My Ex Told Me Not to Contact Her Anymore

When your ex tells you not to contact her anymore, you have all the evidence in the world that your ex isn’t ready to communicate with you. Your ex is undergoing a highly emotional breakup experience that makes her desire space and a lot of alone time.

This is completely normal. Most dumpers need time to themselves after the breakup as they prolong the breakup for so long that they develop resentments, anxiety, and sometimes even fall into depression. They feel so overwhelmed that they bottle up their unhealthy emotions until the bottle breaks and causes them to act on those emotions.

For your ex, those emotions came out in a strong, destructive manner as your ex didn’t know how to tell you that what you’re doing or did in the past was wrong. She just knew she wasn’t happy in the situation she was in, so she chose a very direct approach that got her message across and hurt your feelings.

Your ex probably didn’t think about whether her words were going to hurt you. She felt too hurt to worry about that and just needed to free herself to feel in control of her emotions and life in general.

Of course, it wasn’t right for your ex to be mean to you as she proved she lacked self-control and respect for you. But she did it anyway, and this is something you need to put into consideration later if your ex wants to get back in your life and have some kind of relationship with you.

You should always judge people by their actions. I’m talking about actions they take when they’re highly emotional (angry, hurt, annoyed, and trapped) because actions caused by difficult emotions not only determine how they behave when life throws obstacles at them, but also tell you if it’s possible to have a healthy relationship with them.

They depict a person’s ability to contribute to your life and bring peace and balance to it.

So if your ex told you to not contact her anymore, bear in mind that your ex isn’t a very patient, caring, and understanding person when emotions run high. Sure, everyone can get upset, but for your ex to tell you that you’re not welcome to communicate with her shows she’s incapable of handling her negative emotions and that she would rather shut you out of her life.

People who do that don’t understand that they’re responsible for handling their emotions and that any unhealthy action they take is a display of their maturity or the lack of it.

As long as dumpers are not in control of their emotions, you’ll be happier if you stay away from such people because they’ll pull you down to their level (and as Mark Twain said), beat you with experience. They’ll make you feel responsible for the breakup even though they also contributed to it.

I’m not saying dumpers should tolerate abuse or anything like that. But from what I see, the more impulsive decisions dumpers make after the breakup, the more work they have to do on themselves.

That’s why you shouldn’t get angry and react to your ex. You’ll never achieve anything with an angry ex-girlfriend by:

• Arguing
• Threatening
• Blocking
• Reasoning
• And showing you’re hurt, sad, depressed, brokenhearted, and willing to stay in her life despite her treating you badly

When an ex-girlfriend tells you not to contact her anymore, the situation is quite serious. Your ex has emotionally burnt out and will never respect you or love you if you come to her rather than she to you.

She’s already fallen out of love with you and will only keep losing her respect. So remember that you can’t make her feel something for you by force because she associates a lot of unhealthy emotions with you. Only she can do that by distancing herself from the problem (you) and focusing on things that she’s been wanting to focus on.

The topic of today’s article is what to do if your ex told you not to contact her anymore.

Why did my ex tell me not to contact her anymore?

You’d think that if anyone should propose not speaking anymore, it’s the dumpee. The dumpee gets rejected, hurt, and disrespected, so he should tell her ex to stay out of contact, right?

Well, although the dumpee should definitely politely reject friendship and invitations to talk and meet up, it’s not always easy for him to do so. Initially, he’s in too much pain and too deep in denial to part ways. He has a lot of hope for reconciliation, so he refuses to do anything that increases the distance between him and his ex. If anything, he wants to get closer to his ex and feel loved again, which is why he often calls, begs, stalks his ex, and does other obsessive things that keep his ex a priority in his life.

This is how he annoys his ex, loses his ex’s respect, and pushes her away. The more breakup mistakes he makes, the harder it becomes for him to recover from them and rebuild attraction when his ex becomes more receptive to him.

His dumper, on the other hand, doesn’t have any problems staying away from the dumpee. She’s in complete power and control and feels repulsed by her ex or her perception of her ex.

That’s why she tells her ex not to contact her ever again and appears cold. Her sharp, direct remarks are self-defense tactics that intend to protect her from anything she’s not emotionally ready for.

Your ex could show she’s done with the relationship in many ways. But the changes you’ll most likely see her make are dressing up a lot, going out more, meeting new people, and doing things she previously disliked or opposed. In a way, she’ll rebel because she’ll feel the need to regain her lost identity.

This is especially likely to happen if your ex had low self-esteem, few friends, and was emotionally dependent on you for happiness, finances, or self-acceptance.

An ex who tells you to stay away from her is cold toward you and relieved without you. She enjoys spending time on her own or with other people and feels pressured, annoyed, and repulsed in your presence.

We could say that she wants to leave her old life behind and start a new life without any negative feelings and reminders of you. She just wants to be free and independent.

You need to understand why she feels this way and why she told you not to contact her anymore, so you can then give your ex what she wants from you (lots of space and time).

This is how you can stop her from becoming more upset with you and allow her to cool off. And that’s when guilt could kick in and inspire or force her to reach out and check up on you.

So if you’re wondering why your ex told you not to contact her again, bear in mind that breakups are difficult for dumpers too. They may not be painful kind of difficult, but they’re still challenging because dumpers feel victimized and have a hard time controlling their emotions of power (anger, frustrations, resentments, suffocation).

With that said, here are a few reasons why your ex told you not to contact her anymore.

When your ex tells you not to contact her again, it’s clear that your ex has run out of patience. She’s not willing to compromise anymore and needs you to cooperate with her. Failure to do so will result in more anger for her and more pain for you.

What to do when your ex tells you not to talk to her anymore?

When your ex tells you not to contact her again, there is only what thing left to do – don’t contact her again. This shouldn’t come as a surprise as a resentful ex can make your life difficult. She can attack you when you’re the most vulnerable and prevent your self-esteem from getting back to where it should be.

So listen to your ex. I know that leaving your ex alone is the last thing you want to do, but it’s the most essential thing you can do for yourself and your ex right after the breakup. If you don’t give your ex space, you can’t expect your ex to stop feeling how she’s feeling. You can expect her to keep getting more uncomfortable until she’s forced to ignore you and block you.

And that’s something that could wreck your hopes and make you look for solace in your ex even more.

So if your ex told you not to contact her anymore, you do exactly as your ex says. Give her as much or more space than she needs and lower your reliance on her. That’s the only way you’ll feel better and make her want to talk to you more.

Don’t worry about how you’ll get back with her. If she’s the one for you, rest assured that she’ll come back to you even if she told you not to contact her and that you’re never getting back together.

Dumpers often say mean things in the heat of the moment. But when some time goes by and their negative emotions subside, they realize that they treated their ex unfairly and that they owe their ex an apology or friendship.

As a dumpee, you must understand why your ex is acting so differently all of a sudden. If you keep in mind she’s going through the relief stage of a breakup for the dumper (which is the most difficult for her), you won’t take her behavior so personally and blame yourself for the breakup and the way she reacted to it.

Deep inside, you’ll know she feels empowered for repressing her emotions and that she needs to express her bottled-up emotions in the form of relief.

My advice is to learn more about the rules of no contact and the things you mustn’t do after the breakup. This is how you’ll avoid making mistakes with your dumper ex, decrease the number of setbacks you encounter on your healing journey, and increase your healing and the chances of getting back with your ex.

I’ve spent years researching this and I can tell you I’ve seen all sorts of reconciliations. Some dumpers came back from friendship, some after dating someone else, but almost all during the indefinite no contact rule.

Some (not all) who came back because of indefinite NC successfully rebuilt love and respect for their ex and had a better relationship than those who never gave their ex power back.

This means that you must leave your ex alone forever if needed. She told you she needs time for herself to do whatever she wants to do, so give her what she’s asking for. Focus on yourself in the meantime so you can improve your shortcomings and grow stronger in ways that will benefit your relationships.

Always remember that exes don’t come back when dumpees beg them or pretend to be alpha around them. They come back when dumpees distance themselves from them and focus on themselves. That’s what makes them attractive because they let their ex discover for themselves that abandoning the relationship was a mistake.

So don’t fall for any other tricks your friends or people on the internet tell you to do. Use common sense and remember that when someone dumps you, she has to be the one to return to you.

The reconciliation won’t be a healthy one if your ex takes pity on you and returns to you for that reason. It won’t be healthy even if you were abusive because you won’t be correcting your mistakes and getting on your partner’s good side. You’ll be annoying the crud out of her and killing whatever respect she has left for you.

I had a difficult time comprehending this logic when I was going through my breakup as I was in pain just like you. But now that I’m fully healed, it’s very easy to see that forcing yourself in your ex’s life is not only repulsive to your ex but also humiliating to you.

Think wisely about this.

No one, and I repeat, NO ONE should completely submit to another person’s will and authority. The moment s person does that, he can say goodbye to his power as he’ll struggle to regain it for a very, very long time, possibly forever.

I’ve seen more relationships sink because of this than I can remember. Usually, the dumpee becomes a slave in the relationship and starts doing everything for the dumper. He starts cleaning, shopping, telling where he’s going and why and much more.

But after a few months, his desperation to please and acquire recognition fades, and in its stead remain feelings of underappreciation, unworthiness, or disrespect which often encourage him to get tired of chasing happiness.

That’s when he cheats with someone more willing to be in a balanced relationship or just leaves the relationship and focuses on self-love.

The point I’m trying to make is that you need to leave your ex alone regardless of whether she’s nice, mean, or neutral to you. If the breakup occurred on her terms, you must protect your dignity by respecting yourself and cutting your ex off.

Your ex will be happier that way and so will you.

Will she contact me or is it over forever?

I don’t want to give anyone false hope, but exes often reach out. They don’t know that their behavior is hurting their ex, so they continue to confuse their ex and string him or her along for months or years.

Very few dumpers actually put their ex before themselves and help their ex by leaving their ex alone. Such dumpers usually express the wish to help and don’t say things like, “I love you, I miss you, I’m thinking about you.”

They just distance themselves patiently and don’t date anyone else out of respect for their ex.

The people who do that are rare though. Most people these days jump on dating apps like Tinder or Bumble with no concern for their ex. They tell themselves things like “I was unhappy for a long time and deserve to be treated well by someone who cares about me.”

They consider their ex a person with toxic tendencies and use that belief to propel themselves toward someone else.

If you want your ex back despite being told to never contact your ex again, you have to work on losing hope, maintaining/increasing your worth in your ex’s eyes, and enjoying your life again. The more you do that, the higher the chances that your ex will one day fail, get hurt, and realize you were there for her when she needed you the most.

So while your ex is minding her business, mind your business instead of hers. Get yourself back and find purpose in your life because that’s what will make you the most attractive you can be.

How did it make you feel when your ex told you not to contact her anymore? Did you do what your ex instructed you to do? Share what happened below the post.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.