Breakups can be emotionally draining and bring out the worst in exes. They can make dumpers mean and rude and dumpees desperate for love and recognition. If dumpees don’t gain control over their emotions and accept the unfortunate turn of events, they risk upsetting their ex and making their ex treat them poorly.
Dumpers have limited patience. There’s only so much they’re willing to tolerate before they give up on trying to avoid hurting their ex. If their ex keeps begging and pleading or threatening, they often turn into different people who aren’t afraid of disagreeing, rejecting, and wounding their ex.
That’s why you shouldn’t say or do just anything that comes to mind. You should ask yourself if your words and actions actually help your ex in any way and if it’s going to bring you closer to your ex. In the relationship, persistence may have shown commitment and effort, but now that you got dumped, it won’t have the same effect.
It will most likely show that you’re in denial and that you couldn’t care less about your ex’s premeditated decisions and feelings. You’ve got to keep in mind that you’ve lost the ability to coax your ex and that you won’t change your ex’s mind just by lowering your ego and telling your ex what he wants to hear.
It won’t work because you’re dealing with a detached person who thinks he’s happier on his own than with you. Unhappiness, emotional walls, and negative beliefs he developed over time prevent him from seeing things from your perspective and caring about you. They’ll convince him it’s time to put himself first and that he can’t tend to your and his wants and needs at the same time.
He only has enough energy and willpower to focus on himself and those who don’t expect unreasonable things from him. If he’s like most exes, he’ll spend more time with his friends, family, coworkers, schoolmates, and people he wants or needs to interact with.
So if you want to know what to do if your bf breaks up with you, know that you’re highly emotional and that many things your emotions urge you to do can be highly damaging to both you and your chances of reconciliation. You may feel anxious, sad, and unhappy without your ex, but that doesn’t mean you should reach out to your ex and try to get him to make you feel needed, desired, and loved.
Your ex is no longer your go-to person. He’s an ex who associates negative feelings with you and needs time to process those feelings. If you contact him (especially frequently) and try to make him feel responsible for helping you, he could feel guilt-tripped and tempted to treat you like a desperate ex who doesn’t know when to quit.
This means he could say things you’re not ready to hear and show that he’s moved on, perhaps even with someone else.
If you’re not ready to learn how he views you and what he’s been up to (romantically), you shouldn’t contact/talk to the guy. You should leave him alone and project confidence. Confidence may keep him wondering about your new life and perhaps even inspire him to reach out to learn more about it.
He can become interested in you again as a friend or a partner, but he must first see that you respect him and yourself. Without respect and self-respect, he can’t feel safe and comfortable around you, let alone with you. So don’t annoy him with texts, calls, and social media baits—and expect him to realize he left a truly unique woman.
Let me remind you that a unique woman doesn’t initiate conversations, beg and plead for another chance, and show dependence on a former partner. She understands her importance and the value she brings to the table. That’s why she refrains from putting herself down and making her ex her everything.
If you want your boyfriend or rather, ex-boyfriend back when he breaks up with you, you have to understand that a real breakup takes more than an apology to undo. It requires the dumper to have a forgiving personality and the dumpee to follow breakup rules, also known as the rules of no contact.
These self-imposed rules are super important because they demonstrate acceptance, strength, and the ability to move on. Your ex doesn’t want you to fight for the relationship and chase unless he’s using the breakup as a method to manipulate you to give him your power. He wants you to instantly give up on the relationship and let him do the things he wants to do.
By giving him space, he can feel free and respected. This likely won’t make him realize what a fool he was for letting go of you, but it will force him to adopt a different view of you. One that he respects and feels curious about at times. Don’t take the breakup personally and think it’s your responsibility to convince the dumper to forgive you and see your worth.
Your only job is to accept the breakup and give your ex the space he’s asked for. If you do this right, your ex will slowly process the most difficult breakup emotions and might even want to chat or be with you. It’s hard to say what your ex will want and do because it depends mainly on his happiness and the lessons he learns.
If you truly want to be with him, you must let him go. Don’t act on your pain and frustration and try to hold on to him. It will only make him feel trapped, disrespected, and angry. You should instead show him that you accept and respect his decision and that you won’t try to change his mind. He should feel in charge of his life and be able to do things he wants, even if you don’t agree with them.
Expect your ex to suddenly take interest in things he previously didn’t care about. He might become more social, make new friends, engage in new activities, and become open to trying new things. The phase after the breakup is also known as the exploration phase. Dumpers use their time to figure out what works and what doesn’t. They feel relieved and elated and don’t want their ex to interrupt them.
If they see their ex as a buzzkill, they often cut him out of their life and enjoy their freedom to the fullest.
In this post, we shed some light on what to do if your bf breaks up with you. We talk about no contact and other useful techniques necessary for retaining your value as an ex.
What to do if your bf breaks up with you?
Breakups are never easy. Most dumpees struggle to accept them and react positively to negative emotions caused by rejection. Due to overwhelming separation anxiety and shock, they fall into depression and blame themselves entirely – even for things they aren’t responsible for. They overfocus on their missteps and fail to acknowledge their ex’s mistakes and flaws.
Dumpees don’t see the big picture, which is that their ex is equally if not more responsible for the breakup. The dumper developed negative beliefs and perceptions and quit instead of addressing the things that bothered him or her.
It’s important not to over-apologize for the things you did or didn’t do. You can apologize, but don’t do it too strongly and more than once. If you appear too regretful, your ex will see that you’re super hurt and in need of his adoration and support. That will likely make him feel bad for hurting you and trigger all kinds of unwanted feelings.
It’s hard to control your emotions during the breakup. But despite that, you should do your best not to be too emotional. Emotions overwhelm the dumper and give him good reasons to push you away and feel in control. The sooner he does that, the sooner he can focus on himself and feel the emotions he wants to feel.
So try not to cry, beg, accuse, guilt-trip, suffocate, anger, and frustrate your ex with your explanations, demands, and emotions. Keep in mind that it wasn’t easy for your ex to break up with you and that he’d spent a considerable amount of time mustering the courage to leave. I couldn’t say how long it took him to officially break up with you, but unofficially, he probably felt disconnected for longer than a week.
This means he’s now certain he needed to break up with you and seek happiness without you.
Every fiber in your body tells you to fight for what you believe in, but that’s the last thing you should do. Fighting for the relationship will tell your ex that you refuse to accept the breakup and respect his decision. You prefer to hold on to your ex and hope that your ex will change his mind.
Although your ex might miss you and want you back, your attachment to your ex won’t be the reason he returns. If he comes back, it will be because someone or something made him reflect on the past and discover your true potential. This could be a bad breakup or a lack of self-love.
The point is that it could take him a very long time to finally understand what he’s done and that he regrets it. I’m talking about months or years. You might not have any feelings left for him by the time you hear from him. You’ll deal with that obstacle when you get to it. For now, you must understand that a quitting ex-boyfriend wants you to respect yourself and his decision.
He expects you to take care of yourself and let him do the same. If you do that, he won’t have a reason to think more negatively about you. His perception of you will remain as it is or improve a bit over time. It will improve drastically only if he sees things for what they are and takes accountability for his actions.
So don’t do anything your ex doesn’t want you to do. Don’t openly disagree with your ex and project insecurities and codependence. Your ex won’t like you or love you if you discard your dignity and try to prove why you’d make a good couple. On the contrary, your ex will see that you’re highly emotional, nostalgic, and incapable of letting go of the relationship.
Your desperation will put your ex off and make reconciliation much more difficult.
Hence, it’s in your best interest to accept the breakup and ask for closure. You need to know why your ex ended the relationship so you can work on yourself and avoid making mistakes that are in your power to avoid. Consider the breakup a rare opportunity to engage in reflection, identify your flaws, and become the best version of yourself.
If you don’t make healthy changes now that you’re hurting, you won’t make them later either. That’s because you won’t have pain to motivate you.
When your bf breaks up with you, you shouldn’t blame yourself, but you should acknowledge your faults. By doing so, you can grow within, avoid making similar mistakes in the future, appear more mature (desirable) to your ex, distance yourself from the person you were (forgive yourself), and move on. Moving on (detaching) is necessary for your ex to become curious, nostalgic, and regretful.
So work on your flaws and detachment. Your ex must see that you’ve given up on the relationship and let go of romantic expectations. When your ex sees this, your ex may want to be friends or more.
Having said that, here’s what to do if your bf breaks up with you.
Will your ex-boyfriend come back?
It’s hard to predict whether an ex will come back because every breakup has different dynamics. Some exes stay friends and hang out whereas others stop talking and despise each other. Hatred can be difficult for dumpers to overcome because it constantly reminds them they’re the victims and that they have nothing to work on.
Dumpers who blame their ex for everything lack the understanding that it takes two to make or break a relationship. Someone tends to add more fuel to the fire than the other, but that’s because relationships are never completely balanced. Couples differ in maturity, perceptions, convictions, personalities, coping mechanisms, self-esteem, and expectations.
They’re different people and have different ways of dealing with problems. The problem is that sometimes they’re too different (incompatible) to work things out. Instead of working together, they work against each other and become resentful and detached. Other times, they merely pretend to be incompatible. They blame incompatibility for their lack of flexibility and growth and leave when they convince themselves the relationship is hopeless.
Regardless of why they break up, they need to change their beliefs, perceptions, and behaviors if they want to get back together. Typically, the dumpee works on him/herself right away due to shattered self-esteem whereas the dumper is forced to reflect and self-invest when things go south.
Both the dumpee and the dumper have work to do. They must take different journeys that allow them to make healthy long-lasting changes.
As for whether your ex will come back, it’s anyone’s guess. In short, it depends on whether he’s done the work on himself and finds what he’s looking for. Oftentimes, exes come back due to pure luck. They meet someone who uses, abuses, or hurts them and makes them wish they hadn’t left their ex.
You must wait for your ex to fail and have an epiphany. An epiphany will maximize your chances of getting back with a dumper ex.
Your ex could also come back without encountering a problem and getting hurt, but the chances of that happening are much smaller. If your ex comes back randomly, he likely always had feelings for you or merely wants something superficial from you. This implies that your ex will likely leave again when he gets bored or feels hurt.
My advice is to focus on today. Don’t ruminate about the past and the future. You’ll feel stronger if you prioritize things you can control and enjoy. If your ex misses you romantically and wants you back, your ex will let you know. He’ll reach out, apologize, and express the wish to reconcile.
You must be patient and wait until your ex contacts you and gives you something to work with.
What do you think you should do if your bf breaks up with you? Should you try harder or let go of control? Share your thoughts below.
And if you need help with your ex-boyfriend, sign up for private coaching. Together, we’ll devise a plan specifically tailored to your situation and needs.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
