Don’t Text Your Ex Happy Birthday!

Is your ex’s birthday coming soon and you’re thinking of wishing your ex a happy birthday?

If you are, you’re not alone. Many dumpees feel tempted to text their ex happy birthday. They think of their ex’s birthday as an opportunity to break no contact, communicate with their ex, and feel hopeful and stronger about getting back together. 

They don’t consider everything that could go wrong, such as the effects it will have on their health and their ex’s perception of them.

Dumpees don’t know that reaching out to their ex and wishing him or her happy birthday won’t make their ex realize how thoughtful they are and how nice it’d be to start talking to their ex again.

If anything, reaching out and wishing their ex a happy birthday will make dumpees look determined and obsessed. It will make them into people who have been waiting for a chance to reach out and converse about things that empower them.

That’s why reaching out on your ex’s birthday is pointless and counterintuitive. Your ex may not necessarily hate you for it, but your ex won’t respect you and fall back in love with you either. If you’ve been following a strict regimen of no contact (the indefinite no contact rule), all texting your ex happy birthday will do is force you to feel anxious and make you emotionally dependent on your ex.

That will be the opposite of what no contact is about. No contact is about healing and letting go rather than looking for ways to communicate, bond, and win your ex back. When it comes to breakups, there is no such thing as winning the dumper’s trust and love back. The dumper doesn’t want to be won over.

He or she can’t be because the breakup destroyed his or her desire for love and ability to forgive and commit. A mere birthday text can’t fix matters of such gravity. It can’t make the dumper forget the past and let go of unhealthy perceptions of you.

But what texting your ex can do is make you see that your ex still doesn’t want you. This will likely reset your healing progress and make you regret reaching out. That’s way more painful than the thought of “not being a good person for not wishing your ex happy birthday.” 

Surprisingly, people think they’re terrible beings for not wishing their ex happy birthday. They especially feel terrible if their ex wished them a happy birthday sometime after the breakup. Some people just don’t want their ex to think they’re mean or vengeful or that they don’t remember their ex’s birthday.

That’s why they take the liberty to contact their ex and wish their ex a happy birthday. Sometimes they talk to their ex for a while, but other times, they don’t because the conversation ends with a “thanks.” This concise response tells them their ex doesn’t want to talk and that they won’t get back together with their ex anytime soon.

As you can imagine, this kills their hope and makes them extremely anxious or depressed.

So if you’re thinking about contacting your ex on his or her birthday, the best advice I can give you is “Don’t text your ex happy birthday!” Don’t wish your ex happy birthday because your ex either doesn’t want your birthday wishes, doesn’t need your birthday wishes, or doesn’t deserve them.

Your ex broke up with you, which implies that he or she no longer expects your wishes and presents. As difficult as this may be to read, your ex would rather get them from someone he or she likes or loves. Someone who doesn’t guilt-trip and remind him or her of past failures and problems. 

As a dumpee, you need to understand that your health and well-being are a million times more important than reaching out to an ex who doesn’t even know what you’re up to. They’re more important than someone who abandoned you and destroyed you emotionally.

Not wishing your ex for his or her birthday doesn’t make you a bad person! It makes you into a person who loves himself or herself and doesn’t want to waste time, emotions, and health on an ex who doesn’t even matter anymore. That’s right. An ex (especially an ex you don’t communicate with) has nothing valuable to give you now that the breakup ensued.

If you directly or indirectly ask for something, chances are you’ll smother your ex and bring a negative reaction out of him or her.

This is especially true if you’re in no contact because then you’re neither partners nor friends. You’re something in between, so there’s no point in pretending you still care about each other. Pretending to care will only trigger your longing for love and hinder you from moving forward with your life.

Friends wish one another happy birthday, not exes who stopped communicating and feel anxious or suffocated.

So before you text your ex happy birthday, ask yourself, “Why should I jeopardize my healing in an attempt to present myself as a thoughtful person? What do I get out of it?”

If you give it some thought, you’ll realize that you don’t get much out of it. You just tell your ex you’re still around and that you have been waiting for a special occasion such as a birthday to reach out. I don’t know about you, but that tells me you’re still thinking about your ex and willing to communicate despite getting dumped and seeing no signs of getting back together.

In this post, we talk about why you shouldn’t text your ex happy birthday. We’ll give you some advice on what you should do instead of telling your ex you want the best for him or her.

Don’t text your ex happy birthday!

If you feel the need to text your ex happy birthday, remember that wishing your ex happy birthday won’t make your ex see what a great person you are and that he or she made a big mistake. It won’t open channels of communication and allow you to slowly crawl back into your ex’s heart.

Exes don’t come back because of friendship and communication. They come back when the world comes crashing down on them and forces them to see and accept that they won’t be happy with the choices they’ve made.

When something painful happens to them, ruins their post-breakup plans, and makes them want to do anything to be happy, they reflect on their decisions and sometimes realize that what they had with their ex was fulfilling and worth their time and effort. It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough for them.

Enough to choose safety and validation over unhappiness, anxiety, and depression. 

Bear in mind that your ex hasn’t developed the need for validation and safety yet. Your ex hasn’t gotten into trouble and reflected on the past. Your ex can do that only when things go south because that’s when your ex’s ego takes a hit and allows your ex to be vulnerable.

You don’t need to stay on the lookout for vulnerabilities in your ex’s life. You just need to stay in no contact, exude high self-esteem, and let your ex open up to you. 

The chances of that happening on your ex’s birthday are close to 0. They’re especially low if you reach out to your ex and try to use your ex’s birthday to your advantage.

Texting your ex happy birthday won’t give you the results you’re looking for. Birthdays haven’t brought any exes back together. They haven’t made dumpers see they’ve made the biggest mistake of their life and that they need to reconcile before their ex moves on and finds someone else.

When you text your ex, you prove that your ex is still on your mind and take your ex’s sense of urgency away. You destroy your ex’s curiosity and nostalgia and ruin the progress you’ve made during no contact. Not only do you get hurt, but you also become more obsessed and make your ex want you even less.

That’s because your ex sees you’re still around and that you’re willing to downgrade to friendship.

Need I remind you that exes aren’t friends? They both want different things and can’t pretend they’re okay with staying in touch. The dumper needs space and the dumpee needs to heal. The only way they can be happy is if they understand each other’s needs and don’t communicate for a while.

They can’t reach out and disturb or risk disturbing each other’s recovery process.

Birthdays, anniversaries, deathversaries, graduations, promotions, Valentine’s days, Christmases, and anything people celebrate or remember is no longer ex-partners’ concern. It stopped concerning them when they broke up because that’s when they stopped including each other in their lives.

So even if you want to text your ex happy birthday, remember that your ex’s birthday celebration is for your ex and his or her friends and family to celebrate. They are a part of your ex’s life whereas you aren’t. Therefore, you need to keep your distance and find other, more important people in your life to talk to and be happy with.

A big part of being happy includes sticking to no contact and doing your best not to obsess over a person who broke your heart and made you deal with separation anxiety and fears on your own. No contact needs to be respected at all times. You can’t break its rules just because you fear that your ex will resent you for not wishing him or her a happy birthday.

If you reach out and show you care, you could learn your ex doesn’t care or care about you the way you want him or her to care. That could severely affect your self-esteem and make you crave your ex’s attention and love even more.

As a dumpee, you must do the opposite of what your emotions tell you to do.

Instead of talking to your ex, you must stay in no contact. Instead of wishing your ex the best in his or her life, you must focus on yourself and do what’s best for you. And instead of staying hopeful and anxious, you must lose hope and get over your ex once and for all.

It won’t be easy to resist breakup emotions and temptations to reach out, but you must resist them anyway. You mustn’t make an exception, allow yourself to text your ex happy birthday, and feel miserable as a result. 

If you love yourself and want to stop hurting, you must take back control of your life. You must improve the way you see yourself and understand that you can survive without your ex. You can be happy by keeping your ex away from you and letting time, patience, hobbies, friends, family, therapy, and proper post-breakup behavior heal your wounds and restore purpose in your life.

This is the time for you to distance yourself from your ex rather than time to look for ways to cut the distance. So get rid of the notion that you must do something to grab your ex’s attention and show changes and improvements. You don’t need to do anything other than heal and find inner peace.

Once you’ve found peace, got over your ex, and stopped caring about impressing your ex, you can do anything you want as long as you don’t hurt your ex. This includes reaching out for your ex’s birthday and seeing if your ex wants to be friends.

With that said, here’s why you shouldn’t text your ex happy birthday.

How to avoid texting your ex happy birthday?

You can avoid the temptation to text your ex by reminding yourself that your ex doesn’t want nor deserve any wishes from you. Your ex left you and showed you that he or she wanted to stop working on the relationship and communicating.

If you refuse to do what your ex wants you to do, you’ll pressure your ex and make him or her feel disrespected. You could make your ex feel so uncomfortable that you get ignored or blocked. I know that a birthday wish seems expectationless and harmless, but that doesn’t mean all dumpers are happy to hear from their ex.

From what I see, most dumpers would rather not receive a birthday text from their ex. Especially dumpers who are resentful, feel victimized, and are in a new relationship with someone else. Such dumpers are completely fine with not hearing from their ex on their birthday or ever again.

They just want what’s best for them. And what’s best for them is to not feel bothered by someone they associate negativity with and think poorly of. 

So whenever you feel the need to reach out and wish your ex happy birthday, remember that your ex is going through the dumper stages of a breakup and that texting your ex happy birthday or anything random has a much bigger chance of annoying your ex than making your ex respect you and want to talk to you and be with you.

Don’t forget that your ex left because your ex wanted to get space from you and focus on things that make him or her feel good.

Now that your ex’s birthday is approaching, remind yourself that by talking to your ex, you’ll break the rules of no contact, stop healing, prevent your ex from enjoying post-breakup space, and show you still think about your ex and want your ex to be happy.

Although it takes maturity and detachment to want your ex to be happy, don’t tell your ex that. Your ex doesn’t need to think that you’re sucking up to him or her and trying to get back together. Your ex doesn’t need to know you still have feelings and that you’re waiting for an opportunity to get back together.

Your ex needs to think you’ve accepted the breakup and got over it. You can instill this belief in your ex by focusing on your life and not reaching out for his or her birthday.

This isn’t manipulation. It’s called minding your own business. It’s something every dumpee should practice daily.

Sadly, not every dumpee does that. Many dumpees look for reasons to stop resisting their urges to reach out. Such dumpees often reach out, prolong their healing, and make their ex less interested in talking, hanging out, and reconciling.

So if you’re having a hard time not texting your ex happy birthday, take a pen and paper and write down why you want to text your ex. Do you want to reach out because you’re not happy and are hoping your ex would validate you? Do you want to avoid disappointing your ex?

Whatever it is, write it down and remember that texting your ex happy birthday won’t make your ex suddenly want to forget the past and be with you. If anything, it will make things worse because your ex will feel forced to respond or converse with a person he or she feels suffocated by.

What if my ex doesn’t feel suffocated and might get offended?

Honestly, does it matter? Your ex has caused you an eternity’s worth of pain, so your ex getting a bit offended shouldn’t worry you. It shouldn’t even cross your mind because you have bigger problems to worry about. You have to fall back in love with yourself.

And you can do that by not worrying about what your ex would think and feel if you don’t send a happy birthday text. 

When can you text your ex happy birthday?

The only time you can make an exception about texting your ex happy birthday is when you’re over each other and still communicate. If you’re friends and don’t mind talking to your ex and learning that your ex might be dating again, you can safely reach out to your ex and wish your ex happiness, love, and anything you want. 

Just don’t expect things to stay this way forever. Post-breakup friendships are extremely fragile and could break when you and your ex meet someone new. Your new partners could be against you talking to each other and wishing each other happy birthdays. 

So wish your ex a happy birthday if you, your ex, and both of your partners approve of it.

A simple birthday wish shouldn’t be weird and cause any problems when you’re over each other and don’t want to get back together.

Do you agree that you shouldn’t text your ex happy birthday if you still want your ex to come back? When is it okay to stay in touch? Let us know your thoughts below the post.

However, if you’d prefer to talk 1-on-1, sign up for breakup coaching with us.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.