Should I Wish My Ex A Happy Birthday?

If you’re contemplating wishing your ex a happy birthday, you’re probably in no contact, focusing on healing. You’re trying to detach from your ex while at the same time, hoping that your ex would come back and validate your importance.

If that’s what you’re doing, you shouldn’t wish your ex a happy birthday. You can’t break the silence and communicate with your ex because it will ruin your emotional progress and make you dependent on your ex for love and recognition again. It will raise your expectations significantly and make you want your ex to empower you and take your anxiety and recently-created esteem issues away.

You can consider reaching out to your ex only if:

• you’re on speaking terms with your ex
• you’re over your ex
• you’re certain that messaging your ex won’t set you back
• you’re not afraid of finding out your ex is dating again
• you can handle seeing your ex thrive and be happy

So to make things simple, wish your ex a happy birthday if you’re friends with your ex and speak regularly. Your birthday wishes will probably make your ex feel good.

But if you’re anxious, depressed, miserable, and still want your ex back, don’t text your ex happy birthday. Don’t reach out to your ex just because you think your ex’s birthday is a good opportunity for you to exchange a few words with your ex.

If you haven’t settled for friendship (which you shouldn’t), chances are that friendly exchanges with your ex won’t go the way you want them to go. Instead of showing you that your ex cares about you, your ex could reply with a simple “thanks” or also ignore you if you begged and pleaded and guilt-tripped your ex.

I’m not saying your ex will be mean to you for sure, but if you can’t handle the worst, don’t expect the best. If you haven’t heard anything from your ex for a while, your ex probably wants things to stay that way. Your ex wants you to stay in no contact and stop reaching out for birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries.

Your ex may change his or her mind in the future (when your ex processes the breakup), but if the breakup is fresh and/or you haven’t spoken since the breakup, it may be better to keep it that way. Wishing an ex happy birthday after he or she dumped you and doesn’t speak with you is risky (not thoughtful).

You should make sure to prioritize health and well-being before you break no contact and try to wish your ex a happy birthday.

In this article, we’ll discuss when you should and shouldn’t wish your ex a happy birthday.

Should I wish my ex a happy birthday?

If your ex broke up with you and you’re looking for reasons to break no contact, don’t do that on your ex’s birthday. Your ex wants to spend his or her birthday with people he or she gets along with and wants to spend time with. Your ex doesn’t want to speak with someone whose presence alone smothers and irritates him/her.

If your ex wanted to communicate with you, your ex would have reached out himself or herself. Your ex would have shown you that it’s okay to send each other texts and that he or she wants to be a part of your life again.

But if your ex isn’t doing that or if you still have strong feelings for your ex, there’s no need to do that. Not only would reaching out be inconsiderate of your ex’s need for space, but it’d also be unhealthy for you because it would make you even more addicted to your ex.

It would make you more certain that your ex is your savior and the person who can be there for you through good and bad. That would be a fabricated excuse for your reach-out. The reality, however, is that your ex would refuse to empower you with recognition and directly or indirectly show you that he or she is doing just fine without you.

In turn, your expectations would come crashing down on you and hurt you for being too naive.

So if you’re wondering if you should wish your ex a happy birthday, don’t do that when you’re anxious, broken-hearted, and emotionally dependent on your ex for positive responses. Wish your ex happy birthday only when you’re in frequent contact and have no romantic expectations of your ex.

That’s when your ex will know you’re being selfless and allow you to have a quick conversation without forcing you to obsess about it for days to come.

That’s the simplified answer to whether you should wish your ex happy birthday.

The infographic below will explain when it’s safe to wish your ex and when it’s not.

Keep in mind that you should never reach out to your ex if your ex doesn’t think highly of you and respect you for the person you are and everything you’ve done. If your ex doesn’t value the past and show you that consistently, wishing your ex a happy birthday would be a waste of time and effort.

There’s no point in celebrating someone’s existence when he or she doesn’t acknowledge yours. That would be disrespectful to you.

So if you and your ex are no longer close, I strongly encourage you not to act like you are. Pretending everything’s fine when it is in fact not won’t only make you look pretentious but also desperate for attention. It will force your ex’s opinion of you to deteriorate and make it more likely for him or her to say or do something hurtful.

Something that shows that your ex doesn’t care about you romantically, which consequently makes you regret wishing your ex happy birthday.

You should be avoiding contact

When your ex breaks up with you, you should be looking for reasons to stay in no contact rather than looking for reasons to break it and be friends with your ex. No contact is essential as it gives your ex time to be free and proves you can handle the breakup with strength and confidence.

There’s nothing confident about reaching out to wish your ex happy birthday. Sure, it shows you’re a decent person for remembering your ex’s birth date, but if that’s what you’re trying to prove, you probably don’t understand the rules of no contact and their purpose.

No contact is effective because it sends your ex a message that you’re handling separation anxiety well and not obsessing about your ex day and night. Happy birthday wishes, however, show the opposite. They prove that you’ve been thinking about your ex a lot and perhaps even looking for a justifiable reason to say hi.

But if the breakup is fresh (a few weeks old) and your ex couldn’t wait to get away from you, your ex probably won’t appreciate your nice wishes. Your ex will instead feel trapped and think that you’re being too intrusive. A birthday wish from you could remind your ex of the bad times and/or trigger his or her overwhelming need for space, privacy, and safety.

I can’t say how your ex will interpret your reach-out because I don’t know your ex and how he or she perceives you. But if you aren’t on speaking terms, you shouldn’t try to be. It’s your ex (the dumper) who should reach out to you and say what he or she wants.

If your ex wants friendship, your ex should say so. You can’t read minds, but you can tell that an ex who isn’t messaging or calling you isn’t interested in being anything with you.

What if my ex wished me for my birthday?

If your ex wished you a happy birthday after breaking up, this doesn’t automatically imply it’s okay for you to wish your ex back. Before you do that, you should think about the time your ex wished you and what your relationship is like. If your ex broke no contact a few weeks into it, your ex probably did that out of courtesy.

He or she was still thinking about you quite a lot back then because the breakup was fresh and wanted to see what you thought and felt. But if weeks have gone by and there has been no communication (or it was uncomfortable), then wishing your ex a happy birthday wouldn’t make any difference.

You’ll be breaking no contact after your ex has dealt with guilt, curiosity, and other reasons/excuses your ex used to wish you a happy birthday. That means your ex’s reasons for breaking no contact will be gone and that you’ll probably bother your ex.

The only few times you should consider wishing your ex a happy birthday after your ex has wished you is when:

• your ex sends you happy birthday wishes months into no contact
• your ex never stopped talking to you and you’re okay with it
• you’re thinking of reaching out selflessly and won’t get hurt

So whatever you do, don’t think you’re obliged to reach out to your ex for your ex’s birthday just because your ex reached out for yours first. If you’re not ready to speak with your ex or if your ex treated you terribly and lost your respect, you don’t owe your ex a birthday wish.

It wouldn’t be authentic anyway.

The dangers of wishing your ex a happy birthday

If you decide to reach out when you’re still in love with your ex, you’ll put your expectations on your ex and leave your heart vulnerable to pain. You’ll ask for another romantic rejection and if your ex doesn’t act the way you want him or her to act, destroy your healing and self-esteem.

Wishing your ex a happy birthday may seem like a nice gesture, but you have to understand that you’re probably not ready to interact with your ex. If you communicate with your ex, you could find out a lot of unnecessary information you could do better without.

Information like who your ex is dating, how happy your ex is, that your ex is thinking about you, and that your ex is moving on without you. These things and the conversation alone will give you false hope and make you think about the interaction for the next few days.

I suppose the question you should ask yourself is, do you want to analyze everything your ex says to you? Would you not rather practice self-control and avoid reaching out to your ex for his or her birthday?

You probably already know the answer, but you still feel like wishing your ex a happy birthday is the right thing to do. I don’t blame you because you’re anxious and/or curious to hear from your ex. Just don’t forget that this is your time to put yourself first. You must love yourself because if you don’t, who will?

Always keep in mind that not wishing your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend a happy birthday isn’t rude or cruel. It’s a self-caring gesture that shows you know your worth and that you won’t bother to wish people happy birthdays and be fake with them.

The best thing that can happen is that your ex feels bad and apologizes for the things he or she has done to hurt you. That could give you closure and help you move on. But if you ask me, the risks far outweigh the benefits. It’s not worth it when you have no idea what your ex thinks and feels about you and how your ex will respond.

Should I wish my ex’s mom and dad a happy birthday?

Some dumpees stay in touch with their ex’s family whereas others just want to wish them a happy birthday and show them they still care about them.

If you’re thinking of wishing your ex’s mom, dad, or anyone in the family a happy birthday, you can. They may be related to your ex, but that doesn’t mean you need to stop conversing with them and being nice to them.

Who you talk to and how you talk to them is no longer your ex’s concern. It stopped being your ex’s business when your ex broke up with you. Your ex doesn’t have exclusive rights to people. Not even to his or her family.

So if you want to wish your ex’s family happy birthday and talk to them once in a while, feel free to do so. Your ex shouldn’t mind it as long as you don’t talk about him or her.

Unless you have children with your ex or something binding you to your ex’s parents, you probably won’t stay in contact with them forever. Sooner than later, you’ll probably fall out of touch with them and connect with your next partner’s family.

That’s when you’ll realize that people come and go and that you talked to your ex’s family because of your ex.

My advice is to wish people a happy birthday when they deserve it and want it. Those who have been kind to you and continue to be kind probably deserve it. As for those who were mean and show no interest in you, they certainly don’t.

Don’t risk your well-being for them because they won’t do the same for you.

Are you still wondering if you should wish your ex a happy birthday? Do you think your ex will respond/respond in ways that you want him or her to? Share your thoughts and how the conversation went if you decide to wish your ex.

And if you’re not yet sure about wishing your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend a happy birthday and want us to dissuade you, sign up for coaching with us.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.