Why Did My Ex Move On So Fast?

When an ex moves on quickly after the breakup, there’s always a good reason for it. That reason may be obscured from you, but it usually has something to do with the fact that the dumper had developed a negative view of the dumpee and detached from the dumpee before he or she initiated the breakup. 

Detachment, negative feelings (anger, resentment, suffocation), relief, and post-breakup plans cause dumpees to move on incredibly fast. They make them go from being committed and wanting to work on the relationship today to not wanting anything to do with the dumpee tomorrow.

The separation drives them over the edge and turns them into people dumpees don’t understand and recognize. 

So it’s not that they magically move on after the breakup, but that they stop caring and wanting to invest time, feelings, and emotions into their ex. Their feelings change because of the breakup and with it, their attitude and behavior toward their ex.

They stop seeing their ex as their partner and consider their ex incompatible or responsible for their problems and negative emotions.

You must understand that the loving person you used to date is gone. The affection you received throughout the relationship was a special privilege granted to you by your ex for being in a committed relationship. 

It was a relationship-only benefit your ex willingly provided to you because your ex had similar goals, values, and feelings. After the breakup, though, your ex stopped being on the same page with you and no longer saw a future with you.

His or her feelings and expectations changed and made your ex appear strange or different.

You probably noticed that your ex wasn’t very patient, expressive, empathetic, apologetic, loving, supportive, and reassuring. At least not how your ex used to be. Due to the breakup, your ex completely gave up on making things work with you and focused solely on things he or she could gain from the sudden change of dynamics. 

In other words, the past stopped concerning your ex. All he or she cared about was the present moment, which felt very liberating.

Not every dumper acts and appears euphoric, but many dumpers do. They go out more, drink and party, meet new people, post exciting things on social media, and do things that aren’t usual for them. They appear to have changed when in reality, they’ve just moved on, become relieved, and found new things or people to focus on.

So bear in mind that dumpers move on so fast because they move on long before the breakup. They associate negative opinions with their ex and convince themselves the breakup was long overdue. This is how they’re able to take their focus off their ex and enjoy their lives as much as possible.

Those who don’t get the space they need to self-prioritize tend to feel pressured and uneasy and treat their ex like a stranger. In public, they appear scared and pretend not to see their ex whereas on the phone, they’re concise and disinterested. 

They don’t just pretend not to care but actually don’t care. Feelings have run out and so too has their willingness to act like everything’s fine.

So if your ex moved on immediately and is happy, bear in mind that your ex hadn’t been happy in a while. He or she felt trapped in the relationship and wanted to be free and independent. The breakup made him or her free and encouraged your ex to act on empowering post-breakup emotions (relief, elation, etc). 

This is the reason why your ex appears to have moved on so fast and looks like a completely different person. 

My advice is not to be fooled by his or her appearance. Although your ex has moved on, your ex hasn’t changed who he or she is inside. Values, behaviors, thinking patterns, relationship skills, and maturity remain the same.

The only things that have changed are your ex’s attachment to you, things your ex does with his or her free time, and how your ex responds to empowering post-breakup emotions.  

When your ex stops feeling relieved and sees things for what they are, your ex will revert to the person he or she was and face similar challenges. That’s when your ex will begin to get hit by karma.

In his or her case, karma will be a lack of reflection and growth from moving on so quickly.

So don’t let your ex’s moving on and happiness bother you too much. Consider them bad things because your ex won’t learn much from them. Your ex will likely think you’re responsible for his or her problems until your ex experiences the same problems with someone else.

People evolve when they acknowledge their mistakes and tell themselves not to act the same way in the future. They grow because they understand where they went wrong and want to do better in the future.

Sadly, happy exes don’t have the motivation to grow. They focus on the present moment rather than the past and point fingers at their ex. This makes them victimize themselves and treat their ex indifferently at best.

If your ex moved on quickly and changed the way he or she behaves toward you, don’t take your ex’s behavior personally. I know it’s hard not to do that when you still love your ex, but you need to understand that your ex is in a hurry to regain control of his or her freedom and happiness.

Your ex wants to do things that feel good and leave behind people who remind him or her of unpleasant moments. Your relationship probably wasn’t full of those moments, but it’s what your ex can remember right now.

Negative associations force your ex to focus on the bad stuff and prevent him or her from feeling grateful for all the good things you did for the relationship. Post-breakup emotions make it extremely difficult for your ex to resist moving on and having a good time.

In this post, we talk about the reasons why your ex moved on so fast and share some advice on how not to get hurt by your ex.

Why did my ex move on so fast?

Your ex moved on so fast because your ex had no moving on to do. Maybe your ex felt a bit guilty and worried about you, but other than that, nothing prevented your ex from moving forward with his or her life.

As I said before, your ex was already over you by the time he or she initiated the breakup. Your ex had detached and gotten hopeful about living an independent life. Because of this, your ex was ready to enjoy life the moment he or she walked out the door.

Breakups affect dumpers immensely. They empower them with emotions that feel too good to resist. Dumpers don’t want to stop feeling relieved. They want to keep feeling positive emotions and avoid being dragged back into the past.

This is why they tend to get irritated when their ex says or does something that reminds them of the past, triggers their negative associations, and forces them to deal with emotions they don’t want to deal with.

Instead of tolerating pain, most dumpers get cold, angry, or mean and show or tell their ex they need space.

Space is something most dumpers can’t live without. Without space, they can’t live the life they’d envisioned and feel the positive emotions triggered by the breakup. They can only focus on their ex and be forced to deal with their ex’s problems and emotions.

No dumper wants to keep the dumpee company and help the dumpee love himself or herself. The majority of dumpers just want to distract themselves and distance themselves from their ex. Distance allows them to worry only about themselves and those they care about.

Don’t forget that dumpers initiate the breakup to get rid of their ex and regain their identity and freedom. Their goal is to stop feeling negative emotions and feel positive ones.

In a relationship, they feel stressed and suffocated around their ex. After the breakup, however, they feel relieved and elated.

They want to continue feeling that way for as long as possible. If they can’t because their ex doesn’t leave them alone, they blame their ex for their unhappiness and become bitter and resentful. Sometimes they even block their ex and get a restraining order against him or her.

If you don’t want that to happen, you need to avoid contacting your ex and accusing him or her of never loving you and moving on too quickly. You need to remember that dumpers’ happiness and behavior toward their dumpee ex changes when feelings change.

Dumpers stop caring about what their ex is thinking and feeling and become more straightforward and self-centered. They prioritize their new lives over their ex’s pain and sorrow and let their ex take care of his or her problems.

Of course, not all dumpers are selfish and unempathetic, but most dumpers are significantly less caring and supportive than they used to be and should be. That’s the reason why dumpees feel so unimportant and suffer so much.

Bear in mind that the speed of your ex’s moving on has nothing to do with what you were like as a partner. It has everything to do with your ex’s perception of you and your ex’s desire to move on and live life on his or her terms.

If your ex met someone else and developed a bond with that person, he or she likely lost feelings for you even quicker because of that. Your ex developed feelings for the new person and stopped seeking your love and validation.

That means your ex took you for granted and put a higher value on the person he or she knew very little about.

Since your ex wants to leave the past behind and be happy on his or her own or with someone else, your ex now appears to be doing okay while you’re miserable.

Your ex is doing what any dumper would do in his or her situation, which is trying to embrace the experiences and emotions created by the separation. You would want that too had you left your ex and felt a strong desire or need to be happy.

So know that it’s normal for the dumper to move on and continue moving on after the breakup. It’d be abnormal if the dumper struggled to accept the breakup and missed the dumpee like crazy.

The only dumpers who struggle to accept the breakup and move on are dumpers who are forced to leave their ex (because of cheating or some other personal boundary). Such dumpers still have feelings for their ex and can’t move on even if their ex mistreated them.

Most dumpers, though, don’t fit into this category. They fit into the “detached ” category as they move on easily and right away. They can do that because their new life is more exciting than the life they left behind.

I know it’s hard to hear that, but dumpers go through the relief and elation stages of a breakup. In these stages, they feel like they’re on top of the world. Nothing seems impossible and unattainable because they haven’t felt so empowered in years.

The only thing that can stop their fantasies is pain caused by some kind of failure. This includes problems and stressors unrelated to their ex.

With that said, here’s why your ex moved on so fast after the breakup.

What should I do when my ex moves on quickly?

When your ex moves on quickly, the first thing you should do is understand why your ex moved on quickly. Understanding your ex’s lack of feelings will allow you to come to terms with the rejection and prevent you from doing something impulsive.

Something that puts pressure on your ex and makes your ex dislike you or hate you (even more).

The only thing you can do when your ex moves on fast is try to move on yourself. You probably won’t be able to move on fast, but you will eventually move on if you keep your ex away from you. You’ll rebuild your self-love and stop craving your ex’s recognition.

It will take months to get over the breakup and find meaning outside of the relationship with your ex.

So don’t worry about your ex; you’re not in competition. You can’t beat your ex when it comes to moving on because your ex has already moved on.

But you can beat your ex in other ways. You can focus on healing, self-love, and self-growth and make sure your next relationship, happiness, and life in general are much better as a result of your improvements.

That’s what you should be working on after the breakup. Whether it was your fault, your ex’s fault, or the fault of you both, you should let your ex move on as quickly as he or she wants to.

Your ex’s moving on isn’t an indication that you were a low-quality partner, but that your ex detached from you a long time ago and that the breakup was just an official (physical) separation that ensued the emotional one.

You don’t need to do anything but accept the separation, get over the breakup, improve your flaws, and live a joyful life.

When you put your ex behind you, you’ll realize that it doesn’t matter who moves on first and what your ex thinks of you. All that matters is how you think of yourself and how much your life has changed for the better.

Are you still wondering why your ex moved on so fast? Why do you think exes move on and show no or very little remorse and regret? Share your thoughts below.

And if you’d like to chat directly with us about your ex’s reasons for moving on quickly, get in touch with us here.