My Boyfriend’s Ex-Girlfriend Is Still Obsessed With Him

If your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend is still obsessed with him, you’re dealing with a person who feels a lot of pain and anxiety. Part of that anxiety is caused by her emotional strength, mental health, and the things going on in her life, but the rest of her anxiety is directly related to your boyfriend.

The way your boyfriend broke up with her (or rejected her if she dumped him first) and how he treated her during and after the breakup determines how she feels about herself and how badly she needs him to feel validated.

And that’s because your boyfriend’s behavior can affect his ex’s self-esteem. It can make the girl doubt her worth and prevent her from obtaining love, respect, and recognition.

Here’s an example. If your boyfriend refused to speak with his ex after the breakup, talked badly about her, and started dating you right away, that obviously hurt his ex very badly. It killed her hope for reconciliation faster than it was safe for her to lose it and damaged her self-esteem which consequently left her with lots of self-damaging thoughts.

She didn’t expect to get treated so poorly and replaced so easily. She thought that her ex would be more compassionate towards her and that he’d need some time to get over her. But instead, he moved on almost immediately and refused to help his ex process the breakup and lose hope.

You see, when an ex seeks attention after the breakup, it essentially means that she’s in a lot of pain. She developed fears, anxiety, and most importantly, obsessive thinking and unhealthy behaving patterns. That’s why she now does what eases her anxiety, which is to obsess over her ex.

People often point fingers at their ex for acting “crazy” after the breakup without understanding how breakups make their ex feel. They have no idea that breakups cause killer separation anxiety and a loss of self-esteem, so they tend to expect their ex to be over them the moment they dump their ex.

But, unfortunately, that’s not how breakups work. Their ex can’t get over them that quickly. He or she needs months of time to get through all the stages of a breakup for the dumpee and process the separation.

So if your boyfriend is receiving a lot of attention from his ex and you don’t like that she’s so obsessed with him, keep in mind that she hasn’t had enough time to detach. She (and your boyfriend as well probably) didn’t follow any post-breakup rules and instead kept talking and acting like friends.

For that reason, it will take your boyfriend’s ex some time to get her ex out of her system. It won’t happen overnight the way you want it to, which is why you’ll have to be mature and patient about it and encourage your boyfriend to do the right thing – which is to help his ex heal and become independent.

How can your boyfriend help his ex recover, you ask? That’s simple.

He can help her simply by staying out of touch with her and talking to her ONLY when she reaches out and appears anxious. That’s when he can validate her importance and keep her at a distance at the same time. I know you don’t like the idea of your boyfriend still talking to his ex, but your boyfriend has a moral responsibility.

He has to take his ex’s mental and emotional health seriously and help her when she’s anxious, depressed, or suicidal.

This article is for women who don’t like that their boyfriend’s ex is obsessed with their partner. We’ll discuss why your boyfriend’s ex is so obsessed with the person you love and what you can do to make her regain strength and leave your boyfriend alone as soon as possible.

Why is my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend still obsessed with him?

The biggest reason why ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends become obsessed with their exes after the breakup is that they’re in pain. They suffer from separation anxiety and hormone withdrawal, so they contact their ex with the expectation to feel better.

Little do they know that their ex has a drug-like effect on them and that they shouldn’t rely on their ex too much. They should reach out to their ex only if they have unfinished business with their ex, if their ex is receptive to them (wants to help), or if they lack the strength to handle their breakup emotions.

Of course, pain isn’t an excuse to reach out to an ex, but it must be taken into account when an ex is in a lot of pain and lacks the strength and ability to help herself. Such a person needs a lot of patience and reassurance and shouldn’t get ruthlessly rejected.

She needs to get help and focus on restoring her self-worth.

It’s possible that your boyfriend is also to blame for his ex’s dependence on him. It’s possible that he cheated on her, ghosted her, or treated her badly. Or maybe he didn’t handle the breakup well and hurt his ex with impatience and anger.

Whatever he did (or didn’t do), he should have handled the breakup better. Had he taken the time to help his ex get over him and then dated someone else, he probably wouldn’t be dealing with an obsessive ex-girlfriend right now. He wouldn’t have to because she wouldn’t feel discarded and inferior to you or him.

It’s also reasonable to believe that his ex-girlfriend lacks strength, confidence, and self-esteem. If it’s been over a year and she’s still obsessively communicating with him (possibly trying to entice him), there’s a chance that she’s mentally ill. Either that or she’s been making the same breakup mistakes over and over again and is stuck in an obsessive pattern.

That would mean that she’s been reaching out to him, hurting herself, and seeking his approval.

Many guys believe it’s better to stay friends with an ex after the breakup than to cut their ex out of their lives. They don’t know that friendship with the dumpee is difficult for the dumpee because she has expectations, fears, and a lot of anxiety.

She’s constantly on the lookout for hope, which is why she interprets friendly behavior for romantic attraction.

Another reason why your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend is still obsessed with him is that she hasn’t found anyone better yet. She’s still dealing with breakup blues and isn’t ready to date anyone other than her ex. To open her heart up to someone new, she’ll need to process the rejection and increase her self-esteem first.

And that’s something that can take a lot of time and effort.

With that said, here are 6 reasons why your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend is still obsessed with him.

Now that you know your boyfriend and his ex are both responsible for the girl’s healing and detachment, let’s discuss what your boyfriend needs to do about his obsessive ex-girlfriend.

What does your boyfriend need to do about his obsessive ex-girlfriend?

First of all, when your boyfriend’s ex reaches out, your boyfriend should never ignore his ex. Ignoring her would trigger her fears and make her even more obsessed and dependent on him.

Your boyfriend should just acknowledge his ex’s reach outs and help her by listening to her. And that’s it. He doesn’t have to meet up with her, hug her, or do any special favors for her.

However, if the girl isn’t reaching out because she’s depressed or struggling emotionally and just wants to talk about random things, then your boyfriend shouldn’t keep entertaining her.

Talking to her regularly would prevent her from detaching and getting over him. It’d also be unfair to you as his girlfriend. So instead of stringing his ex along, your boyfriend should politely tell his ex not to reach out anymore and urge her to contact him only if she’s in pain and needs to talk about something urgent.

Something like kids, mortgage, divorce, or exchanging personal belongings. Such things are considered important matters and need to be dealt with swiftly.

If your boyfriend refuses to talk about these things when his ex brings them up, he’ll likely hurt or anger his ex and complicate things. So don’t restrict him from talking to his ex about these specific things. Let your boyfriend be a mature and responsible adult who takes care of his own business.

What do you need to do when his ex is obsessed with him?

Knowing that your boyfriend still talks to his ex probably annoys you, but try not to take it personally. If she’s obsessed with him and he isn’t reaching out to her for no reason, he isn’t doing anything wrong. He’s just being mindful of her health and responding to her messages.

It becomes an issue only when your boyfriend initiates conversations and/or talks about random subjects. That would mean that your boyfriend wants to be on friendly terms with his ex and that he doesn’t care about your feelings.

He probably sees you as an insecure and controlling girlfriend who’s fearful and restrictive of his privacy and freedom.

If that’s what your boyfriend thinks about you, your boyfriend will need to level up communication and understanding of the relationship by going through certain stages of self-improvement.

He’ll need to:

• become self-aware and open-minded
• learn more about relationships
• develop empathy and sympathy
• improve his understanding of the relationship
• improve his perceptions of you
• value you more
• grow as a person

Once he realizes that talking to an ex about unimportant matters in a relationship is wrong, he’ll be able to change his behavior toward his ex-girlfriend and do what’s best for her as well as his relationship with you.

So if you love this person, be supportive and encourage your boyfriend to do the right thing. The right thing includes telling him to help his ex when she needs help, but also him telling you when he talks to his ex and what he talks to her about.

How long will your boyfriend’s ex stay obsessed with him?

If your boyfriend asks his ex not to reach out and starts no contact with her, she should stop being obsessed with your partner in about half a year or so. Most of her obsession should be over by the sixth-month mark because she’d no longer receive a regular dosage of false hope from your boyfriend.

But if your boyfriend and his ex keep breaking the rules of no contact and stay in frequent communication, then you can expect her to stay fixated on your boyfriend for much longer. How long she stays obsessed depends on what she does in her spare time.

If she wallows in despair and does nothing but talks to your boyfriend and stalks him online, she’ll likely stay obsessed for a year or longer.

But if she breaks the pattern of obsession and starts investing in herself (taking care of herself, talking to her friends, going places), she could get over her ex very quickly.

Her detachment really depends on what she does and how the person she’s attached to (your boyfriend) responds to her and treats her. If he tries to be friends with her, that obviously won’t help her detach and move on. It will attach her to your boyfriend and delay her recovery.

So if you want to support your boyfriend, talk to him and help him see why it’s important for him to let go of his ex. He needs to understand that he’s been unknowingly stringing his ex along and making her happiness dependent on him.

Is your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend still obsessed with your boyfriend? Does it bother you a lot that she’s still so attached to him? Let me know how you feel about your boyfriend’s obsessive ex-girlfriend in the comment section below.

And also, if you’re looking for one-on-one help regarding this matter, go to our coaching services page to learn more.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.