What Happens When You Ignore A Ghoster?

Ghosters may run away from people when they feel overwhelmed, but that doesn’t mean they stay away from them forever. Sometimes, they return in one way or another and try to get something from the person they ghosted.

Whether it’s forgiveness, advice, money, support, or validation, they want something only the ghostee can give them. That’s why they get back in touch and act as if nothing happened. They avoid talking about their ghosting (at least at first) and try to figure out how the person they ghosted feels about them.

If that person is annoyed and confrontational, they normally get angry, defend themselves, and run away again. Ghosters don’t handle difficult questions and emotions well, so they act on instinct and push confrontational people away.

In their mind, it’s okay to ghost others if doing so gives them peace of mind.

This explains why they ignore and ghost people when people stand up for themselves and question their decisions and morals.

If anything hurts and annoys ghosters and people in general, it’s when those around them accuse them of being immoral. Such accusations anger them and make them want to run away again.

So if you want to know what happens when you ignore a ghoster, nothing significant typically happens. Ignoring someone who thinks ignoring is okay doesn’t hurt that person much if at all. It just lets him or her know that you’re not interested in conversing and that it may be best to stop reaching out.

For the ghoster to care about your ignoring, he or she would have to care about you and have a desire to meet up and/or be with you. The ghoster would need to have developed expectations of you and regret ghosting you very much.

Something or someone would essentially need to have taught the ghoster a painful lesson. A lesson that ghosting is cruel, immoral, and weak and that he or she must learn to express difficult emotions and problems and not to ghost again.

Ghosters need to change their unhealthy behavior and fix the problems they’ve caused for those they’ve hurt.

But unfortunately, not many ghosters change their views of ghosting and their behaviors. Most of them are convinced they had the right to ghost because they weren’t happy. Strong convictions like that make them feel victimized, give them power, and justify their behaviors.

Ghosters have avoidant tendencies. Most of them don’t see anything wrong with ghosting because they have lots of negative deep-rooted beliefs that stem from childhood. It’s hard for them to identify their ghosting triggers, let alone do anything about them.

Hence why a person who ghosts may never change. It’s much more likely that the ghoster will continue to project his or her insecurities, commitment issues, and problems onto others. This depends on his or her ability and determination to reflect and change unhealthy beliefs and behaviors.

If you ignore a ghoster in person (just walk past the ghoster), you’ll refuse to pay any attention to the ghoster, but the ghoster will do the same to you. He or she will be glad you haven’t said anything that would have forced him or her to stop, communicate, and feel uncomfortable.

I wouldn’t call not greeting the ghoster ignoring as you’ll be doing the ghoster a favor. You’ll be giving the ghoster the space he or she needs and as a result, keep your emotions in check.

But if the ghoster takes the time to reach out via social media or text—and you ignore the outreach, then you’ll definitely be ignoring the ghoster. You’ll indirectly tell the ghoster that you don’t condone ghosting and that you’re not interested in conversing and being friends.

That won’t necessarily shock, anger, or sadden the ghoster unless the ghoster is going through something difficult and wants your help with it. It will probably just make the ghoster wonder if you feel contempt for him or her.

I always advise cheatees, ghostees, and dumpees to be better than the people who mistreated them. I encourage them to give them the explanations and kindness abusers didn’t have the courage, morals, and know-how to give.

It’s best to respond to them and communicate like a mature human being. They may not deserve it, but consider it good practice. Every time you handle a difficult situation maturely, you grow as a person, outgrow the ghosters, and improve your karma.

The worst thing you could do is sink to their level and try to beat them at their own game. Not only is that a waste of time and emotions, but it’s also bad for character development and those who respect you and see you as a mentor figure.

I’m not saying you must befriend your ghoster and talk to him or her for no reason. If you don’t respect the ghoster, you’re more than unwelcome to tell the ghoster this will be your last response to him or her and that you expect him or her not to reach out again.

If he or she does reach out, you will be forced to ignore the reach-out and resort to blocking.

Today, we talk about what happens when you ignore a ghoster. We go into detail about ways you can respond or not respond to someone who mistreated you.

What happens when you ignore a ghoster?

When you ignore a ghoster, one of two things will happen. The ghoster will either try to get in touch with you again (perhaps in different ways) or leave you alone. What the ghoster does depends on what the ghoster wants from you and how badly he or she wants it.

If you were romantic partners or friends and the ghoster regrets ghosting you, the ghoster may apologize, ask to talk, and explain why he or she ghosted you. The ghoster may seem very keen on reconnecting and making things right.

But if the ghoster merely wants an apology and nothing else, then the ghoster may not keep asking for it if you refuse to talk/give it. Self-forgiveness comes from within. When the ghoster realizes he or she isn’t getting it from you, the ghoster may decide to demonize you and by doing so, rationalize his or her reasons for leaving.

By making you look bad, the ghoster may stop wanting to talk to you and go back to disliking you.

If you expect the ghoster to get as hurt as you were when you got ghosted, that probably won’t happen. The ghoster is detached or mostly detached (has very few expectations of you) and can handle rejection much better than you.

He or she doesn’t need you as much as you needed him or her when the ghosting happened. Back then, you had a strong connection and hope for the relationship. You wanted to stay connected to the ghoster and get the most out of the relationship.

Today, you’re probably quite detached (or at least not desperate) and know that ghosters don’t deserve your time and attention. They sabotage relationships and do nothing to fix the mess they’ve caused and help you feel better. At least not when they leave, which is when you need their help the most.

You need ghosters to explain things and give you closure right away. But instead, you get crickets and have no choice but to figure out what happened on your own.

That’s why ghosters deserve no sympathy whatsoever. They may have unresolved childhood issues, traumas, fears, abandonment issues, dismissive/avoidant attachment styles, problems expressing themselves, and other issues we may not be aware of.

But despite all that, ghosting is still ghosting. It’s inexcusable because it makes people take the ghosting to heart and hurts their self-esteem.

People require an explanation for why things happened the way they did. This isn’t something they prefer, but what they need and deserve for remaining committed till the end. If they don’t get the answers they need, they have every right to feel hurt and think the ghoster is immature and selfish.

Only a selfish person would prioritize his or her feelings and ghost a friendship or a relationship. Such a person should be refused easy access back into your life or should at the very least, be confronted gently.

You can do that by telling the ghoster you don’t want to be friends anymore or by questioning his or her motives for ghosting and the things he or she has learned from it.

If you’re not happy with what you hear and the internal changes and improvements he or she has made or is making, it’s probably safer for you to reject the ghoster’s reconciliation offer, explain why you’ve decided to do that, and ask for space.

As a ghostee, you need to understand that ghosters ghost for themselves and return for themselves as well. They realize they’re not getting what they expected out of ghosting and that they consider you a backup plan.

You may be their only option, but it still shows they’re at war with themselves and that they’ll likely bring the war to you if you take them back.

To gain your trust, they might present themselves as innocent, regretful, or trustworthy people with problems. You could feel sorry for them and be extremely tempted to forgive them and take them back.

But if you do that, you could put yourself in a situation where they can mistreat you again the next time they feel trapped and overwhelmed. This has happened to many people before.

So think long and hard before you let ghosters back into your life. Think about their loyalty and behavior and see if they’ve examined their mental and emotional processes. If they don’t appear any different, they likely need you for something that has nothing to do with you and may not plan to give much in return.

Heck, they probably don’t intend to stay long.

So bear in mind that ignoring a ghoster won’t do much for him or her. Ghosting won’t hurt the ghoster a lot and it certainly won’t encourage or force him or her to learn any important lessons. It will probably just tell the ghoster that you don’t tolerate such behaviors and that you’ve got better people to spend time with.

That being said, here’s what happens when you ignore a ghoster.

Nobody likes being ignored as it evokes feelings of worthlessness. But if you punish the ghoster by giving the ghoster a taste of his or her own medicine, you won’t be any better than the ghoster. By ignoring him or her without an explanation, you’ll let the ghoster think and feel the kind of emotions ignoring creates.

And ignoring someone who isn’t in love with you and/or dependent on you likely won’t hurt him or her enough to reflect and change. What will probably happen is that the ghoster will be a bit annoyed and then get over it.

Some people ignore ghosters because they don’t care about them rather than to punish them. They fear that if they were to converse with them, they’d encourage ghosters to keep reaching out and messing with their life. That’s a reasonable assumption.

But still, it’s just an assumption. There’s no way of knowing how the ghoster will react. If you choose to ignore the ghoster out of fear of the unknown, you won’t be much different than the ghoster. You may not ghost, but you’ll both ignore unwanted emotions by pushing each other away.

You probably see the resemblance.

How to deal with a ghoster who comes back?

Ghosting is a serious matter that shouldn’t be taken lightly and instantly forgiven.

But, on the other hand, ghosting a ghoster, ignoring/blocking a ghoster, and treating him or her poorly or the same as the ghoster treated you aren’t solutions either.

They’re retaliation for what he or she has done to you.

I suppose ignoring the ghoster is better than telling the ghoster what a spineless, lily-livered coward he/she is. It’s not a provocative gesture per se. But it’s not the most mature and ethical move you can make.

If you want to be as developed as you can be and not come off as a pushover, respond to the ghoster and tell the ghoster you’ve decided not to stay in touch.

Say that the separation has made you think and that you don’t want friendship/relationship right now. You want to be left to your own devices and work on more important things.

The ghosters might, of course, not like that idea and might try to change your mind. But if that happens, reiterate what you already said and show that you’re not backing down. The ghoster needs to see that you’re serious and that he or she no longer has control over your life.

He or she had control right after ghosting when you were hurt and confused, but now that he or she has come back, things have changed. Now, you get to decide whether you let him or her into your life and try to rebuild what was broken.

No one says you need to do that. But if you’re considering it, ask the ghoster some important questions, such as:

• Why did you ghost me?
• Why did you come back?
• What will you do next time this happens?
• Are you willing to change and do what I ask of you?
• What would you do if you were me?

If you think (not feel) you can trust the ghoster after everything you went through, communicate with the ghoster and set some healthy boundaries. Make sure the ghoster understands the importance of communicating, committing, and working on himself or herself before you give the ghoster another chance.

You need to be careful or you could get burnt again.

Do ghosters get karma?

Yes, although not necessarily the kind of karma you’re hoping for. Ghosters’ whole life has been difficult as they’ve been avoiding difficulties and hurting people. Their avoidance behavior prevented them from bonding with people and having successful long-lasting relationships.

This on its own is karma as their lack of self-investment (maturity) stopped them from getting what they wanted out of life. Due to their insecurities and unhealthy behavior, they never felt safe and fulfilled. They kept running from one best thing to the next, hoping that luck will strike.

I don’t know what else you could ask for. The only thing that could hurt ghosters more is some kind of accident or illness. But wishing misfortune on them and envying them is unnecessary as they aren’t ahead of you. They may act as if they are, but they have tons of unresolved issues to work on that will take them years or decades to resolve.

Ghosters and people who mistreat others don’t get away with anything! Internally, they are who they are, which means they constantly wreak havoc on others and get in trouble for t. Some people ignore them, some dislike them, and some resent them to the point where they take revenge.

You don’t want to be the person who takes revenge. You want to let others do the work for you and teach the ghoster a lesson. If the ghoster is ready to learn a lesson, he or she will. But if the ghoster lacks self-awareness and is too stubborn to develop it, then let’s just say he or she has a pretty miserable life ahead.

The ghoster will struggle to get along with people because sooner than later, someone will trigger his or her fight-or-flight response and ghost the wrong person.

Until that happens and you get your sweet revenge, focus on improving your karma so that your conscience is clear.

What do you think happens when you ignore a ghoster? Do you think a ghoster gets angry and feels rejected? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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