I Want My Ex-girlfriend Back But She Doesn’t Want To

If you want your ex-girlfriend back but she doesn’t want to, the last thing you should do is keep trying to convince her.

Doing so will not only lower her respect for you and kill the desire to come back, but also ruin her emotional progress and the will to work on the things she needs to work on.

Your persistence will basically take her ability to recover away and make her feel pressured into talking to you which is doing something she doesn’t want to do.

And what do people do when they feel misunderstood, disrespected, and backed into a corner?

They escape the uncomfortable situation by any means necessary even if they have to hurt those who care about them.

To them, their biggest priority is to regain their freedom and happiness and only then worry about what other people think and feel.

This means that your ex is emotionally incapable of pitying you and wanting you back when her main concern is her lack of happiness and independence.

She can tend to your needs only when she gets her freedom, explores it, and realizes that she was happier before the breakup than she is now.

So don’t think that it’s somehow your job to guide your ex back to you. Don’t think it’s time for you to show you’ve changed and gained the will and insight to do what your ex always wanted you to do.

The time to show who you are and what you’re capable of has already ended. Probably about a week or two before the breakup.

You see, breakups are like a video game. When you finish or fail a level, the score at the end of the game is your final result.

You can’t change that result because you can’t go back in time. Time can’t be manipulated and neither can your ex’s lack of feelings.

What your ex thinks about you is so deep-rooted and guarded by self-protective emotions that you can’t do anything about it.

You can only accept it and make sure not to cause any more harm by resisting the breakup.

It’s hard, I know, but your ex has emotionally checked out. She shut down her ability to be persuaded and activated her emotional side of the brain that consists of instincts, associations, feelings, and an unyielding determination to move forward and self-prioritize.

If you try to get in the way of your ex’s happiness, your ex won’t like that at all. She’ll think you only care about yourself and convince herself that you’ll never make her happy.

You must remember that you don’t have anything to prove to your ex. You’ve already given her your loyalty and commitment—and that’s more than enough.

Now it’s your ex’s turn to show you how important you are to her so that you can regain your power and worth back.

So if you really care about your ex, leave her alone because that’s the only thing that will make her happy and teach you a thing or two about breakup dynamics.

You must engrave into your brain that your ex doesn’t need you to fight for her. She’s not a damsel in distress who needs your saving. All she needs is what she’s asked for which is time to herself.

You may not like this because it hurts your self-esteem, but you have to do what you probably never had to do before.

You have to let go of control and let your ex do what she wants to do. She’s a free spirit and will remain one regardless of whether you get out of her way or get in it.

But if you get in it, I guarantee that you’ll only make things worse as you’ll suffocate her and annoy her.

In today’s post, we’ll talk about what to do if you want your ex-girlfriend back when she doesn’t want to.

I want my ex-girlfriend back but she doesn’t want to

The most important thing you need to understand is that you won’t get back with your ex-girlfriend if she doesn’t want to get back with you.

You especially won’t get back with her if you use any of the following methods:

• begging and pleading
• demanding answers and closure
• messaging her friends and family and telling them to give you another chance
• interacting with your ex on social media
• being her friend
• meeting up with her
• analyzing her and her new boyfriend’s social media
• asking or doing her favors
• sending her gifts

Your ex-girlfriend just won’t come back when you want her to. She won’t feel the need to because she’ll know you’re stuck in the past desperately waiting for her.

You see, when a person sees you’re waiting, she knows she has all the time in the world to be free and even explore other options.

She knows that you still love her—and that destroys the urgency to come back. I’m not saying she’ll come back for sure if she sees you’re moving on without her.

But she will respect you more and feel happier in general, which means that she might come back when she enjoys her life for a while, gets hurt, and experiences some sort of epiphany.

So whatever you do, don’t make it difficult for your ex-girlfriend to distance herself from you.

Instead of guilt-tripping her or getting angry with her, open the door for her and give her the space she needs to enjoy her life.

By doing so, you’ll make her relieved and show her you possess the strength to let go of a relationship you can no longer benefit from.

But how is letting go of her going to help? Won’t she just move on?

Maybe. But at least you won’t hurt your self-esteem and pride when the girl has different plans. You have to remember that your ex has plans that don’t involve you. They exclude you which leaves you with only one option.

You have to have your own goals and let your ex have hers. You’ll never get another chance with your ex if you push her to commit when she’s not even ready to listen to you.

All you’ll do is hurt yourself and lose the sense of who you are.

So heed my warning. Forget about wanting to be with your ex if she doesn’t want to be with you. Forget about her completely because that’s the only thing that will ease your pain and give you back control over your thoughts and emotions.

You need to know that you are at your weakest when someone controls how you think and feel. You are at that person’s mercy and therefore, won’t be happy. And when you’re not happy, you also won’t attract her.

You’ll attract her (and be able to keep her) when you:

• discover your worth
• improve your flaws and skills
• find inner peace, happiness, and stability
• lower your expectations of your ex
• engage in hobbies and ambitions that make you happy and give you purpose

These are the things you need to do. But there are also things your ex-girlfriend will have to do before she becomes curious about you and starts caring about everything you’ve been able to accomplish since the breakup.

Your ex-girlfriend will have to:

• be single or with someone else and see that the grass is not greener on the other side
• let go of unhealthy emotions and resentments she associated with you
• reflect on her mistakes and life choices
• and most importantly, fail at the goals she thought she would be able to reach without you

If she fails to manifest her desires, she could become regretful. So much so that she reflects on her mistakes and starts looking for things and people that can ease her pain and provide her with what she had but wasn’t able to get elsewhere.

So if you want your ex-girlfriend back but she doesn’t, try to understand that you and your ex both have work to do. You both have to live without each other for a while before you learn if the two of you are even good for each other.

Right now, your ex thinks that you’re not while you think that you are. But that could change one day when you detach and life gives your ex lemons.

For now, you need to keep in mind that whether you get another chance or not depends on your ex. She’s the one who left, so she has to be the one to realize your value and come back.

If you chase your ex and tell her how important she is to you, you could see a repulsed, angry, and victimized side of her and force her to do something you won’t like.

My intention isn’t to scare you and take all your hope away at once. It’s to tell you that the reason exes don’t come back is that they don’t get hurt enough after they’ve explored their new lives.

They get hurt just a bit (everyone does from time to time – thats’ life), but a little bit of pain and doubt is not enough for them to disassociate negativity from their ex and see their ex the way they used to when they were still in love.

With that said, here are 6 things to do if you want your ex-girlfriend back when she doesn’t want to.

How long should I wait for my ex to come back?

This is another one of those questions people ask me all the time. They want to know if there’s a possibility their ex will come back after a certain number of days or months and if they should do something about it.

But when I tell them to start letting go of their ex the moment they get dumped, they usually don’t want to hear it. They fear that if they let go of their ex that the chances of their ex coming back will for some reason decrease.

If this is what you think, you need to know that this won’t happen. If anything, the chances will increase because you’ll let go of false hope and become whole again. You won’t need your ex and that’s what will put you in the most powerful and attractive position you can be in.

So to reiterate, don’t wait for your ex to come back. Waiting is a waste of time and energy. Instead of putting your life on hold, trust yourself that moving on is the best thing to do no and stick with the plan.

Some people (especially guys) think they need to “fix” a broken relationship and “win” their ex back. But fixing a dead relationship and winning an ex’s heart is merely an illusion and a fairy tale.

You can fix or improve a relationship when there is a relationship to fix. But when there isn’t one, all you can do is respect your ex and give her space. It’s what she wants and what your sanity demands.

What brokenhearted dumpees don’t get is that dumpers need to fix their issues on their own. They can’t be persuaded with pity parties when their hearts are full of expressed or unexpressed resentments and desires to protect themselves.

Napoleon Hill said, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.” So as long as your ex’s mind believes that you’re a threat or not worth her time, you can forget about being with your ex.

It won’t happen.

It will happen only when your ex wants it to happen. And that will probably be when something goes badly wrong in your ex’s life and forces her to look for happiness and security in places where she previously took it for granted.

Get over her and discern if she truly is the best person for you

If you just got dumped, you’re likely too deep in denial to see your ex’s bad points and all the reasons why the relationship ended. You quite frankly don’t even care if your ex is responsible for the breakup and a horrible person because you’re hurting and want the pain to stop.

This is why you became emotionally dependent on your ex for recognition, increased your ex’s worth in your eyes, and started to think that your ex is a one-of-a-kind magic pony.

I get it, I too got broken up with before and thought I’d lost someone unique and valuable. I thought my ex was the one because I wouldn’t be in so much pain if she were unimportant to me.

Or so I thought.

The truth was that I didn’t love myself enough. There were times when I was unhappy in the relationship and wanted to leave, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to do it because I lacked strength. Now that I’m fully healed though, I see things differently. I think of the breakup as a blessing in disguise that helped me in more ways than I can express.

I’m actually thankful to my ex for dumping me and making the job easier for me because if we stayed together, I’d still be unhappy, insecure, weak, and on a path to failure in many aspects of life. I’d be stuck and unable to help myself.

So not only did the breakup give me power back and made me into a stronger person, but it also made me aware of what I want and don’t want in a romantic relationship.

Hopefully, you’ll also one day see that your breakup happened for a reason and that you’re obsessed with the thought of getting back with your ex when you should be reflecting on whether your relationship even deserves another chance.

When you regain your rationality, you may not even want your ex back. You could realize that you settled for less than you deserved and raise your self-esteem and relationship expectations.

Do you want your ex-girlfriend back even if she doesn’t want to come back? Let me know what you think in the comments section below the post.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.