I Want Her Back In My Life So Badly! How Can I Get Her Back?

Do you want your ex back in your life very badly? Is your heart telling you to do whatever it takes to get her back and feel loved again?

If you’re eager to get back with your ex, you’re not alone. Most dumpees feel an overwhelming desire to get back with their ex. They may not even like their ex as a person, but they still want their ex to return. Why is that? It’s because their ex has rejected them romantically and made them afraid for their safety.

Their ex triggered their deepest fears and insecurities and made them think they weren’t good enough for their ex. 99% of the time, however, it’s the other way around. Dumpees don’t realize this when they’re hurting, but their ex isn’t good enough for them because their ex has abandoned them.

He or she gave up on the relationship and proved that he or she doesn’t have what it takes to maintain a romantic relationship.

So no matter how badly you want the person who left you back in your life, acknowledge the fact that she has lessons to learn and issues to address before she gets back together with you or with someone else. If she doesn’t work on herself but gets back with you anyway, chances are that she’ll repeat the same mistakes and give up again when the relationship becomes too difficult for her to manage.

Rest assured that there’s nothing wrong with wanting your ex back. The breakup probably blindsided you and made you realize how important your ex was to you. But before you buy the biggest diamond ring and come knocking on her doors, try to understand that your ex isn’t a damsel in distress.

She’s not waiting to be saved by you because she doesn’t want to see that you care. Any signs of care only smother, annoy, and guilt-trip her. They put her in a situation she doesn’t want to be in and make her feel worse than she already does.

You may as well refuse to act on your separation anxiety and keep your composure. It’s better for your ex not to see that you want her back in your life because you won’t only show her you’re waiting for her but also singlehandedly kill whatever attraction she has left for you.

If you want your ex back in your life and increase your chances of having a successful relationship with her, you’ll have to give her what she needs from you. And what she needs isn’t friendship or friendship with benefits (even if she says she’s game for it). She needs to develop more respect, but most importantly, love.

These are extremely important things that she’ll have a hard time developing if you remain in her life and please her every need. I know I said you need to give her what she needs from you, but you also have to respect yourself. If she sees you’re okay with anything she suggests, she’s going to consciously or subconsciously take advantage of you and string you along.

She’s going to make your post-breakup life a living hell on Earth.

So ask yourself, do you want to be strung along for her convenience? Do you want to give her relationship benefits without commitment? Chances are you don’t. She doesn’t deserve them, nor does she need them to realize what a great person you are.

She already knows you inside out, hence why she needs to see what life is like without you. At first, it will likely feel great because she’ll feel relieved from the breakup. But if her life doesn’t go according to plan and she gets hurt, she’ll likely miss you a bit and wonder how you’re doing.

Bear in mind that she won’t wonder about you if you stay close to her. You might see her become nostalgic if things go badly for her, but that would only give you false hope and confuse you.

You need to get rid of false hope rather than gain it so that you can get over your ex if she doesn’t come back.

So if you want the person who left you back in your life, give her what she needs rather than what she wants. What she needs is space, respect, and self-respect. And what she wants is probably friendship, communication, and a green light to move on from you and date other people.

This post is for you if you want her back in your life very badly.

I want her back in my life!

It’s okay to want your ex back. It’s also okay to have some hope that she’ll come back. But now that you got your heart crushed and think about your ex 24/7, try to figure out if your ex is even the right person for you. Most people think their ex is the one for them solely because of the misery their ex is putting them through.

They don’t understand or want to understand that their post-breakup pain is not a healthy measurement of their love for their ex and the quality of the relationship they had with their ex. In fact, people who think they love their ex more than anything in this world don’t actually love their ex.

They have problems loving themselves and creating a self-fulfilling life without their ex. Such people stay broken up for a very long time because they’ve been neglecting themselves and have a lot of work to do on themselves. For starters, they must improve their self-esteem and get out of denial.

Only then can they grow stronger and realize that their ex has shortcomings to work on as well and that he or she isn’t the most perfect person for them.

So if you want your ex back, don’t just mindlessly run after your ex and think that she’s the most magnificent being in the solar system. If she were magnificent, she wouldn’t have left you. She would have communicated her problems and looked for solutions to those problems.

I know what some of you are thinking. Your ex probably did tell you her concerns and ask you to do something about them. But despite that, you ignored them or weren’t able to fix them in time. That’s a fair argument. But one thing you need to understand is that people don’t always change the second they’re notified of the problem.

Many times, they need months of time to abandon their old habits and transform themselves in positive ways. If your ex expected you to change very quickly, she wasn’t being reasonable. She was impatient and decided she wasn’t going to wait for you.

It was her negative thinking that led to a loss of romantic feelings and attachment and caused her to search for happiness elsewhere. You shouldn’t take her lack of love and interest personally as she (like every other person) is entitled to her opinion, but you should come back to your senses and understand that your ex stopped investing in you and seeing your romantic value.

Right now, this doesn’t mean much to you because you’re thinking with your heart (emotions) rather than your brain (logic). But wait a few months to detach and I guarantee that you’ll see things differently. You’ll regain some of your lost power and esteem and discern that your ex doesn’t deserve what you have to offer.

It doesn’t matter if you have issues you haven’t resolved yet. Deep inside, you’ll understand that she walked away from commitment and that you can’t wait for someone like that.

Here are the main reasons why you want your ex back in your life so badly.

How can I get her back in my life?

Getting an ex back requires immense willpower and self-control. It demands that you follow certain rules also known as the rules of no contact. These rules are essential so that your ex can have the space she needs and that you can get your anxiety under control and lower the desire to reconnect with your ex.

If you don’t adhere to no contact, you will likely pressure your ex and make her feel even less eager to talk to you and get back with you. That’s because you’ll show her you have high expectations of her and that she should reach those expectations or you’ll make her feel bad for breaking up with you and hurting you.

You need to keep in mind that your ex doesn’t want to feel guilty, smothered, or angry. She doesn’t want to hear your apologies either because she’s emotionally burnt out. All she wants is to focus on herself so that she can regain control of her life and finally be happy.

As a dumpee, you need to make sure she gets enough space from you so that she doesn’t get annoyed with you and resent you.

You’ll have the highest chance of her developing feelings for you in the future if you leave her alone and show her that you’re strong and capable of enjoying your life without her. That will make you as desirable as you can be in her eyes as it’ll give her the time to do what she’s been wanting to do.

She might start dating someone else eventually because many dumpers do, but you don’t have any control over that. It’s best that you don’t pry into her romantic/private life because you’re not ready to see her date other people. As long as you’re in the process of detaching from her, you need to avoid checking up on your ex.

The more you check up on her and the biggest breakup mistakes you make the more you’ll want her back in your life. Remember that so that you stay away from her and protect your wounded heart.

So I do nothing but wait?

Waiting is what no contact consists of. But I don’t want you to just wait and do nothing with your life. You should work extensively on breaking the attachment you still have with your ex and do whatever it takes to feel better. If you need to throw your ex’s gifts away, do that.

And if you need to stop talking with people who won’t stop talking about your ex, do that too. Breakups are difficult and need time to get over, so take them seriously and focus on yourself rather than your ex. Every fiber in your body will make you obsess about your ex and force you to look for reasons to blame yourself, but don’t go down that road.

Try to understand that your ex isn’t blaming herself and that your self-blame and ex-obsession aren’t helping. They’re just wasting your valuable post-breakup time. The time you could be using to learn from the breakup and be a better romantic partner to your future girlfriend.

I know it can feel tempting to break no contact or even to settle for friendship with your ex after a while, but when you start feeling a little bit better, your healing journey is not over yet. You still have to give your ex space and time to process the breakup and do the things that have nothing to do with your ex.

The only time you can agree to friendship is when your ex reaches out, wants friendship, and you’re ready for friendship. That’s when you can get back on talking terms with your ex and see if friendship is even possible. Some ex-couples can’t be friends because friendship after a romantic relationship feels strange to them.

I suppose you’ll deal with this when you get to it. For now, figure out if your ex is someone you respect and want back in your life. If you do want her back, try to learn what you want her back for. Do you want her back as a friend, an ex who boosts your ego, or a girlfriend who can work with you and contribute to your life in healthy ways?

Chances are that you want her back in your life for the wrong reasons. For reasons like loneliness, anxiety, depression, finances, and broken ego.

Do you want her back in your life and are prepared to do anything to get her back? Share your strategy with us below the post. We’ll get back to you soon.

And if you’re looking for breakup coaching and want our help with your breakup, take a look at our coaching services on this page.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.