Reconnecting With An Ex Can Take Years!

Reconnecting with an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend after the breakup takes time. A lot of it!

It can take some dumpers months and others 20 or 30 years to reconcile. It really depends on the ex-couple’s post-breakup life and the circumstances they encounter along the way.

So whatever you do, don’t think that your ex will run back to you and reconnect with you within a week from the breakup.

It can happen, of course, but that wouldn’t be much of a breakup. It’d be a fakeup—an argument-based temporary split.

Most of the time, reconnecting with an ex takes months or years of time.

And there’s a reason why it’s like that.

Both dumpees and dumpers need time to themselves to get each other out of their systems. They basically need to forget about each other’s bad behavioral patterns, habits, personality traits, and everything that didn’t work for them in the past.

That’s why reconnecting with an ex and getting back together after years is actually way better than reconciling after a month or two when the same relationship killers are still present.

So if you’re trying to reconnect with your ex, keep this in mind, heal and recover first. It will make your life a lot easier if you manage to get back together.

In this article, we’ll talk about how you can reconnect with an ex who cares about you now or after 5, 10, 20, or 30 years.

A warning before you reconnect

Rushing with reconciliation often causes couples to break up the second or third time.

Since couples don’t focus on self-improvement, nothing really changes for them.

Instead, they continue making the same mistakes as before and end up hating each other—which eventually leads to a permanent separation.

So before you attempt to reconnect with an ex, make sure that the reasons for separation are no longer present on your end.

As for your ex, you will just know if your ex has done his or her part and fixed his or her shortcomings.

You will see it through your ex’s behavior and attitude. So be observant of that.

Only once you know that your ex has indeed changed will you know that your relationship can survive its resurrection.

Reconnecting with an ex the right away

If you’re a reader of this blog, you know that there’s the wrong and the right way to make your ex want you back.

The wrong way includes begging, pleading, calling, stalking, and hoping your ex takes pity on you.

Going down this path makes you hungry for your ex’s validation and keeps your wound open for much longer than it otherwise would be.

That’s why staying friends with an ex usually doesn’t work for the dumpee.

It doesn’t work for the space-starved dumper either—so the odds of “making your ex love you again” aren’t very high.

Not when you’re still dependent on your ex for validation and happiness.

As for the right way to reconnect with your ex, it’s based on the notorious indefinite no contact rule.

It essentially prohibits everything that the wrong way to connect with your ex adheres to.

It means no calling, texting, demanding, showing you’re hurt, annoying, guilt-tripping or anything that your ex doesn’t want from you.

Although dumpers initially seek control, they really don’t want any more than they can handle.

When they get too much of it, they will push you away and block you on social media or whichever platform you pester your ex on.

So if that’s what you’re doing, you better stop because no person is attracted to weakness.

People secretly admire strength, confidence, and high self-esteem.

That’s why you better work on yourself and find a way to portray yourself in a way that exudes positivity.

Reconnect with yourself first

First of all, reconnecting with your ex dumper is never going to happen on your terms. I can guarantee you that.

It truly sucks that you as a dumpee lack control over the reconciliation process.

But that’s just the way breakups are. It’s part of the reason why breakups are so difficult.

Breakups initially cause such a shock that dumpees can’t eat or sleep or do even the most basic human functions.

They truly devastate the dumpees and starve them of validation, love, and self-esteem.

That’s why your first responsibility as a dumpee is to regain what your ex has taken from you.

Work on your emotions, insecurities, shortcomings. And once you’ve done that—improve your qualities ten fold.

Since your ex let you go, you must not only correct your mistakes but also increase your overall value.

This includes your physical and emotional health, finances, social life, and overall happiness.

You need to do this so that you can change once and for all and become the person your ex will regret dumping.

You need to remember that you don’t need to be the person you were prior to the breakup.

Your old mistakes don’t define you so become someone who outgrew your old self.

When you do, you might not even want to reconnect with your ex anymore.

How to reconnect with an ex?

If you’re serious about reconnecting with an ex from the past, I strongly suggest you wait for him or her to contact you first.

Don’t try to force your ex to talk to you when that’s the last thing your ex wants to do.

Instead, give your ex space and time to get back to you when he or she is ready.

Do this even if it takes 30 years/

And once you hear from your ex, that’s when the real difficulties start.

Your ex could send you breadcrumbs and contact you for little to no reason at all.

It might not be to reconnect with you to and get to know you again.

Most of the time, dumpers come back to alleviate their guilt.

And when they do, your anxiety will probably race out of control.

You will experience pain similar to the day of the breakup and will think about your ex like crazy again.

So be very careful about your ex’s real intentions and protect your heart at all cost.

You always need to put yourself first no matter how much you want your ex back. There are no exceptions. Not a single one.

So try to stay calm when you hear from your ex in the future.

He or she might only do something as silly as asking for his or her screwdriver back.

Reconnecting with an ex after the breakup

Let’s say your ex is finally conversing with you again and is showing signs that he or she enjoys your company again.

If that’s what’s happening and your ex seems to be back to his or her old self, you’ve come pretty far and accomplished more than you can imagine.

You may think that your ex “friend-zoned” you and is now talking to you like a friend.

But that’s not true.

It’s a huge misconception to believe that your ex will come running back at full speed.

Although that’s often the case, it’s not a guarantee.

Some dumpers need to come back slowly, one day at a time.

And that’s why you should avoid giving your ex ultimatums.

Saying things, such as “It’s either romance or nothing” doesn’t do your ex any good.

He or she is currently in a perplexed state—in the process of developing feelings for you.

So don’t give your ex a reason to back off for good.

You will lose all your progress and send your ex flying away permanently.

Be patient!

You were likely your ex’s friend before so you probably already know how thin the line between friendship and romance is.

Anything and everything can happen when you’re close friends with your ex after a period of no contact.

The reason for that is your detachment.

When you feel detached, you’re mainly if not completely over your ex and don’t rely on him or her for validation anymore.

You instead appear confident about yourself and show signs of moving on. And your ex likes-hates it.

He or she respects you and feels slightly afraid to let go of a person who let him or her go. It sort of has a psychological effect on your ex.

That’s because you and your ex used to share romantic feelings for each other. You used to be incredibly close when the relationship was going strong.

So imagine what your ex could think of you if you remain patient and show him or her the new, transformed you 2.0.

Great things can happen, trust me.

But your ex must first realize your worth and want to talk to you often enough to see you in a better light.

Be the best you

Reconnecting with an ex after the breakup is difficult when you still crave your ex.

Anxiety and pain can force you to make rookie breakup mistakes and push your ex away.

That’s why you must remember that you must always, always, always appear emotionally strong and in control of your life in front of your ex.

I can’t stress how important it is for you to exude confidence to an ex who abandoned you.

It’s one of the most desirable traits you can display to your ex r egardless of how your relationship ended.

Getting angry, sad, frustrated, disrespectful, and requesting attention is therefore not the way to go.

And neither is inviting your ex out!

You must engrave into your brain that everything that has to do with reconciliation is not for you to decide.

It’s up to your ex.

The only time when you take reconciliation into your own hands is when your ex wants you back.

But until then, you must stay your best version of yourself at all times.

Your ex will test you for resilience

Remember that your ex may at times say or do things that won’t make you feel good. Things such as talking about you making bad choices in the past and about dating someone new are quite common.

Something negative will most likely occur at some point—and it will make you far from happy.

But if you react to your ex’s provocations, you can kiss your chances goodbye.

That’s why I’m going to tell you the truth.

Most people fail at reconnecting with an ex as friends and partners when they recover to the point of getting their strength and power back.

The reason why they fail is fairly simple.

They lose their patience and self-control and react to their provocative ex on instinct.

They send their ex to hell and give up because of the pain their ex is continuously making them feel.

So if you’re going to go down that route and give up in the end, you may as well save your effort and give up on reconnecting with your ex right now.

There are no tricks

Whether you use social media, such as Facebook and Instagram or you text your ex directly makes no difference.

As long as you communicate with your ex like a decent human being, you don’t need to worry about the platform you communicate on.

When your ex is receptive (replies to you, calls you, and shows interest), you don’t need to worry about how you talk to him or her.

All you need to focus on are the positive interactions whenever you converse.

This also means that you must avoid playing jealousy tricks at all costs. Don’t try to show off the person you’re seeing or something that exposes your sly nature.

You must keep in mind that your ex is a person you’re trying to impress, not hurt and manipulate.

If you resort to underhand tactics, your ex could distance himself or herself from you or show you his or her teeth.

And that’s when you’ll realize that your behavior may have crossed the line.

Using social media to reconnect with an ex

When you’re using social media as a gateway to showcase change and improvement, always think twice before you post something questionable.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• would someone I don’t know be impressed with this post?
• is my ex going to like me more or less as a result?
• how will my ex feel about it? Will he/she get hurt, annoyed, disrespected?
• is it ethically the best thing to do?

Ignoring, hurting, manipulating, lying, pretending, and anything negative can’t and won’t impress your ex.

If it worked like that, the world would be full of people who deliberately hurt each other to get what they want.

Those people of course exist, but they lack integrity and live in agony all their lives.

So instead of intentionally hurting your ex to make him or her “feel something for you” (which is contempt), remember to be the best version of yourself.

Show your ex:

• you’re having a great time with your friends
• doing new activities
• volunteering and helping others
• appearing happy with your life and the people around you

When you’re trying to portray yourself in the best light possible, show your ex that you’re enjoying your life.

There is nothing more you can do than to show him or her that you’re living a healthy lifestyle full of fun adventures.

Convey the message indirectly by doing lots of exciting things.

And if you on top of that show your ex that you’re selflessly contributing to the world in a positive way, then you’ll probably maximize your chances.

Here’s how you get your ex back using social media.

Texting and reconnecting with an ex

Texting your ex back is also very straightforward.

The only reason why it’s often hard and painful is that you’re texting too early.

When you’re still recovering and you want your ex way more than he or she wants you, you’re risking your health.

That’s why it might be difficult for you to find a balance between texting and waiting for your ex to text you.

As long as your emotions and anxiety are running wild, you will likely have a hard time reconnecting with your ex.

But the moment this is no longer an issue and your ex texts frequently (let’s say once or twice a day) this will no longer be a problem.

You will immediately move onto your next concern—which is learning how to make your ex regret breaking up with you.

Once you get to this point, my personal suggestion is to let your ex text you more than you text your ex. For every two times your ex initiates texting, you should initiate a texting conversation once.

Your ex needs to realize that you’re no longer a couple and that he or she needs to invest slightly more than you do.

So wait for your ex to naturally feel the desire to invest more and grab your attention—instead of you demanding his or hers.

Here’s how you text your ex back and reconnect with him or her.

When you’re texting your ex, make sure you always appear positive. Don’t complain, talk about the breakup, annoy your ex, demand attention, ask inappropriate things, and anything an immature person would do.

Simply be the best you can be. It’s that simple.

Throw some jokes when appropriate and reciprocate your ex’s feelings and intensity.

For example, if your ex isn’t too happy about something, don’t be a happy clown.

Sympathize with your ex and read his or her mood.

Reconnecting with an ex that calls you

This is the next/final step when it comes to reconnecting with an ex.

When your ex calls you, talk to him or her like a friend. Be genuine with your approach and show your ex that you’re okay with or without your ex.

Appear confident, smart, considerate, and in control of your life.

Pay attention to the tone of your voice, be respectful, and show your ex that you don’t intend to pry into his or her life.

Also, when your ex sounds excited, be excited as well.

And when he or she is “neutral” be your normal self too.

Let your ex set the tempo of the conversation the way he or she wants—whereas you focus on reciprocation.

It’s that simple.

You will find that you can talk for hours at a time.

And that’s good.

It shows that your ex still cares about you to some degree and that you still play an important role in his or her life.

Reconnecting with an ex hurts

As you now know, there is no easy way to get your ex back.

As long as you need your ex to be happy, no matter what you do, getting your ex back will cause you a ton of anxiety.

The only time when it doesn’t hurt is when you’re reconnecting with an ex after 20 years or so.

So if you’re going to reconnect, I suggest you wait long enough to be over your ex so that you’re not dependent on the outcome.

In doing so, you will eliminate all the post-breakup mistakes you can possibly make and maximize your chances of reconciliation.

And that’s why following the rules of no contact is your only solution whether your ex comes back or you end up moving on.

Reconnecting with an ex while married

Reconnecting with an ex while you’re married is sort of a taboo.

If you’re happy in your marriage and you love your husband or wife, then in my humble opinion, reconnecting with an ex while married is pointless.

Not only is digging up your romantic past a complete waste of time, but it can also be destructive to your marriage.

It can cause problems to your relationship and make your spouse question your motives.

So unless your husband or wife is okay with you talking to your ex, be very careful about reconnecting with him or her.

Your ex could be coming back into your life for a reason. To reconnect and get to know you again.

And that may appear innocent at first.

But since you’ve spent some time as partners in the past, you can quickly become nostalgic and attracted to him or her again.

So be very careful with how far you’re willing to let your new relationship go as a lot of people cheat when they develop strong feelings for someone else.

Reconnecting with an ex after 20 years

There are a lot of people who have reconnected with an ex after 20 years or more.

My father was one of them, for example. So without going into too many details, these reconciliations do occur.

And when they do, they happen very easily.

There’s no hassle, broken hearts, hard feelings, or any difficulties talking to each other.

Reconnecting with an ex after 20 years or more is so easy because the ex-couple has no expectations of each other. They don’t love each other, so they don’t need each other.

And that’s exactly what makes them so attractive to each another.

Everything is new, fresh, and exciting—so they can easily reconnect simply by catching up over coffee.

And when they do, they become friends just like we mentioned earlier in the article.

After that, it’s really effortless. Provided there are more opportunities for meetups, things escalate naturally without them having to say and do anything magical.

Reconnecting with an ex years later is very simple—and that’s why it’s always easier to reconnect when there’s some initial space between the couple.

As long as they both want to reconnect as friends first, of course.

My ex wants to reconnect with me

When your ex wants to reconnect with you, you should probably decide if you want to do the same.

Do you want to get to know your ex again and see if you can reconnect on a deeper level?

Or would you rather not risk another disappointment and heartbreak?

Whatever you decide is okay.

You can take some time and contemplate your decision for a while.

Just make sure you inform your ex if you don’t want to reconnect so that he or she doesn’t keep his or her hopes up.

Did you reconnect with your ex or still planning to? Post your comment below this article.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.