How To Do No Contact When You Live Together?

How to do no contact when you live together with your ex

If you’re wondering how to do no contact when you live together with your ex, I can tell you that this rule is very similar to the no contact rule when you work with your ex.

The main difference between the two is that no contact at work requires you to spend a third of your time with your ex whereas no contact when you live together demands two-thirds.

And that’s if you don’t count the time on weekends and various responsibilities, such as kids, mortgage, school, etc.

It’s really no secret that following no contact when you live with your ex can be exhausting and draining to the core.

It can make you anxious and dependent on your ex for recognition and keep your hopes up for a very long time.

And just when you start feeling better and think that things might turn out for the better, you suddenly realize that your ex is dating someone new already and that he or she has moved on.

When that happens, your wound reopens and round two of the breakup officially begins.

So if you want to do everything in your power to avoid additional suffering, utilize and adapt the indefinite no contact rule.

Put some physical and emotional distance between the two of you when possible and remain the best version of yourself at all times.

Depending on your ex’s maturity, your ex could use everything you do and don’t do against you.

So prepare yourself for a tedious battle.

In this article, we’ll talk about how to do no contact when you live together with your ex.

How to do no contact when you live together with your ex

How to do no contact when you live together?

If you want to do no contact when you live with your ex, you first need to emotionally and rationally understand what no contact is all about.

You need to realize that the rules of no contact exist for you and your ex to get what you both need.

You as a dumpee need to let go and detach and your ex as a dumper needs peace to recover.

It’s absolutely required after every unilateral breakup. There are no exceptions.

Even if your ex told you that he or she loves you and wants to make things work, you need to respect your ex and give him or her the time and space to think.

You need to do this because your ex stopped believing in your ability to make him or her happy.

As straightforward as this may sound, your ex just isn’t happy or as happy as he or she was and could be.

I’m sure this doesn’t really come as a surprise to you. Your ex likely told you this before in one way or another.

It doesn’t really matter what your ex said or how your ex displayed a lack of affection for you.

The truth is that your ex lost his or her romantic feelings before the breakup and doesn’t want to spend the rest of his or her life with you.

At least not right now.

If anything’s going to make your ex come back, it’s his or her own realization of your potential to make him or her happy.

Everything other than your ex’s thoughts and feelings about you are, therefore, completely irrelevant.

External factors that make your ex unhappy could, of course, make your ex see your worth at some point, but they could take their sweet time.

In fact, they could take so long, you’ll probably have lost most feelings for your ex and give up completely.

When you live with your ex

No contact is not always just about cutting your ex off and avoiding every interaction with him or her.

Many times, this just isn’t possible, such as:

Don’t think that you shouldn’t converse with your ex when your ex talks to you and wants you to help him or her with various tasks and responsibilities.

As a matter of fact, ignoring your ex and acting mean on purpose would be downright disrespectful and could infuriate your ex and solidify your ex’s decision for his or her abandonment.

And that’s just something your broken relationship can’t afford right now.

It can’t take on more issues when it hasn’t even dealt with old ones yet. It will collapse completely—maybe even permanently.

So make sure that you don’t do a disservice to your ex when he or she interacts with you.

Be kind and respectful instead and show your ex that you’re a decent human being even if you don’t get anything or much in return.

It’s what mature people do.

Even if your ex doesn’t come back or you eventually detach to the point where you don’t want your ex back anymore, you’ll be proud of yourself for acting in accordance with high moral values.

You’ll be glad you remained worthy of respect.

How to act when you live with your ex?

No contact has one main objective — to avoid saying and doing things that suffocate your ex and push him or her away.

This includes the typical begging and pleading behavior, apologizing, demanding attention, and talking about things your ex doesn’t want to talk about.

Sometimes just talking to your ex can cause your ex to perceive your behavior in a threatening way.

You don’t even have to ask or demand anything from your ex as it’s your ex’s exhausted, fixed mentality that decides what you’re like and what you want.

So don’t talk about unnecessary subjects that don’t concern your ex. Don’t even hint them and risk your ex misinterpreting them.

It’s just not worth the trouble for as long as your ex is in a relief-empowered state of mind.

No contact when you live with your ex

You’ll know your ex is ready to talk when he or she openly talks to you, so don’t jump the gun!

You won’t achieve anything positive on your terms. You’ll just suffocate and anger your ex—and make him or her run for the mountains.

Instead of pushing your own beliefs on your ex, allow your ex to come to you.

Give him or her the right to remain silent and mind your own business.

If your ex is a mature person and doesn’t hate your guts, your ex will talk to you when he or she is ready.

You can be certain of that.

Most dumpers contact their dumpees after they’ve dealt with relief—so chances are that your ex will start a conversation with you too.

The good thing is that you don’t need to do much about it. You just have to be your best self, focus entirely on yourself, and exhibit some positive, attractive traits.

Confidence, high self-esteem, self-respect, friendliness, and understanding.

It’s what your ex is asking for.

Do no contact properly when you live with your ex

As a dumpee, you shouldn’t look for opportunities to reason with your ex and sway him or her against his or her will.

You really shouldn’t do anything that would directly attempt to change your ex’s feelings for you.

This includes jealousy games, excessive social media posting and flaunting, telling your mutual friends to reason with your ex, and anything your ex doesn’t want to see, feel, or listen to.

Doing no contact when you live together isn’t just about you and your hurt feelings.

It’s also about your ex and what your ex is thinking and feeling.

If you act on your feelings and your ex responds with his or hers, I guarantee that your ex will never respect you, nor feel love for you again.

He or she will desire freedom instead.

Furthermore, don’t try to compliment your ex unnecessarily or attempt to get intimate with your ex when you’re alone with him or her.

Your ex has made up his or her mind and won’t bond with you just because you’re physically in the same room.

Although love is both physical and emotional, you need to understand that your ex has emotionally and intellectually disconnected from you.

He or she deliberately cut you out of his or her life and won’t give you any love and affection for a very long time.

Probably until something or someone changes the way he or she feels about you.

Getting your ex back when you live with your ex

Since your dumper ex needs lots of time to go through the 5 stages of a breakup for the dumper, your ex won’t just wake up one day and realize your amazing traits.

Your ex will first need to process the breakup, discard his or her old mentality, and adopt new thinking patterns before your ex appreciates you again.

Nobody knows how long this could take, but it probably won’t happen while your ex lives with you.

This is especially true if your ex doesn’t understand why he or she feels repulsed by you—and doesn’t know that he or she is responsible for his or her thoughts and emotions.

So forget about your gut feeling that your ex will return if you just stay positive and smile all day long.

Your ex’s perception of you is your ex’s responsibility. All you can do is be the best version of yourself and “hope” that your ex notices your worth.

Always keep in mind that there are no manipulation techniques that could work positively on your ex.

Tricks and gimmicks usually only backfire and cause more damage in the long run.

Living with an ex is difficult

Doing no contact when you live with your ex is no easy task.

You will continuously think about your ex and probably dream about him or her too.

Your mind will constantly stay engaged and hope that your ex has a change of heart soon.

As a result of high hopes, reconciliation will become the purpose of your existence and you’ll become obsessed with your ex.

Pain and anxiety will then make you analyze your ex’s:

  • whereabouts
  • the people your ex is with
  • what he or she is doing
  • his or her motives for leaving you
  • how to make your ex want you back
  • how to improve yourself
  • and the things you shouldn’t concern yourself with as a dumpee

You will probably constantly worry about thousands of things.

But the worry that will hurt you the most is the constant need for validation.

The desire to make your ex love you again and the anxiety-driven ex-back obsession will continue to kill you from within.

And it won’t stop until:

  • you move out
  • suffer so long that you become immune to pain
  • get over your ex and/or meet someone else

There is, of course, another solution — reconciliation, but you should never put your hopes on it.

It’s not wise to cling on to your ex an put your health and happiness in his or her hands.

Can you live with your ex?

Living with an ex you love is possible.

It’s not easy, but it’s feasible.

A lot of dumpees who are married to their ex or share a lease with their ex don’t have a choice but to live together.

Finances usually don’t allow them to move out, so they find a way to “put up” with each other and learn to live independently.

Sadly though, they don’t live together forever. More often than not, the dumper finds someone else and/or moves out at his or her earliest convenience.

The truth is that the dumper just doesn’t want to live with someone whom he or she doesn’t love and feels repelled by.

The dumper would rather just live a dumpee-free life and focus on his or her own wants and needs.

So don’t think that your ex will live with you forever even if you do no contact. The sooner you come to terms with this fact, the less hurt you will get when it happens.

You shouldn’t be scared that your ex will find someone else or that your ex will move out.

Your ex most likely will when the time is right. He or she deserves to be happy just as much as you do—and will likely take the opportunity when it comes.

So prepare yourself in advance and start rebuilding your life from the ground up.

If you do, you’ll soon realize that investing in yourself and building a great relationship with yourself and the people who love you is the most secure feeling in the world.

But you have to start today—this very moment.

Don’t waste another second relying on your ex for emotional fulfillment.

Your ex can’t be the center of your life.

Not when you were in a relationship—and certainly not now that you’re not.

Are we done forever if my ex moves out?

Your ex moving out doesn’t necessarily mean that your ex won’t come back in the future.

It also doesn’t mean that the odds of reconciliation are any lower than if you lived together.

It merely implies that your ex needs some space to chase after his or her happiness and that you need to provide your ex with it.

Under no circumstances should you try to guilt-trip your ex into living with you.

Doing so would smother your ex and go against your ex’s decision.

It would likely make your ex so miserable that he or she would react impulsively and show you his or her worst colors.

So don’t abuse your situation just because you currently live with your ex.

You wouldn’t pester your roommate if he or she loved someone else—and you shouldn’t pester your ex either.

Your ex’s respect for you has dropped significantly when your ex broke up with you, so try not to lose what’s left.

Retain your remaining dignity instead and let your ex have it his or her way.

Tip on how to do no contact when you live with your ex

The best tip I can give you on how to do no contact when you live with your ex is to forget about what your ex is doing and focus on yourself.

There’s nothing left for you to find now that your ex rejected you. Nothing that could make you happy, anyway.

If you dig for information, all you’ll find is unnecessary stress and anxiety—and daily proof that your ex doesn’t care about you anymore.

So if you want a healthy piece of advice when you still live together with your ex, use this post-breakup time in a way that can actually help you.

Start by doing some soul-searching, fixing the relationship killers that caused the breakup, and improving your well-being.

When you’ve healed completely and improved yourself as a person, you’ll no longer associate yourself with the person you were and the mistakes you’ve made.

You won’t let your ex’s abandonment define you because you’ll realize that your ex lost out on you.

Are you still wondering how to do no contact when you live with your ex? Leave a comment and let me know.

23 thoughts on “How To Do No Contact When You Live Together?”

  1. Hi Zan,

    My ex-wife told me two weeks ago that she wanted a divorce because she had more feelings for her coworker than me and wanted a chance to explore those feelings. We were together for 8 years, married for 6. She only has known this coworker for 10 weeks. I offered both marriage counseling or personal counseling but she said no. We always had an agreement that no one was trapped in our marriage and that if either of us wasn’t happy, we would talk to each other. Cheating was a line we both agreed not to cross. She ended up crossing that line. Since she had made up her mind, I asked for a no contest joint petition for divorce. She agreed and we filed 3 days after she told me. I was shocked when the judge reviewed and signed it the same day. We were divorced in less than 72 hours from when she asked.

    Financially, I make more money than her, and she lost her insurance with the divorce. We agreed that the house and mortgage would stay with me, since she couldn’t afford it. But now she doesn’t have anywhere to go. She wants to rent the guest room for an indefinite amount of time. She obviously didn’t think all of this through.

    I read your article, and while I’m devastated over what she did and in one of the cruelest ways possible, I don’t want her back. This hurt too bad, and she made me feel used and unworthy. I went away for work for two weeks, but go back next weekend. I put off the discussion about her renting the room until I get back. The no contact for the past few days has helped me to start building my strength back and not be a crying mess. I worry about living in the same house and how I’ll be able to heal if she is still there.

    It seems very unfair that she blew up the relationship and still wants to stay in the house after she got everything she wants. I just want space to process and take care of myself. I know my weakness would be to start taking care of her again and she does not deserve me right now.

    Any advice is appreciated.

    Amy

    1. Hi Amy.

      If you want what’s best for you, don’t let her stay in the house. I know you have strong feelings for her and don’t want to burn your bridges, but remember that she made her decision and that it’s time to protect and prioritize your needs.

      She acted impulsively and is taking a gamble with her coworker. My advice is to stop interacting with her and let her face the consequences.

      Kind regards,
      Zan

  2. My (ex?) husband moved into our basement two weeks ago and has said that his “end game” is divorce. However, he has made very little effort to move his belongings from the bedroom, except some plants and a bunch of things he hasn’t touched in years. He has no timeline to give me. He hasn’t filed for divorce or talked to his attorney recently, so he says. Any discussion of dividing finances and income, or any forward movement of this situation is initiated by me only. He says we’ll sit down on such and such day to discuss, but it never happens.

    He often disappears on the weekend and evenings, only to return early in the morning, asking our oldest to wait up for him. He disappears like this while leaving me to care for all of our children and his dog, not considering that there may be something I may have to do that requires me to leave the house.

    All that being said, I’ve decided to go no contact as best as I can. However, most weekdays after work he attempts to talk to me about various unimportant things in his day (at least unimportant to our current situation). I also may receive a random forward from him on social media or “FYI” text. He claims he is being nice because he has no hard feelings and wants this to be as amicable as possible and not lose whatever relationship we have left.

    I am careful to no longer share my feelings or various happenings in my day, though I did not do this up until a few days ago.

    My questions are… Am I supposed to continue to entertain the conversations he initiates, even if they aren’t useful for moving forward in our situation? Do I respond to the rare text or Instagram reel he might send?

    I do not want to separate or divorce and I ultimately hope he ends up changing his mind (10 years of marriage discarded like trash). But I am so tired…can’t sleep, no appetite, in a heightened state of anxiety 24/7. I actually feel some relief with no longer initiating contact.

    1. Hi Hannah.

      Things can’t keep going on like this. It’s draining you emototionally and destroying you mentally. He either needs to fix things or get out of the house. By the looks of it, he’s still set on leaving. He just hasn’t done so yet because he doesn’t have anywhere to go.

      When he seems receptive, talk to him about his instagram messages and ask him not to do that anymore. Say that it’s confusing you and that you’d prefer not to talk about unimportant matters. Things will get easier when he leaves you alone and moves out.

      Sincerely,
      Zan

  3. Hey Zan.

    My ex and I were together for a decade and he just dumped me a couple months ago. Our lease is up in May, and neither of us can afford to move out right now.

    My question is about hanging out with him. The other day, when I got home from work, he was watching a movie and invited me to join. I watched the movie with him and tried to not look his way (he still glances at me during parts that are interesting, like he did through our whole relationship). Another time, he invited me to play PC games with him and our buddy, and I also joined for that.

    I’m wondering if I should say no to these sort of invitations? I made a few breakup mistakes and he has been quite mad with me. Part of me feels like he invites me because he pittys me and knows I’m hurting. And I’m also worried about doing so much of the same things we have always done together, bc he isn’t feeling the consequences of breaking up with me.

    So yeah, what do I do 🙁

    Katie

    1. Hi Katie.

      What you should do depends on how you feel. If watching tv with him feels strange, confusing, hopeful, or anything you don’t want to feel, it may be best to say no. You need to put yourself first. If you do join him, keep in mind it won’t help you get back together.

      I would stay away from him and let myself detach.

      Sincerely,
      Zan

  4. Hi Zan

    So he ended things a couple weeks ago and we still live together. The fights actually started happening right after i moved in…He said he has alot going on in his personal life. He needs to work on himself. And he just has so many pressures. He was going hot and cold when things in life got hard and I would keep asking questions which when i asked the same questions he got annoyed. This is what led to the breakup. He says at the moment he can’t handle his stuff and our relationship. He wants to be friends and that he Still cares about me and always will. But at the moment he can’t do a relationship and isn’t looking. We have been seeing each other for two years. Last Sunday I helped him with some things around the house then he got us dinner and asked to watch a movie. Then I went to my room. We live together but have seperate rooms. Then Tuesday he asked to go on the boat we went fishing just us 2 for 3hours then picked up our friends. He was literally acting and flirting like he did when we were in a relationship. Then the next day cold again. I know the feelings there he just keeps pushing it away. When i see him at home in the ams we keep it short dont talk much. And i havent texted him. We really only text about the dogs unless he is asking me to do stuff. What do you suggest I do? When he asks to do things should I say no? Im not sure what to do. Should i just give him space and let it play out? And if I do the no contact the best I can is there a chance he will come back and we can fix things… I thought about maybe leaving the house for a full week if I can. I am eventually moving out just gonna be a couple months. Any advice would be greatful. I don’t want to make things worse.

    1. Hi Raven.

      I suggest you keep your distance. The guy seems to be overwhelmed with stressors and doubts and doesn’t know how to handle his emotions. He’s not going to get better anytime soon as he doesn’t seem emotionally ready or capable of having a relationship with you. At home, only talk to him about urgent stuff. Don’t start serious topics and things he doesn’t want to talk about. Also, you shouldn’t live together if you’re not together. Figure out what to do about your living situation.

      Best regards,
      Zan

  5. Hi !
    Long story short after a lot of arguments (without finding a solution) few weeks ago my boyfriend told me that he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore. He said he lost feelings and attraction and he doesn’t love me anymore, which was the most painful thing anyone ever said to me… I was begging him to give me a chance to work things out, but he was explicit he wants to broke off. It’s been few weeks, there was some intimacy in the beginning, even sex sometimes, until he said that he feels the relationship as a burden, he feels suffocated and he stopped wanting intimacy at all, even hugs and kisses.. anything, the thing is that we are still living together.. it is killing me from within to share a bed with someone I love , who doesn’t love me and is cold and emotionally distant. I told him that for me living as roommates is not an option. He is in a better position than me, financially, he has the place to live but he is not moving out, even more, he is talking like we are still in a relationship. But the intimacy is gone… I am so emotionally drained, I have no strength to move out myself, i went to a therapist and she said to give him space and go no contact, but how I can do that while receiving mixed signals from him like talking as we are still in a relationship and planning months ahead even thought he was clear that he doesn’t want this relationship to continue, should I move out or give space ?? Is he still with me out of pity, what stops him from moving out ?
    Please help 🙁

    1. Hi Katty.

      You should talk to your ex and tell him you’d like him to stop giving you hope. Explain that hope gives you anxiety and that he should give you the space you need. The guy is with you for the sake of being with you. Love is gone, so know that he’ll move out when he stops feeling bad or when it’s convenient for him.

      Best regards,
      Zan

  6. Ex dumped me just over a week ago, but said he will always love me, and wants to stay single for a while before he dates again. We were living as friends/roommates, and then he told me on the one-week mark that he is going to date someone new. I asked him to please not bring anyone new into our home right now, as a courtesy (I would show him the same courtesy). I will be moving out as soon as I am able – I’m waiting on some paperwork to go through, which could take weeks or a couple of months – but even though I don’t want him back, I feel him bringing someone new in that fast is disrespectful (and risky for lots of reasons). I’m doing minimal contact (we split bills and share a dog, and we work together). I know he still loves me, but since I am moving abroad soon, he had to let go. I just didn’t think he would do it so abruptly and hatefully. He says he wanted me to hate him so it wouldn’t hurt me when I leave. Thoughts? Am I unreasonable to ask that he see the girl at her home or elsewhere for now? Thanks

    1. Hi Alyssa.

      It’s possible that he’s seeing someone else already. But he probably won’t bring any new person into the home as you asked him nicely. He genuinely cares about your health, but he doesn’t have any feelings for you. He just feels bad for leaving you.

      Go no contact and keep detaching.

      Zan

  7. There are so many harsh assumptions in this article. “Your ex is repulsed by you, doesn’t care about you anymore, they won’t give you any love or affection for a very long time.” We still live together, he dumped me almost a month ago. He has told me repeatedly how much he loves me and wants to be with me, but that he has inner demons (serious insecurity issues) that he has to work out. He’s initiating physical closeness with me, hugging me, wanting to cuddle, telling me how beautiful I am, and he asked me on a date for Valentine’s weekend. I get that every situation is different, but this article seems to just assume that all breakups are the same and I’m simply trying to find advice on what to do when you’re trying to do no contact with your ex, but they are being this affectionate and drawn to you after they broke up with you. Not all relationships end with one person breaking up with the other and immediately hating them.

    1. Hi Stefanie.

      Most dumpers associate unhealthy emotions with the dumpee, hence why they break up with him/her. Not all dumpers hate dumpees, but most do crave space away from them. Those who don’t crave space tend to want friendship, which is selfish because it gives dumpee false hope and strings him or her along.

      Kind regards,
      Zan

  8. I’m still living with my ex after my breakup. Our lease isn’t over for another 4 months and neither of us can afford to leave. We also have pets together.

    The breakup was mutual at first – actually, I initiated it. We agreed we were better as friends, and the first two weeks went smoothly. He moved into the spare room. We cohabitated as friends. No pain, no sadness, no feelings. However, about 2 weeks later I regretted the breakup wholeheartedly. I realized I was still in love with him, and the feelings never went away, that I couldn’t live without him. That day I cried and begged and asked to get back together, which is when I learned his feelings had completely vanished for me, unlike me who was still suffering and in love.

    I didn’t take it well, and I handled it poorly the next day as well with another round of crying/pleading/begging. Yesterday I tried to get back to “normal” and it was going well until I broke down while we were watching TV. That was when I learned that he had felt numb for the last year of our relationship, and just wanted space now to grow as a person. He thought I was holding him back from a life he wanted. He’s still adamant he will never get his feelings back, but our relationship was practically perfect, it just grew stagnant and passive over the years, like relationships often do. I really believe his feelings could come back after some space, but I’m worried I ruined it with my 3 straight days of crying and begging and pretty much doing everything you said not to do.

    I’m trying to go no-contact now. But did I ruin it already? Is it unredeemable because of my behavior?

  9. Dear Zan

    Thanks for this article. Along with many of your other posts, it has been really helpful and has solidified a decision that has been difficult for me to make. It’s been close to two months since my ex broke things off. We lived separately for the first 3 weeks but now he has moved back in. I have broached the topic of selling our place a few times but he isn’t very open to ‘losing our investment.’

    I don’t want to be a vicious ex but I also don’t feel it’s healthy for me to live this way. I want to start moving forward with my life. I think he realises that he can’t afford another place without and also wants the comfort of ‘being in a relationship’ without being in it. That’s just my take on the situation or at least the only logical reasons I can think of for not selling.

    My question is, how can I politely but firmly convince him that we need to sell our flat?

    Thanks in advance for any help or advice. 🙂

  10. Hi, my girlfriend dumped me a couple of days ago. She said I took her for granted and that she doesn’t love me anymore. I didn’t take it well, I pleaded and begged her to take me back but she did not budge. Im not proud of the way I reacted. Yesterday I composed myself and implemented no contact. I moved my laptop to a difficult room and sleep on the couch. I only make drinks and food for myself as does my ex. I also go to see my family more often.

    However, now that I’m going out more my ex asks me where I’m going and what I’m doing? I don’t want to rude be but I have made it clear I only consider us roommates and not friends. Not sure what to say or how to react. I want to implement no contact to give us space but she always intiates meaningless small talk. I need some advice on how to handle this.

    Kind regards
    David.

    1. Hi David.

      Avoiding contact with your ex is going to be difficult, so reply to her and answer her questions whenever she’s curious about you. Don’t engage in lengthy conversations. Simply show her that you’re giving her space and focus on yourself. Find joy in life and get your enthusiasm back. This is what you need to do.

      Kind regards,
      Zan

  11. My ex broke up with me a few months after she pressured me into getting an apartment together way too early on in our relationship. Living together so soon permanently changed the dynamic between us, and I don’t even blame her for this any more, I mainly blame myself for ignoring my better judgement and going ahead with the move. Despite me making all of the usual mistakes after the split, crying and begging etc, she seemed indecisive about the breakup and would still occasionally venture away from the couch at night to jump into bed with me whenever she felt like it. Every time this happened it raised my hopes and I thought things would be okay, but she’d shoot me straight back down after she got what she wanted.

    Eventually I decided that the deposit we had paid on the apartment wasn’t worth the strain on my mental health that was resulting from continuing to live with her. I told her I was moving out and she could have the flat for the rest of the month, and upon realising she couldn’t afford to move at that point, she told me we were back together, (probably until she could had the finances to make other plans).

    This didn’t go well, and when my naivety wore off and I questioned her on why she was still so distant, she flew into a rage at me and we had the worst argument we’d ever had. I moved into an airbnb the same day and it was the best decision I’d made since she ended our relationship. Living with her post breakup was the most gut-wrenching, miserable experience I’ve ever endured, and this is considering I was lucky enough not to have to witness her dating someone else during this time. She even seemed to enjoy making it more difficult for me at times, and I’ll never be able to forget how cruel she became, even if I can one day find it in myself to forgive her.

  12. Mine lived with me for three months past the breakup. It was brutal. I accused her of cheating once about three weeks after the breakup and my anxiety was getting the best of me. She was also wanting a lot of space and went out a ton including staying overnight with girlfriends (so she said anyway). It’s the hardest thing I ever went through, but I pulled myself together after about five weeks and tamped down my emotions when the anxiety was getting to me. I stopped myself sending her angry texts a few times and I realised eventually that she didn’t want much communication as she’d reply to my messages with very cold formal replies, so I stopped texting her and acting like we were still together.

    The worst thing is it literally was like a drug addiction and I wasn’t able to go cold turkey. Even just having her around made my anxiety go away like I got my fix and then I wouldn’t see her for two or three days and start feeling miserable again. It really sucked not being able to move on. We did have light and playful conversations the last 6 or 7 weeks and she thanked me for I handled things overall the last day I saw her. So I made some mistakes but who could blame me? I am a quick learner and feel that I did pretty well once I got my composure.

    I don’t’ wish it on anyone. For anyone who thinks no contact is hard, trust me it’s a hundred times better than living together after you get dumped.

    1. Hi Trevor.

      Thank you for sharing your story with us and for helping those who still live with their ex.

      Living with an ex is emotionally draining, so I can only imagine how you felt.

      Her push-pull effect likely starved you for her attention and made you crave her more each time she returned home.

      I’m glad you feel better now.

      Kind regards,
      Zan

      1. Thanks Zan and thanks for all your helpful articles and Axel’s as well. You serve up some hard truths that I didn’t want to hear at first when all I wanted was my ex back, but it was the medicine I needed. I also appreciate your balance and constant reminders to be compassionate towards dumpers and to be respectful and remain a good human being. I’m still needing to get through some anger at her, but I can always use reasoned self talk when I’m angry to remind myself that she did what she felt was best for her. I try not to get angry that she seems to have just breezed out of my life and is living it up without looking back these past six months, but I don’t know if that’s true or what her life is like now. I’m mostly focused on me now and moving forward.

        Keep up the good work helping the broken-hearted. I still check in regularly even though I’m through the worst of it and spending minimal time looking at ex back stuff. I’m now bingeing on bushcraft videos and want to start winter camping to clear my mind and get away from the city regularly.

        It’s true what you say that it can lead to a lot of growth. I’ve made many positive changes in my life.

        Don’t lose hope people, time heals and you will get through this. Focus on yourself. You have no control over getting your ex back, but you can control what you do with your life.

        1. Hi Trevor.

          If you keep improving the way you have been, you’ll soon let go of anger toward your ex and forgive her for her betrayal. You’ll move on in a healthy manner and open your heart to someone new.

          Great job!
          Zan

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