How To Get Over A Breakup When Nothing Was Wrong?

Before we talk about how to get over a breakup when nothing was wrong, we need to clarify that every breakup happens for a reason. Whether that reason is cheating or losing interest and detaching, something did go wrong.

Someone decided the relationship wasn’t worth the effort and time and stopped investing in the relationship.

The only reason it seems like nothing was wrong is because there was no major argument or disagreement you can directly link with the breakup.

You can’t remember any dealbreakers (especially if you got dumped, feel anxious, and convinced yourself nothing was wrong).

The truth is, a lot was wrong with the relationship. Something or someone affected your partner’s commitment to the relationship and made him or her run away from problems instead of working on them.

Whether communication, bonding, or dedication was lacking, I don’t know. But I do know that not a single breakup happens randomly. During my 5 years of working with couples and ex-couples, I have yet to encounter a single person whose relationship ended for an unexplainable reason beyond the control of those involved.

Someone recently told me the breakup happened for no reason and that he must have left because he was bored with his partner. But when I asked some important questions and analyzed his situation, we discovered that there were many reasons for the breakup.

Reasons that had nothing to do with boredom and repetitiveness.

The guy had actually started talking to other girls and took his partner for granted. Because he felt validated by them, he stopped putting his best foot forward, disconnected from his partner, and developed a belief that his relationship wasn’t as fulfilling as it should have been.

This made him leave his partner and connect with one of the women who showed romantic interest in him. By the time he explored his options and realized he left a good woman, it was already too late as his ex had detached and moved on with her life.

The moral of the story is that people take their partners for granted. They focus on their negative traits and crave the positive feelings they felt in the past and the feelings they could feel with other people. Because they develop unreasonable expectations, they become doubtful and leave their partner when their relationship starts weighing them down.

So if you want to know how to get over a breakup when nothing was wrong, start by acknowledging that something had gone wrong. Something without your awareness destroyed the foundation of the relationship and made it more tempting to leave than to stay and fix things.

Once you’ve admitted that the relationship wasn’t perfect, you’ll make the first step toward healing as you’ll understand that something wasn’t right and that you need to understand what that is. Understanding the cause of the breakup will give you closure and enable you to move on as quickly as you can.

So don’t waste your time telling yourself how great your relationship was and how badly you miss your ex. That will have the opposite effect because it will make you idolize your ex and force you to stay obsessed with your ex.

In today’s post, we discuss how to get over a breakup when “nothing was wrong.” 

There’s a reason for every breakup

Not every relationship ends with a bang. Many relationships fizzle out slowly due to neglect, poor communication, temptations, doubts, fears, anxiety, depression, and confusion.

Some couples don’t have the relationship skills and willpower necessary to focus on their relationship and grow the bond, so naturally, they hit a dead end – a point where they feel stuck. They begin to stagnate and wonder if their relationship truly is their forever relationship.

Because of unresolved doubts and their inability to do anything about their doubts, they soon get tired of being in an unfulfilling relationship and look for happiness outside of the relationship. Eventually, they become so unhappy and doubtful that they fall in love with the thought of being single or with someone else.

That’s when their relationship ends and frees them of commitment and self-inflicted suffering.

So whatever you do, don’t think that nothing’s wrong with such relationships. The reasons behind the breakup are merely hidden or undiscovered. Couples didn’t put in the necessary effort to identify and resolve their problems in time.

Because of that, they broke up and concluded the relationship ended because some mysterious force outside of their control didn’t want their relationship to succeed.

Although people don’t have control over others’ thoughts and actions, they have enough control to work on themselves and their relationships. If they choose not to, that’s on them as they’re solely responsible for staying aware of issues and maintaining relationships.

People need to take responsibility for their actions and inactions and admit when they’re wrong. They mustn’t assume that things just happened on their own and that the universe conspired against them.

Frankly put, the universe doesn’t care. It doesn’t even know they exist. They’re a tiny speck in the universe, responsible for their successes and failures.

I know it’s easier to raise your hands and surrender to some higher power, but that’s irresponsible, to say the least. The breakup happened because you, your ex, or both failed to address your shortcomings and/or differences.

You didn’t value the relationship enough to roll up your sleeves, put the necessary work in, break unhealthy patterns, and get out of your comfort zone. As a result of such things (not randomness), you slowly downgraded from romance to friendship and ended up in the situation you’re in today.

I don’t want you to blame yourself and suffer. I just want you to accept the fact that couples break up for a reason and that romantic failures are their own doing.

Most of the time, both parties are partially responsible for the breakup. But despite that, there is usually one person who’s more impatient, angry, and detached. That person initiates the breakup and forces his or her ex to feel rejected and hurt.

If you’re the person who got dumped, you should be proud of yourself for staying in the relationship till the end. You should keep your head up and remember there were other issues you weren’t aware of.

Issues you didn’t see or things your ex hid or didn’t express.

To you, it seems like nothing was wrong in the relationship, but that’s because relationship problems weren’t known to you. You focused on things that were working and didn’t notice the things that ended the relationship.

Relationships don’t need to be verbally and mentally abusive to end. They just need to be neglected. And they can be neglected in two ways.

1. By ignoring ways to bond and resolve relationship problems.
2. By ignoring the need to evolve individually as a person.

So if you want to get over a breakup when nothing was wrong, know that something went wrong otherwise you wouldn’t have broken up. There was an issue or issues that made the breakup look better than staying in a relationship and investing energy and time that could have been invested in other things or people.

Know that there’s a reason for every breakup. The reason may not be noticeable or may not seem big to you, but I’m sure you’ve heard that relationships take two to tango.

If someone has fears of commitment, an unhealthy relationship mentality, feelings for an ex, and lacks the will to grow together with you, his or her unresolved issues are the issues you’re looking for.

They are big enough to cause even the most compatible couples to break up. Compatibility has nothing to do with them breaking up. Problems cause breakups, not incompatibilities.

Moreover, you weren’t incompatible if you connected emotionally and stayed together for a while. The problem was that you weren’t able to stay connected and chose the easy way out. You quit when you encountered a problem bigger than you were capable of handling.

When I say you, I’m not referring directly to you. I mean you and your ex together as a couple. The two of you didn’t stay committed and didn’t resolve things before they got out of control.

So you can deceive yourself and tell yourself that you broke up even though nothing was wrong or you can admit that something was wrong but that you don’t know what it was.

The breakup just wouldn’t have happened if everything was tip-top. You would have stayed together.

Some couples say their relationship was perfect and that they never argued and had no disagreements, but I find that alarming as it means one of two things.

1. The relationship was new and ended before it got serious.
2. Someone was hiding things, holding back emotions and opinions, and walking on eggshells.

Couples need to argue (in healthy ways). By arguing, they express their wants, needs, opinions, and feelings, and reveal their passion for life. Those who say yes to everything just to avoid any potential conflict lack purpose in a relationship and often get taken for granted.

They’re seen as people with no personal power, ambition, goals, and direction.

If that was you, you need to change and stop living for your romantic partner. Do it out of love for yourself and those who care about you.

Since things seemed great on the surface, it’s also possible your relationship seemed okay because your ex was using you to get over an ex and not feel lonely. If that was the case, your ex didn’t feel the need to argue and express disapproval because he or she had bigger issues to deal with.

How to get over a breakup when nothing was wrong?

It will be much easier to get over a breakup when “nothing was wrong” if you acknowledge that something was wrong. Something or someone got between you and your ex and made you drift apart.

It may not be easy to find out what or who that was. But perhaps it was stress at work or school, drama in the family, lack of bonding and emotional fulfillment, romantic or sexual temptations, neglect or self-neglect, unresolved childhood issues or feelings for an ex, depression, or a lack of gratitude and communication.

Your ex should have told you what went wrong after the breakup. If he or she didn’t, gave you breakup excuses such as “It’s not you, it’s me,” lied to you, ignored you, or blocked you, you have to get to the bottom of things without your ex.

You have to learn more about breakups (dumpers’ behavior and reasons for leaving), sign up for therapy, and journal your thoughts and feelings. You can also talk to people who understand breakups and support you.

Just don’t reach out to your ex because you probably won’t get the answers you need. What you need is empathy and the truth both at the same time. Your ex probably won’t make your healing process any easier.

He or she will likely complicate it and make you blame yourself even more.

Know that you don’t need your ex to know exactly what went wrong. You just need to remember the way your ex behaved and/or treated you prior to the breakup. If your ex was unreceptive, distracted, and cold, he or she had detached and fallen out of love.

Why your ex fell out of love is something your ex needs to discover, not you. You can only speculate and assume that he or she didn’t put enough time and effort into the relationship and self-growth.

That should be enough to stop thinking poorly of yourself and consider your ex the culprit.

So first things first, figure out how you and your ex contributed to the breakup. If you didn’t make any major mistakes, your ex just didn’t have the right relationship mentality and/or wasn’t emotionally ready for a relationship with you.

Your ex needed to work on himself or herself before he or she could take the relationship seriously.

So if you want to get over a breakup when nothing was wrong, stop telling yourself things like:

• We had no problems
• We were a great match
• My ex was perfect

A much better interpretation is that you were meant to meet but not meant to stay together because someone wasn’t fully committed to the relationship and self-improvement. Someone took the relationship lightly and left when unexpressed problems piled up and got out of control.

Once you learn that your ex didn’t express things properly and that the relationship merely looked like nothing was wrong with it, forgive yourself for not noticing what was going on. Forgive your ex for not communicating things too so you don’t become resentful.

You can get over a breakup that didn’t seem to have any major issues if you change the way you think of your relationship and your ex. Changing your perception will allow you to stop idealizing your broken relationship and encourage you to see the relationship for what it was (a ticking time bomb).

With that said, here’s how to get over a breakup when nothing seemed wrong.

Rest assured that you’ll feel better and get over the breakup when you understand your relationship wasn’t as perfect as you thought and that your ex isn’t your ideal partner. Once you’ve come to terms with that, you’ll miss your ex much less as you’ll develop the determination to stay away from your ex.

Until that happens, get the thought that nothing was wrong with your relationship out of your head and focus on things that broke you up.

A time will come when you realize you overvalued the relationship and refused to acknowledge the shortcomings of your ex that broke you up.

Did you learn how to get over a breakup when nothing was wrong? What are you going to do to get through this? Let us know in the comment section below—and we’ll get back to you soon.

And lastly, if you’d like to talk to us about your breakup directly, sign up for coaching here.