Does Taking A Break Mean Breaking Up?

Taking a break more often than not means breaking up. It means that the dumper has fallen out of love and has no desire to work on regaining love and commitment.

He or she just wants to be left alone and do things that feel good. And things that feel good usually confuse and hurt the dumpee and make the dumpee wonder if the dumper is happy.

If the dumper is happy or appears to be, dumpees start to realize their ex proposed a break to get away from them and have fun rather than to fix the things that needed fixing.

Therefore, a break means the dumper is done investing in the relationship. The only reason the dumper says “Let’s take a break” is because it gives him or her an excuse to distance himself or herself from the dumpee and avoid dealing with the consequences of breaking a person’s heart.

Consequences include:

• hurting the dumpee
• receiving an undesired reaction from the dumpee
• feeling guilty, angry, sad, and pressured
• spending more time on the dumpee than he or she would like

The main reason dumpees suggest taking a break is that they feel overwhelmed with negative emotions and cravings to feel better emotions.

They know they don’t want to be around their partner anymore, but because they’re afraid of telling their ex the truth and possibly feeling unwanted emotions because of it, they give their ex something positive to latch on.

They say it’s just a break and that they’ll see how they feel about the relationship some time from the breakup. They don’t tell the dumpee that they probably won’t feel any better because space makes them feel good and prevents them from wanting to work on things.

When dumpers get and enjoy space, they don’t see a reason to reconcile. They start feeling elated and relieved and wish they had broken up with their ex sooner. They start progressing through the breakup stages, which means they feel anything but regret and nostalgia.

Sure, there are exceptions as some people are able to take a short break and grow as a result, but it’s extremely rare.

99% of the time a break is a breakup (even the words are similar). It indicates that there are major issues in the relationship and that couples are struggling to stay connected. They’re not feeling in love anymore and don’t want to do anything about it.

Well, at least the dumpers don’t. They would rather spend time away from the dumpee than with the dumpee. Time away helps dumpers feel free and at peace, whereas time with the dumpee smothers and annoys them.

So don’t think that taking a break means putting a pause on the relationship. When it comes to romantic relationships, there are no breaks. You either love your partner or you don’t. If you love him and see a future with him, you want to talk to him every day. You miss your partner if you don’t talk and see him in person.

And if you don’t love your partner, you easily go days without speaking to him. You focus entirely on yourself and feel empowered by the “break.”

Think of a break as a plea to be free and feel better rather than a chance to fix things. People fix things by actively working on them not by running away from them. Those who run away have no desire to fix anything. Neither do they expect their relationship to magically fix itself on its own. 

They’re aware of the possibility that the break will help them increase the emotional distance from the person they associate negative feelings with and that they may never allow themselves to feel love and be vulnerable around that person.

The problem with breaks is that they have no plans. Couples (or ex-couples) don’t discuss what they’ll work on, how they’ll work on it, and when they’ll get back in touch to talk about their progress and ways to reconnect. They usually just agree on an indefinite break and wait to completely give up on each other.

I say “they” but I really just mean one person – the dumper. The dumpee usually just tags along for the ride because he or she doesn’t have any other choice. The dumper is the one who isn’t happy and wants a break—and the dumpee can’t do anything about it.

Yes, the dumpee could say no to the breakup and leave, but since the dumpee wants to be in a relationship, the dumpee usually agrees to take a break and expects the dumper to come back.

Sadly, the dumper usually doesn’t return because the dumper realizes he or she feels better than ever and that going back would make him or her unhappy. 

It’d bring back unwanted feelings and make him or her crave space again.

In this article, we answer the question “Does taking a break mean breaking up?” We talk about the reasons why dumpers use this excuse and when taking a break can work.

Does taking a break mean breaking up?

Unfortunately, a break is not a temporary hiatus between a dumper and a dumpee. It’s a permanent separation and their solution to their problems. A break doesn’t fix their issues, but it does sweep them under the rug and lets the dumper enjoy space and quiet.

It allows the dumper to have the space he or she wants to self-prioritize and not think and worry about the dumpee and his or her reaction.

A break is nothing but a cowardly way of breaking up. Instead of ending things bravely and permanently, dumpers use this excuse to give hope and make their lack of love and interest look normal. 

They tell their ex the relationship can still be saved even though they have no desire to save it. Their words may seem hopeful but their actions don’t as they show they lost the drive to invest in themselves and the relationship.

All they want is to distance themselves from problems and stressors and focus on things that make them happy.

And last time I checked, happiness doesn’t make people come back and work on the relationship. If anything, it makes them complacent and glad they broke up and got rid of their problems. Happiness breeds stagnation and forces them to hold on to their problems and stay broken up.

Some couples suggest taking a break during an argument, but they usually say it then to express discontent and scare the other person into caring. It’s much more serious when a person actually takes a break.

That signifies that the relationship has ended and that the person “taking a break” doesn’t want his or her partner to show pain, care, and affection.

The dumper wants the opposite of that so that he or she can ignore relationship issues and the emotions those issues create.

So as difficult as this may be to hear, a break is the same as breaking up. It’s the end of the relationship for you and your partner and the beginning of a breakup.

The break indicates that you weren’t able to work through relationship problems and that your partner felt so hurt or uncomfortable that he or she decided space was the only thing that could make him or her feel better.

You couldn’t stop your partner from leaving because he or she developed a negative perception of you and chose to ignore the need to improve it.

When your partner associated problems and stress with you, it was already too late to fix things as he or she had convinced himself or herself that leaving the relationship was absolutely necessary.

Whatever you do, don’t blame yourself for breaking up. You weren’t the one who left and broke up by proposing a break. Even if you agreed to a break, you didn’t have a choice because your ex decided to take it. You just made things a bit easier for your ex.

And that’s what you needed to do. Begging for another chance wouldn’t have made a difference. Neither would explaining that relationships break for good when partners decide to go on a break.  

All you could do was keep your dignity and accept your partner’s decision to leave. Your partner didn’t want nor deserve your love. He or she was okay with not receiving it the moment he or she broke up with you and looked for happiness elsewhere.

With that said, here are 5 reasons why taking a break means breaking up.

A break is, therefore, the same thing as a breakup. People suggest going on a break when they lack the courage to break up properly. And they lack the courage to break up properly when they’re afraid of hurting their partner and receiving a negative response from him or her.

A negative response is any emotional response that makes the dumper feel guilty, sad, angry, or anything he or she doesn’t want to feel.

A break is a self-protective action dumpers take to avoid getting hurt. They don’t care that it gives the dumpee hope and that it makes him or her wait for their return.

The dumpee could be moving on and improving as a person, but instead, he or she is led to believe that the dumper is working on his or her issues and getting ready to resume the relationship.

When the dumpee finally catches on to the fact that the break is actually a breakup, the dumpee feels deceived as he or she waited for weeks or months for the dumper (who they thought was their partner) to resume the relationship.

The dumpee feels foolish for trusting a person who said one thing and did another.

That’s why it’s super important to watch partners’ and dumpers’ actions rather than words. Words don’t mean anything if they’re not backed by actions. Actions show your ex’s intentions whereas words reassure you and give you false hope. 

So try not to believe an ex who tells you that the relationship is just going on a break. Believe his or her actions instead as actions reveal his or her true feelings and intentions.

Can a break help the relationship?

Sometimes exes get jealous, anxious, curious, and nostalgic and re-commit to the relationship. They learn that they made a terrible mistake and that they need to get back together before it’s too late.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen very often. “The break” feels too liberating and empowering to go back to a relationship that made them unhappy.

It makes them feel in control and allows them to worry about things they want to worry about. Before they can become regretful, dumpers must first process the breakup and realize they’re not as happy as they hoped to be.

And this can take a lot of time. I’m talking about months or years of time.

Dumpers must get their ex out of their system and/or encounter some kind of obstacle they can’t deal with without their ex. When they encounter it, they may finally feel tempted to contact their ex and say how sorry they are for being selfish.

You see, a break typically doesn’t make dumpers regret leaving because they finally feel free and independent. If they do regret it shortly after breaking up, it’s because they still love their ex and lack the emotional strength to distance themselves. Usually, they don’t really want to break up.

They want to hog power and force their ex to apologize and be the way they want him or her to be.

If you’re hoping your ex to come back after taking a break from you, you shouldn’t wait longer than a few days. A few days should be more than enough for your ex to miss you and fear losing you. If your ex doesn’t come back after a few days, you don’t have a break but a breakup.

You’re dealing with a complete loss of feelings and determination to stay together. In that case, you should accept that your ex wanted to permanently break up but was afraid of telling the truth.

Your ex, could, of course, still come back even after breaking up.

But to come back, something major will need to transpire in your ex’s life. Something like another breakup or (mental) health problems. You shouldn’t count on that, though as you don’t know if your ex will ever fail, suffer, become nostalgic, and regret leaving. 

You need to rely on yourself for healing.

Simply put, taking a break works when dumpers want it to work. When they distance themselves to gain clarity on their relationship and work on themselves, they may reconnect and have a healthier relationship when life gives them lemons and forces them to value their ex.

As a dumpee, the only thing you can guarantee is your recovery and happiness. So try to not stay hopeful on purpose. Let go of hope instead by telling yourself that your ex wanted to break up and that he or she no longer deserves you.

Your ex lost that privilege on the day he or she proposed taking a break and risked losing you forever. 

What now?

Now that you’re broken up, you’ll probably notice your ex looking happy and unaffected. You’ll see that your ex doesn’t have a hard time staying away from you and that your ex prefers space and quiet.

Don’t let that bother you, though. The majority of dumpers feel happy after the breakup and share their happiness with others.

They feel a renewed sense of freedom and wish to enjoy their lives as single people.

What you must do is treat the break as an ordinary breakup. That means you must unfollow or delete your ex and cease all communication at once. No contact will filter out all unnecessary information coming directly or indirectly from your ex and help you accept the breakup and process it.

Mind you, it will take time to get through the breakup. But with an understanding of why the breakup happened and why your ex lied to you about the break, you should know that your ex lost feelings and acted on fears.

To suffer less and get over the breakup quicker, you’ll need to stay busy and keep your mind engaged. Journal your thoughts and emotions, exercise, go to therapy, meditate, pray, read, learn about relationships and breakups, hang out with people, make new friends, and spoil yourself.

The better you distract yourself, the sooner you can expect to feel better and stop looking over your shoulder. 

Breakups aren’t easy. You’ll have lots of ups and downs and times when you want to reach out to your ex. That’s why you must accept that you can’t influence a person who decided to quit on you and stay in no contact no matter what.

Any attempts to change your ex’s mind will only result in unnecessary suffering.

So instead of trying to convince your ex to be with you, walk away and cut your ex out of your life. You won’t immediately feel better, but you will give yourself a chance to see your ex for the person he or she is and stop blaming yourself for your mistakes and things you lack control over.

Take it one day at a time and rest assured that things get better. You’ll be happy again whether it’s with or without your ex.

What do you think? Does taking a break mean breaking up? Let me know your experience with your ex or exes in the comments below. I look forward to your comments.

However, if you need help and would like to share your story with us, subscribe to our breakup coaching and get in touch.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.