He Texted Me After A Month Of No Contact

When a guy texts you after a month of no contact, you have a very important task ahead of you. You have to figure out whether his text was a breadcrumb (an unimportant message to test the waters) or if he finally realized your worth and regrets dumping you.

By figuring this out, you’ll be able to discern whether your ex wants you back or just needs you to appease his guilt, worries, doubts, shame, nostalgia, or broken ego. If it’s the former (wants you back), you can rest assured that your ex will do all the work necessary to get back with you.

He’ll call you, text you, tell you he’s sorry, express his love for you, and make plans to see you as soon as possible. A regretful ex will do everything in his power to obtain your love, loyalty, and validation because without these things, he’ll feel broken and incomplete.

If your ex doesn’t want you back, however, then your ex will likely text you as if nothing happened, exude guilt, ask to be friends, make excuses not to see you, and string you along. He’ll try to establish communication and remain on friendly terms with you because doing so will reassure him that you have no hard feelings toward him and that you’re ready to settle for friendship.

If you notice that your ex doesn’t want you back, it’s in your best interest to immediately cease communication with your ex, cut him off, and let your ex deal with guilt, boredom, curiosity, or whatever he’s dealing with on his own. Whatever it is that incited your ex to reach out is not as important as what you’re going through. Not unless it’s about your kids or some kind of security concern.

You have to keep in mind that you’re experiencing separation anxiety and various post-breakup fears whereas your ex is most likely just trying to figure out how you’re doing and what you’ve been up to.

So before you get excited about your ex texting you after a month of no contact, remember that guys don’t always reach out to get back together. They usually contact their exes out of the blue just to make certain negative post-breakup emotions easier for themselves.

This is why they tend to reach out, appear relieved that their ex will talk to them and help them, and then disappear for days, weeks, or months. The point is that they act in their best interest and wound the dumpee in the process. Instead of helping the dumpee detach, they increase the dumpee’s anxiety and make her overthink the dumper’s actions.

They give her hope that something good will come out of texting and instill the notion that she needs to do her best to prove her worth and loyalty. This, of course, overwhelms her emotionally and delays the time it takes to get over the breakup.

Today’s post is for men and women whose ex texted them after a month of no contact. We’ll discuss what the first text after no contact looks like when your ex wants you back and when you should consider communicating with the dumper.

Why did he text after a month of no contact?

The reason why it took your ex a month of no contact to finally reach out is that that’s how long your ex needed to overcome the most harmful emotions caused by the breakup and improve perceptions of you. He needed to get some emotional and physical space from you to distance himself from the problem, cool off, and see things more clearly.

Your ex probably didn’t fall back in love with you because love after the breakup requires regret, fear, anxiety, pain, and failure. But your ex did process at least some smothering emotions that told him to run away from you and focus on himself.

You need to understand that it’s not unusual for dumpers to reach out to dumpees in the first month of no contact. In fact, many dumpers do. Some want to get back together, but others, regret taking highly emotional actions and directly or indirectly ask for forgiveness, peace, and friendship.

All dumpers (whether they reach out after a month or a year) have a goal in mind. They want something from the dumpee that only the dumpee can provide.

Usually, they want to:

• stop feeling shame and self-pity
• see how their ex is coping with the breakup
• see that their ex cares about them and wants to talk to them (feel validated)
• flirt/have sex
• emotional, financial support
• bury the hatchet/become friends
• get their stuff back
• talk about important matters such as kids and shared finances

You can tell what your ex wants simply by asking your ex about it. Don’t waste your time talking to your ex, asking whether he’s dating someone new and if he wants you back. Such questions will prove that you’re waiting for him to come back and provoke a response that will smother your ex and make him want to come back even less.

Instead of taking that risk, my advice is to jump straight to the important question of “Why did you text me?” This particular question may sound a bit blunt or disrespectful even, but you’ve got to remember that you’re not trying to be friends with your ex.

You either want to reconcile and have a much stronger and healthier relationship with your ex than before or have your ex leave you alone so you can heal and grow.

In all honesty, texts and calls from an ex during no contact are the real forms of disrespect. They show that the dumper has no regard for your health and well-being because he puts a higher priority on the things he can get from you.

That means you have to learn what your ex’s intentions are as quickly as possible. Within a minute of your ex contacting you, ask him why he reached out and get ready to push your ex away if needed. Always remember that the sooner you discern your ex’s intentions, the less you’ll obsess about your ex after the communication has ended.

What to do when he texts after no contact?

Now that you know you should determine the nature of your ex’s text before making any rash decisions, let’s now talk about what you should do.

If your ex suggests meeting up because he has “something important to tell you,” this is usually a good sign. It’s especially good if your ex wants to see you today or tomorrow because that would mean that he’s in pain and in a hurry to get something from you.

Something that would ease his pain and make him feel better.

Keep in mind that there’s always a chance that your ex just feels sorry for himself for what he did to you and that he wants to tell you that in person. That’s why you should first encourage your ex to tell you what he wants over the phone. You can go as for as to say that you don’t want to be friends and that you’ve been busy and haven’t even thought about friendship at this point.

This should urge your ex to tell you the reason for contacting you and encourage him to leave you alone if his interests don’t align with yours.

You should probably consider meeting up with your ex only if he insists on seeing you immediately and tells you that he wants to express to you how he feels in person. Some dumpers prefer to express their feelings in person because they believe they’ll have a smaller chance of being rejected that way.

But don’t worry. Even if you say you don’t want to meet up with your ex, your ex will still find a way to confess his feelings. He won’t have a choice but to open up to you because you won’t budge and will confidently walk away.

If your ex doesn’t want to reconcile, however, then don’t keep talking to your ex. You both want different things from each other, so it’d be unfair to keep interacting with each other. It’s much better to start no contact again so you can keep your pride and continue to heal.

You can tell your ex doesn’t want to get back with you if he:

• talks about topics unrelated to the breakup/relationship
• appears happy and relieved
• asks unimportant questions
• merely apologizes for hurting you
• expresses guilt and shame rather than regret and the wish to be in a relationship with you

What you’re looking for from your ex is confession. A confession that he’d made the biggest mistake of his life and that he wants another chance to prove his worth and commitment to you and the relationship.

With that said, here’s a simple 6-step guide on what to do when your ex texts you after a month of no contact.

Should I contact my ex now that he reached out?

If your ex broke no contact and the conversation didn’t lead to what you wanted it to, you mustn’t suddenly start contacting your ex. Doing so will likely only pressure your ex and show that you’re dependent on your ex.

Instead of giving your ex power, you must understand that your ex doesn’t want you back and that you have to go back to no contact. This may not be something you want to do (especially if you’ve been avidly waiting for your ex to reach out), but it’s necessary so that you don’t ask your ex to give you attention and affection he isn’t emotionally capable of receiving and reciprocating.

You must do your best to resist the temptation to speak to your ex even if your heart tells you to give it your best.

So if your ex reached out after a month of no contact, bear in mind that your ex has to know that he’s not welcome to keep reaching out. He has to understand that his texts aren’t helping you and that you won’t allow him to keep taking advantage of you.

You can tell your ex not to contact you anymore the moment you discern he’s not interested in getting back together.

Say something like, “I’m still processing the breakup, so I think it’s best we get some space more from each other. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t reach out anymore.” This should tell your ex that you’re looking after your emotional well-being and that you don’t need your ex to feel in control of your emotions.

Of course, that won’t instantaneously make your ex come running back, but it will make him see that you respect yourself and that you possess the strength to make difficult decisions.

What kind of texts should you look forward to from an ex?

We’ve already mentioned that you don’t want apologies and various guilt-ridden texts and calls. You don’t want to see your ex cry, call himself stupid, and say he’ll regret dumping you in the future. That means nothing and does nothing.

What you want to hear is that he loves you more than anything (not just throw the word love around) and that he wants you back.

You want him to say things like:

• I made a mistake and want you back. I hope you can forgive me.
• I want to see you as soon as possible. I’d like to talk about getting back together.
• The time we’ve spent apart made me realize that you’re important to me and that I want us to work out.
• I took you for granted and thought you were at fault. Now I see that the issue was with me and that I’ll have to pay a huge price for it.
• Are you free tomorrow so we can talk?

Some dumpers may also not be this direct. They may be a bit vague and say that they want to give you or tell you something. Such dumpers are anxious and embarrassed about making a selfish unpremeditated decision, so they want to reunite with their dumpee as soon as possible.

He texted me after a month of no contact but not since

If your ex texted you after a month of no contact but hasn’t messaged you since, this is both a good and a bad sign. It’s good because he doesn’t despise you or think so poorly of you that he’s incapable of speaking with you. But it’s also bad because he used you to get something out of you and indirectly gave you false hope and raised your anxiety.

If your ex texted you and stopped talking to you, he did this because he could no longer benefit from you. Whatever he needed, he got it, so he can now stay out of contact until he needs something from you again. That’s when he’ll reach out again, appear happy or neutral, and entertain you for as long as it’s safe and comfortable for him to do so.

Some dumpers follow this pattern of reaching out and disappearing for months. They don’t understand that they’re hurting their ex, so they keep following their instincts and unknowingly making things worse for their ex. It’s usually the dumpee who gets upset or tired of constant ups and downs and eventually decides to cut the dumper out of his or her life.

Another thing you need to be aware of is that if your ex texted you after a month, he hasn’t changed personality-wise. He may have made some minor improvements and changes, but those improvements most likely aren’t enough to change relationship dynamics and make the relationship with you work. For it to work, your ex would have to commit to working on himself for at least a few months.

So bear in mind that it could be dangerous to get back with an ex when he texts you after a month of no contact. Dumpers need months of time to evolve as people. They need to fail so badly that they find the will to grow and improve their shortcomings.

Did your ex text you after a month of no contact and you’re wondering what to do about it? Was the article able to help with some of your questions and concerns? Let us know in the comments section below.

However, if you’d like to go into more detail about your situation and want our help, find out how you can get in touch with us through our breakup coaching.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.