10 Signs He Is Hurting After The Breakup

The 10 signs your ex is hurting after the breakup come in different shapes and sizes. Some are big, others are small, but they’re all signs your ex is in pain and that he needs to deal with the breakup after effects.

Although dumpers aren’t necessarily going through the same kind of emotional pain as dumpees (unless they’re depressed), they nevertheless experience pain and anxiety. The only difference is that they deal with it differently.

Instead of crying about it the way dumpees do, dumpers focus on distracting themselves. They feel relieved after the breakup, so they do things that appear strange and superficial to dumpees.

Oftentimes, guys:

• go out a lot
• drink and party
• become more social and meet new people
• take up new hobbies
• and even date other people

They feel free and empowered by the end of the relationship, so they do things that help them not think about their dumpee and focus on themselves instead. This is how they ease their guilt, worries, and doubts and make sure they don’t reach out to their ex when they’re wondering how their ex is doing.

And that’s something dumpees often don’t understand. Dumpees tend to judge their exes by their actions (by the things they see and hear) even though they have no idea what’s actually going on with their exes. All they know is that their exes have changed/are changing and that they must not be hurting.

But this isn’t true.

The irony is that the signs your ex is hurting after the breakup are usually hidden from public view. Guys especially hate displaying weakness because we’re taught from a young age to “act like men”—not to cry like girls. Society expects us to be strong and resilient even when we’re hurt and need a shoulder to lean on.

So what we do is we hold things inside and focus on work or something that keeps us busy.

I’m not saying your ex-boyfriend’s been crying all day, every day because that’s not typical for healthy dumpers. All I’m saying is that guys don’t usually act like girls. We oftentimes hold emotions inside and are typically more selective when it comes to revealing emotions we interpret as weak.

But are we really any stronger than women? Are guys better equipped to deal with grief, anxiety, and pain?

Personally, I wouldn’t say so. Most of us have learned to control certain types of emotions better, but not all of them. Especially not the ones that bring us down and do the most damage to us.

I’m willing to bet that women deal with unhealthy emotions better because they communicate about them and get them off their chests. They know how therapeutic sharing difficult emotions with empathetic people can be, so they recover quicker.

We guys, have conditioned ourselves to internalize difficult emotions and act robotically. In movies and social media, we’re always portrayed as machos, so we believe that we must appear and act masculine too.

And that we do. We act tough even though that’s often just an act.

When we can no longer endure anxiety, we eventually erupt like a geyser. And that’s when things become very difficult for us to cope with.

Some guys react explosively and others suffer inwardly. It really depends on each other’s person’s upbringing, emotional strength, impulse control, and maturity.

So if you’re looking for signs he is hurting after the breakup, look no more. Here are 10 signs you need to be aware of.

1)He blocked you or removed you from social media

Don’t think that your ex is incapable of getting hurt because he definitely can/ But there’s a difference between you and him. And that difference is that he’s the dumper and you’re the dumpee.

Your ex doesn’t feel sad and depressed like you do because your ex’s pain isn’t your kind of pain. His pain comes from frustrations, anger, resentments that developed weeks prior to the breakup. That’s why he’s now acting cold and vengeful and wants you to know that he doesn’t approve of your behavior.

A good example of your ex’s suffering is when your ex ignores you and blocks you on social media. Such behaviors portray so much negativity that you don’t need your ex’s verbal explanation to understand that he’s suffering. His actions speak for themselves as they show he’s incapable of dealing with breakup emotions.

You must understand that the signs he’s hurting after the breakup are nearly the opposite of yours. While you’re hurting because of the loss of your relationship, your ex is hurting and recovering from the lack of space, freedom, or power he had while he was with you.

He feels that he’s finally in control of his life and that this is his time to change things up.

If you resist the breakup by begging and pleading and reasoning with him, he can’t get what he needs to self-prioritize. Instead, he sees that you’re not accepting the breakup and that you lack strength and respect for him. Your demanding actions then cause him so much pain that your ex could block you out of anger and disrespect and hurt you in return.

So cut your ex some slack because he’s suffering too. It may not be as bad as you, but your ex removing you from social media is a sign your ex can’t handle seeing any reminders of you. Reminders remind your ex of the past and trigger unwanted emotions.

2)Your ex is avoiding you

When your ex avoids you like the plague, you’ve got one of the best signs he’s hurting after the breakup. You can be certain your ex-boyfriend is in pain because he’s afraid of being confronted and running into you now that the relationship has ended.

Your ex just doesn’t have the strength to face his fears and doesn’t know how to act around you anymore. Not in a way that would make him feel calm, relaxed, and “normal,” anyway.

That’s why your ex would rather pretend he’s okay and that he doesn’t see you when he runs into you.

When dumpers do that (men or women), they lack something a healthy individual should have.

They lack:

• maturity
• emotional strength
• breakup knowledge
• and decent moral values

The signs your ex is hurting after a breakup depict your ex’s attitude toward you as well as himself. Pay attention to the way your ex thinks, feels, and behaves and you might realize you don’t even want your ex back anymore.

If your ex has hurt you a lot and hasn’t done anything to help you, you probably shouldn’t try to get your ex back. Getting back with him would put you in a position where he could disappoint you and hurt you again.

3)Trash-talking you

One of the signs your ex is hurting after the breakup is when your ex cold-heartedly talks badly about you to his friends and family. Talking badly about you shows he’s being resentful and that he blames you for the breakup.

But why would your ex be hurting when he talks badly about you, you ask?

As you likely already know, people consciously or subconsciously project their fears, shortcomings, insecurities, and anger onto others. They try to put others down to gain others’ understanding and uplift themselves.

When your ex deliberately insults you and puts the blame on you, your ex, in essence, tries to portray himself in a better light than you. He thinks that if he makes you look bad that others will take his side and disassociate him from you completely.

And that’s very bad for your ex because it’s a sign that he’s hurting after the breakup and that he should do something about his pain. If he ignores it, he’s going to develop himself into a person who puts exes down and fails to grow when it’s time to grow.

So if your ex is trash-talking you and you’re not sure what to think of it, know that your ex is using anger as a self-defense mechanism. Your ex is trying to put the blame on you to feel better about the things he said or did.

4)Negative consequences

Dumpers initially don’t realize that things can get much worse for them in the long run. Losing friends, jobs, ambitions, relationships, and falling into the depression are just a few unpredictable things that can take them by surprise and hurt them.

So when they do, dumpers often find themselves perplexed and confused because they never thought they would feel worse than they did before the breakup. They thought they would stay happy and relieved forever, but such emotions don’t last forever.

They last only for a couple of months, depending on the length and the intensity of the relationship.

There aren’t that many differences between dumpees and dumpers when they’re in pain. Both often become reflective and think back to when they were in a relationship. That’s when it becomes possible for them to wonder if their ex would take them back and make them feel better.

The main reasons dumpers come back after the breakup are discontent, pain, and suffering. Any kind of pain makes dumpers see that their ex wasn’t the main issue and that they had taken their ex for granted. Such realizations allow them to develop feelings for their ex again and force them to reach out to their ex when they can’t bear the pain anymore.

So when you see signs your ex is hurting after a breakup, chances are your ex is already devising a plan on how to reach out. All you have to do is wait for your ex to contact you so you can then take control of the reconciliation and tell your ex what you need him to change and work on.

5)Your ex rebounded or failed at dating

If your ex tried dating someone else and failed badly, your ex rebounded with the new person and is in pain. He’s wondering whether he’s made the right decision and if you’ll still take him back.

Not all dumpers run back to the ex after a failed rebound relationship, of course, but many do. Many dumpers realize their ex’s worth by dating someone else and getting hurt by him or her. It’s possible your ex did too. The less luck he has dating others, the higher the chances that he’s hurting and that he will choose you to confide in and make himself feel better with.

The reason why rebound relationships can have a positive effect on your ex is that rebounds destroy dumpers’ expectations and trigger their deepest fears. They make them wonder if they’re even worthy of love and commitment and if they were responsible for leaving their exes.

You’ve experienced rejection not too long ago, so you know just how much it sucks to get dumped. It feels like you’re not good enough and that you don’t deserve the person who dumped you.

Breakups are so hard they feel like they’ll kill you. And your ex can feel that way too if he fails to make a relationship work with another person. This is especially true if your ex’s self-esteem is low and if he monkey-branched to someone else.

So if your ex went on Tinder right after the breakup or you see your ex dating without much luck, bear in mind that it’s a sign your ex is hurting after the breakup. He’s hurting because he’s in a hurry to connect with someone else and doesn’t want to take the time to figure out what went wrong in your relationship.

6)Impulsive behavior

When your ex acts impulsively and does nasty things to you, you have yet another sign he is hurting after the breakup.

Whether it’s taking revenge, angry outbursts, contacting your new partner, or threatening you—your ex is showing he’s affected by the breakup.

Instead of controlling his emotions, he’s reacting to them and revealing to you that he’s in pain and in need of help. Although his pain isn’t as severe as yours (anger is a self-defense mechanism), it’s still a sign your ex isn’t happy about the place he’s in now.

He can’t be happy when he’s going out of his way to project his unhappiness onto you and making your life more difficult.

You must understand that an ex who’s happy won’t stay in your life and waste his time and emotions. He’ll try to get as much space from you as possible so that he can enjoy his life.

That’s why your ex operating purely on emotions and instincts is one of the greatest signs he’s hurting after the breakup.

7)Your ex is calling you all the time

This sign is slightly different from others. When your ex is hurting after the breakup, you could see him call you and try to extort validation from you.

Your ex will probably do this without awareness and might even say that he misses you or loves you. Whatever you do, though, don’t fall for his sweet words.

Although your ex might call you and express sorrow, your ex won’t necessarily want you back the moment he says a few nice things to you. He could only be looking for sympathy and understanding—which is something you used to provide on a daily basis.

Now that you’re no longer a couple, however, your ex knows that he shouldn’t ask for emotional support from you. But despite knowing, he might not have any better people to ask for help, so he could message you and appear as if he cares about you romantically. As someone who got dumped, you have to be careful about an ex who seems to need you.

You have to hold back emotionally, let him come to you, and read his intentions.

So bear in mind that a guy who contacts you only when he needs something doesn’t love you. He just loves the things you do for him. You mustn’t give him your love, validation, and support until he realizes he’s made a mistake and that he wants you back.

8)Guilt

Anyone with a bad conscience can experience waves of guilt for treating a person badly. And the same goes for your ex.

If he cheated on you or did something that showed he didn’t deserve you, your ex could now be looking for forgiveness. He could be trying to see you’re over the pain he’s caused and that he can move on with a clear conscience.

Whether your ex drunk-dials from the bar, texts you apologetic texts, or calls you every day “to check up on you,” know that your ex could be trying to help himself more than you. He could have gotten enough space to process the breakup and see that the way he treated you was unfair.

If your ex feels guilty, your ex doesn’t see you in a horrible light. It’s quite the contrary actually. Your ex has dealt with the most difficult breakup emotions and is now capable of feeling guilt, sorrow, and regret.

So if your ex feels bad for treating you badly and is struggling to accept his behavior, it’s now up to you to decide if you want to forgive your ex. You have one of the signs he is hurting after the breakup, so don’t confuse guilt for regret.

9)Your ex regressed

Another sign your ex is hurting is if your ex regressed to his old ways of living.

If your ex stopped eating healthy, put on weight, doesn’t exercise, drinks alcohol, does drugs, or participates in anything your ex used to do and shouldn’t be doing, your ex’s life moved backward.

Instead of going forward, your ex slipped back into his comfort zone and is not growing from the breakup.

It’s crucial for you to understand that bad habits can’t make your ex internally happy. They give the impression that they do, but they actually have the opposite effect. They make your ex’s life more difficult.

I suppose many dumpers focus on external happiness—such as partying, dating, and things that don’t make them happy for long.

Eventually, new friends, drinking, and dating get old. And that’s when dumpers usually have an epiphany and realize that they may have been faking their happiness.

You can tell your ex regressed if he:

• stopped taking care of his emotional and physical health
• focused on external happiness
• spends time with the wrong people
• started doing drugs
• refused to learn anything from the breakup

10)Repeating the same mistakes

Dumpers seldom improve after the breakup.

Sure, they change a thing or two, such as the people they hang out with or the number of drinks they can handle, but other than that, they don’t improve the things that really matter – their behavior.

Because they stay the same behavior-wise, they often repeat the same bad behavioral habits and patterns that got them into this mess (the breakup). It’s a shame they don’t pay enough attention to problems that ended the relationship.

If they focused on them, they could prevent history from repeating itself and have better relationships. Most dumpers, unfortunately, are forced to improve themselves only when they fail again months or years later. That’s when they learn that they’re not perfect and that they have shortcomings to work on like everyone else.

Have you noticed any signs your ex is hurting after the breakup? Let us know what you think about this article by posting a comment below.

And if you’d like to sign up for coaching with us, click here to learn more.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.