There are many fake and ignorant breakup experts out there who spread false information just to make dumpees feel hopeful about getting back with their ex.
Such people prey on people’s vulnerabilities and portray themselves as breakup wizards when in reality, they are the worst scammers on the planet.
My advice to you is to be very careful of who you trust online as not everyone has your best interests at heart. In fact, most people you come across on the internet don’t care about whether you succeed, get your ex back, find happiness, or improve yourself as a person.
All they care about is the marketing strategy that makes them lots of money and enables them to make even more money.
It’s sad to see that people all over the world are throwing their morals away just to make some quick money. I suppose that’s how greed affects those with low moral values. It makes them chase after materialistic things when they could be listening to people’s problems and do their best to help them.
If you come across false hope on the internet that sounds too good to be true, keep in mind that the person offering magic beans to you has lost himself or herself a long time ago and that you need to avoid that person for your own good.
If you really want to pay someone to help you overcome the breakup pain, invest your money in therapy and/or in someone who can listen and advise you properly.
Here are 13 ways fake breakup experts try to brainwash you.
1)Winning your ex’s love back is all about you
The majority of breakup experts make you believe that winning your ex back is about what you say and do. They say that timing is everything and that reaching out when your ex is vulnerable is key.
What scammers on the internet don’t know or rather, don’t want to let you know is that reconciliations are out of dumpees’ control. They have nothing to do with dumpees because dumpers are the ones who develop negative thinking patterns that prevent them from wanting to reconcile.
So whatever you do, don’t put your hopes on someone who tells you that you possess the power to get your ex back. All you possess is the ability to leave your ex alone and let him or her process the breakup at his or her own speed.
When your ex stops feeling smothered, your ex will probably break the silence and send you breadcrumbs.
2)Your ex just needs some space away from you
Fake breakup experts often say that your ex is still your partner and that all your ex needs is some space away from you. They use words such as “your man” or “your woman” and make you believe that your ex is still in love with you.
They do this to empower you with false hope and make you hooked on your ex for their selfish benefits.
3)Most ex-couples reconcile. Especially the ones who follow “my” advice
In order for you to buy their services, “experts” try to convince you that you need them. They say that your chances of reconciliation will be higher if you listen to their advice and implement their strategies to your breakup case.
Some coaches say they have a degree in psychology and others, that they have helped millions of people. From personal experience, I can tell you that people who say such things are exaggerating. In other words, they’re lying.
They may have a psychology degree, but even if they had 24 hours a day to dedicate to work and wanted to help hundreds of people every day, they still wouldn’t be able to do it.
Analyzing breakups takes time and effort. This is why anyone who claims that his or her generic program works for everyone clearly has no respect for himself or herself as well as others.
4)Winning your ex back is the easy part. Keeping him/her isn’t
I’ve been working in the breakup field long enough to know that winning an ex back is not easy. In fact, there’s no “winning” someone’s love and trust back because that’s not something that happens on your terms—when you want it to happen.
It happens on your ex’s terms when your ex is ready to perceive you and your changes—and react better to your presence.
That’s why people online who pretend that they can help you win your ex back are not just giving you false hope but also deceiving you. I don’t want to sound offensive, but they probably haven’t helped many people at all.
I’m willing to bet that they’ve caused way more pain and suffering than being of service to others.
5)Your ex will suffer the way you do
If you read this blog, you likely already know that dumpers don’t suffer the way that dumpees do. They feel relieved, hence the only people who suffer from separation anxiety are the dumpees.
They are the ones who get their hearts ripped out, so don’t think that your ex is in a lot of pain right now.
Your ex likely feels bad for breaking your heart and may even have expressed guilt by crying during the breakup. But this doesn’t mean that your ex is hurting the way you are.
Guilt, shame, doubt, and self-blame come nowhere close to the intensity of pain you as a dumpee experience right after the breakup.
You feel devastated from the loss of a romantic partner while your ex feels sad that things have ended the way they have.
For your ex to suffer the way you do, something has to go awfully wrong with your ex’s post-breakup plans. Something like dating the wrong person, losing a job, or becoming depressed.
6)Ignore your ex to get your ex back
Breakup experts with low morals and ethics suggest that ignoring a person you love and respect is the right thing to do. They suggest that you completely ignore your ex’s existence and play dirty with your ex.
They basically say that since your ex hurt you, it’s only fair that you retaliate like a preschooler and hurt your ex back—and make him or her regret dumping you.
Please note that ignoring a person in a relationship would likely make your partner crave your attention even more. But your partner would only want to speak to you to ease the pain.
After mistreating this person multiple times, he or she would eventually get tired of your immature behavior and eventually leave you.
When it comes to breakups though, you can’t expect your ex to chase you. Your ex doesn’t feel attracted to you anymore and will almost certainly think that you’re a bad person for ignoring him or her.
So as a useful rule of thumb, never ignore an ex. Don’t do it unless someone’s safety is in peril.
7)Don’t do no contact. Appear confident and “attract” your ex back
Some really devious ex-back coaches on the internet advise dumpees to attract their dumper back solely by looking confident. They say that attracting the dumper is easy and that all dumpees have to do is to appear alpha and contact their dumper on their terms.
Such coaches, of course, have no integrity as they portray dumpers as people who can be attracted—when in reality, dumpers are in a completely different, unattractable state of mind.
They are exes which means that they have emotionally detached from the dumpee months or weeks prior to the breakup.
So please, don’t believe someone who tells you that you’ve got to attract your ex back by staying in contact and smothering your ex.
If your ex found you attractive, your ex would contact you himself or herself and try to get back with you.
8)Your ex still has feelings for you otherwise your ex wouldn’t be so cold or angry
The logic behind this thinking is inconceivable. I don’t know who came up with it, but it doesn’t make any sense.
An ex who’d built up resentment for you is cold and angry toward you. He or she isn’t acting this way because love is in the air.
An ex is mean, cold, and ruthless because:
- There is no love left.
- Your ex created a negative image of you.
- He or she feels smothered by you.
Some experts even say that indifference is a bad thing and that it’s worse than anger. I believe they ignorantly mistook the following quote.
The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.
Elie wiesel
What the first part of this quote really means is that someone who doesn’t love you will appear indifferent. He or she will stop displaying love toward you and show disinterest.
But this doesn’t mean that hate is better than indifference.
The truth is that indifference is a million times better than anger, resentment, frustration, and cold behavior.
It’s better because it signifies that a person has processed his or her negative feelings and is as a result, a lot more receptive than someone who’s angry and is holding on to resentment.
9)Be a man and invite your ex out the moment your ex contacts you
By inviting your ex out the moment your ex breaks no contact, you immediately give you ex’s post-breakup back to your ex.
You bounce it back and let your ex know that you’ve been waiting for your ex to contact you to invite him or her out.
10)If your ex rejects your invitation, tell your ex to “contact you if he/she changes his/her mind”
This line intends to make the dumpee appear confident and in control. But in reality, it’s a high ego and low confidence kind of line that originated a few years ago on the internet.
Its intended purpose is to let your ex know that you’re interested in him or her and that you want your ex to come back to you when and if your ex is ready.
Although it’s true that your ex should be coming back to you on his or her own terms, your ex really doesn’t need to know that you’re waiting patiently for his or her return.
You’ve got to live your life for yourself with purpose and look forward to new romantic opportunities. It’s what makes you desirable.
So when you show that you’re not living your life as you should be and that you’re stuck in the past, you destroy that little bit of attraction and respect that your ex developed for you in indefinite no contact.
Telling your ex “contact me if you change your mind” tells your ex that he or she doesn’t need to come back before it’s too late. On the contrary, it sends the message that you’re keeping the doors open and that you’ll wait for your ex for a very long time.
And that’s something that kills remaining attraction—and reduces your ex’s romantic respect for you.
11)Rub your new relationship in your ex’s face
Internet coaches suggest that you start dating someone new as soon as possible so that you can use your new relationship as leverage against your ex. What these so-called “coaches” don’t know is that your ex will likely leave again if your ex comes back because of jealousy.
And that’s because jealousy isn’t love. Unlike love which is a positive emotion, jealousy is negative and doesn’t last very long. It diminishes once the dumper gets validated.
So don’t play silly jealousy tricks because they will probably backfire on you and hurt you tenfold.
12)Prove change to your ex by bragging how great you’re doing without your ex
Forcing happiness on the dumper oftentimes has the opposite of the desired effect. It usually aggravates the dumper and makes the dumper act on emotion.
Excessive bragging, such as social media posting and jealousy tricks often inspire the dumper to:
- unfollow or block the dumpee on social media
- delete all reminders
- and even force him or her to reach out in anger
13)Contact your ex after months of no contact (you have nothing to lose)
Oftentimes, it takes many months if not years to get over an ex. So when you prematurely message or call your ex and hope for the best, your actions almost always push your ex away and cause you to suffer immensely.
Your impulsive actions essentially reopen your breakup wound and force the breakup pain to come rushing back faster than greased lightning.
This is why you should avoid contacting your ex at all costs. Unless you’re following the no contact rule with kids involved or if you have some other obligations still tying you to your ex, you really can’t communicate with your ex.
You have to prioritize your well-being and do what it takes to move on as fast as possible.
If you don’t let your ex come to you and try to play the hero instead, you will likely suffer from another rejection and lose everything you’ve managed to improve since the breakup.
Have you fallen for any bad breakup advice or perhaps ex-back spells or something similar? What’s the worst thing you heard from people, claiming to be experts in the dating field? Please share your thoughts and experiences with us below this post.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Hi Zan, thanks for these amazing articles.
I’m confused since you wrote in the one article regarding hate the following –
Love and hatred are both very powerful emotions that go hand in hand with each other. The truth of the matter is that as long as your ex hates you and expresses anger towards you, he still feels something. When he becomes indifferent is the time when getting back together becomes slightly more challenging.
And here in this article you write that indifference is better?
So is your ex feeling something (hate) better or is indifference ?
Thanks for your thoughts!
Hi Missy.
I apologize for the confusing information.
Indifference is definitely better as it indicates detachment. Anger, on the other hand, means that the dumper has hard feelings for you and that he needs time to process negativity.
Best regards,
Zan
Dear Zan,
I was hoping I could ask for your advice. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of over a year about 4 weeks ago. To give a brief overview: my ex started hanging out with a girl at her house who he had once dated two years ago. I had said to him that I was uncomfortable with it as he had informed me that he believed she had feelings for him and that she had recently broken up with her boyfriend. My ex went to hers, however I let it go because I appreciated his honesty and it didn’t seem like an issue as I was told he had no feelings for her. Later that same week they caught up a second time, but this time at his house. I asked for a break because I felt as if I couldn’t deal with the situation maturely due to being in the midst of my final exams. I had told him my feelings on it, which is why I found it very upsetting when he met up with her a third time at her house in the same week. This time, he did not tell me due to the break we were taking, and I found out about it through a mutual friend. I felt like this was quite disrespectful of me and my feelings. I unfortunately lacked maturity and I broke up with him over text while he was at her house. I know this was a very poor decision, and I have apologised multiple times for it. I contacted him later that night and asked to talk, but we unfortunately got into an argument over text. He argued I should have trusted him more and that he would’ve liked more freedom. I asked him to give me more respect by not hanging out at her house because I felt uncomfortable knowing she had feelings for him. I also asked him to see her less frequently which he said was controlling. I know now this was wrong of me to ask. I believe I was defensive because he was accusing me of controlling his entire social life, when I had never stopped him before. I decided that we needed to go our separate ways, but now after having the time to reflect without the stress of exams, I realise I was controlling. I did meet up with him and ask for a second chance as I realised my controlling behaviour was unacceptable. However, he really did and does not want a relationship as he is dealing with some personal issues. For reference, we had a very loving relationship and we rarely argued, however it did seem like he lacked trust in me at times. I know I am certainly wrong with what happened, and I am slowly moving past my guilty feelings thanks to the support of my close friends (who believe I’ve done nothing wrong). He believes I am a bad person and while I don’t believe this is true, it still hurts. We have not blocked or removed each other, and we can still have a somewhat mature conversation. Is there any advice you can give me?
Oh, and I thought I would quickly add: I am experiencing very similar feelings to what a dumpee would go through. I felt and I still feel separation anxiety, guilt, begging, anxiety and sadness. Unfortunately, my family members got involved and disapproved of his behaviour at the time of the break up, and told me to just “do it over text and say you’re done.” I know this was wrong of me, however at the time I acted out of anger and hurt when I broke up with him. While I dumped him, I feel that we have opposite roles. He is experiencing more ‘dumper’ feelings e.g. relief, happiness, freedom, meeting new people, doing more things. Is there a reason why the roles were reversed?
Oh, and I thought I would quickly add: I am experiencing very similar feelings to what a dumpee would go through. I felt and I still feel separation anxiety, guilt, begging, anxiety and sadness. Unfortunately, my family members got involved and disapproved of his behaviour at the time of the break up, and told me to just “do it over text and say you’re done.” I know this was wrong of me, however at the time I acted out of anger and hurt when I broke up with him. While I was the one who dumped him, I feel that we have opposite roles. He is experiencing more ‘dumper’ feelings e.g. relief, happiness, freedom, meeting new people, doing more things. Is there a reason why the roles were reversed?
Hi Zan,
Love this website! Me and my ex broke up this week, she said she’s struggling with everything right now, and that she still wasn’t ready for a relationship (she’d had past childhood traumas), we’d been dating for roughly 6 months, but I haven’t seen her since March, thank you corona. She said she missed me and enjoyed my company, but that she couldn’t be my girl friend anymore, it really sucked to hear as we’re getting closer to the lock down being lifted. I tried suggesting we go on a break, but she wouldn’t budge. I said I understood, sent her a sweet message thanking her and telling her how awesome I think she is and haven’t contacted since. Its been a really rough week. It was a great relationship, no fights, great talks etc. I don’t want to lose her out of my life, am I doing the right thing by not contacting her at all?
Thank you,
Lawrence
Hi Lawrence
Since she’s not ready for a relationship, you should leave her be for now. You don’t want to keep talking to her if you’re hurting over the breakup.
I suggest you give it at least a few months if you want to be her friend.
Kind regards,
Zan
Another article Zan! When I step out of line and start watching those greedy bastards on YT , I just re-read one of your articles and get back in line with myself.
My ex has been all over the place for 3 years so not sure if our story is over (she was the one pursuing me/stalking/calling/breadcrumbing) after the breakup. We are in a ‘good’ place I think so I am letting nature take its course.
Cecily
Hi Cecily.
Thanks for the comment.
Don’t believe coaches who give too much false hope as hope delays your pain. It makes you hooked on your ex longer than you need to be.
See your ex for who she is instead and believe her for how she acts toward you. Actions don’t lie.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thank you Zan, I’m seeing the light!!
I love your article, they are very helpful. However, I disagree with your statement about never ignoring an ex. Sometimes it might be the best thing at the time to do if you need space too. Often seeing an exes text can trigger you to feeling worse. Once you’re feeling better and he contacts you then you can communicate back if you’d like. Ignoring them in the beginning might be the best thing and it signals that you are giving them what they asked for, to be alone…
Hi Nicole.
I believe there’s always a better way to handle an ex reaching out. You can tell the dumper not to contact you and deal with breadcrumbs the mature way.
Thank you for the comment!
Best regards,
Zan
Moral of the story: if they leave you, that person no longer holds ANY VALUE to you unless THEY reach out. Almost everyone acts needy and chase at the time of a breakup because often they are blindsided by it and that’s OKAY. Don’t beat yourself over it if you didn’t say or do the exact right things – there’s no such thing. You were hurt and acted as best as you knew how in order to try and save the relationship. Besides, what you did (unless it was ridiculously extreme) immediately during the breakup is often forgotten pretty quickly by the dumper.
Leave them completely alone and focus on yourself. If they have any value to you, THEY WILL reach out at some point. If they don’t WHY would you want such a person back? Think about that for a minute and remind yourself there are approximately 7.5 BILLION people out there that would kill to be with someone like you. Why are you wasting your energy and emotions on someone that clearly did not want to try and work things out when you did because they thought the grass is greener elsewhere. Let them go. Eventually they ALL step in the hidden cow shit hiding in that illusionary green grass.
The grass is only green where you water it. Never forget that.
Hi DK, like your comment, especially the last line.
I broke up with my bf in May after 11 months of relationship and been in NC since then. I am not fully over my ex yet, but I am getting better every day. I am not trying to analise or figure out what went wrong btw me and my bf, what happened is happened, but what is lingering on my mind is that he told me the feeling toward your significant other should be constant in a relationship all the time, but it faded gradually btw us, thus he thought I am not the one he is looking for. I just don’t know if he was right or it is unrealistic that he might just watched too many movies/ TV shows.
So my ex and I had been arguing over little things and out of a fit of rage I unadded her on Snapchat. That was our main way of communication. She had given me her number but we mostly used Snapchat. She then said she was tired and calling it quits after about 6 months of being together. I regretted unadding her as it was an immature thing to do but it was too late. I then waited a few days to reach out and test the waters. She was really upset and eventually told me to leave her alone so I did. I waited about a month and messaged her on her birthday and she replied but asked me what I wanted. Also mentioned she was in a new relationship that could be a rebound possibly as it had been 3 weeks. I told her I hope she is happy and she says “ok”. After that I have been in no contact as I have no clue how to fix this. What do you think is best to do in my situation?
Nothing. Vanish. Don’t ever reach out again. Ever.
I love the way you write!!!
Okay I almost buss fall for those kind of people “help” but then I found your website and got back in true side. They can play so bad with your emotions mindset and just make everything much worst.
Thank you for talking about this and helping people realize those fake people
❤️
That’s what I’m here for, Linda.
I’m glad that you didn’t get caught in dishonest people’s web. They intended to play you for a fool when you just wanted to be happy.
Best regards,
Zan
Your # 6 is contradicting your indefinite no contact rule.
Hi Linda.
Thank you for your comment.
The indefinite no contact rule is not about ignoring a person. It’s about giving him what he needs to be happy.
As you know, I don’t advocate that you ignore an ex.
Kind regards,
Zan
Excellent post. Kudos to you for this super-important warning to people who are young or naive enough to fall for those immoral leeches who prey on the heart-broken with bogus “strategies.”
Hi Annie.
There are so, so many people with ill intentions out there. I really wish that they wouldn’t hurt dumpees with their deceptions.
Best,
Zan
I did that It made her jealous but we do both of us do since I’m a Gemini I don’t like jealous it just pushes me away.
Hi M.
Thanks for the comment.
Making a person jealous usually doesn’t work. As you figured it out for yourself, it tends to make things worse.
Best regards,
Zan