“Is my ex in a rebound relationship” is probably one of the most common questions dumpees ask themselves after the breakup. It’s not as common as “Will my ex come back,” but it’s still one of those questions that plague dumpees’ mind and makes them sleep-deprived.
If you’re one of those dumpees and you also can’t stop wondering if your ex is in a rebound relationship, the first thing you need to ask yourself is if you’re ready to learn the truth.
Are you desperately looking for information and hoping that your ex’s new relationship will fail or are you here because you’re curious to know what your ex’s rebound success rate is?
If it’s the former – to feel hopeful, you’ll probably get hurt by what I have to say and feel less hopeful about getting your ex back.
But if you’re ready for some well-researched, yet difficult-to-hear information and you want what’s best for you, then you’ve come to the right place.
In this article, we’ll discuss if your ex is in a rebound relationship and give you some tips on what to do and not to do to maximize your chances of getting back with your rebounding ex.
What is a rebound relationship?
First of all, many people seem to think that rebound relationships are relationships that start shortly after the previous long-term relationship. They think that all new relationships are rebounds and that their ex’s new relationship is most likely a rebound too.
But this may not be the case.
A rebound relationship isn’t a relationship that starts immediately after cheating, monkey-branching, or soon after the breakup.
A rebound relationship is a romantic relationship in which a person isn’t over his or her previous partner. It’s a relationship that can’t flourish because a person (or both people in the relationship) aren’t capable of letting go of the past yet.
Such relationships are by definition rebound relationship as couples aren’t able to connect with each other. They aren’t able to establish healthy relationship dynamics and develop a deep emotional bond.
Unlike normal couples who stay attracted to each other after they get to know each other, rebound partners feel disconnected and repelled by each other. Their initial emotions of excitement subside, so they lack the feelings that bind them together.
Rebound couples have no mutual respect, no shared visions, and certainly no love. They are in heartless relationships that are forced to exist and destined to end.
They’re ticking time bonds because people are in them for the wrong reasons. For reasons such as lust, infatuation, a lack of self-control, and to boost self-esteem.
That’s why rebound couples skip or rush through the attraction phases (infatuation, intense desire, mutual connection, love and soon, become emotionally incompatible.
So if your ex is dating someone new already and appears to be over you, don’t think that your ex is in a rebound relationship. Your ex is most likely just in a regular relationship and needs time to figure out if he or she is compatible with the new person.
Is my ex in a rebound relationship?
Now that you know what a rebound relationship is, let’s talk about dumpers’ post-breakup feelings.
If you’re a reader of this blog, you probably already know that most dumpers feel smothered, repulsed, angry, and victimized after the breakup. They feel relieved about their relationship coming to an end and often even blame their ex for the way they feel.
It goes without saying that such dumpers are over their ex. In their minds, they needed to break up to be happy, so there’s no more love in their heart.
All that’s left in its stead is the desire to be free and enjoy life without their ex.
It sucks to hear this and I wish things were different, but that’s what a breakup is. It’s a physical separation because emotional separation had already occurred days, weeks, or months prior to the breakup.
So next time you wonder whether your ex is in a rebound relationship, ask yourself the following question. “Is my ex still in love with me?“
If the answer is a strong yes (and you see your ex investing time and emotions in you), you have the answer you’re looking for. Your ex is in a rebound relationship and may come back once the infatuation stage ends.
But if the answer is no, your ex, unfortunately, isn’t rebounding. He or she is in a normal relationship that won’t end because of the same reasons rebounds do – emotional unavailability.
Your ex’s relationship may or may not end because of:
- inadequate relationship knowledge (poor communication, misperceptions)
- immaturity and bad emotional health (poor self-awareness, self-control, self-esteem, and mental illnesses)
- unhealthy relationship mentality and thinking patterns
- the inability to deal with stressors and disagreements
- a lack of ambition, shared interests, and relationship plans (marriage, kids, finances)
- and other reasons relationships end
Don’t get me wrong. Your ex’s relationship could still end and your ex could still come back to you even if your ex isn’t in a rebound. But this won’t happen because of the emotional connection your ex still has with you.
On the contrary, it will happen because you’re your ex’s best backup plan and the person he or she redevelops feelings for due to his or her romantic failure.
I think you’d be surprised to hear that most dumpers come back because their new relationship fails and they don’t know what to do with themselves.
How to tell if my ex is in a rebound relationship?
One of the best signs that your ex is in a rebound relationship is if your ex keeps telling you that he/she loves you and misses you. This sign indicates that you’re on your ex’s mind a lot and that he or she is torn between two people.
On one hand, your ex is scared of abandoning the steady relationship he or she has had with you, but on the other, your ex is infatuated with the new person and is curious about what a relationship with him or her could be like.
This means that your ex is choosing between temptation and comfort and doesn’t want to make the wrong decision. Your ex knows you’re a good choice, but because the new person makes your ex feel stronger emotions and brings many new experiences to the table, your ex feels more attracted to the new person and feels tempted to give the new relationship a try.
In your ex’s mind, a battle between impulsivity and rationality is taking place.
With that said, here’s how you can tell if your ex is in a rebound relationship.
So if you want to know if your ex is in a rebound relationship, study the way your ex speaks to you. Study his or her feelings for you and discern if your ex has a difficult time separating himself or herself from you.
If he/she does, your ex is in a rebound relationship and may come back when your ex and the new person encounter disagreements and relationship difficulties. But if your ex doesn’t miss you and appears to be on cloud nine, your ex is most likely not in a rebound.
Your ex is enjoying his or her relieved life and isn’t thinking about you very often.
What if my ex doesn’t miss me?
You can’t always tell if your ex is in a rebound relationship because most of the time, dumpers feel infatuated with the new person.
They post pictures of the new person on social media and do things they never did before. This is how they distract themselves and focus on moving forward with their lives.
But even if dumpers do that, you may still be able to spot a few hidden signs that your ex is in a rebound relationship.
You just have to take your ex’s relationship under the microscope and see if your ex and his or her partner are:
- arguing early on
- working against each other instead of with each other
- struggling with incompatibility issues and various differences
- talking to other people
- and if they’re emotionally undeveloped and not ready to be in a relationship
Don’t forget that most exes who come back do so not because they’re still in love with their ex back rather because their new relationship fails and makes them realize that their relationship with their ex gave them protection.
Getting back with dumpees for most dumpers is just a matter of security. It’s something that protects their self-esteem and ego and makes them feel secure.
So don’t worry about whether your ex is in a rebound relationship or not. Your ex’s new relationship could fail regardless of whether it’s a rebound.
And when it does, your ex could get back in touch with you and try to reconnect with you.
Will my ex come back after a rebound relationship?
Nobody knows if your ex will come back after a rebound relationship. But generally speaking, it really depends on:
- how good you were to your ex during and after the relationship
- how mature your ex is
- what your ex’s relationship mentality is like
- and whether your ex can disassociate negativity from your pre-breakup and post-breakup persona and start to respect you again
Many dumpers, unfortunately, can’t disassociate negativity from their ex. They feel hurt, angry, and smothered, so they usually continue to view their ex in a negative light.
They don’t believe that their exes can change and make them happy because that would mean they were wrong.
The only way such bullheaded dumpers can change the way they think about their ex is if they get dumped, hurt, depressed, ill, or experience some sort of an emotional setback. I’m talking about some kind of hardship that knocks them off the pedestal and makes their ex an equal to them.
I can’t tell you if your ex’s rebound will fail and if your ex will want you back afterward because I don’t know you. I don’t know what your relationship was like and how your ex thinks and deals with issues.
But if your ex regrets dumping you and wants you back, rest assured that you’ll be the first to know. Not only that, but you’ll also be in a mindset strong enough to decide whether your ex has learned his or her lesson and if your relationship deserves another chance.
You may think that it does right now because you’re thinking with your emotions. But when rationality kicks in and you discern that your ex treated you poorly by getting involved with someone new, that may change.
You may realize that your ex jumping into a new relationship was the most disrespectful thing that’s ever happened to you and that your ex realized your worth only because he or she failed with another person.
Keep in mind that mature people don’t need to compare you to another person to appreciate you.
They appreciate you because they see your good traits and accept your bad ones.
And yes, people make mistakes. We all do. But even so, not everyone deserves a second chance. It’s your job to figure out if your ex is worth it.
This is something time to yourself after the breakup will help you with.
Do exes come back after they rebound?
From what I see, dumpers who have romantic feelings for their ex do rebound and come back. They miss their ex and the bond they’d created with their ex, so they start feeling guilty and return the moment their rebound relationship loses momentum.
Such dumpers normally come back within a month or two and try their best to fix what they broke.
Dumpers who get involved with the wrong person but don’t have feelings for their ex also come back. They return because they realize that their ex is much better in contrast with the rebound person, so they run back to see if they can work something out.
The problem with dumpers who get involved with the wrong person and come back is that they don’t always stay. Sometimes they can’t fall back in love with their ex, so they leave shortly after (usually within a week or two).
As for dumpers who don’t have feelings for their ex and don’t necessarily get involved with a horrible person, such dumpers usually don’t come back. They don’t see a reason to because they lack the emotional incentive to return to a person for whom they developed negative associations.
Now that you have these three categories to put your ex in, you should have a much easier time discerning if your ex will come back after the rebound.
My ex is in a rebound relationship what should I do?
If your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is in a rebound relationship and you want him or her back, don’t think that you must say or do something to win your ex back. This is not how breakups work.
You can’t convince someone to come back by asking nicely. And even if you somehow could, you still shouldn’t do that. You’re a person of high value who shouldn’t have to beg for love and recognition.
Love should be given to you on as silver platter. It’s the least you deserve.
So before you do something that lowers your worth, bear in mind that dumpers don’t want to be reasoned with. Most of them are stubborn creatures who detest anything and anyone who pushes them to change their mind.
If you don’t want to be detested and you want the best for yourself (as well as your ex), get the “I must do something” thoughts out of your head. Such thoughts aren’t helping you stay one step ahead of your ex.
They’re delaying your healing and making you more miserable than you can imagine.
Here are a few things you shouldn’t do when your ex is in a rebound relationship.
- asking your ex for another chance (aka begging and pleading)
- talking to your ex and hoping your ex will realize your worth
- messaging your ex’s new partner and telling him/her to back off
- stalking your ex in person and on social media
- threatening your ex
- asking your (ex’s) friends to knock some sense into your ex
- jumping into a new relationship or trying to make your ex jealous
Committing these post-breakup mistakes won’t tell your ex that you’re serious about him or her. It’ll tell your ex that you’re obsessed with him or her and that you lack the strength to stand up for yourself.
Also, don’t think that you must keep a close watch on your ex and wait for your ex to become vulnerable in the new relationship. You don’t need to laser focus on your ex and get ready to pounce when your ex and his or her new partner experience difficulties.
All you have to do is give their relationship a fair chance and mind your own business.
When/if they go through challenging situations, your ex will probably talk to you and lean on you for emotional support. Your ex will show you that he or she needs you.
But if your ex doesn’t go through anything difficult, then your ex probably won’t open up to you.
Your ex could just breadcrumb you with apologetic and meaningless messages.
So what should I do if my ex is in a rebound relationship?
If your ex-bf/ex-gf is in a rebound relationship, it’s incredibly important that you stay on your best behavior at all times. Remain kind and patient throughout the whole process and retain your value as a dumpee.
You don’t need to do anything in regards to getting your ex back from the rebound person.
You just have to:
- remain patient, confident, and self-aware
- prioritize yourself and exude high self-esteem
- give your ex’s new relationship space
- wait for your ex and his/her rebound partner to encounter personality clashes
- avoid making typical breakup mistakes
- invest in parts of your life that are lacking and strive to become the best version of yourself
- and wait for your ex to want you back
If your ex truly is in a rebound, he or she will have a difficult time connecting to the new person and will probably realize your potential. Your ex will think about you more and more every day until your ex falls back in love with you over the distance and reaches out.
So before that happens, show your ex that you respect his or her decision and convey to your ex that you’ll be okay with or without him or her.
Always remember that anxiety and desperation aren’t attractive. Confidence, self-esteem, and the strength to live without your ex are.
What if my ex isn’t in a rebound relationship?
If your ex isn’t in a rebound relationship, you need to act as if your ex was. You need to stay in indefinite no contact and do your best to let go of your ex.
Whether your ex is on the way back or not, you need to keep losing hope and moving on.
Most people don’t like to hear that they have to move on because they’re still hoping that their ex will change his or her mind and come back. But let me tell you that detaching and moving on is breakup advice 101.
It’s extremely important to keep moving on because whether your ex wants you back or not, your ex needs to know that you respect yourself. He or she needs to know that you love yourself more than him or her and that you’re capable of being happy on your own.
So if you can’t tell if your ex is in a rebound relationship or in a regular relationship, know that you can’t go wrong by stopping communication and distancing yourself from your ex.
Anything that leaves your ex alone, lets you heal, encourages personal growth, and prevents emotional setbacks is the right thing to do.
Is your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend in a rebound relationship? How did you handle it when you found out? Post your comment below.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Me and my ex broke up last year in March, our relationship was good, I was really good to her and we hardly ever had fights and if we did it was always resolved, We both went our separate ways, and in the next few months she started posting a lot of stuff, her going to the club and hanging out with guys and stuff, I stayed in no contact until July when she reached out, after that we started talking and seeing each other again and hooking up but we never officially got back together, we would text everyday and hangout all the time, that lasted until December, when she told me she was distancing herself because she wanted independence and wanted to work on herself, later in January she blocked me on instagram and unfriended me on snap chat ,twitter and facebook and probably blocked my number too but it turns out that she had been seeing another guy in early December, I was really hurt when I found that out and fast forward to now and they’re still seeing each other, and they’re probably more serious now too I heard she’s been posting a lot since then too, is that a regular relationship or a rebound? Ive haven’t reached since and I only know that information thanks to my friends, she still has all of them and my family added on social media.
I forgot to mention that we dated for 2 years
Hi Erick.
They have a regular relationship (not a rebound). She distanced herself and blocked you because she was getting closer to this guy and couldn’t focus on him while you were lingering in the background. Stay in no contact, Erick. Give their relationship room and do what you can to move on.
Sincerely,
Zan
We were together for 10 months, we loved eachother. And he broke up with me because of his insecurities and refusing to work on our/his issues.
We did have many fights, gaslighting and insecurities on his part throughout the relationship. ( I am working with a therapist who told me he might be BPD or NPD). I dont know what to believe but his relationship history is one where he doesnt look back. He told me himself even if he has hope he prefers to move on.
We broke up from a distance after a month of being on a break.. he kept telling me he loves and misses me but eventually became cold and I became anxious. 2 weeks after the breakup he told me he doesnt want me to contact him and he is seeing someone (online dating not monkey branching).
Hi Nina.
Your ex may not be with someone else physically, but he’s still with her emotionally just 2 weeks after the breakup. It’s quite possible he left you for this person. Whatever the case may be don’t contact him anymore. You have to be strong.
Kind regards,
Zan
My ex got hooked up with someone early this year (2021) exactly 4yrs after she broke up with me. It would appear she did not want me to know that she was now dating someone. During the 4yrs, she would behave as though she has some feelings for me sometimes.Jan 2020, I asked her if she would not reconsider her postion since she had had 3yrs to process the break up, she told me i should allow her to be alone for now, bt went on to tell me that there was no one in her life since she left me. mid year of 2020, she went on a vigorous posting on social media insunuating that she is single and available for dating and 8 months later she hooked up with this guy. my question is why did she not want me to know that she is now seeing someone ? could this relationship be classifed as normal or rebound ? I have however cut all communication since i became aware that she is dating someone else.
Hi Shapiro.
Her relationship is not a rebound because she’s emotionally ready to date him. As for why she didn’t tell you she was dating again, she was probably afraid of your reaction or didn’t think you needed to know. Most likely the former.
Best,
Zan
Hi Everyone.
I am currently through a break up. or rather the aftermath. We ended our relationship 4 months ago, cuz she didnt want to contiune or long distance relationship. At least that what she said. The truth came out a month later, when i wanted her back. She had feelings for someone else too. She didnt want to be in a relation ship with me while having a torn heart and she wanted to figure these feelings out. But she got with him in under 2 moths, while she, as she told me, still had some feelings for me and according to her it was too early. I love(ed) her dearly and i am afraid i am not going to find a woman that combines traits i love in the amount and way she did. I am struggeling alot tbh. And obvioulsy I hope their relation ship is not gonna last. Has anyone similar experience? I dont know who do let her go. I want to kill all hope but cant help to do so regardless.
thx for any advice
Hi Justin.
Thanks for leaving a comment.
Killing hope will take time, but don’t let that stop you from doing the things you need to do. If you have trouble focusing or remaining in control of your emotions, you should start journaling your thoughts. Write down how you feel and why you feel that way. Understanding where your pain comes from could give you closure.
Also, consider signing up for therapy. A good therapist may be able to address some of the things you need to work on and improve. Long-distance relationship breakups are hard, but if you focus on yourself, you’ll get through yours. Remind yourself that it will get better and that you will find someone better than your ex. You’re having a hard time believing that right now, but that’s only because you’re hurt and emotionally dependent on your ex. I’m sure you’ll find a good person when you’re ready, Justin.
Hang in there!
Zan
I totally disagree about the ex returning back to you within a month if they still have feelings (love) for you. The relief stage can last much longer.
I was once a rebound with a lady in our earlier 40s. I got to witness when the actual seperation pain and hurt hit her 6 months to 7 months later and it was not long until she was gone back to her ex.
I didn’t know at the time what I was seeing with her pain and how she was acting. But I do now. It was seperation pain and hurt.
I actually thought I had her and had her pulled away from her ex …but I was wrong.
Damn those situations are so painful! And you can’t never do all right I guess… such a well written article Zan! Love it 💗
I’m glad you enjoyed it, Linda.
Stay healthy,
Zan
Once she cheats, she’s for the streets guys. It doesn’t matter how amazing she was previously. Once she crosses that line, she has confirmed without a shadow of a doubt that she is an unworthy, damaged human being with no morals, integrity, or self worth. Why in God’s name would you want shit like that back in your life or worse, AFTER she’s been with someone else. That’s like eating back your own vomit. Respect yourself and consider her dead. Cheaters rarely find happiness because they are rotten and damaged at their core so unless they do some serious, serious work on themselves (almost none of them do), they remain miserable and negative no matter what they portray on the outside. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Some people try and debate that (and maybe there is that one in a million exception) but in almost every single case I’ve seen and read about, that’s always how it remains. And in case you wonder if they’re with someone better, I can assure you that in almost all cases, they aren’t esp. if you’ve been good to them and for the most part, the relationship was a healthy one. Cheaters don’t attract high value people. They usually attract and settle with someone easier – someone of even lower value than they are. My ex for example, lied, cheated and went back to an ex of over 25 years ago. He’s 6-7 younger than her (she’s a 48 year old divorced mom with two kids). She cheated on him 25 years ago when she left him. He’s now overweight, a heavy smoker, also married and currently cheating on his wife with my ex. What’s worse, she’s lying to her own kids and family about him as she tries and make him part of her family. That’s some high value man she got there right? Lol. So as you can see, she did me a huge favour by leaving. As they say, the trash took itself out and this is likely what tends to happen in most situations. So if you’re upset and wondering, don’t. You are a person of high value that was dealt a bad card – it happens. We all make mistakes. The important thing is not to repeat it. Focus on yourself – you have been blessed.
Hi DK.
Thanks for the strong message.
Cheaters have to reflect on their behavior in order to change. But sadly, most of them don’t do that because they tend to justify behavior. They say things like, “I had not choice. I was forced to do it. I was stressed, drunk, and pressured.” But as you already know, there’s no excuse for cheating.
The stronger the dumpee is and the better his or her life, the smaller a chance that he or she will take the cheater back. So do your best to keep improving yourself and you’ll attract someone better next time.
Kind regards,
Zan
100% agreed. Great article. I hope many read and absorb it.
Such sensible advice communicated so clearly. Thank you! I’m furious with myself for wasting so much time agonising over this person who thinks of me only when the new person isn’t giving 100% attention. I’m not only being used as a back up—I’m willingly reducing myself to that level.
Here’s to losing every last shred of hope & not feeling anything but relief about being let go by someone who is deceitful enough to breadcrumb a person behind someone else’s back. The new person has in fact inherited a problem!
My ex was also torn between me and her new bloke. But its managed to stand the test of time so far. Over a year so far and counting, so the rebound turned out to be the real thing, but i have my doubts because i know there is no love there or respect. But being in the i don’t want her back camp anymore, I’m also glad that she is still there. I’ve written elsewhere that she is immature, insecure and an emotional cheater. Talking to me behind his back for over a year. And I’m the one who walked away. He can have her.
You too i see. communication behind his back. Wow im not the only one! Cheers to your post