Does My Narcissistic Ex Think About Me?

Your ex may be a narcissist, but narcissists get curious too. They’re human beings capable of thought and emotion, which is why occasionally, your narcissist ex thinks about you. Something or someone reminds your ex about you and makes your ex think about you for a minute or two.

Your ex probably doesn’t think about the good times very much if at all. For the most part, your ex remembers the times he or she felt abused and victimized and extorts anger and power out of it. By doing so, your ex solidifies his/her beliefs that you’re the problem and that he or she is happier now that you’re no longer around.

A narcissist essentially feeds on power and control. He or she wants to feel in charge and that you as an ex are beneath him/her. To a narcissist, a breakup is competition. If a narcissist feels that he or she is losing the breakup, a narcissist also feels that he or she is losing control and that he or she needs to regain it by any means necessary.

That’s when a narcissist might reach out and get into an argument with you with the intention to anger you and make you fight back. Or conversely, a narc might play indirect jealousy games and try to dishearten you and get a reaction out of you.

These are just two common examples. A narc might do many other things that obstruct your progress and happiness and make you fail. A narcissist doesn’t care how he or she brings you down as long as a narc feels that he or she has affected you negatively.

A negative reaction from you empowers a power-starved narcissist and makes the narcissist feel more important than you.

A narcissist is a competitive and obsessed person, which is why you can expect your narcissist ex to check up on you on social media and look for signs that you’re unhappy and miserable.

Seeing you struggle post-breakup validates the narcissist, helps the narcissist deal with insecurities and problems, and give him or her the ego boost to keep moving forward and enjoying life. A person this ego-driven basically needs to see that you’re doing badly.

That makes a narc feel better and gives the narc the motivation to stay away from you.

Regardless of whether you dumped the narcissist or if the narcissist dumped you, you occasionally pop up into the narcissist’s mind. It may not be as often as you want the narc to think about you, but it does happen from time to time.

You were in an intimate romantic relationship, so lots of things and people remind the narcissistic of you. This is especially true right after the breakup because that’s when emotions are raw and the negativity your ex associates with you is the strongest.

Some of the things that could make your narcissist ex think about you are:

• mutual friends
• songs, movies, jokes, rhymes, locations, food, smell…
• new romantic partners (especially when things go wrong)
• not having much to do (boredom and loneliness)
• you finding someone else to date and being happy

The amount of times a narc remembers you and thinks about you, on the other hand, depends on:

• how busy the narc is (is he/she drinking and partying and dating anyone?)
• how happy the narc is (the happier the narc is, the less frequently he/she thinks about you)
• the places the narc frequents
• whether the narc was a dumper or a dumpee (dumpees become crazily obsessed and dangerous)
• how the narc perceives the breakup

A narcissist typically doesn’t show emotions of affection and doesn’t care very much. But that doesn’t mean that a narc is emotionless and incapable of getting hurt.

When a narc gets hurt, he or she can also desire peace and stability. A narc can remember the times when things were better and desire those times. Stress and yearning for internal happiness could essentially overwhelm the narc and make you occupy the dumper’s thoughts for a while.

Now, a narc typically doesn’t regret saying or doing mean things. A narc doesn’t feel sorry and isn’t determined to change. He or she merely does what’s best for him or her by making sure to put in as little effort as possible.

A narcissist wants something for nothing. And he or she feels entitled to it just for existing.

That’s why a narcissist who contacts you more often than not doesn’t want to fix things. He or she wants to appease curiosity and get an ego boost from you. Once a narc gets the ego boost, you’ll probably be tossed aside again.

In this article, we talk about whether a narcissist ever thinks about you. We discuss when a narc remembers you and what you should do if you’re hurting and thinking about your narcissistic ex.

Does my narcissistic ex think about me?

Narcissists are spiteful people. They hold onto anger and contempt longer than an average person. That means they bring up their ex from time to time to slam their ex. They mention all the bad things their ex said and did to them and try to present themselves as victims.

To me, that doesn’t sound like they don’t think about their ex but that they spend an awful lot of time thinking about their ex and belittling their ex internally and to those around them. Not only do they think about their ex, but they let the ghost of their ex evoke negative emotions and control them.

They allow their ex to bring out their resentment and negativity and consequently, become prisoners of their own mind. Their mind holds them hostage and prevents them from letting go and not having the last laugh.

Any angry, victimized, and manipulative person thinks about you whether he likes it or not. He doesn’t know how to beat you at the game of life or conversely, how to stop wanting to beat you, so naturally, his hurt, envious, and competitive brain tells him to seek justice and hope that karma hits you.

In return, he gets hit by karma himself as he becomes so obsessed with vengeance that he forgets to gain control of his emotions and improve his life.

The thing is that right after the breakup, a narcissistic dumper doesn’t care about you. He or she seeks attention and affection from other people and feels great. But because a narcissist is extremely underdeveloped, weak, and sensitive, a narcissist doesn’t stay in a fairy tale forever.

Eventually, he or she gets himself or herself in another predicament and gets punished for not doing anything to grow and change. When that happens, a narcissist once again feels betrayed and compelled to react impulsively.

So even though it may seem like a narcissist is far ahead in life, that’s just an illusion. In reality, he was never ahead of you to begin with. He just made it look that way by engaging in post-breakup activities that guarantee instant gratification.

Unfortunately, most dumpees fall for their ex’s showy behavior. They look at how great their ex is doing right after the breakup and fail to see the bigger picture, which is the work their ex is refusing to do as a result of self-empowerment.

When problems arise (and they sooner than later do), a narcissist gets a dose of reality and starts to notice that he or she isn’t as happy as expected.

That’s when you can expect a narcissist to think about you and perhaps even try to get back in touch with you. It’s hard to say what a narc will do. Some narcs are so prideful and stubborn that they never reach out. They sometimes get depressed and deal with their problems solitarily.

Of course, dealing with them doesn’t mean working on them. It means tolerating them and blaming others for their mistakes and misfortunes.

So if you want to know if your ex thinks about you, know that it strongly depends on who dumped who and the success the narc has had since the breakup. If the narc’s been dating around and staying distracted, the narc hasn’t thought much about you.

Occasionally, he or she remembered you for a brief moment and then focused on other things and people again.

But if you dumped the narc, if the narc’s been unhappy, or if lots of time has passed and the narc got into some kind of trouble, then the narc probably thinks about you. He or she wants to know what you’re up to and if you’re as miserable as he or she is.

The phrase misery loves company is truer for narcs than anyone else. Narcs can’t stand seeing other people do better than them. Especially not romantically because they take relationships and breakups very personally.

That’s why narcissists often take matters of justice into their own hands and try to punish their ex. They’re not happy with the breakup, so they try to ruin their ex’s life to make themselves feel better.

They do this by:

• warning their ex’s new partners
• spreading rumors about their ex
• pranking and humiliating their ex
• contacting their ex using fake phone numbers
• threatening their ex and throwing tantrums
• insulting their ex and trying to get a reaction out of him or her

So if you’re wondering “Does my narcissist ex think about me,” bear in mind that it depends on many factors. The most important factors include whether you dumped the narc, how busy the narc is, what you’re doing, whether the narc considers you a threat or a competitor, and if the breakup emotions are still fresh.

Fresh breakups create stronger emotions of bitterness and therefore, oftentimes force narcissists to think about their ex. But if the narcissist dumped you and is already dating someone else, then the narcissist probably doesn’t think about you very much apart from remembering you from time to time.

It all comes down to how hurt the narcissist is and what the narcissist is doing to stay busy and distracted.

Here are 6 things that make a narcissistic ex thinks about you the most after a breakup.

I suppose what you really want to know is if your ex cares about you and has moments of doubt. You want your ex to be as affected by the breakup as you.

Sadly, that probably won’t happen any time soon. If your narcissistic ex dumped you, it’s unlikely that your ex feels any remorse. Your ex might occasionally wonder if leaving you was the best thing to do, but that doesn’t last long as your ex quickly snaps out of it when he or she remembers the pain, embarrassment, sadness, or discomfort he or she went through because of you.

It’s not unusual for exes to feel a little bit of doubt here and there. But it’s way less common for narcissists because they strongly believe they’re the victim and that you’re to blame for their problems.

Romantically, your ex probably stopped caring a long time ago. Nothing you say or do now will trigger your ex’s feelings of nostalgia and regret because your ex dislikes you or resents you so much that he or she is incapable of seeing your positive qualities.

All your ex can see and remember are the things that made him or her feel disrespected.

It’s much more likely that your ex will start thinking about you more when he or she runs into problems and faces reality.

But when that happens, you’ll probably heal to the point where you won’t care about your narcissistic ex anymore. You’ll find healthier people to surround yourself with.

Why do you want a narcissist to think about you?

I know you feel hurt, but you should want the narcissist not to think about you. If the narcissist leaves you alone, you’ll be able to heal and find your purpose in life much quicker. But if the narc contacts you, picks fights with you, accuses you of bad things, and manipulates you, you’ll suffer a huge emotional setback and take longer to recover.

Initially, all narcissistic ex-couples think about each other for a while. Typically, they think about each other the most right after the breakup unless they jump into a new relationship. But as time goes by, they get used to their new lives and think about their ex less and less.

They start thinking about their ex again later after they’ve processed the most difficult emotions and got themselves into trouble. That normally gives them a good incentive to start wondering what their ex is thinking and feeling.

If their ex doesn’t want them anymore and they feel threatened, they may check up on their ex and breadcrumb him or her. But if they despise their ex and are done and over with the relationship, then they just move to the next person without giving their ex much thought.

People are different in many ways. But generally, narcissists worry about themselves. If they need their ex for something, they contact their ex and try to get it from their ex. And if they feel okay, they stay away from their ex and mind their own business.

Preferably, you want your narcissistic ex not to think about you and bother you. The narc has probably starved you of validation and happiness, but that doesn’t mean you should rely on the narc for something so basic as self-love. You should detach yourself from the narc instead and find your own strength to heal.

Narcissistic breakups can be the most difficult type of breakup to process because narcs sink extremely low and hit below the belt. They make sure to inflict maximum damage and ruin their ex’s life. Narcs love seeing their ex fail and suffer. It makes them feel better about the situation they’re in.

So if you feel a strong need to make a narcissist think about you, ask yourself why you want to do that. Is it because you have an unhealthy attachment to your ex and want your ex to acknowledge your worth? What makes the narcissist so special that you value his/her time and care about what he or she thinks?

If you give it some thought, you’ll realize that you want your ex to think about you for the wrong reasons. You want this person to show you you matter because you’ve temporarily lost faith in yourself.

This sounds like you’ve got to improve your self-esteem and start thinking rationality rather than leave a good impression on the narc and make the narc wonder about you.

If you follow the rules of no contact, you’ll gradually detach from your narcissistic ex and stop thinking about what the narc thinks and feels. You’ll be happy with how things ended and that you finally have peace of mind.

You need to persevere and stay strong until you’re fully healed. This will take a while, so make sure to listen to your mind rather than your heart.

Why do I keep thinking about my narcissistic ex?

Abusive/toxic relationships are much harder to get over than normal relationships. That’s because couples in such relationships form unhealthy bonds and get addicted to each other. They become codependent because of all the ups and downs they go through as couples.

When the relationship ends, though, they once again start craving the validation and security they felt while they were together. Of course, by “they” I don’t mean dumpers. Dumpers detach weeks before they leave the relationship.

They start thinking negative thoughts and convince themselves they want to be single or with someone else.

So if you’re wondering why you keep thinking about your narcissistic ex, it’s either because you were codependent or because you’ve put your ex on a pedestal and think you’re a good match.

Many people miss their narcissistic ex. But they only miss their ex for as long as they’re attached. When they process the separation, detach, and lose hope, they notice just how bad their ex was for them and how much happier they can be without him or her.

So for now, allow yourself to go through the breakup stages and process things at your pace. A time will come when you make a full recovery and stop wanting your ex to validate you.

Are you worried that your narcissistic ex doesn’t think about you? What are you hoping to get out of it? Let us know in the comments section below, and we’ll respond shortly.

And if you’re looking for one-on-one breakup therapy, advice, and/or support, sign up for coaching here.