because breakups are really about getting yourself back.

They’re about learning to love yourself again by identifying what areas you need to work on to become the best version of yourself.

If you engage in some serious introspection, you will develop a more accepting and kinder mindset to yourself.

But you need to focus on that which you can control and start making some positive, long-lasting changes today.

At this very moment.

What does telling your ex to contact you do?

Although telling your ex that you intend to sit tight may reduce your ex’s initial guilt and shame, it won’t make reconciliation any easier.

All it will do is give your ex the certainty that you’ll be waiting for him for a very, very long time.

And this is very bad for you for a few reasons:

1. You’ll become your ex’s backup plan. And from what I’ve noticed, people don’t value that which is always available. They don’t respect it unless something goes awfully wrong with their primary plan.
2. Your ex will take his or her sweet time. He or she will make sure to date others and compare you to them before your ex discerns your worth. And that’s because you won’t exude confidence and become scarce.
3. Depending on your ex’s response to your request, your ex could raise your hopes for reconciliation and postpone your recovery—or wound you badly.

So even if your ex promised you the world and told you that he’ll always stay with you, don’t tell your ex to call you if he changes his mind.

Your ex definitely isn’t waiting for you to call him—and neither should you.

You should be moving on and finding happiness within yourself.

Here’s an infographic explaining what telling your ex to contact you if your ex changes his mind does.

Can telling your ex to contact you when she’s ready work?

Yes, telling your ex this magic line can work. But chances are that it will require a painful experience to work.

Something like a bad breakup or a lot of everyday unhappiness could cause your ex to come running back.

And that’s because unhappy/depressed people oftentimes forget about others’ bad points.

They’re too busy looking for quick fixes and backup plans that will improve their well-being—than to continue to hate and look down on people who have wronged them.

The exact same principles apply to your ex. She could also come crying back to you when she monkey-branches and rebounds with someone much, much worse than you.

This has happened to the advisor of Magnet of Success. His ex came back despite him telling his ex to contact him if she changes her mind.

This line, followed by strict no contact worked for him because it gave his ex the space and distance to experience life with someone else.

So in the end, it didn’t matter if he said it or not as long as his ex got hurt.

But this doesn’t mean that it was the ideal thing to do.

When he told his ex-girlfriend this line in person, she didn’t want to hear it. She ignored it and turned cold.

I remember I told my ex the same thing. “Contact me if you change your mind.” I’ve listened to a bunch of Youtube videos at the time and I thought it was the right thing to do.

But it wasn’t.

My ex heartlessly replied with, “I won’t” and that was that.

Allowing her to contact me if she changed her mind was a big mistake for a number of reasons.

The biggest one being that my ex interpreted my kindness as a green light to breadcrumb me any time she wants to.

And she did just that for about a year and a half until I finally decided that it had to stop.

So whether your ex just broke up with you or if she keeps messaging you and you don’t know what to do, learn from my mistakes and close the doors in your ex’s face.

It will make you feel a lot better. Especially once you’ve realized that you avoided the typical post-breakup mistakes and stopped yourself from sounding excessively hopeful.

What if you already told your ex to contact you in the future?

If you’ve already told your ex to contact you if she changes her mind, don’t go back on your word.

There’s nothing worse than a dumpee changing his or her mind all the time and apologizing for acting out of control.

Doing so portrays uncertain, insecure sly behavior, so just don’t do it.

You’re far better off showing your ex that you’re working on loving yourself and moving on.

This would be the ideal thing to do whether your ex is single or dating someone else already.

You truly can’t go wrong with leaving your ex be and enjoying your life to the fullest.

Besides, you’re probably following a strict regimen of no contact, so reaching out to your ex is against the rules of no contact.

It’s prohibited for your ex’s as well as your own sake.

So there’s no need for you to change the things you said and promised to your ex. The words you said and the damage you’ve caused is all in the past.

A simple apology won’t change your ex’s mind. It will empower your ex in a myriad of ways.

Especially if your ex is young and incredibly immature. In that case, he or she will probably use your kindness against you and make you regret reaching out.

You’ve got to wait for your ex

You don’t have to bring up reconciliation and hint to your ex that you want him or her back.

All you have to do is wait for your ex to say, “I want to talk to you about the relationship. When can we talk?”

And that’s it.

Don’t concern yourself with pointless breadcrumbs and vague conversations that confuse you and make you wonder what your ex’s intentions are.

As a dumpee, you need to understand that the reconciliation is completely out of your control. You drew the short straw when your ex left you, so you’ve got to work with unfortunate consequences.

You have to get over your ex and recover from the shock of the breakup. This should be your main priority.

But when and if your ex wants you back, you have to take matters of reconciliation into your own hands and find out what’s happened to your ex while you were gone.

You must look for the real reason why your ex suddenly wants you back.

If you discover that the reason is of selfish nature and your ex isn’t serious about self-improvement, the same behavioral patterns will soon take place.

You will likely break up again and suffer once more.

But if your ex wants to make long-lasting changes, it’s time for you to regain your lost power and tell your ex everything you want him or her to improve. Starting with emotional strength and relationship mentality.

If you don’t take this part seriously, your ex could fail to respect you and take you for granted again.

Did you tell your ex to contact you if he or she changes his or her mind? How did your ex respond to it? Share your thoughts below.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.