My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me And I Want Him Back

When your boyfriend breaks up with you and you want him back, this occurs due to something called the dumpee syndrome. The dumpee syndrome is essentially a mixture of fear, anxiety, anger, depression, and remorse that makes you do crazy impulsive things after the breakup.

Not only does it destroy your self-esteem and drain the life out of you, but it also causes you to desire your ex even though your ex isn’t attracted to you and doesn’t want to be with you. It makes you so obsessed with obtaining validation that it forces you to seek it from the person who can’t help you anymore.

He can only make you feel worse. Especially if he feels trapped and wants to cease contact immediately.

Sometimes broken-hearted people text and call their ex obsessively, stalk their ex on social media, harass their ex’s new partner, or beg with their ex for another chance. They’re willing to throw their pride away and do almost anything just to feel that they matter to their ex.

Because they’re determined to win their ex back, they, of course, don’t attract their ex back. They instead push their ex away, ruin their chances of hearing back from their ex, and make reconciliation extremely difficult if not impossible.

The reason why they kill their chances is that dumpees who persist after the breakup don’t respect their ex’s emotional needs. They just do what they want, so they disrespect their ex, deny their ex the space that he or she needs to breathe, and cause their ex to develop anger and resentment.

So if your boyfriend broke up with you and you want him back very badly, don’t instinctually do what your heart tells you to do. Do what the rational side of the brain says is best for you because right now, your emotions are heightened by the breakup.

They’re out of control, and therefore, can’t be relied on. As long as you make emotional decisions regarding your ex, I assure you that you’ll never make the right decisions.

Instead of acting reasonably, you’ll act impulsively and consequently give your ex-boyfriend more of that which he doesn’t need – more resisting, guilt-tripping, smothering, anxiety, depression, or disrespect.

You need to understand that your ex doesn’t want you to fight for him like in some Hollywood movie. He wants exactly the opposite, which is to leave him alone and act as if he doesn’t exist. That’s the only way you’ll ever let him process the breakup and allow him to see you as an equal again.

The topic of this post is, “My boyfriend broke up with me and I want him back.” We’ll talk about what to do if your boyfriend broke up with you and hurt you so badly that you want him back.

My boyfriend broke up with me and I want him back

If your ex-boyfriend broke up with you and you want him back because you’re in a lot of pain, you need to stop for a minute and breathe. Think about why you even want your ex-boyfriend back.

• Is it because you’re unhappy, in pain, or depressed?
• Is it because your ex promised you a lot of things before he left?
• Do you want him back because you’re pregnant and have children with him?
• Do you need him because you’re not emotionally, physically, or financially independent?
• Is your confidence in your worth and capabilities low?
• Or do you want your ex back just because you’re used to having him around?

If you want your ex back for any of the reasons above, you need to know that you don’t want your ex back for the right reasons. You want your ex back to gain something from him because you’re lacking something. Something that prevents you from living happily and independently.

You need to figure out what that is so that you can work on it and then reevaluate whether your ex-boyfriend is the right guy for you.

Breakups are so hard they could kill you, but they also have a life-transforming side to them. They can force you to get some emotional distance from your ex and help you see your ex from a different perspective.

If you detach from your ex and make the necessary changes within yourself, there’s a big chance that you won’t keep seeing your ex the way you do right now.

You’ll probably see that you’d put your ex on a pedestal and that your ex isn’t the kind of person you’d made him out to be. He’s just a guy who rejected you and made you desperate for closure.

What can I do to get my ex-boyfriend back?

There are two things you must do if you want to get your ex-boyfriend back.

1. You must make your ex respect you.
2. And make your ex love you.

Unfortunately, though, there’s nothing you can do that will force your ex to love you or respect you. Your ex has a mind of his own and won’t improve the way he feels about you. He won’t do it even if you change some of your flaws and shortcomings and prove that a relationship with you can be marvelous.

What dumpees don’t understand is that their exes have made up their minds a long time ago. They decided that they weren’t happy in the relationship, so they reinforced such beliefs with emotions of unhappiness.

This means that they worsened the way they perceived their ex and in dumpees’ terms, “became stubborn, mean, cold, or different.”

Although dumpers often appear different, the truth is that the breakup doesn’t transform them into nasty people. It merely shows their true colors and brings out the worst in them.

The most important thing you should do if you want your ex-boyfriend back, therefore, is to make sure your ex doesn’t dislike you, despise you, or pity you more than he already does. You can do that by avoiding breakup mistakes and going full no contact with your ex.

Full no contact means that you cease any and all contact with your ex. You need to show your ex that you don’t need him to be happy and that you’ve got lots of self-love and things going on in your life to keep you busy.

If you do that, you won’t give your ex a reason to grow resentful toward you. Not unless your ex is an immature person who gets his ego hurt by your lack of attention and care for him. But in that case, you shouldn’t even want to be with your ex. A relationship with him would be very difficult. Especially now that trust has been broken.

Furthermore, you should also understand that getting your ex back isn’t about what you do. It’s about what your ex does or rather, what happens to your ex.

Generally speaking, if he fails to make something out of his life or suffers in any way, he could learn to respect you through pain and see you as an equal again. But for that to happen, keep in mind that your ex would have to get hurt very badly.

He’d have to fail at something extremely important to him and get his ego and self-esteem crushed. Only then would he be able to improve his opinion of you.

If your ex doesn’t suffer, the chances of him reflecting and changing are not very high. People just don’t change much on their own without an incentive. Sure, we grow a bit with time, but we don’t necessarily mature like cheese and wine.

Age doesn’t make us into better people. It’s experiences, thoughts, beliefs, goals, and actions that do that.

So if you want your ex back and you’re ready to do whatever it takes to win him back, take my advice seriously and stop trying to win him back. Any unpremeditated actions are going to make things worse as they’ll make your ex feel uncomfortable and push him further away.

The key to getting your ex back is to let your ex come to you – because when your ex comes to you, you’ll know that he’s improved his perception of you. You’ll also know that he’s determined to be with you and that it may be possible to give rebuild your relationship from the ground up.

Of course, if your ex comes back on his own initiative, it doesn’t guarantee that the relationship with him will be successful and long-lasting. It just means that your ex will come back because he respects you (hopefully loves you too) and wants to invest in the relationship.

It’s no secret that some dumpers come back just to use their ex for validation, emotional support, or convenience. Such exes often leave again once they recover because they can no longer benefit from their ex. They can just focus on themselves and be at peace.

So if your ex-boyfriend broke up with you and you want him back, don’t do anything rash. Before you act, learn more about the rules of no contact and find out what your ex needs from you to respect you and be happy.

When you both rationally and emotionally understand that, you’ll see that your ex doesn’t want you to fight for him and prove your worth.

He just wants you to accept the breakup and exude high self-esteem.

That’s why the more self-sufficient and emotionally healthy you appear, the more likely it is that you’ll indirectly impress your ex and make him respect you.

All in all, getting your ex back consists of just one important thing – making your ex happy. And you can make your ex happy by distancing yourself from him and waiting for him to get hurt and crave your support, safety, or affection.

Many guys can’t tell love from pain, so it doesn’t matter exactly what happens to your ex. All that matters is that your ex starts to respect you and feels a desire to reconnect with you.

While you’re waiting for something to make your ex reflect and want you back, make sure that you also work on yourself. You likely have flaws and things to work on, so focus on them and forget about your ex for a while.

Your ex will reach out when he’s ready to breadcrumb you, ask for help, or want you back.

In the infographic below, you will find 6 things to do if your boyfriend broke up with you and you want him back.

There are no shortcuts

If you want your ex-boyfriend back, know that it could take your ex a long time before he realizes what he’s done and falls back in love with you. It could take your ex months, years, or even decades, so don’t wait for your ex to have a change of heart.

He might get involved with the wrong person (rebound) and come back very quickly or it might take him so long that you’ll get over him and find someone else. No one knows how long it will take your ex to realize he’s made a mistake and come running.

Your ex might never recognize your worth, so if you wait for him, you could waste a lot of time. Time that you could spend with people who actually love you and want to build something with you.

If your ex dumped you for any reason you can think of, you must walk away from your ex with your head held high. You mustn’t let your ex see that you need him and love him more than yourself. If he notices that his absence is causing you pain, he could lose remaining respect for you and do something that hurts your self-esteem even more.

So cut your ex off and keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself. You’ll heal much quicker when you do that.

Also, don’t try to make your ex jealous by dating someone new. Your ex likely won’t get hurt enough to regret breaking up with you. On the contrary, your ex will probably think you’re playing dirty and be glad that you’re with someone else now.

So remember that jealousy tricks and manipulation techniques don’t work on a dumper. They can’t because for them to work, your ex would have to care about you and want you to himself.

Do you still want your boyfriend back? Do you want him even if he isn’t your ideal partner? Let me know why you want your ex back in the comments section below the post.

And also, if you need help regarding your ex-boyfriend and would like to talk to us one-on-one, click here to get in touch.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.