How Long Before He Calls After A Breakup?

If your boyfriend broke up with you and you’re wondering how long before he calls after a breakup, bear in mind that every guy is different in this regard.

Some guys text or call after a few days and others, months or years later. The time when a guy reaches out after the breakup essentially depends on:

• The way he feels after the breakup. Does he appear relieved, happy, and distracted or does he look sad, depressed, angry, or guilty?
• The things that happen to him. Is he dealing with a lot of stressors and personal difficulties?
• What his principles about exes are like. Does he befriend his ex-girlfriends, talk to them, and get back with them?
• How mature he is (how he handles post-breakup emotions)
• How he perceives you and what he feels toward you

If your ex-boyfriend isn’t calling you, that in itself is a message too. It’s telling you that he doesn’t want to talk to you because he needs time to himself to mentally process the breakup.

He needs to find himself, regain his identity, and find a good reason to converse with you.

So don’t expect him to call you after a certain number of days because he won’t do it. Not unless he feels at ease with you or needs to talk to you about something urgent.

As difficult as it may be, try to understand that your ex is dealing with his own series of challenges and that you must let him deal with them at a pace that he feels comfortable.

If you deliberately or indeliberately try to rush his process and make him uncomfortable, you’ll quickly meet your ex’s dark side and bring out the worst in him.

And that’s when you’ll get hurt by your ex’s knee-jerk reaction and make your ex want to talk to you even less.

Always remember that someone who doesn’t talk to you isn’t talking to you for a reason. That reason may or may not have anything to do with you, but honestly, it doesn’t matter whether you’re at fault or not.

The problem isn’t so much that he thinks you’re at fault. It’s that he isn’t interested in fixing it with you. And because he isn’t interested in fixing it, you mustn’t be interested in fixing it either.

You must focus on yourself just like he is.

If you want your ex back and you let your ex know that you want him back, you won’t portray yourself as a person worthy of respect. You might have been able to do that when you were still in a relationship with your ex because your ex respected you.

But now that the relationship has come to a halt and you’ve lost your ex’s romantic respect, you’ll look, weak, desperate, selfish, and completely reliant on your ex.

So remember that it’s not your job to fix the relationship by yourself. Your job is the do the opposite – to accept the breakup and walk away. You simply mustn’t reason with a quitter or you’ll make matters worse.

This is something dumpees have a difficult time understanding. They think that if their ex has an issue with them that they must fix that issue on their own. But, in truth, they can fix it only when both parties are equally interested in fixing it.

That’s why your job rght now is to:

• pull back and detach
• start letting go of your ex
• work on yourself
• and wait for your ex to make a move

It could take a really long time before you hear from your ex. But even if it takes ages, at least you’ll slowly detoxify from your ex and fall in love with yourself again.

In this post, we’ll talk about how long it can take before your ex-boyfriend calls after a breakup.

How long before he calls after a breakup?

2 years ago, I conducted a survey in which there were 108 dumpers.

The following is the result of the survey.

90 out of 108 dumpees (90.74%) eventually heard back from their exes. Only 10 (9.26%) dumpees never received a text or a call from their ex.

This means that the chances of hearing back from your ex are quite high. It’s not a guarantee, but it’s very likely that your ex will eventually find a rational or emotional incentive to contact you and breadcrumb you.

As for how long it took the surveyed dumpers to reach out, perhaps the picture will explain it better than my words can.

As you can see from the bar graph above, most dumpers reach out in the first month. They tend to reach out because they had a fake-up (a temporary breakup that isn’t really a breakup).

Sometimes, they also reach out because they have unfinished business with their ex (want their belongings back or have their divorce papers signed).

It’s also evident that most dumpers text or call their ex during the first half of a year. That’s because they still think about their ex quite often and sometimes even miss him or her.

After the initial 6 months though, the chances of them reaching out decrease significantly.

This must be because dumpers fixate on new objects of interest and get distracted with them. They start reaching out again much later (after a year mark) when something hurts them and/or makes them nostalgic.

In total, only about 10% of dumpers never reach out again. I suppose such dumpers don’t have anything to discuss with their ex (don’t feel guilty or sad), don’t like talking to exes (have negative associations for them), and/or are afraid of reaching out and talking about the past.

Whatever their reason for not getting in touch with their exes is, the truth is that it doesn’t have anything to do with their dumpees. The problem is with their associations which consist of negative or unhealthy thoughts and feelings.

What if he doesn’t call? Do I call him?

If you haven’t heard a peep from your ex, I strongly dissuade you from reaching out. I know there are people who will tell you that you have nothing to lose by sending your ex an impersonal text or an email, but trust me, you have everything to lose.

You can relive the early days from the breakup, start craving your ex’s affection again, and before you know it, get pulled in and become emotionally dependent on your ex again.

So stick to the rules of no contact for now and believe me when I say that not hearing from your ex is a blessing in disguise.

You should consider yourself very lucky because only 10% of people don’t receive cryptic messages from an ex and drive themselves crazy, trying to analyze their ex’s messages.

If you don’t believe me, talk to dumpees who keep hearing back from their ex on a regular basis. They’ll tell you just how lucky you are for having a few stressors less in your life.

Once you compare your life to dumpees who keep getting hurt because of their mindless dumpers, you’ll notice that you don’t have to scratch your head and worry about how to talk to your ex and get back with him.

All you have to worry about is how to ease the pain that your ex has inflicted on you. That on its own is hard enough already—and you certainly don’t need your ex to make it harder.

So if you still have doubts and want a clear reply on whether you should call your ex if you want him back, my answer is “Absolutely, 100%, unequivocally no!

You don’t call someone who hasn’t show any interest in you since the last time he rejected you. You keep your dignity and wait for that person to discern your worth and put in the effort.

If he never finds your worth during no contact because he’s too busy chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, he’s not someone you should worry about too much.

He’s a person you were destined to meet but not destined to stay with. The loss is his, not yours.

So work on improving your perception of yourself and make sure you learn as much as you can about healthy breakup dynamics.

I wrote a book about breakup dynamics, so give that a read if you aren’t yet convinced that your ex has to work hard for your forgiveness and approval.

What if I call my ex first and we get back together?

If you call a guy who broke up with you, you could get yourself in big trouble. Not only could you smother your ex, but you could also find out that he’s dating someone else already and that he’s happy.

That would hurt your self-esteem and cause you to suffer all over again. So be considerate of your health and emotions and protect yourself. There’s no need to hurt yourself for your ex-boyfriend just because there’s a small chance that your ex is waiting for you to reach out first.

Besides, if he really is waiting, he’ll reach out when he gets tired of waiting and starts to worry that he might lose you.

The problem with reaching out on your terms is that even if you get back together, there’s a high chance that your ex won’t discover your worth and that he won’t make any significant progress in terms of self-development.

He’ll probably still act the same way as before and be the one with all the power, meaning that unless he does something to improve his relationship mentality, you’re most likely going to break up again.

Why am I so certain?

Because people are repetitive beings. We follow certain patterns and don’t change the way we think, act, and feel unless we make a conscious decision to change. We mature slowly over a long period time, but that on its own is seldom enough to manifest different results.

So if you reached out to your ex first and your ex accepted you back, make sure you and your ex make plans on how to grow individually and as a couple. You don’t want to get back together and just hope that things are different this time around.

Something fundamental has to change within yourselves or your ex will break up with you for the same reasons and make you suffer again.

What can I do to make him call me after a breakup?

As a dumpee, it’s not about what you do to make your ex call you, but rather about what you don’t do.

It’s about avoiding post-breakup mistakes and portraying yourself as a person of high self-esteem.

This doesn’t, however, mean that you should pretend to be someone you’re not. On the contrary, it means that you should:

1. Remain who you are at the core.
2. Prove to yourself (not to your ex) that you deserve love and that you’re capable of finding it.

Throughout the relationship with your ex, you probably weren’t begging for love and recognition. You had respect for yourself and weren’t dependent on your ex (at least not to this degree), so you shouldn’t suddenly start pursuing your ex.

Remember that your ex already knows you at your worst and that showing him an even uglier side to you won’t help him notice your worth.

If anything, it will just make his negative perceptions of you even worse and strengthen his resolve for breaking up with you and not talking to you.

So distance yourself from your ex and preserve your dignity. Stop reaching out (if that’s what you’re doing) and give your ex what he’s asking for.

If you don’t know what that is, ask yourself, “What does my ex need to be happy? Is it me or is it something or someone else?”

If he’s not calling and texting you, it’s obviously not you. He’s asking for space and respect—and it’s of utmost importance that you give it to your ex right away.

Respect is the foundation for everything, including love and friendship. Remember that for the rest of your life.

Why does it take guys weeks to miss you?

From what I see, guys tend to process their negative emotions quicker than women. They let go of negativity quicker, forgive their exes sooner, and reach a state of neutrality faster.

That’s why most guys eventually call their ex and/or start to breadcrumb her with random messages.

Some guys miss their ex and say it openly and others just inquisitively message their ex to see what their ex is up to.

I can’t predict whether your ex will miss you or feel sentimental, bored, or guilty, but if the relationship was healthy and you didn’t make the breakup difficult for your ex, it’s highly likely that your ex will process the negativity and reach out to you when the time is right.

That’s when you’ll have an important decision to make. You’ll have to discern if your ex is reaching out for you and it’s safe to talk to your ex or if he’s reaching out for himself and you need to be careful.

I hope you’ve learned how long it takes before your ex calls after the breakup. If you enjoyed reading this post, comment below. Let me know what other topics you’d like us to cover.

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