Ah, the sweet joy of karma. Nothing feels more harmonious, looks more appealing, or tastes sweeter than our good friend, karma. Karma allows us to indirectly get back at the person who hurt us and helps us feel even. It’s not something that makes our life better in the long term, per se, but it definitely helps us cope with the betrayal, abandonment, or loss.
In breakups, karmic justice punishes the person who took us or his or her ability to move on and live happily without us for granted. It does so without our presence, and often without our and our ex’s awareness. It simply strikes the dumper out of the blue and causes him or her to acknowledge his or her mean, rude, cold, or selfish behavior.
Karma isn’t something that undeveloped, pain-causing people can escape. Most dumpers get a fair share of their karma relatively soon. Usually, it happens when they take their maturity, relationship skills, and unresolved problems into their next relationship and try to achieve better results. That’s when they experience similar issues and hurt or anger their partner.
Their lack of self-awareness and growth causes problems in the relationship and makes them and their partner unhappy.
Don’t think that someone who made the same errors over and over again will be any different in the new relationship. He or she may try to be nice for a while, but eventually, the man or woman will stop pretending to be someone he or she is not. That’s when the unmasking begins. You can expect your ex to struggle to keep the bond strong and meaningful.
It’s not unusual to want karma to get your ex. Your ex likely blindsided you and dumped you when you needed him or her the most. Maybe your ex cheated with your friend or someone he or she told you not to worry about, and then monkey-branched. I don’t know what your ex did to hurt you, but if he or she promised you the world and left you afterward, your ex probably told you what you wanted to hear and made you envision a future together.
He or she gave you false hope and broke the oath when it was no longer convenient for him or her. That’s not a relationship built on trust and commitment, but an opportunistic, emotion-driven situationship. It’s something selfish people start to benefit only themselves.
It’s okay to be angry with your ex. Your ex introduced you to pain you didn’t know existed and made you feel unwanted and worthless. If your ex cared and was mature and strong enough to deal with problems, your ex would have found a way to work through them rather than looking for an easy way out. Your ex would have done everything in his or her power to stay connected and value you as a person and a partner.
Since your ex didn’t hold up his or her part of the deal, it’s clear that your ex wasn’t the person you thought or hoped he/she was. Your ex probably runs away from problems when things get tough and blames others for it. There’s no way to work with someone like that because he or she is only thinking about himself or herself.
You have to accept the breakup, figure out what went wrong, and wait for karma to get your ex. And karma will definitely get your ex. It may not happen today or tomorrow, but if you suffered a lot because of your ex’s words and actions, another person will too. And he or she may not be as lenient as you. That person may take his or her anger out on your ex and show your ex that decisions, especially bad ones, have consequences.
At the moment, you’re probably furious with your ex. You want your ex to feel how you feel and regret causing you pain. You don’t want to be the only one hurting and picking up the pieces.
That’s understandable. The breakup affected your self-esteem and hurt you in ways no words can describe. There’s no escaping the pain you feel, so you want your ex to feel it too. That would make things more fair, more even.
You’re likely in the anger stage of a breakup. In this stage, you’re so angry that you demand immediate punishment for the person who abandoned, mistreated, humiliated, or deceived you, and knocked you down to the ground. You probably think to yourself, “I’ve suffered for days/weeks because of you. Now it’s your time to suffer and get a taste of your own medicine.”
It’s not unreasonable to want someone we trusted and invested in to feel pain. We’re not bad people for wanting the person who dumped us to be as miserable as we are. The dumper’s misery would confirm that things haven’t been easy for him/her either, and that we don’t have to think we’re the only ones losing out.
But instead, we usually see the opposite. We see the dumper posting happy pictures on social media and meeting new people – people who could potentially replace us. The last thing we want to see is the dumper doing great without us because that would further damage our fragile ego and self-esteem.
If you want your ex to suffer for leaving and hurting you, you must understand that your ex’s suffering won’t fix what your ex has broken. It might put a bandage on your wounds, but it won’t heal them completely and help you develop yourself into a stronger, wiser, and more successful person.
If you react to pain by doing something hurtful back, yes, you’ll probably hurt your ex, but you’ll also ruin your own karma. That means you’ll show what kind of person you are and fail to grow from the breakup. Growth occurs when you make mature but difficult decisions.
Such decisions preserve your morals and keep your conscience clear.
But if you’re wondering, “Will karma get my ex for treating me badly,” rest assured that it will. The only problem is that it won’t happen when and how you want it to. It will likely happen when you’re mainly or fully over your ex and don’t care about the things your ex said and did to hurt you.
Karma will get your ex when your ex faces difficult situations and reacts negatively to them (similarly to how your ex reacted to you). That’s when karma will catch up to your ex and deliver a powerful blow.
This post is for people who want karma to hit their ex and validate their feelings.
I want karma to get my ex so badly
I understand how you feel because I went through a painful rejection myself. If karma were tangible and I could buy it, I’d have sold everything I owned and rushed to the first shop to get as much of it as I could afford. I’d have gotten back at my ex for treating me worse than a stranger.
I honestly believed that as long as my ex-partner was having a great time without me, I’d never be content on my own. I thought that my ex didn’t have the right to be happy while I was miserable, so I wanted to take matters of justice into my own hands and do something to make her regret hurting me. It’s not that she didn’t have the right to be happy, but that she should have shown some concern, instead of going out every night and partying.
She obviously felt relieved and wanted to take her life in a new direction. I took that to heart. I didn’t understand how someone I cared about didn’t care about me. It wasn’t until later that I realized her happiness had nothing to do with me. It had everything to do with her delaying the breakup.
As I yearned for revenge and justice for her bad post-breakup treatment, my heart raced and my mind became blurry. I came up with 100 different ways for my ex to get hit by karma and pay for her wrongdoings.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I imagined many bad things happening to my ex and even pictured her running back to me, admitting she’d made a huge mistake. I felt completely abandoned, so I wanted her to show she still cared. Because she didn’t show it, I felt hurt and angry and tempted to make her pay.
Fortunately, I eventually realized what my crazy obsession with revenge and karmic justice was doing to me. I realized that it was giving my ex even more importance and that I was becoming even more obsessed with my ex.
That’s when I reluctantly took a step back and asked myself, “Why would my ex’s unhappiness bring me joy?” It would certainly make me feel better in the moment, but not in the long run. It would just make me into a vengeful person who hurts others to get a kick out of them.
And that would make me no better than my ex. It’d make me impulsive and vengeful, so I chose not to take revenge. I knew that I shouldn’t be the person to punish my ex because there are plenty of more impulsive people out there who’d do the dirty job for me.
They would teach my ex valuable lessons, whereas I would just look petty and give my ex another reason to stay away from me. Once I realized that, I gave up on getting involved with my ex and let karma punish my ex.
Plotting revenge on an ex
Had I decided to take matters of karmic justice into my own hands and do something despicable, like post my ex’s pictures online or harass her new boyfriend, I’d end up being the bad guy. My vengeful actions would show my ex that she’s gotten under my skin and that I lack emotional self-control and self-respect.
Not only would my ex tell her people what a bad person I am, but all my bad actions would sooner or later come flying back at me. My family and friends would find out about my revenge, my mutual friends would side with my ex, and I’d feel horrible and blame myself even more.
That’s why, if you’re plotting revenge on your ex, I strongly encourage you not to ruin your karma. It’s okay and normal to wish for bad things to happen to your ex. Wishing karma to hit your ex helps you cope with your ex’s unfair decisions and actions.
But don’t act on those wishes, or you’re going to regret it big time. Ask anyone who did something nasty to the dumper. He or she will tell you that revenge is for the weak-minded and that strong and mature people walk away with dignity and pride.
If you’ve already done something bad, however, and your ex hasn’t blocked you yet, then at the very least, apologize to your ex. Say that emotions got the best of you and that you’ll be leaving him or her alone and focusing on yourself from now on. That won’t instantly make things better, but it will show that you’ve taken accountability and allow you to forgive yourself.
Is revenge sweet? Yes, it is. It’s the sweetest candy the world has to offer. But is it short-lived? Absolutely!
I’m sure you can think of many ways to bring your ex to his or her knees and make your ex regret ever crossing paths with you. You could do something nasty and get your revenge today—probably even this very moment, from the comfort of your own home. You have the power to make your ex’s life hell if you wish to.
But before you do that, know that your bad actions will definitely affect you and your good karma.
Provided you care about your image, you’ll without a doubt regret taking revenge and wish you’d just left your ex alone. Revenge isn’t just about teaching your ex a lesson to be more thoughtful in the next relationship. It’s very personal, as its goal is to destroy your ex’s life and force your ex to struggle emotionally.
You, therefore, need to control yourself even if your ex cheated on you and monkey-branched to someone else. I know it’s hard, but your ex’s behavior mustn’t force you to abandon your morals and do something that will make your ex regret meeting you. What your ex does or did doesn’t define you. It shouldn’t, unless you give your ex the power to control you.
In that case, you’re in a lot of trouble because your ex and other people will easily manipulate you. They’ll control your thoughts and feelings, and ultimately, your actions and reactions.
Remember that your loved ones expect you to respect your ex’s decision and yourself. They want you to be the bigger person and avoid starting a war with your ex. By acting on impulse, you won’t prove that you’re mature and in control. On the contrary, you’ll prove that you lack control and that you’re vengeful and a danger to yourself and others.
Your friends and family will probably find out what you did—and something tells me that you’ll care about that once you’ve gotten over the breakup and collected your thoughts. You’ll wish you could forget ever taking revenge on someone who no longer mattered and didn’t deserve you.
So instead of completely ruining your image of who you are and wish to become in the future, don’t go down the revenge path. There are many more suitable ways to vent your frustrations and become a person of high value.
A great way to start detaching and transforming your life for the better is to comment on this article or join the Magnet of Success Discord community.
There are a million things you can do to turn your attention away from unwanted thoughts and feel better. I urge you to focus on improving yourself rather than destroying your ex and your image.
When you’ve cooled off and begun thinking rationally again, the work you’ve done on yourself will decide whether you’ve grown, regressed, or remained the same. You’ll look back and realize where you went wrong and what you did well. Don’t ruin your karma for a quick boost of ego. It’s not worth it.
Keep in mind that karma always strikes— whether it’s due to something you’ve done or because your ex treated you badly. The undeniable truth is that it hits when people least expect it.
Sometimes, all it takes is enough time to pass for bad karma to accumulate. Once it does, it hits hard and unexpectedly, and that’s usually when people finally learn their lessons.
Well, at least those who reflect on their behavior. Those who play the blame game don’t learn a thing. They make the same mistakes in the future and think the world is against them.
How does karma work?
People who are hurt by the dumper they trusted often demand immediate punishment. They want karma to strike their ex the very moment they feel the pain. If it were possible, dumpees would immediately pick up the phone and call the God of punishments to make misery rain down on their ex.
In doing so, they would get even and bask in their ability to manipulate their ex’s life and feelings. This is what most dumpees want. They want to know that they can influence their ex even after the breakup. They especially want to see that they can take happiness away from their ex and feel strong and in control.
It’s the dumpees’ belief that by causing harm, their exes will quickly regret their actions and feel remorse. But, unfortunately, karma doesn’t work that way. The dumpee isn’t the bringer of justice. He or she lost the ability to teach the dumper a lesson a long time ago.
The only thing that can teach the dumper a valuable lesson is life itself. Life can help your ex ignore the need to work on himself or herself and encourage your ex to get involved with someone who doesn’t tolerate unhealthy/disrespectful behavior.
When your ex meets that person and hurts him or her, karma will punish your ex for thinking he or she can get away with anything, including disrespect and pain.
I’ve spent countless hours searching for the best explanation of karma and trying to understand how it works. Finally, I believe I’ve found it in Earl Nightingale’s words. In his book Lead the Field, I’ve come across the most reasonable and realistic definition of karma I could find.
Earl Nightingale describes karma as a boomerang. All actions—good or bad, in one form or another come back to us.
He says, “Every time a person does something dishonest, he is in effect tossing a boomerang. How far out it will travel, no one knows. How great or how small a circle it will traverse, only time will tell. But it will, eventually it must, finally come swift and unseen around behind that person and deliver its never-failing and painful blow to the back of his neck.”
If a person thinks positively and does positive things, he or she gets positive results. And if a person thinks negatively and does negative things, he or she yields negative results. That’s why you can be certain that karma will hit your ex for doing bad things to you.
I don’t know when or how, but it will happen. I’ve seen it happen every time an undeveloped ex ignores the need to self-invest and moves on quickly. Moving on doesn’t guarantee happiness. The only thing that makes the dumper avoid similar problems and another breakup is self-reflection and self-development.
And people who selfishly and disrespectfully cause pain to others tend not to reflect and grow. They remain as they are because they’re convinced they have the right to hurt people.
Hit and run
People don’t usually hurt someone only once. Sure, some convicts learn their lessons and become better people, but your ex is no convict. Your ex got away without paying the price for his or her misdemeanour. Therefore, your ex will have to pay the price eventually.
Your ex will either have to think about his or her behavior, feel guilty about it, and grow through regret, or continue to self-victimize and encounter the same issues in the future. At some point, your ex will face the consequences of his or her actions and inactions and meet karma head-on.
It probably won’t be pretty.
You may think that your ex will never get hit by karma, but karma doesn’t strike now that you’re hurt the most. Your feelings don’t matter to karma. It takes its time, often longer than dumpees would like. For some dumpers, karma strikes within weeks or months. These dumpers often date other people and fail miserably.
Other dumpers go about their lives for much longer—sometimes a year, two, or more. Whether they suffer immensely depends on whether they put themselves in difficult situations.
Remember that your ex thinks of himself or herself as a victim, which means that your ex cannot and will not change at all.
If convicts take years of confinement to change their belief system (or don’t change it at all), don’t think that your ex will do it in a short amount of time. If your ex ever changes, it will happen when your ex’s expectations fail to manifest and hurt your ex to the point of reflection.
It’s preposterous to think the dumper will sit down and try to grow from this experience. Your ex is focused on self-distraction and moving on. He or she has neither the time nor the patience for personal development. Your ex isn’t ready for that and won’t be ready at least until karma hits hard.
Moreover, it takes three times that long to make it a permanent part of our lives. So theoretically speaking, the amount of time it takes to correct bad karma depends on how much your ex has sinned and learned from those sins.
I can’t say how long it will take your ex to correct his or her bad karma because I don’t know your ex personally. I don’t know what your ex has done and what he or she is doing right now. But I can say that if your ex is focusing on enjoying himself or herself, your ex won’t improve his or her behavior and karma anytime soon.
Your ex will just carry certain behavioral patterns into the next relationship and act similarly as before.
As you sow, so shall you reap
You reap what you sow. It doesn’t get any simpler than that.
If your ex thinks, feels, speaks, acts, and reacts in a certain way, you can expect the same from this person in the future. You can expect your ex not to change these things because your ex lacks the will or need to change them.
He or she is focusing on moving on instead.
One does not change his or her beliefs simply by moving on. As you know, people are creatures of habit. We’re controlled by our thoughts and patterns. That’s what makes us us.
We can control negative thoughts and emotions if we choose to do so, but oftentimes we don’t. Not when we’ve developed ourselves into reactive, finger-pointing individuals.
Biologically, we are wired to think, talk, and act in a way that is the most comfortable for us. And what makes it the most comfortable are the patterns we subconsciously form with our thoughts—and further reinforce with our emotions.
Once we’ve created certain thoughts and empowered them with emotions, we make them into a permanent belief, and later, a pattern.
So remember, your ex isn’t sitting at home crying and trying to improve his or her behaviors and patterns. Your ex is too busy doing the things he or she loves the most. This includes self-distraction and focusing on external happiness. That’s your ex’s karma because he or she will sooner or later get in trouble and bring the worst out of people. If your ex gets involved with a highly reactive individual, your ex will get punished for it.
You, on the other hand, probably want to improve as you got hit by the breakup blues. You want to learn about the reasons behind the breakup and understand the breakup dynamics.
This automatically puts you on the path to self-discovery and self-improvement.
Before your breakup, you didn’t care much about any of this breakup stuff. You probably didn’t even know it existed. You had your own interests and hobbies you enjoyed, and didn’t think about what to do if you broke up.
The fact that you’re reading this post means you’re open-minded and ready to learn new things. You don’t need to memorize things word for word to improve. All you have to do is take in the information, and you’ll slowly rewire your brain and improve in ways you need to.
Your ex could do the same, but your ex isn’t reading or learning anything. Your ex will probably become interested in self-improvement much later, when your ex gets hit by karma and has no choice but to improve. It could take your ex years to fall in love with someone and get his or her heart crushed. That means your ex could fail to evolve for years.
That’s a lot of time and a lot of failures, aka karma.
Will karma get my ex?
Karma will undoubtedly catch up with your ex. It’s only a matter of time before the roles are reversed and your ex pays the price for his or her wrongs.
Continuous bad actions always catch up to you and smite you when you least expect them to. This normally happens when you’re in your most vulnerable state and don’t see karma coming.
Just to be clear, the most vulnerable state doesn’t always mean that you are depressed or unlucky. Often, you become most vulnerable when you’re at your happiest and least expecting karma to strike.
So bear in mind that karma hits cheating ex-girlfriends, narcissists, liars, thieves, and anyone who harms others. It plays no favorites. When you do a disservice to others and live a selfish life, negative consequences always come back to you. It’s the law. What you give is what you get.
If your ex treated you poorly and left you for someone else, he or she will have to pay for it one way or another. It might take time, but eventually, your ex will cross paths with the wrong person and feel his or her wrath.
And even if your ex hides in the basement and doesn’t interact with anyone, your ex will still get hit by karma, just in other ways. Your ex will avoid interactions and miss out on life.
Drug dealers, criminals, and dangerous people are aware of their wrongdoings. They know they destroyed their karma long ago, so they must now live with fear, guilt, shame, self-doubt, and the constant need to hide.
Your ex might not be affected to that extent, but the same principles still apply.
Your ex:
Committed karmic injustice
Feels empowered and pleased with him/herself
Understands that he/she hurt you badly
Experiences guilt, shame, or self-doubt
Damaged his or her own karma
Always remember that your ex could one day get hit by karma and you won’t even know it. Your ex could just deal with it alone or check up on you to see how you’re doing and then disappear again. What your ex does when karma catches up to him or her is hard to say.
But it’s safe to say that your ex’s life won’t be as great as it may currently seem. Most dumpers feel empowered after the breakup and enjoy their new life. It takes them a few months to stop feeling relieved and become emotionally vulnerable.
If you focus on healing and forgiving your ex, you might not even care when you discover that your ex’s life has worsened rather than improved. You might be too busy enjoying your life and staying away from negativity.
That said, here’s why karma will get your ex.
My ex hurt me badly
I understand that your ex hurt you badly once or multiple times and shattered your world. He or she likely acted coldly toward you during and after the breakup and refused to give you closure. Your ex even affected your self-esteem and, coincidentally, ruined your life goals with his or her selfish actions.
Because your ex has hurt you horribly, you now want him or her to experience hell and feel how you feel. I get that. You think that if you could just punish your ex, your ex would understand how much the relationship meant to you and how hurt you are.
It’s truly unfortunate that your ex is happy and doesn’t care much about hurting you right now. But despite that, you shouldn’t worry about what your ex thinks and cares about. Dumpers are in a completely different world after the breakup. They’re focusing on things they want to do, and as a result, forget about their ex.
It’s hard to understand how someone you love or loved can hurt you so deeply, but breakups can get very ugly. They bring out the worst in people and hurt both dumpees and dumpers in different ways.
You’re likely asking yourself, “Why doesn’t my ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend care? Why am I the only one hurting?
The truth is that your ex was in pain before the breakup. It wasn’t the kind of pain you’re going through right now, but he or she felt unheard and/or angry. For that reason, your ex is now tired of the relationship and needs some alone time.
The most difficult part of the breakup is not losing the person you care about. It’s seeing that your former boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t care about you in the slightest. The most awful feeling is when you know that your ex left you behind and moved on – possibly with someone else. You don’t want to be forgotten and replaced with someone new.
The new person might occupy your position, but remember that he or she will never be you. There’s only one you in this world. Let that be a reminder that you’re valuable and worthy of love.
Can you wish bad karma on someone?
Don’t try to rush karma. Instead, give karma enough time to deliver the never-failing and painful blow. Your ex will get hit by karma. I can guarantee you that. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on your preference, you may not care about it when it happens.
Karma does not care, nor does it listen to anyone. The more you want something bad to happen to someone you know, the more negativity you will attract into your own life.
Wishing karma on your ex is dangerous because you can become obsessed with seeking justice. And when you become obsessed and dependent on your ex’s misfortune for your happiness, life gets really, really dark, sad, and miserable.
You stop working on yourself and try to bring your ex down just to feel better.
That’s not a productive way to live. You should focus on making your life better rather than your ex’s life worse. Do that by signing up for therapy, working out, socializing, and strengthening your financial situation.
But I want my ex to suffer as much as I did!
If you’re hoping your ex gets hit by karma, you’re putting your own good karma at risk. You’re deliberately stooping to your ex’s level and expecting the laws of the universe to deliver the punishing blow.
Remember that your ex’s suffering won’t bring you justice, nor will it make you feel better forever.
The most you will get out of it is a quick adrenaline rush and an evil grin on your face. In terms of long-term happiness and success, it will offer nothing of value. Instead, it will leave you feeling empty, distracted from your growth, and further away from genuine fulfillment.
So trust me when I say that if something really, really bad happens to your ex, you’ll realize you don’t want your ex to suffer at all. Not even if your ex slept with your best friend and betrayed you more than anyone ever could.
This is true even if your ex absolutely diminished your self-worth and scarred you deeply.
You just won’t find joy in seeing your ex suffer once he or she finally gets hit by karma. Besides, wishing bad karma on your ex is bad for your conscience and healing process.
It holds you back from moving on and leaving the past where it belongs – in the past. You don’t need more negativity in your life, right? I reckon that the breakup was traumatic enough and that you’d rather attract positive things into your life.
Things that actually help you excel and be happy in life.
Seeing your ex suffer as a result of bad karma would only add more weight to your already-sinking boat. You don’t need to go out of your way to wish bad karma on your ex. If your ex hurt you badly, karma is on its way as we speak. It might have a few other stops to make first, but it will eventually come knocking on your ex’s door.
The scary part about karma is that it doesn’t always knock. Oftentimes, it comes barging through the door unannounced, slamming people in the face.
No signs, no warning, only payback.
Forgive the ex who hurt you
It takes great strength and courage to forgive those who hurt you, but you need to do what’s right, not what feels right. You must go against your nature (if your heart is telling you to punish your ex) and get rid of your vengeful thoughts.
Forgiving an ex that hurt you badly won’t be easy and will likely take time. But rest assured that the reward will be worth it in the end. It will free you from constant thoughts about your ex and give you a chance to live for yourself.
Always forgive your enemies—nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde
Keep in mind that it doesn’t make you a bad person for wanting karma to get your ex. You’re obviously hurt and need reassurance. But it does, however, make you a great person for forgiving your ex for hurting you and growing from the negative experience.
Are you hoping that karma will get your ex? Let me know whether you want your ex to suffer for dumping you and hurting you. Post your thoughts and feelings in the comments section below the article.
And if you need someone to knock some sense into you so you don’t act on impulse and regret it later, reach out to us here.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
147 thoughts on “Thirsty For Revenge? Karma Will Get Your Ex. It ALWAYS Does!”
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Over 20 years ago I developed feelings for my female coworker. Back then we both were in our early thirties and she in a 10-years relationship with a man who was infertile.
I loved her deeply but was too afraid to tell her. And after some 10 months she made the first step. Our affair lasted 9 months and her partner found out. She had a choice and she decided for him – mostly, I suppose, because of money. There was a big wedding and she looked mostly happy.
One year later her best friend told me that towards the end of our affair she started telling her that my hopes to get together are some daydrems of a naive man. And all this while telling me “I love you” and talking about the possible future.
Now 20 years forward – her husband left her for some Ukrainian girl and is constantly posting love pictures from Paris and other locations. She on the other hand posts tearful selfies…
Karma can hit days or decades later. In this woman’s case, it took her 20 years of neglect or self-neglect. She or they as a couple failed to identify or fix their shortcomings, so the relationship ended with infidelity.
Breakups happen because people fail or refuse to deal with issues and evolve before it’s too late, not because they suddenly become incompatible.
Hi, I was married to a guy. I was with him for 23 years and we have three kids together. He abandoned his family and moved to a different state got with another women. He is engaged to her but we are still married. He refuses to get the divorce done. it’s been almost four years. He is still with this woman and she knew we were married. I’m struggling to move on. Will karma get him for hurting me so deeply and breaking my heart?
His karma is living with a guilty concience and making his partner afraid of getting cheated on. If he betrayed you so badly and abandoned his family, he’ll do hurtful things to his girlfriend as well.
They may stay together, but their relationship will be far from perfect.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. You invested heavily into this person and expected honesty and commitment in return. Sadly, the guy didn’t live up to his promises. He detached rather quickly and left you when you got emotionally hooked. The fact that he was his first didn’t make a difference. He just didn’t feel a connection anymore. I don’t know why that happened, but it’s probably got something to do with his emotional availability or relationship mentality.
You will get through this, Diana. It will take a while, but you’ll recover and see him for who he is.
If things ended well, you can reach out yourself. But if the reach out makes you anxious (which it probably does), you should consider asking your or your ex’s friends and family for help. You want to avoid getting hurt.
Such a great post. I saved this so I can look back and read it when I need to. I’m inspired by all your posts they are so true and so good!
So my ex fiancé and I were about to get married in 2 months. My ex was not listening to my feelings didn’t want to spend any alone time with me and constantly argued with me on the topic of my needs. We lived with his parents and we had to reside in his bedroom together. That’s not what was not what was promised to me prior to moving in but I got stuck with it and was just doing my best to live like that. All I was asking for was some space for ourselves just the two of us on weekends and some evenings my ex didn’t want to and would punish me through silent treatment, anger etc. I was hurt and upset venting to my mom via text. Behind my back when I went out to get a coffee and take a breather I realized I forgot my Apple Watch behind. When I got back he had gotten into my watch and read through my conversations with my mom took pics of them and showed and read them to his family who was residing with. He screamed in my face swore and kicked me out. He kicked me out homeless, cleaned our joint bank account out, left me with only 100$ to my name. And was extremely mean. Got his entire family against me and decided to cancel the whole wedding the same day.
The conversations I had were
Private between my mother and I. It was just me venting to her about how I felt, how he made me feel and how his parents would make me feel sometimes which was not always kind.
The context of the conversations were just my hurt feelings and anger in the moment. I felt he invaded my privacy and was looking for an out. He tried to say that was the cherry on top- meaning other things were making him want to leave.
Irregardless I’ve never been left in such a cruel, mean way. I never even got a proper 30-60 day eviction notice, and we were paying rent. I also was left with barely any money to survive off of and he got to justify it all and be cold and never speak to me again.
I really hope karma is real and I really hope that while I’m now working on myself, one day the boomerang effect comes to him.
Karma will get your ex, be assured of that. A person who behaves like this is going to anger the wrong person one day. The guy didn’t sympathize with your pain. Instead, he took it personally and got mad at you for sharing relationship “secrets” with your family. He basically got his ego bruised and retaliated by hurting you.
Some day, you’ll see that he wasn’t the right guy for you. What he did to you during and especially after the relationship was downright cruel. By kicking you out, he broke the law and revealed his true personality. Look closely at what he did so you don’t overfocus on the good memories.
Zed, here. I just wanted to add to Zane’s sound advice. Karma can take its time to happen (it accumulated over 40 years in my case. See my post below for the larger story), so don’t dwell on that aspect too much. It can become a distraction in itself if you are not careful. More importantly, you have to understand that you have gotten an enormous gift and dodged a long life of misery. The price paid is very small compared to the price you would have paid if you had actually gotten married. Count your blessing and move on.
Focus on this latter point and use the lesson to grow into a stronger and more self-assured person. Focus on your positives, rather than your former fiancées negatives.
A slightly different situation here. My ex changed the locks on our apartment 4 decades ago and dumped all my belongings on our porch. When I returned home from work late that night, I found myself locked out of my home without warning. Her plane was to replace me as her husband and she already had someone lined up for the position. Months later, we happened to meet in a bar one evening, and she begged me to return home, saying that she had made a ‘terrible mistake’ and realized she lost her best friend when she locked me out. I refused to return to our home, but agreed to some trial dates to see how it played out. Each time we met (there were no physical relations at all, as I refused to return to our old home during this trial period) she pleaded with me to come home immediately. During our first weekend ‘date’ together, she informed me that she changed her mind and wasn’t sure she wanted to end her affair yet.
So I did. After that weekend, I realized I would be a fool to continue this charade. So I called her up and told her it was over and to finish filing the divorce papers. This was the second smartest thing I ever did. The first was marrying the wonderful woman I met three years later. My life has been so much better in this latter relationship I all but forget my ex.
Here we come to the crux: Things did not go so well for my ex. I only recently learned this, but she married the other guy and he turned out to be a mess. The court records show a laundry list of creditor court actions, mortgage foreclosures, even losing an home to a Sheriff’s auction, etc., etc. the list has to be seen to be believed. They are now separated and she is reportedly buried in debt. More recently, her son was jailed for some terrible crimes. So, the karmic thing has already taken place, completely without my involvement or knowledge. Thing only thing that has changed is that now I know these things have happened to her. She has kept all this history hidden from friends and family.
All I want to do is to let her know that I know all this history. That’s it. Nothing more.
Looks like karma has hit your ex hard. She didn’t just pay for leaving you, but for not doing anything to improve and change. This woman monkey-branched, thinking it would solve all her problems. Instead, it made it worse and triggered regret. Since the guy didn’t want her to leave, he probably asked her for another chance and eventually married her. That allowed him to make his issues hers as well.
There’s no need to tell her you know everything. Leave her alone and life your life.
Thank you, Zan. Letting ‘the sleeping dog lie’ is almost always the wisest course. It really is a serious temptation to send her a short missive letting her know what I know, and it will take a serious bit of willpower not to do so. Hopefully, my better angels will prevail.
Please do reply. My girl cheated on me and left me for the guy she cheated on me with. She promised me marriage and she used to say that “she can’t live without me”. She even told me that she wants to marry me in radhe-krishna temple in mathura (ancient hindu temple of lord krishna). She even asked me to gift her radhe-krishna idol saying that “it will be good for marrying you love”. She knew that after dad’s death I’m suffering a lot and that my relatives are trying to kick me and my mom out of the house. She knew i was struggling and am working hard for our future together. Yet she cheated on me and left me despite knowing all those sufferings of mine. I even took a stand for her in my family and in front of her mother as well. She treated me very badly in front of her mother as well and said to leave. I went into depression and taking treatment for it. Please tell me. Will karma make her pay for all that she did to me? I really need your honest answer ma’am.
Karma will get her when the time is right. It might take a while, but if she keeps treating people this way and doesn’t improve, it’s only a matter of time before she betrays and angers the wrong person.
I knew someone who was quite haughty about himself and I noticed at a bar that he would pick on this guy who had some real human issues. I asked him, “Why do you pick on him – aren’t you afraid of karma?” He said, “I don’t believe in karma” to which I replied, “That’s okay, because karma believes in you.”
Hi my name is Tanya been my relationship for eight years and thing he did to me was uncalled for he move on faster then I thought and the part that hurts the most was when he rub in the front of face when I was crying my heart out he said he would ever hurt me but did threw all my stuff way in the dumpster and him his new girlfriend started talking about me behind my back that what hurt the worst and guess everybody tell me move on how can I what him his new girlfriend did both them deserve Karma she don’t know me she going by his word
She’s taking his side. I know it’s hard not to get affected by it, but they’re saying bad things about you because that’s who they are. It’s got nothing to do with you. Karma will get them when the time is right. You probably won’t care when that happens.
For now, stay far away from them and work on rebuilding your self-esteem. Have faith that everything will work out one way or another!
I will not lie to say that I was pondering some dark thoughts.
I was but no longer am! When I found out the person I met was not quite what she seemed I was stunned however for a time before that I was in some tumult, anger and pain.
Had I found out some of this shit when I was in that phase, who knows how I would have played it.
It’s normal to have dark thoughts and feel angry. Acting on those thoughts and feelings, on the other hand, is not normal or okay. You have to be better than your ex because if you handle it poorly, you’ll develop yourself in such a way that you poorly react to stressors and people who hurt you.
Zan,
Some very awful people lead great lives, just saying. Putin won’t leave Ukrainians alone, the American courts won’t let women control their bodies, and so on. The common denominator between these? Putin has power and wealth and so do American judges. These judges and dictators lead great lives DESPITE the suffering they inflict yes? So where is Karma? Please explain this concept in more detail. My understanding is people think Karma exists, because it’s an idea they use to console themselves. It comforts them that there is justice out there waiting. So people invented the idea of Karma as a way to console themselves, and as a belief system to enforce good conduct—please educate me if I am mistaken.
Dictators may get away without punishment, but they have to watch their backs all their lives and trust only their most loyal servants. Because of their actions, they live in fear and isolation. Their karma is that they’re forced to live a life an ordinary person wouldn’t have to. So don’t think of karma merely as punishment. Think about the quality of life or the way that person has to live for the rest of his/her life.
Bullsh*t. Karma doesn’t exist. If something bad happens to an ex after a month, a year or 10, it has nothing to do with you or how they treated you. You’re either going to strike when the steel is still hot or move on by ignoring forever the one that hurt you. Good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good people.
John, I think you’re looking at it the wrong way. It’s not like there’s some divine force that brings misfortune upon them – though some would claim there is. It’s more that people who screw over partners badly, cruelly, tend to have issues that will lead them blindly into situations where they will get screwed over themselves. Their own bad choices create the ‘karma’.
So Karma will get him, right? And we aren’t supposed to wish that because then we mess up our own karma. Ok got it. But what the heck happened to have me go through this in the first place? Karma? Boomerang? I never hurt a soul and now it’s been ten years and I’m still struggling. Sometimes it’s like victim shaming “just get over it. Forgive him. Move on. Blah blah. He will get his karma cuz he did wrong” well great. No he does the crime and I do the time. Why did I get hit with that karma to begin with?!?
You’re not supposed to wish bad karma on others. You just have to know that people get struck by karma when they do bad things. That’s because people who do bad things tend to make the same mistakes until they cross paths with the wrong person.
You shouldn’t think of your breakup as your karma. Breakups happen because someone isn’t ready for a relationship.
Over 20 years ago I developed feelings for my female coworker. Back then we both were in our early thirties and she in a 10-years relationship with a man who was infertile.
I loved her deeply but was too afraid to tell her. And after some 10 months she made the first step. Our affair lasted 9 months and her partner found out. She had a choice and she decided for him – mostly, I suppose, because of money. There was a big wedding and she looked mostly happy.
One year later her best friend told me that towards the end of our affair she started telling her that my hopes to get together are some daydrems of a naive man. And all this while telling me “I love you” and talking about the possible future.
Now 20 years forward – her husband left her for some Ukrainian girl and is constantly posting love pictures from Paris and other locations. She on the other hand posts tearful selfies…
Sometimes you need 20 years for karma to struck…
Kind regards
Jarek
Hi Jarek.
Karma can hit days or decades later. In this woman’s case, it took her 20 years of neglect or self-neglect. She or they as a couple failed to identify or fix their shortcomings, so the relationship ended with infidelity.
Breakups happen because people fail or refuse to deal with issues and evolve before it’s too late, not because they suddenly become incompatible.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi, I was married to a guy. I was with him for 23 years and we have three kids together. He abandoned his family and moved to a different state got with another women. He is engaged to her but we are still married. He refuses to get the divorce done. it’s been almost four years. He is still with this woman and she knew we were married. I’m struggling to move on. Will karma get him for hurting me so deeply and breaking my heart?
Hi Jackie.
His karma is living with a guilty concience and making his partner afraid of getting cheated on. If he betrayed you so badly and abandoned his family, he’ll do hurtful things to his girlfriend as well.
They may stay together, but their relationship will be far from perfect.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Diana.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. You invested heavily into this person and expected honesty and commitment in return. Sadly, the guy didn’t live up to his promises. He detached rather quickly and left you when you got emotionally hooked. The fact that he was his first didn’t make a difference. He just didn’t feel a connection anymore. I don’t know why that happened, but it’s probably got something to do with his emotional availability or relationship mentality.
You will get through this, Diana. It will take a while, but you’ll recover and see him for who he is.
Hang in there!
Zan
What do you consider actions taken (possible examples: email, letter via solicitor, newspaper ad, court) to be paid back money owed by an ex?
Hi Andrea.
If things ended well, you can reach out yourself. But if the reach out makes you anxious (which it probably does), you should consider asking your or your ex’s friends and family for help. You want to avoid getting hurt.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Zan,
Such a great post. I saved this so I can look back and read it when I need to. I’m inspired by all your posts they are so true and so good!
So my ex fiancé and I were about to get married in 2 months. My ex was not listening to my feelings didn’t want to spend any alone time with me and constantly argued with me on the topic of my needs. We lived with his parents and we had to reside in his bedroom together. That’s not what was not what was promised to me prior to moving in but I got stuck with it and was just doing my best to live like that. All I was asking for was some space for ourselves just the two of us on weekends and some evenings my ex didn’t want to and would punish me through silent treatment, anger etc. I was hurt and upset venting to my mom via text. Behind my back when I went out to get a coffee and take a breather I realized I forgot my Apple Watch behind. When I got back he had gotten into my watch and read through my conversations with my mom took pics of them and showed and read them to his family who was residing with. He screamed in my face swore and kicked me out. He kicked me out homeless, cleaned our joint bank account out, left me with only 100$ to my name. And was extremely mean. Got his entire family against me and decided to cancel the whole wedding the same day.
The conversations I had were
Private between my mother and I. It was just me venting to her about how I felt, how he made me feel and how his parents would make me feel sometimes which was not always kind.
The context of the conversations were just my hurt feelings and anger in the moment. I felt he invaded my privacy and was looking for an out. He tried to say that was the cherry on top- meaning other things were making him want to leave.
Irregardless I’ve never been left in such a cruel, mean way. I never even got a proper 30-60 day eviction notice, and we were paying rent. I also was left with barely any money to survive off of and he got to justify it all and be cold and never speak to me again.
I really hope karma is real and I really hope that while I’m now working on myself, one day the boomerang effect comes to him.
Hi Rachel.
Thanks for reading and saving the article.
Karma will get your ex, be assured of that. A person who behaves like this is going to anger the wrong person one day. The guy didn’t sympathize with your pain. Instead, he took it personally and got mad at you for sharing relationship “secrets” with your family. He basically got his ego bruised and retaliated by hurting you.
Some day, you’ll see that he wasn’t the right guy for you. What he did to you during and especially after the relationship was downright cruel. By kicking you out, he broke the law and revealed his true personality. Look closely at what he did so you don’t overfocus on the good memories.
Hang in there, Rachel.
Sincerely,
Zan
Rachel,
Zed, here. I just wanted to add to Zane’s sound advice. Karma can take its time to happen (it accumulated over 40 years in my case. See my post below for the larger story), so don’t dwell on that aspect too much. It can become a distraction in itself if you are not careful. More importantly, you have to understand that you have gotten an enormous gift and dodged a long life of misery. The price paid is very small compared to the price you would have paid if you had actually gotten married. Count your blessing and move on.
Focus on this latter point and use the lesson to grow into a stronger and more self-assured person. Focus on your positives, rather than your former fiancées negatives.
Best of luck to you!
Sincerely,
Zed
A slightly different situation here. My ex changed the locks on our apartment 4 decades ago and dumped all my belongings on our porch. When I returned home from work late that night, I found myself locked out of my home without warning. Her plane was to replace me as her husband and she already had someone lined up for the position. Months later, we happened to meet in a bar one evening, and she begged me to return home, saying that she had made a ‘terrible mistake’ and realized she lost her best friend when she locked me out. I refused to return to our home, but agreed to some trial dates to see how it played out. Each time we met (there were no physical relations at all, as I refused to return to our old home during this trial period) she pleaded with me to come home immediately. During our first weekend ‘date’ together, she informed me that she changed her mind and wasn’t sure she wanted to end her affair yet.
So I did. After that weekend, I realized I would be a fool to continue this charade. So I called her up and told her it was over and to finish filing the divorce papers. This was the second smartest thing I ever did. The first was marrying the wonderful woman I met three years later. My life has been so much better in this latter relationship I all but forget my ex.
Here we come to the crux: Things did not go so well for my ex. I only recently learned this, but she married the other guy and he turned out to be a mess. The court records show a laundry list of creditor court actions, mortgage foreclosures, even losing an home to a Sheriff’s auction, etc., etc. the list has to be seen to be believed. They are now separated and she is reportedly buried in debt. More recently, her son was jailed for some terrible crimes. So, the karmic thing has already taken place, completely without my involvement or knowledge. Thing only thing that has changed is that now I know these things have happened to her. She has kept all this history hidden from friends and family.
All I want to do is to let her know that I know all this history. That’s it. Nothing more.
What are your thoughts on this?
Hi Zed.
Looks like karma has hit your ex hard. She didn’t just pay for leaving you, but for not doing anything to improve and change. This woman monkey-branched, thinking it would solve all her problems. Instead, it made it worse and triggered regret. Since the guy didn’t want her to leave, he probably asked her for another chance and eventually married her. That allowed him to make his issues hers as well.
There’s no need to tell her you know everything. Leave her alone and life your life.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thank you, Zan. Letting ‘the sleeping dog lie’ is almost always the wisest course. It really is a serious temptation to send her a short missive letting her know what I know, and it will take a serious bit of willpower not to do so. Hopefully, my better angels will prevail.
Thanks again for confirming my better instincts.
Hi Zed.
You’ve got to be strong and resist temptations. Don’t break NC just to tell her what you know. Talk to other people about the things that bother you.
Best,
Zan
Please do reply. My girl cheated on me and left me for the guy she cheated on me with. She promised me marriage and she used to say that “she can’t live without me”. She even told me that she wants to marry me in radhe-krishna temple in mathura (ancient hindu temple of lord krishna). She even asked me to gift her radhe-krishna idol saying that “it will be good for marrying you love”. She knew that after dad’s death I’m suffering a lot and that my relatives are trying to kick me and my mom out of the house. She knew i was struggling and am working hard for our future together. Yet she cheated on me and left me despite knowing all those sufferings of mine. I even took a stand for her in my family and in front of her mother as well. She treated me very badly in front of her mother as well and said to leave. I went into depression and taking treatment for it. Please tell me. Will karma make her pay for all that she did to me? I really need your honest answer ma’am.
Hi Anurag Pal.
Karma will get her when the time is right. It might take a while, but if she keeps treating people this way and doesn’t improve, it’s only a matter of time before she betrays and angers the wrong person.
Hang in there!
Zan
I knew someone who was quite haughty about himself and I noticed at a bar that he would pick on this guy who had some real human issues. I asked him, “Why do you pick on him – aren’t you afraid of karma?” He said, “I don’t believe in karma” to which I replied, “That’s okay, because karma believes in you.”
Hi JP.
People don’t need to believe in Karma to get hit by it. If you’re nasty to others, eventually someone will be nasty to you. That’s the law.
Zan
Hi my name is Tanya been my relationship for eight years and thing he did to me was uncalled for he move on faster then I thought and the part that hurts the most was when he rub in the front of face when I was crying my heart out he said he would ever hurt me but did threw all my stuff way in the dumpster and him his new girlfriend started talking about me behind my back that what hurt the worst and guess everybody tell me move on how can I what him his new girlfriend did both them deserve Karma she don’t know me she going by his word
Hi Tanya.
She’s taking his side. I know it’s hard not to get affected by it, but they’re saying bad things about you because that’s who they are. It’s got nothing to do with you. Karma will get them when the time is right. You probably won’t care when that happens.
For now, stay far away from them and work on rebuilding your self-esteem. Have faith that everything will work out one way or another!
Kind regards,
Zan
I will not lie to say that I was pondering some dark thoughts.
I was but no longer am! When I found out the person I met was not quite what she seemed I was stunned however for a time before that I was in some tumult, anger and pain.
Had I found out some of this shit when I was in that phase, who knows how I would have played it.
Hi Paddy.
It’s normal to have dark thoughts and feel angry. Acting on those thoughts and feelings, on the other hand, is not normal or okay. You have to be better than your ex because if you handle it poorly, you’ll develop yourself in such a way that you poorly react to stressors and people who hurt you.
Sincerely,
Zan
Zan,
Some very awful people lead great lives, just saying. Putin won’t leave Ukrainians alone, the American courts won’t let women control their bodies, and so on. The common denominator between these? Putin has power and wealth and so do American judges. These judges and dictators lead great lives DESPITE the suffering they inflict yes? So where is Karma? Please explain this concept in more detail. My understanding is people think Karma exists, because it’s an idea they use to console themselves. It comforts them that there is justice out there waiting. So people invented the idea of Karma as a way to console themselves, and as a belief system to enforce good conduct—please educate me if I am mistaken.
Hi Rinca.
Dictators may get away without punishment, but they have to watch their backs all their lives and trust only their most loyal servants. Because of their actions, they live in fear and isolation. Their karma is that they’re forced to live a life an ordinary person wouldn’t have to. So don’t think of karma merely as punishment. Think about the quality of life or the way that person has to live for the rest of his/her life.
Kind regards,
Zan
Bullsh*t. Karma doesn’t exist. If something bad happens to an ex after a month, a year or 10, it has nothing to do with you or how they treated you. You’re either going to strike when the steel is still hot or move on by ignoring forever the one that hurt you. Good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good people.
John, I think you’re looking at it the wrong way. It’s not like there’s some divine force that brings misfortune upon them – though some would claim there is. It’s more that people who screw over partners badly, cruelly, tend to have issues that will lead them blindly into situations where they will get screwed over themselves. Their own bad choices create the ‘karma’.
Hi JohnD.
Bad things happen to good and bad people. But they tend to happen to bad people more because they aren’t mindful of their actions. I agree with Doug.
Sincerely,
Zan
So Karma will get him, right? And we aren’t supposed to wish that because then we mess up our own karma. Ok got it. But what the heck happened to have me go through this in the first place? Karma? Boomerang? I never hurt a soul and now it’s been ten years and I’m still struggling. Sometimes it’s like victim shaming “just get over it. Forgive him. Move on. Blah blah. He will get his karma cuz he did wrong” well great. No he does the crime and I do the time. Why did I get hit with that karma to begin with?!?
You’re not supposed to wish bad karma on others. You just have to know that people get struck by karma when they do bad things. That’s because people who do bad things tend to make the same mistakes until they cross paths with the wrong person.
You shouldn’t think of your breakup as your karma. Breakups happen because someone isn’t ready for a relationship.
Sincerely,
Zan