How Being Cheated On Changes You As A Person?

If you love your partner to bits and your partner cheats on you, being cheated on oftentimes changes you as a person.

The pain your partner puts you through urges you to develop fearful thinking patterns and low self-esteem anchors that prohibit you from being your regular, relaxed self around your partner and others.

Anxiety-empowered emotions caused by cheating essentially change the way you feel and behave as they continuously warn you to be careful about who you decide to trust.

It’s not just women who get affected by cheating. Cheating affects men as well. And just like women, men oftentimes close their hearts off, lose their sense of identity, and question their worth and capabilities.

There’s no denying that cheating affects everyone who invests in their partner, but the extent to which they get affected varies for each person.

Some people get so hurt that they blame themselves for their partner’s actions. They think that they somehow played a role in their partner’s cheating and that if they were better-looking or if they had more emotional self-control that they’d be able to prevent cheating from occurring.

But what such hurt people fail to realize is that they have nothing to do with their partner’s disloyal actions. They aren’t responsible for them even if they treated their partner badly by lying, screaming, shouting, and kicking.

Cheating is inexcusable regardless of whether the couple belongs together or not. That’s why the only person 100% responsible for cheating is the person who committed the sin.

No matter what you said or what you should have done to make your partner happy, it’s therefore, not you who should be taking the blame for your partner’s recklessness.

You may have said a few hurtful words or failed to live up to your partner’s expectations, but you’re only human—and you merely behaved the way you thought was best.

By no means are you innocent, but you certainly didn’t push your partner to cheat on you. That would be ridiculous.

In this article, we’ll discuss how being cheated on changes you as a person and why it takes so long to get over it.

How being cheated on changes who you are?

When you love and trust your partner with everything you’ve got and your partner betrays you by cheating on you, it feels like the world’s come crashing down on you.

It feels like you got your heart pierced by a poisonous arrow that left you alive just enough for you to know you got cheated on.

The pain of cheating initially shocks and perplexes you. It causes you to experience gut-wrenching anxiety that can lead to vomiting, diarrhea, and stomach ulcers.

But when the top layers of your skin eventually heal over your superficial wounds, the wound underneath continues to stay open—and requires months or sometimes even years of time before it fully closes.

And that’s only if it gets proper treatment, which consists of a lot of support, self-love, and positive thinking.

While this under-the-skin wound is doing its best to close up, it continues to sting like hell. It reminds you that your partner whom you trusted with your life cheated on you and showed you how little you matter to him or her.

Depending on how strong you are as a person and how self-reliant a life you’d created for yourself prior to the cheating, getting cheated on can change you in a myriad of ways.

If you don’t particularly enjoy your own company very much and tend to rely on others for happiness and well-being, cheating can completely disorientate you.

It can spin you around and take your personal goals and direction in life away from you.

Especially if your ex cheated on you and left you for someone else. In that case, getting cheated will probably shatter your self-esteem into smithereens and leave you with such separation anxiety that it makes you sick.

Long-term consequences of being cheated on

If you got cheated on and your ex left you to fend for yourself, cheating will probably scar you in a way that you’ll doubt people’s intentions for a while. It will serve you as a reminder that people can be deceiving and that they may not always have the best interests at heart.

Consequently, you’ll analyze people’s words and actions like a detective in order to protect yourself from experiencing the kind of pain your ex put you through.

And if you soon don’t let your guard down and revert back to your normal self, you may even develop severe trust issues that prevent you from bonding with others and getting close to new romantic opportunities.

It can affect you so badly that you lose confidence in yourself and your looks and become a jealous, paranoid person who doesn’t trust anyone. Not even your closest friends who want nothing but the best for you.

Cheating can basically make you afraid of that which has happened and spread over to people who are somewhat connected to your romantic relationships.

It can spread to friendships, acquaintances, and even family members.

There’s no telling how getting cheated on will affect you long-term as each person has unique coping mechanisms. We all perceive and react to pain differently.

But if it’s been a long time since you got cheated on and you’re still hurting like hell, know that the pain you feel will almost certainly leave you with negative long-term consequences.

We’re talking about the kind of consequences that will make your future relationships difficult.

Being cheated on can affect your self-worth

Your troubled thoughts combined with wrecked self-esteem can make you think that you’re a horrible person and that something’s wrong with you. It can affect you to the point where you begin to feel unworthy of love and care.

Especially if you let anxiety mess with the way you think about yourself. If you let it do that, the cheating can make you feel worthless as a person and make you fall in the deepest depression imaginable.

And that’s a place you really don’t want to sink in.

Of course, not falling in depression after getting cheated on is a million times easier said than done, but ultimately, you’re the one who gets to control the pain you let in.

If you haven’t been taking care of your personal happiness before your partner cheated on you, you now have to work extra hard to regain control of your well-being.

You have to put in the work that you neglected all those years ago. That’s essentially what the pain from infidelity wants you to do.

It wants you to possess the strength to not just survive a betrayal, but to minimize the damage it inflicts on you as well.

Getting cheated on can change your relationships

Fear and anxieties created by cheating can change the way you behave toward your (new) partner. It can make you act on your instincts (to avoid pain) and by doing so, make you appear jealous, needy, controlling, and insecure.

Cheating can essentially control you instead of you controlling it and cause you to appear very demanding at times. This kind of behavior smothers the person you’re with an tells him or her that you don’t feel comfortable in your skin.

And if you don’t feel comfortable being who you are, your partner knows that you’re going to rely on him or her for reassurance and make his or her life more difficult than it has to be.

So before you reflect your anxious emotional state onto your partner, you should always make sure that you:

1. Enjoy being yourself.
2. Trust your partner completely.

If you’re always afraid that your partner will cheat on you, you’ll always walk on eggshells. You’ll let your fears direct you and as a result, become a living radar for threats that could potentially hurt you.

When that happens, your weakened mental state will reflect on your life and affect the way you act towards people you don’t fully trust.

Being cheated on makes you think if your partner ever really loved you

Your partner (assuming he’s your ex now) would have avoided cheating on you if he really loved you and respected you. He would have considered your feelings first and rationally discern whether or not cheating on you and leaving you for someone else is even worth it.

If it was worth it and he didn’t want to be with you, he still wouldn’t have cheated. He’d have taken his moral values into consideration and understand how messed up cheating really is.

He’d know that cheating says bad things about a person—and that he doesn’t want to be one.

So if your (ex)partner cheated on you and broke your heart into tiny pieces, know that your ex didn’t love you at the time when he cheated. He probably loved you weeks or months prior to that—before he started talking to other people behind your back.

And regardless of what excuse your partner gave you when you caught him cheating, keep in mind that his deceitful actions speak for themselves.

They say that he developed feelings of attraction for another person and that he emotionally or at least sexually fell for that girl.

Did my ex ever mean what he said?

The sincerity of someone’s intentions is not based on the words he says, but rather on his actions.

As the proverb says, actions speak louder than words.

Here are a few things your ex may have said to you in the relationship with him:

• I will love you till the end of time.
• We should soon start planning marriage and kids.
• I’ve never been with someone as amazing as you before.
• I want to stay with you forever and treat you with love and care.
• Thank you for showing me how to love.
• I will never cheat on you.

If your ex said such heart-melting things, your ex promised you he would build a future with you. But as you know, promises don’t mean anything if they’re not followed through.

So why did your ex promise you all those great things?

Well, it just so happens that your ex promised you the world because that’s how your ex felt at the time. He enjoyed being with you and liked where his relationship was going.

But the moment that changed and he cheated on you, he threw those promises out of the window and focused on external validation.

He got involved with someone new and discarded everything you’d built as a couple just to keep chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

The truth is that your ex cheated because he didn’t care about your feelings. He only cared about his wants and needs—which include his sexual gratifications.

Please remember that a person who’s with you needs self-awareness and self-control to stay with you. Without such basic things, a person can’t control his impulses and stop himself from cheating on you.

How to become stronger after being cheated on?

After spending some time in your dark cave, surrounded by lingering self-depressing thoughts and anxiety, it’s finally time to break free everything holding you back from reaching your full potential.

It’s time to put your missing pieces back together and get your enthusiasm back and.

Here’s how you can do that.

1)Don’t blame yourself for your partner’s infidelity

You should never think that you’re responsible for your partner’s cheating, nor consider yourself a victim. You’re a survivor—a warrior armed with incredible strength and resilience, capable of overcoming anything you set your mind to.

It’s your partner’s lack of self-awareness that caused this to happen, so leave it at that. I know that you’re in pain, but don’t look for more reasons to stay in pain or you’ll definitely stay hurt for longer.

Your thoughts will have made sure of it.

So keep in mind that there are certain things in life that you have no control over. Things such as people’s thoughts and actions.

People get to choose their path by the kind of thoughts they think about on a daily basis. If their thoughts are healthy and positive, they refrain from hurting others and do what’s best for everyone.

But if they’re negative and self-destructive, their actions are negative and self-destructive too.

2)Express what you feel

Getting cheated on and being broken up with are two incredibly painful ordeals people have to go through.

If they recently happened to you and you feel like you’re dying on the inside, don’t keep your pain all to yourself. Try to open up to your family, friends, and professionals who exist for people with personal difficulties.

There’s absolutely no need to be ashamed of sharing your story with others.

I know it takes a lot of strength and courage to confide in someone, but the reward will be worth every word once you get everything off your chest.

Don’t allow yourself to drown in sadness and depression. If crying makes you feel better, cry. If journaling in a personal diary helps you relax, journal.

Do whatever it takes as long as you get rid of the heavy burden that you’re carrying.

3)Never seek revenge

A lot of people contemplate taking revenge on their ex.

if you’re one of them, I want you to know that it’s okay to feel angry. Your ex treated you way worse than you deserved to be treated, but that doesn’t mean you should sink to your ex’s level and fight fire with fire.

It’s not worth ruining your happiness by taking revenge on an ex who doesn’t even love himself. So don’t ever show your ex and others that you’re prepared to hurt your ex the way your ex did.

You don’t need to play God and make your ex’s life miserable for his wrongdoings. Rest assured that Karma will take care of it, so just sit back and relax.

Your ex will have to pay for his actions at some point in life—and you don’t need to get involved. I’m sure you have better things to take care of. Things that won’t make you look like a horrible human being.

If you’re hurt, you likely feel a strong desire to make your ex suffer. You want your ex to feel the pain he has caused you. This is because you have a self-defense mechanism that encourages you to stand up for yourself and retaliate against those who hurt you.

This, however, doesn’t make it okay to take matters of justice into your own hands. Getting even with your ex won’t show him that you’re a strong person who can take care of herself.

On the contrary, it will depict that you’re immature and emotionally weak.

4)Accept that you couldn’t prevent the cheating from occurring and that it’s in the past

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember that you can’t change what had already happened and that it’s all in the past.

There’s no point in worrying about could-haves and should-haves. All that matters is that you learn from your mistakes and change and improve the parts of your life that you have control over.

You can take this post-breakup time to improve your shortcomings, correct your thinking patterns, and strengthen your self-love. This is what you should have been engaging your brain in even before the cheating occurred.

But since you likely didn’t, you now have to put in twice the effort.

5)Forgive yourself and your enemies

You have to realize that the only way to move past the betrayal is to forgive yourself for your mistakes as well as the person who cheated on you. You don’t need to force yourself to do it. Just take it one step at a time and process it as fast as your mind and body allow it.

Keep in mind that forgiving the person who broke your heart will lift your heavy burden and open your heart up to new romantic opportunities. It will shape you into the person you need to be, so forgive everyone who ever wronged you.

Forgive those who hurt you and you’ll find peace.

Don’t forgive them, and you’ll become bitter, vengeful, and miserable.

6)Focus on loving yourself

Don’t forget that you possess immense value and that you need to remain of high value no matter what. If you both rationally and emotionally understand this and work toward becoming the best version of yourself, you won’t need to compare yourself to your ex’s new fling to validate your worth.

You’ll feel comfortable being who you are and will, as a result, exude high confidence and high self-esteem.

So tell yourself that your ex didn’t cheat on you because of your lackings. Your ex cheated because of his lackings.

7)Engage in productive activities

Mens sana in corpore sano.

This Latin phrase roughly translates into “a healthy mind in a healthy body.” It implies that our mind and body are connected and that both need to be healthy in order for them to take care of each other.

So what can you do you take care of both of them at the same time?

That’s easy. You engage them in mental and physical activities and force yourself to stay active. It’s the best way to deal with anxiety, pain, and depression, yet so few people do this.

People oftentimes prefer to wallow in self-pity and do absolutely nothing to get out of a rut when they can (with some effort) decrease the time it takes them to naturally process pain.

If only they realized that stress is created in the mind and that it can be avoided by taking appropriate actions.

Actions such as:

• exercising often
• reading and studying
• learning new things
• socializing and making new friends
• doing whatever it takes to stay busy

Treat yourself to nice things and do the things you previously didn’t have the time to do. Of course, this won’t instantaneously take your pain away because cheating is difficult to overcome simply by staying busy.

But it will speed up the detachment and self-esteem recovery process by giving you something new and exciting to look forward to.

Just be patient and believe in recovery—and actively work on letting go of your ex.

Take a leave from work if you’re struggling. Go to the place you’ve been dreaming of visiting and get some “me time.” Take a trip miles away and see the wonders of the world if that’s what you’ve been wanting to do.

Just keep your life going because that’s how you’ll process betrayal quicker.

It’s not the end of the world now that you’ve been cheated on. It’s only the beginning as your ex finally gave you the opportunity to find someone who will enjoy your company.

8)Spend loads of time around your friends and family and self-prioritize

Trust me. Talking to your friends and family about your ex cheating on you is going to make you feel a lot better. It’s going to take some of your pain away and help you become happy again.

So hang out with your friends, talk to your family, go shopping, watch movies and have fun.

I know that being cheated on hurts like hell, but you don’t have to suffer alone. I’m sure you have the kind of people in your life that will listen to you and try to make you feel better.

If you don’t, that’s okay too. This website’s Discord breakup community will help you with that.

9)Learn to trust again and meet new people

Don’t be afraid to open your heart to new people. As a rule of thumb, you need to trust others in order to receive trust in return.

So if you want to be trusted, never restrain yourself from meeting new people, making new friends, or simply enjoying a casual talk with random people who want to get to know you.

If you agree with me that you deserve a chance to be happy, embrace the unknown and welcome new friendships and romances.

Doing so will help you live your life the way you truly want to live it.

How being cheated on changed my life

When my ex cheated on me and ghosted me, he hurt me very badly and shattered my self-esteem. His thoughtless actions made me doubt myself to the point where I wondered if I deserved to be cheated on and if I could have been a better person to him.

Such self-torturing thoughts just wouldn’t leave me alone. No matter how hard I tried, I kept blaming myself for his cheating actions. Little did I know at the time that I had very little to do with his behavior. In fact, I had nothing to do with it at all.

By no means was I an angel in the relationship. There were times when I could have acted and reacted to stressors and arguments better. But I don’t think that I deserved to get cheated on even if I was the worst person on the planet.

Those who don’t know my story, my ex used me for nearly 3 years and faked our relationship. He went back to his ex when he eventually got an opportunity to do so.

Needless to say, the pain he unknowingly caused to me felt worse than being struck by lightning. Although I’d never been electrified, it sure felt that I experienced similar symptoms when my ex cheated on me.

My hands started to shake, my brain got numb, and my chest released sharp pain.

Immediately upon hearing the news of his betrayal, my ears started to ring and I couldn’t concentrate on tasks at hand. All I could think about were the false promises my ex said to me when we were growing strong as a couple.

It made me feel so alone, betrayed and abandoned. It was definitely the worst experience of my life.

I thought that the pain would stop once I process what had happened, but that wasn’t the case. Continous self-degrading thoughts kept appearing in my head and eventually convinced me that I wasn’t good enough.

They told me I was useless, stupid, and unattractive—and that I can’t keep a boyfriend who I wanted to keep.

As a result of such thoughts, I became less trusting of people. I started worrying that they will use me and deceive me the way my ex did. It was so difficult for me to let others get close to me again because I didn’t want the past to repeat itself.

I was too afraid to start a new relationship with someone I didn’t trust. That’s why I didn’t date anyone after the breakup for two years. Sometimes, I talked to people, but I didn’t feel comfortable enough to start a new chapter of my life with them.

I was stuck in the past just because I didn’t want to get misled again. This perpetuating anxiousness was also the reason why I became so sensitive to criticism and any sign of possible deceit.

Some people laughed at me and mocked me for what I’d gone through, so I became less trusting of people in general. I couldn’t handle more pain, so I stayed on the lookout for anything that could hurt me again.

I reckoned that the best way to go about it is to push people away. And when I did that, my social circle narrowed and I began to trust only my closest friends and family.

After some time, I accepted that my ex was gone and that he was with someone else. I knew he wouldn’t come back, so I let go of hope and went on with my life. It was the best decision I could have made because I was tired of the way I felt because of him.

I just wanted to feel like myself again.

What helped me move on after getting cheated on?

When my ex left me for his ex-girlfriend, I was completely devastated. I couldn’t eat or sleep, but I knew I had to ease my pain somehow.

I figured that the best way to go about it was to take my focus off my ex and put it onto myself.

Focusing on myself and (helping) others slowly took my pain away. It helped me regain control of my life, so I continued to do what worked for me. I went crazy with sports, martial arts, and various productive and enjoyable post-breakup activities that kept me busy.

I spent a lot of time with my friends as well. At some point, my friends even suggested that I sign up for dating sites and get my mind off my ex that way.

I don’t know how they did it but they somehow inspired me to stop loathing myself and showed me how to enjoy life again. I feel forever grateful to them for that.

I must admit that right after the breakup, I felt miserable. I felt so down that I didn’t know how to keep on living.

But as time went on, I soon realized that my ex and I just weren’t meant to be. We were too incompatible in many ways, so I decided I needed to focus on myself and find happiness on my own.

My ex cheating on me, therefore, has a silver lining to it. Although I first developed some unhealthy thinking patterns and negative anchors, I’m proud to say that I’ve already dealt with most of them.

It’s only a matter of time before I overcome the remaining few as well.

I even found someone who understands me better than my ex. So all in all, I’m grateful that the breakup occurred.

I’m slowly letting my guard down around people and reverting back to be the kind of carefree girl I used to be.

Did cheating change you as a person? Have you overcome the challenges that arise with it or are you still working on them? Leave your thoughts below.

Angelie

I’m Angelie, a writer and a designer at Magnet of Success. Whether I’m writing compelling content or designing engaging pictures, I create content that resonates with our visitors and aids them on their self-improvement journey. I enjoy writing about relationship dynamics and the difficulties couples may face.