If you begged and pleaded with your ex and are wondering if going no contact can still work on your ex, know that the majority of dumpees do a little bit of begging and pleading. Most dumpees get hit with the breakup out of the blue and react impulsively.
They think that their ex can still be reasoned with and that by begging for another chance, they can show how important the relationship is to them. Little do they know that begging doesn’t give the dumper what he or she needs to be happy. It doesn’t assuage the dumper’s guilt and make the dumper want to work on the relationship.
Sometimes a little bit of begging works, but because the dumpee throws away all of his or her dignity and promises to do all the work, the dumper hogs all the power and doesn’t do anything internally to change the outcome of the relationship. The dumper just passively carries on with the same mentality and as a result, waits until he or she stops feeling bad for the dumpee and starts feeling unfulfilled and suffocated.
That’s when another breakup occurs. No amount of begging and pleading can save a relationship from going down the path that it was destined to follow.
So do your best to avoid begging and pleading. Begging not only makes you look weak, but it also says that you’ll do all the work and attempt to solve your ex’s problems for him. You have to remember that the one who has to change his current thinking patterns is your ex. Your ex left you, so it’s only fair that your ex comes back unsolicitedly and communicates things properly.
It’s in your best interest to hear your ex’s concerns, work on yourself, and avoid making yourself look pitiable. If you make your ex feel sorry for you, your ex won’t come back or stay long. It won’t be enough because it won’t encourage your ex to self-invest and see you in a better light.
It will probably just pressure your ex, make your ex lose the remaining respect, and cause a breakup.
Typically, dumpers who decide to give the relationship another shot after begging leave after a week or two. That’s when they realize they stayed in the relationship for their ex (due to guilt) rather than out of love.
That’s why you want to start a new relationship rather than continue the old one. You want your ex to see you as a person of high value instead of as a dumpee who can’t accept the breakup and move on with pride.
So exude high self-esteem by going no contact and doing things that make you happy. Your ex must be left alone so that he or she can feel independent and see that you’re strong enough to handle a breakup.
What if you already begged and pleaded? Is no contact even worth the try?
No contact is a must whether you begged for two days, two weeks, or two months. It might not have the effects on your ex you want it to have, but it will certainly help you. It will help you detach and see that life goes on with or without your ex.
It’s hard to say how much begging is too much to reconcile because every dumper has a different tolerance for begging. Some dumpers lack an understanding of breakup emotions and get extremely annoyed whereas others sympathize with the dumpee and do their best to help.
All in all, post-breakup begging for another chance makes dumpers feel guilty, pressured, and overprioritized. It demonstrates denial and a lack of ability and willpower to overcome the breakup and be on the same page with dumpers. Hence why dumpers feel trapped and uncomfortable.
So much so that they consider their ex’s begging a personal attack on their happiness. Begging puts them in a tight spot because they’re forced to tend to their ex’s problems and needs when all they want is to take their mind off the breakup and focus on themselves.
You need to understand that begging is harmful both to you and your ex. It forces you to feel extremely anxious and makes you appear desperate to your ex. And your ex (or any other person for that matter) doesn’t find desperation attractive. He or she finds it repulsive, weak, and energy-draining.
Your ex would rather see that you’ve accepted the breakup and begun to move on. It would help your ex respect you and feel the kind of emotions he or she expects to feel (joy, contentment, elation…)
You should, therefore, avoid begging and pleading by starting no contact as quickly as possible. Of course, no contact won’t magically fix everything your ex needs to fix. Neither will it remove the annoyance from all the post-breakup begging. But it will give your ex the time to be free and allow your ex to experience life and life issues without you.
If your ex isn’t ready to deal with various problems, no contact could help your ex come back for comfort, safety, convenience, and love. It could make your ex do that even if you begged and pleaded for a while.
In this post, we discuss why it’s necessary to go no contact after begging and pleading and why no contact is so important.
No contact after begging and pleading
If you’re curious about whether it makes any sense to go no contact after begging and pleading, the truth is it’s never too late to start no contact. Whether you go no contact right after a breakup or after months of begging, it’s going to give your ex space to breathe and make you look stronger and more attractive.
No contact won’t instantly reattract your ex (it doesn’t have that capability), but it will put you in a neutral position where you can avoid bothering your ex and making your ex want to ignore you and block you. No contact will make your ex happy (in the right kind of way) because it will give your ex all the time in the world to focus on things that he or she wants to focus on.
If your ex wants to spend time with friends, your ex can do that. And if your ex wants to sign up for Tinder and date others, your ex can do that too. Your ex has to have the freedom to do anything and spend time with anyone. You must let your ex be in control of his or her life so your ex doesn’t think you’re going to make his or her post-breakup life problematic.
If you continuously intervene with your ex’s need for space by reaching out, apologizing, threatening to commit suicide, and begging and pleading, your ex won’t like it in the slightest. Your ex will probably think you’re being manipulative and that the breakup didn’t happen soon enough.
Such perceptions will significantly lower your ex’s curiosity and respect for you and make the reconciliation extremely difficult.
The point of no contact is to show you’ve accepted the breakup and let go of the urge to control your ex’s actions, thoughts, and feelings. No contact can prove that you respect your ex’s decision and that you won’t try to change his or her mind no matter how nostalgic and anxious you feel.
So if you begged and pleaded with your ex for a while and noticed that your ex didn’t soften up over time, don’t keep begging for another chance. Remind yourself that your ex doesn’t respect begging and that desperation won’t make your ex want to be with you. It will make your ex want to be with you less because your ex will feel disrespected and pressured into doing something he or she doesn’t want to do.
The only thing left for you to do is to go no contact. No contact will produce way better results than staying in contact and trying to weasel your way back into your ex’s heart.
I know that the thought of not speaking with your ex for a while (or ever again) can be scary, but what’s even scarier is giving your ex all your power and putting your ex in charge of your health and well-being.
No one should have that much control over your life. Especially not an ex who no longer sees a future with you. Your ex should see that you love yourself and that friendship is out of the question.
So go no contact with your ex and take your ex’s ability to hurt you away. Do it right away so you don’t pressure your ex and make your ex resent you.
The longer you beg and plead, the more damage you cause. That’s because you constantly make your ex feel the kind of emotions he or she is trying to run away from. You remind your ex that you have certain expectations and needs you want him or her to meet and that you can’t let go of the relationship.
No contact is necessary for all dumpees. It’s necessary for those who begged and pleaded, took revenge, called their ex names, argued with their ex, and even those who have kids with their ex or those who live or work with their ex. Some dumpees have to do limited no contact, but they still have to leave their ex alone.
Doing so allows their ex to not feel responsible for helping them deal with anxiety and depression.
So if you’re thinking about going no contact after begging and pleading, I urge you to start no contact immediately. NC won’t just make you heal faster, but it will also help your ex respect you and think about you. That’s because your ex won’t know what you’re thinking, feeling, and doing—and will naturally get curious.
When your ex gets curious, chances are your ex will check up on you and try to figure out why you lost interest in conversing.
With that said, here’s why you need to start no contact after begging and pleading.
Once again, remember that most dumpees beg and plead with their ex after the breakup because they don’t know what to do and can’t control their emotions. They then go no contact, but only when they realize that their ex isn’t changing his or her mind and that they have no other option but to cut their ex off and see if the power of silence can make their ex redevelop feelings and desire for commitment.
Sometimes no contact helps dumpers regret leaving their ex. And sometimes, it doesn’t. It depends on dumpers’ ability to handle stressors and problems. The less developed and prepared the dumper is for a life without the dumpee and the higher the dumper’s expectations, the bigger the chances that the dumper will fail to find happiness and get hurt.
When the dumper gets hurt, he or she can then reflect and realize that the previous relationship was much better.
Of course, no contact alone doesn’t help dumpers realize they left someone great. No contact merely gives dumpers the time to be free and see what else is out there. If dumpers determine that nothing better is out there, they could go back to their ex and take their relationship more seriously.
Does no contact work after begging and pleading?
No contact always works after begging and pleading. It doesn’t always bring the dumper back, but it does make him or her feel free and less suffocated. No contact works from that standpoint as it gives the dumper what he or she has asked for (space).
If you begged and pleaded for a while, no contact prevents you from making additional breakup mistakes and allows your ex to take his or her mind off you. By focusing on other things and people, your ex slowly forgets about his or her biggest problems and stops thinking poorly of you.
That’s enough for your ex to feel respected. It’s enough for him or her to break his or her unhealthy thinking patterns and enjoy the breakup.
But is it enough for your ex to come back and forget that you begged and pleaded?
Well, your ex won’t forget-forget that you begged and pleaded. But your ex will stop caring about it when you consistently show that you’ve processed the separation and given up on trying to change his or her mind.
It will take some time to prove you’ve accepted the breakup, so don’t expect any quick results. Your ex will need to be left alone for a while and go through his or her own breakup phases. Once your ex has processed the things he or she needs to process, no contact will have the desired effect on him or her.
It will help your ex see that you’re no longer begging for time and attention and that you’ve found better things to obsess about. That’s when your ex might reach out and check up on you. Your ex could do that to assuage guilt, offer friendship, bury the hatchet, or try to get back together.
Until that happens, remember that the no contact rule gives the dumper time to distance himself or herself from problems and see things more clearly. It doesn’t, however, solve the dumper’s problems and force the dumper to come running back. For that to happen, something must go badly wrong for the dumper.
Something or someone must hurt the dumper so badly that the dumper sees no other way to be happy but to reconcile with the dumpee.
So does no contact work after begging and pleading?
No contact can work if you begged and pleaded for a while (for a week or two). But if you begged for months, got blocked, or pushed your ex to the point of getting a restraining order against you, no contact might not be enough. In such cases, your ex would need to get hurt a lot.
He or she would have to fail so miserably in life that your ex would completely change his or her perception of you and think that you’re the only person who could help him or her deal with problems and difficult emotions.
So if you’re hoping for no contact to undo your begging mistakes, know that it probably will after a while. It might not, however, be enough for your ex to fall back in love. That’s because no contact isn’t the main reason dumpers come back. The reason they come back is that they overestimate their capabilities and get in trouble.
Are you thinking about starting no contact after begging and pleading? Have you realized that no contact is the best option for you? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
And if you want a second opinion on going no contact after you begged and pleaded with your ex, sign up for breakup coaching with us.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Hi,
Me and my girlfriend of 6 years broke up around 11 months ago due to me doing something pretty bad, I then slept with someone else soon after which upset her a lot (months later she confessed she had slept with someone from her work soon after I confessed I’d slept with someone). We didn’t talk too much for a couple of weeks after that, but have since then been going on walks together, dating and having sex every weekend for the past 10 months or so. About 5 months ago we even agreed that we had been getting on better than ever before, but has mentioned a few times over the past 10 months or so that we aren’t actually officially a couple, which I accepted. About 2 weeks ago she told me she’s going to a man’s house to see his puppy and take her puppy so they can meet, foolishly I went mad and started to question her even though he’s 25 years older than her and married (I’m an idiot), she claims it’s platonic and insisted. I couldn’t accept what she was saying as truth and told her even though we’re not together if she wants to do that then we should take a break, which she replied he’s only a friend (which I didn’t believe). I then reached out on Facebook to this man’s “wife” to ask her if she knew her husband had invited my ex over to his house and would be alone with her, only to be told they were never married and had split up 2 months ago, she said her ex had though my ex was single, which I replied we still see each other every weekend. I saw red and confronted my ex on the phone calling her a liar because I knew he was single. I’ve since met up with my ex and had dates and sex but it hasn’t been the same, the “married friend” has since relayed this information of me reaching out to the “wife” and she’s pissed with me. She rang me on the phone saying how angry she is with me and said ‘what is the guy at work going to think you are to me now?’ I explained I was angry at the time and made a mistake and apologised. We ended the call amicably and she said I’ll speak to you tomorrow ( it’s now been 5 days since we spoke and I haven’t reached out to her either). I have come across as too available, a bit soft and she knows I’ll take her back tomorrow, but she has been available more or less every weekend for me so has me confused. What exactly is your opinion of what is going on here and is no contact a good idea from this point forward?
Hi Callum.
No contact is definitely the right path forward. Things are getting more and more complicated, so I don’t think you should be that close to each other. Arguments tend to ensue when exes act like partners and have unrealistic expectations of each other. Your ex clearly doesn’t want to date you. She’s interested in seeing other men, and will do so regardless of how nice you are.
For that reason, you should cut her off and take some time to heal. Don’t date anyone because it will severely delay your recovery.
Kind regards,
Zan
after messaging my ex, I realised I had been doing it all wrong. Although I wanted to check up on him, I wasn’t given him what he wanted which was space. So i sent an apology and given him space since. It’s been about a month and he has helped a friend find me again and I slipped up once by accidently adding him but I quickly undid it. It’s been 5 months since we ended and i don’t think he’s gonna come back anytime soon. After we ended we begged and rejected each other at different times and it was a mess. WE have mutual friends but I live somewhere else far away from them all so i can only talk online and go to them every now and again.
Hi Mary.
It’s okay if you made a mistake (or multiple mistakes). Just go back to no contact and keep healing. You’ll recover from this if you keep doing the right things!
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi can, this is the last message I got from my ex: “Listen I care about you and your well being. But right now I really need to focus on my well being. This is the 4th time in a year that I am back in treatment. What I’ve realized this time around, is I didn’t take the time to focus on myself and my growth and that’s why I wound up relapsing. I don’t want to live like this anymore, and I hope you get to the point where you choose you don’t want to either. Unfortunately I had to go separate ways with you to do this for me. I understand it hurts and that it is not my intention to hurt you. But this is all becoming very toxic and taking a toll on my mental health/recovery right now. I am going to block you not to be a spiteful person, but I think for the both of us to have limited contact right now. If we find each other again in the future and start over that would be great but only time will tell and I hope we can give each other the best parts of ourselves. But if we don’t I hope you don’t ever look at me with anger or resentment because I would love to still have you a part of my life. But all of this right now for me, is becoming a lot and I hope you understand. Like I said that was never my intentions. Take care of yourself please if you ever miss me just look at the moon. You’re a great person but we both have a lot to work on in ourselves . I Love you stay safe please don’t hate me “
And then I reached out to her on social media begging and pleading for a month telling her that I was going to do better, that my problem with alcohol made me impulsive, unstable and erratic and that I was going to get sober and change and be a better partner. I know I can be a great partner and change and show it to her after getting completely clean. But she kept saying that it was over that I needed to let go and that she needed to focus on herself and she didn’t have the time to focus on our relationship right now. I know I messed up by drinking too much, and then getting really needy and insecure before and after the break up. Although in the beginning everything was great and we had a great connection, the end was a bit messy. Do you think I still have a shot at reconciliation after no contact and after I’ve done the work on my self and become the better version of me ??
Hi Clyde.
Your ex has detached, which means that simply improving yourself won’t be enough. You need to do better for yourself. If she comes back as a result of it, that’s a bonus. For her to come back, something must drastically change her mindset and opinion of herself. In other words, something must got badly wrong in her life that makes her reflect and see you dfferently.
Keep working on yourself, Clyde. You need to grow as a person!
Best regards,
Zan
My ex and I broke up 2 months ago. We were together for a year and a half. I did a lot of begging and pleading up until 2 weeks ago when she told me she’s now hurt and angry. I’ve started NC but prior to the relationship we were best friends for 14 years. Is there hope NC will be helpful in eventually reconciling?
Hi John.
No contact is your best option. If NC doesn’t neutralize your mistakes and her anger, nothing will. So stick to it and focus on yourself.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hello Zan, I enjoyed this blog you just wrote but it left me with questions. I didn’t follow the ‘no contact’ rule until about almost a year after I was dumped by my ex. She and I both had iphones and she never changed her settings so I could tell if she read my messages. I would use different friends iphones and she would block them after a couple of days. After over 2 decades together, she has suceeded in blocking me from her life. but I’ve never gotten a restraining order put on me but probably would have, had she had more time to do it. Did I blow my chances at NC? Any advice would be greatly apreciated
Hi BC.
It’s time to let go of her as she most likely won’t come back. She’s detached and got used to talking to you as a friend. That won’t change on its own.
Kind regards,
Zan
wow so important article!
I totally agree that no amount of begging and pleading can save a relationship from going down the path that it was destined to follow.
And I realized that fast so didn’t beg or pleading but went to no content
Begging doesn’t accomplish anything positive. Dumpees need to go NC right away.
Best,
Zan
I pleaded with and begged my ex for about six months until I came across Magnetofsuccess while scrolling google. I sure hope I haven’t ruined my chances of getting my lady love back.
Hi William.
I can’t say for sure, but it’s clear that your ex is done for now. You need to give up on your ex and start living again.
Sincerely,
Zan
I panicked and begged and pleaded for almost a week when I found out she already got in a new relationship, I sent her a wall of text where I explained my personal issues that were part of why it didn’t work out between us, I haven’t opened up to anyone that much ever.
Next day I sent a wall of text where I basicly just blamed myself for all my shortcomings and why I don’t deserve her.
A few days later I got her to meet up and I told her about my self reflections and my desire to make it right, even though I knew she was in a new relationship, it fell on deaf ears.
Later on I even called her and asked if she wanted to hang out, which got ignored.
I asked her son if he wanted to play some videogames, I have always had a good relationship with her son and we have been playing videogames together among things. I honestly don’t want to loose that relationship him and I had no intentions on prying some answers from him. Even though after some more self reflecting I knew I was also trying to feel needed and relevant. He said he couldn’t because his computer was acting up. I think it was just her telling him not to.
All this in just a single week, I was out of character and messed up bad. My last text to her was just me apolegizing for my behaviour and then I went in to no contact. This was almost three weeks ago.
Hi Gordon.
You tried to rationalize with her and make her see you were capable of learning and growing. Sadly, it wasn’t about that. She had lost feelings and wasn’t going to change her perception of you. She wanted to be with someone else. It’s possible she cheated on you and branched to the other guy soon after.
Kind regards,
Zan
She dumped me in a very friendly and caring way. Sobbing and stating it was very sad because our time together was great and I am great. Saying sorry and stating that I am such an awesome person with a great heart and our time together was fantastic. I listened, accepted and expressed what I wanted out of a partner (without making it about her) respecfully.
She said that she wanted to keep in touch and be friends and MAYBE in the future we could see. I took this as a breadcrumb and said that I had to look for myself and that it wasnt a good idea. No contact ever since. Priority is to recover, though I suspect she will take me back eventually. She didn’t sound 100% convinced of what she was doing.
Hi Legend.
If there are no concrete plans to get back together, you mustn’t take the dumper’s words seriously. She just made it look better to not hurt you. No contact al the way!
Zan
She probably has thought of you since, if she has any long-term memory. But thinking isn’t the same as missing. However good a boyfriend you were, it doesn’t matter if she has any reason to pursue a future that doesn’t include you. The only thing for you to do now is pour your energy into a future that doesn’t include her. The fact that your life has been empty without her is the real problem here. Since you can’t count on her ever coming back, you have to start trying to make things better for yourself. You went into no contact hoping she’d miss you, but you should have gone in assuming she wouldn’t.
I assume this was directed toward my post. She became selfish and never even told me why she was dumping me, but I know the reason, it was over the fact I didn’t get her a house. Apparently my relationship with her was dependent on me giving her what she wanted, which I always did until this last time when I couldn’t get her a house just yet. her true self finally was revealed. Even with that said, I do miss her and thought we had a great relationship for the 5 years, as there was never any major drama or fights.
I have been trying to make things better for myself, I have been trying to move on, but I still feel empty and still miss her, even though all this pain she caused me. Yes, I was hoping she would miss me, but I expected she wouldn’t because I see how truly selfish of a person she is. She is all about herself now, just like her mother, another factor in this as that woman is a master manipulator.
After he ended the call when he broke up with me, I messaged him and said “please, why now?” or something along those lines. He said “I have to, its hard but I have to do this”. That was the only begging/pleading I’ve done. I immediately went into no contact. 7 weeks (and 3 days to be exact) after the breakup, he reached out to me asking me how me and my family were doing and if my job hunting was successful. I replied with “Me and my family are doing well, hope you and your family is too.” Then he told me his father (who was just diagnosed with cancer a few weeks before we broke up) was getting surgery the next day. He said he felt overwhelmed and not sure if his father will make it out alive. He then asked about my friends. I said “Its completely understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed right now, I would be too. I wish your father a successful surgery and a speedy recovery. My friends are doing fine.” He never replied to me and its been 4 days. We messaged through Discord and I have seen him online many times and now I’m obsessing over this.
I don’t know what to do. I guess he got what he wanted. If he does reach out, I guess I can ask him what are his intentions for reaching out to me. If he says he wants to be friends, I’ll tell him I cannot be a friend for him because I need to heal.
I also thought about this quite a lot, but does no contact count if he sees me online on Discord all the time? If he sees me playing video games or something along those lines? Will he miss me? I was always curious and Googled it, but nothing came up for it.
Hello Kirby,
I would not call “Please, why now ?” in one instance as begging and pleading. His answer was quite vague; did he give any reasons for the break-up ?
For his more recent text, he was most probably looking for empathy / emotional support in view of his father situation. Your response was perfect in view of the circumstances. I would recommend to go back in no contact; he may follow-up w.r. to his father. There you have to assess if you can support him or not depending on how it goes and what he needs. It is OK to say no if it hurts you too much. If he contacts you otherwise for no apparent reasons several times, you can indeed ask him what are his intentions (people may be indirect and not straight out say “I made a terrible mistake and want to get back together” without a few text exchanges).
No contact unfortunately does not work that way: what you do in no contact have little impact on the other person, only you will not push them away, give you and them the time to process the relationship and the break-up. Seeing you online and playing video games will have little to no impact on him missing you (except of course if the break-up reason was you playing too much video game).
Best wishes,
Benoit
Thank you so much for your reply Benoit. I appreciate it. It relieves my anxious thoughts.
Hi Kirby.
It looks like he reached out because he felt anxious and overwhelmed with emotions, caused by his father’s upcoming surgery. The moment you talked about yourself, he ditched you again. The next time he reached out and talks about random things, tell him you can’t be friends and leave it at that.
Yes, no contact counts if he sees you online on Discord. That’s perfectly fine. You’re breaking no contact when you’re communicating with him on your terms (by reaching out).
Sincerely,
Zan
Thank you so much Zan for your reply. I appreciate it. He reached out again regarding how he quit smoking. I then told him that while I’m proud of him for doing something difficult, him reaching out to me is hurting me and I need to heal. He said he knows and that he just wanted to let me know about his father because he told me about his cancer diagnosis before we broke up. He said he just wants to know how I’m doing and he means well. He added that if I don’t want him to contact me, he can stop. I replied and said I’m glad he told me and I mean well too. I think he might not reply to me after this, one part of me is really sad that I won’t hear from him, and the other part knows I need to move on..
Hi Kirby.
You need to avoid hearing from hom for a while. I know you’re not ready for that, but it’s better for your self-esteem and detachment. He’s aware that he’s hurting you, but concluded that letting you know about his dad’s operation was more important.
He indeed might not reach out for a while. He’ll probably let you heal, which is good for your healing, his need to self-prioritize, and his respect and attraction to you.
Sincerely,
Zan
After my ex ended things between us, I begged and pleaded with her for a few weeks before I went no contact. All no contact did was give her what she wanted…no more me. She quickly moved and got with a new guy in no time. Not once in the 10 months since I went no contact, did I ever hear from her again. I honestly don’t believe she thought of me once since she left especially since she had this other guy in the picture. We were together for 5 years and talked about marriage and living together and it just crushes me that she walked away so easily, never looked back once or had any remorse for her actions, especially since I was very good to her and always went above and beyond for her. I was really hoping that no contact would make her see the grass isn’t greener or that she would realize she misses me. It didn’t help me detach and I still miss her as much as I have in the beginning. My life has been empty without her, but I can only assume that her life is going great without me.
Hi Ed.
You had to give your ex what she wanted. There was no other way! If you lingered around and pressured her to talk to you, it would have only made things worse. You’re currently not ready to be with her. As long as your life has no purpose outside of this relationship, you can’t make her or yourself happy. So work on getting over her. You were together for 10 months, so it will take you a while longer. Be strong and persevere. Make sure to also work on losing hope.
Kind regards,
Zan
I’m sort of in the same position. I was “only” with my ex for 7 months and almost 3 weeks into no contact now.
I know I mainly should do no contact for my healing but I actually want her to miss me and maybe realize her ney relationship isn’t any greener. But I really need to detach because even though I hope I also have to prepare for the worst. Maybe she made a good desiscion dumping me and maybe her new relationship is actually better and that we will never get together again