If you begged and pleaded with your ex after the breakup and pushed your ex away, try not to worry too much about that right now. What’s done is done. Worrying about it is not going to help make things better. It’s just going to make you overthink and cause you to make even more mistakes.
It’s important to note that most dumpees do a little bit of begging and pleading during or after the breakup. They do it because the pain of rejection overwhelms them and forces them to reason with their ex. Little do they know that reasoning with the dumper does the opposite for their ex as it smothers the dumper and makes him or her want to be alone even more.
I’m not telling you this so you can blame yourself for your mistakes. I want you to know that you’re not alone as dumpees all over the world tend to make at least some breakup mistakes.
Typical post-breakup mistakes include begging and pleading, writing letters, buying an expensive ring, showing up unannounced, sending gifts, talking to the dumper’s friends and family, texting paragraphs of texts, and threatening or taking revenge.
Yes, some dumpees are in so much pain that they take revenge. They hope to see their ex react strongly with the intention to see that they can still influence their ex. For some dumpees, revenge is the only method left for making their ex respond to them.
You probably didn’t make any mistakes like that because your intentions were good, but you did some begging and pleading. You wanted your ex to think about leaving you and then return. But if you want your ex to respect you, you have to stop making these mistakes.
You have to acknowledge that your ex is detached and try to let go of control. Learning to let go of your ex is the solution to most of your problems.
In this article, we’ll discuss what begging does to the dumper and whether you ruined things with your ex.
The victim mentality
Right after the breakup, dumpees often think to themselves, “If I give my ex more love and attention, my ex will also give me more of the same. If I can prove how serious I am about the relationship, my ex will also take me seriously.”
But because dumpers are emotionally depleted and done with the relationship, they don’t feel the urge to “give more.” They feel a ton of negative emotions instead and think that their ex doesn’t understand them and respect them.
As a result, they refuse to take responsibility for their actions and develop what we call the victim mentality. This mentality makes them blame their ex for the breakup and tells them to avoid their ex like the plague. Avoiding their ex helps them have fewer uncomfortable moments with their ex and encourages them to think only about themselves.
You see, when the breakup happens, dumpers don’t want to think about their ex’s problems and concerns. They wish to prioritize themselves and live life as free spirits. If their ex makes it hard for them to do that, they tend to feel smothered and unhappy and may even do something their ex doesn’t want them to do.
Sometimes they also feel guilty because they feel bad that their ex is in so much pain while they’ve already moved on. But that doesn’t mean they come back. You’d think that guilt is something your ex needs to return, but guilt is a very bad emotion. It can make dumpers feel responsible for helping their ex when all they want is to look after themselves.
This obligation to help can make them angry and cause them to keep their ex far away from them.
So if you begged and pleaded with your ex for another chance, keep in mind that begging tends to obstruct the dumper’s freedom and happiness. It forces the dumper to think about you even though he or she is trying to get some space and distance.
Because your ex is in a position of power (feels angry, smothered, or disrespected), your denial and persistence can bring an unwanted reaction out of your ex and wound you badly.
You need to be aware of this so you stop begging immediately. You’ll likely have days when you feel like you can’t go on without your ex, but as difficult as your post-breakup life is, you mustn’t make your ex think that you rely on him or her for happiness.
Your ex must think that you’re handling the breakup well so that your ex avoids feeling guilty and admires your strength and determination.
I begged and pleaded with my ex. How badly did I mess it up?
If you begged and pleaded with your ex after the breakup, it’s not the end of the world. You need to remind yourself that although begging wasn’t the best thing to do, you were merely fighting for what you strongly believed in.
You were trying to prove your love and commitment to your ex even though you went about it the wrong way. A much better approach would have been no contact as leaving your ex to his or her devices would have made your ex feel in control of his or her life and allowed your ex to process breakup emotions.
Now that you begged, there’s no point in beating yourself up over it. You can’t change the past, but you can learn that begging doesn’t work and that the key to leaving a good impression on your ex is presenting yourself as an individual with confidence and high self-esteem.
Your ex’s respect for you is already at an all-time low, so you mustn’t decrease it to the point where your ex can walk all over you and get away with it. That won’t impress your ex. It will make your ex lose interest (more interest) and walk away without ever feeling nostalgic about the relationship.
Always remember that it was okay for you to make mistakes. You didn’t know better or lacked self-control at the time. But once you’ve made a mistake and learned that you shouldn’t have made it, you must work on yourself and do your best not to repeat it. A big part of life is to learn from missteps and improve your shortcomings.
The more things you work on, the fewer mistakes you’ll make in your relationships and after your relationships have ended. So take your errors lightly but also very seriously.
Forgive yourself for making them, but also figure out why you made them and how you can avoid making them in the future.
Begging your ex for another chance seldom works
Begging for another chance works when your ex is still committed to you. That’s when your ex will listen to most things you say and see that you care and want to make things work. But after the breakup, begging does the opposite for your ex as your ex no longer wants you to fight for the relationship.
Your ex wants you to give up because that’s exactly what your ex did. Your ex showed you the relationship has ended and that you mustn’t try to oppose your ex’s premeditated decision. Resisting it won’t make your ex feel special—just unheard.
Here’s what begging and pleading does to your ex.
Crying your eyes out and hoping your ex will pity you and want you back is not a very good ex-back strategy. That’s because reasoning with the dumpee in any way at all goes against the dumper’s wishes and triggers his or her repressed anger and/or contempt.
Your ex will respect you a lot more if you accept the breakup as quickly as possible and let your ex come to you. It won’t be easy to let go of your ex and embrace the unknown, but that’s the only way your ex will ever feel something positive for you again. Your ex might not come back because of it, but your ex will at the very least think more fondly of you.
Can begging and pleading change your ex’s perception of you?
Sadly, begging and pleading won’t change your ex’s perception of you for the better. It will worsen it because your ex will remember the last time he/she saw you/heard from you and want to avoid feeling the kind of emotions he or she felt when you begged.
Here’s how begging and pleading with the dumper changes your persona in the dumper’s eyes.
Whenever you feel the urge to turn into a beggar and beg your ex for another chance, remind yourself that begging and pleading will only push your ex away and cause a lot of long-term damage. And some of that damage will, unfortunately, be irreparable or extremely difficult to fix.
But the worst of all isn’t that your actions will change your ex’s perception of you.
The thing that you should be the most scared of is that you could unintentionally ruin your perception of yourself. If you allow yourself to plead with your ex for another chance, you could seriously damage your self-esteem and develop trust issues and mental health problems.
And that’s not what you want.
You don’t want to complicate your life because of your ex. You want to grow from this experience and trust people with your emotions.
Begging will make you want to beg more
If you’re begging your ex for love and attention and aren’t getting what you need, you’re going to want to beg even more. When you get rejected, you’ll get hurt and need your ex to come back and love you.
Continuous begging will keep you hooked on your ex and force your ex to reject you over and over again.
Here’s a picture of what a never-ending cycle of begging looks like.
Every time your ex rejects you, he or she hurts you deeper and causes more long-term suffering.
And the more you suffer, the more you’ll think that talking your ex into getting back with you is going to work. But in reality, evoking negative feelings never works.
Happiness, confidence, high self-esteem, lots of dating options, success in life, a fit body, a promising job, lots of friends, a happy family, and everything positive is what it takes to attract the right kind of individual.
That’s why crying to your ex accomplishes the opposite of what you’re trying to achieve. It gives your ex reasons not to love you and reduces the chances of your ex coming back now and in the future.
Keep in mind that your ex left because he or she was unhappy and that when you show unhappiness, you basically confirm that your ex made the right decision to leave you.
By begging and crying, you don’t show that you care. You show your ex that you lack what it takes to be happy with what you have and on your own. And your ex knows that a person who can’t be happy on his or her own won’t make him or her happy either.
That person will over-rely on him or her for happiness and success in life.
So if your ex is happy and you’re miserable, it’s highly unlikely that your ex will want to be with you. The happiness scale has to flip upside down (your ex must become unhappy) for your ex to consider you a viable dating option.
That’s because your ex needs to develop the desire to get something from you.
Begging will ruin your health
If you’re begging your ex to come back, you need to stop. You must realize that begging and pleading is not going to work and that you’ll ruin your health and well-being in the process.
Begging and pleading likely won’t kill you, but it will greatly affect your self-esteem and trust in people. So before you let it get that far, seek professional help if you need to and solve your internal conflicts.
You must understand that people beg exes because they’re hurt, not because their exes are the best human beings. If you understand that, you’ll focus on yourself rather than your ex and process the breakup quicker.
So keep in mind that begging your ex to be with you will have bad consequences on your body and mind.
Here’s an infographic explaining the effects of prolonged begging and pleading.
You’ll probably find it extremely challenging to stop begging and pull away from your ex at first, but try to gather your strength and do it anyway. You can start by following the infamous 30-day no contact rule and focus on yourself rather than your ex.
Focus on your recovery because that will help you detox and detach from your ex. No matter how hard no contact is. you need to convince yourself that reaching out first is meaningless and that it’s your ex’s turn to show interest and affection.
It can’t be the other way around anymore as it’s time to get your lost power back.
I begged with my ex back. Is it too late?
I can’t say whether you pushed your ex to the point of no return, but I can tell you that excessive begging and pleading tends not to end well.
That’s because exes have only so much patience before they get tired, irritated, and give up.
Your ex is currently in a very tired state. He or she can’t handle any obstructions and delays. Every time you exude desperation, you look more unattractive and make your ex want to run for the hills.
As a dumpee, your goal is to take care of your persona (the way your ex sees you). You have to keep it the way it was when you got dumped. Staying composed could help you achieve that goal as it could tell your ex you respect yourself and that you won’t beg anyone for attention.
Not even an ex who blindsided you.
A little bit of begging shouldn’t completely ruin your chances, but if you begged a lot, it may have annoyed your ex too much to respect you, become nostalgic, and crave the things you have to offer. For now, try not to worry about that. You need to focus on self-reflection and improving yourself.
Can I get my ex back after begging for months?
If you begged with your ex for months and showed no respect for yourself and your ex, things don’t look very good right now. Your ex would have to be an extremely understanding and emotionally mature person not to get offended by your actions.
He or she would have to understand breakups and respect you no matter what you say and do.
But most dumpers, unfortunately, aren’t like that. They get tired and annoyed very quickly—and tend to block their dumpee and move on to someone else.
The only thing that could bring your ex back after begging for months is your ex getting involved with a highly incompatible person and realizing that you were much better in comparison. That could trigger your ex’s anxiety and make him or her come running.
I strongly encourage you not to keep waiting for your ex that long. Try to detach rather than stay attached so you can get your happiness back regardless of whether your ex comes back or not.
Here’s a video with some tips you can follow whether you begged, blocked your ex, or made other post-breakup mistakes.
Did you beg and plead with your ex? How long did you beg for? Leave your comment below and ask us any questions you’d like.
And if you wish to discuss your begging on call or by email, sign up for a session here.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
My Girlfriend dumped me a few days ago. Ill tell you for free the pain was real. The first 3 months were a dream and all of a sudden she began suffering from depression and struggled showing emotion, affection, sex was off the table and she acted like she didn’t care about me despite saying she did.
Things began going downhill as I wasn’t getting what I needed from the relationship and thinking back she was so negative and it took its toll on me. She kept saying to me she won’t feel like this forever and things will be better soon. Twas not the case and this continued for a further 3 months. She then dumped me over text and I asked to meet to atleast say goodbye and collect my things as she was just going to throw my things away and never talk to me again. I was good to her and always managed to cheer her up for a short duration.
When we met up for the last time she simply told me that she didn’t want to put me down anymore, I told her I’d support her through this as I was happy to do so despite the toll on myself. What hurts the most is she didn’t even tell me how she was feeling or what she was missing from the relationship and kept trying to change the conversation. I asked her if she would consider talking about it and make positive changes as this was our first argument. She didn’t get angry or upset and showed no emotion and told me she feels nothing anymore. I pleaded with her that we can both take steps to solve this and she again changed the conversation. I said could I have one last hug before we said goodbye and she refused. We said goodbye and that was it.
Its worth noting I never stook a foot out of line, I never cheated on her tried to control her. She didn’t even give me a reason. Now I suppose feel like I was fighting for her and supporting her through her rough times but she would not offer the same.
My ex-boyfriend dumped me a few months ago, he was my first boyfriend, the first person I slept with, and my first kiss. We had a good relationship, no issues, he even went to introduce his self to my family. After having sex with me he dumped me 2 months saying he’s not happy. I asked him if his unhappiness has anything to do with me, he said no that I make him happy. After that, he keeps saying that the closer he got me to me the further he wants to get away, he doesn’t love me, he cant give up on his ex, he doesn’t respect me etc. I begged him just to talk to me explained everything to me, I never begged anyone for anything but I was ready to go on my knees for an explanation. He blocked me on everything. Few weeks after our break up I suffer from a miscarriage, I didn’t know I was pregnant. It’s been 6 months since that happened. It just hurts to know that someone was with you just for sex.
I’m dying over her, yet she willn’t have batted an eye over our breakup. It’s all good because I’m beginning to realize that even though it was my first relationship and I fell madly in love, she was in it just for the relationship benefits, nothing more. Self-validation, lack of self-respect. After I stopped giving so much without getting the same amount back, things changed. In the end, she managed to find someone 4 days after our breakup and sleep with him. Good for her. Good fkn luck to you.
Unfortunately its really hard but just move on my man. Women unfortunately can move on easier then guys. It look like she really took advantage of your good nature and didn’t respect your value. Go full no contact would be my suggestion. I did the opposite and it didn’t work. It’s very difficult for her to come back to you if you hang around. No contact and if she reaches out make her aware that she has to earn your trust back ALOT or else she’ll walk all over you. Stand up for yourself and move on.
Hey,Zain thank you s o much for this article it’s made me cry because ei felt so bad for my self.I made this mistake to beg and cry after my ex narcissist boyfriend for few months I would call from different nr sometimes I would send messages because I found out he ask another girl to go out with him just after 2 wells after we broke up it’s made me so mad and anxious Because my family his family was involved we had plans for mariage even we are different culture I still convert my religion to Islam I left all my life behind just to can be with him and still every time he would just found any fight to blame and leave me .I feel now so disappointed like I never mean anything and he just throw be like a trash this is how I feel and more worst i was still staying to save this relation knowing that he just doesn’t care anymore he could just be honest with me but the way he treated me was so shame and blame for absolutely everything .Offff I can not describe my pain I am trying to recover but the pain I feel I never ha din my life .Now is too my self from being this stupid to try to fight for something that never existed and I am praying to can recover .Thank you one more time 🙏
Me and my ex has been couple for 6 month, for the whole 6 month she always be mad at me because of shes feel lonely, and with the current situation right now, i cant really go to her, btw shes from different country, and to fill her loneliness, i always spend time with her 24 hrs for the entire 6 month, and sometimes when shes going somewhere im willing to wait for her to come back, but through the entire 6 month she keep mad at me because of her feeling lonely, and after that she keep ignoring me and keep unfriended me on facebook, blocking me on discord, insta, but i didnt do anything wrong, the worst case is whenever she mad, she always like to talk to other guys to comfort her, but at that time i was trying to cool her down, but she just instantly unfriended me on facebook and not let me talk or trying to cool her down or something,and later a few days she already feel better and come back to me, but when we were on relationship, sometimes she go out eat with a guy, and that makes me feels so pain, and im not gonna say anything to much, because i dont wanna control her too much, and she also said that they just eating, which is true i think, but in my heart and my feeling is so much in pain, the worst is the guy gave her a present, but i love her so much, so i dont really mad at her, i keep my mind positive and not gonna think to much, but last week, she was asking me playing games and i said yes, and i was abit late to open the game, and she started the game with the friends, and they lose the game, and after that she mad at me because of i was abit late to the game, and she mad at me after that for the whole 5-6days, through the whole 5-6 days, i try to text her, im saying im really sorry for what i did, and she keep ignore me, untill she unfriended me on facebook and and yesterday she tell me that she already talk with some guys(which is the way she finding a new bf), and that time i was to panicked and keep begging her, and i keep saying sorry and regret for what i did on discord, and she just keep ignoring me, what can i do now?, i try to calm myself but it too hard, but i try to not too texting her for now because i know it gonna be even worse, but is it possible if she can come back to me, because we already promise after we have the job, i will go to her parent and introduce myself, and she tell her parent that we are couple, and we already plan alot to be together, where we first must have a job, and after the virus is getting better. i love her so much, and sorry for my english
I even help her with assignment, and support her until shes manage to graduate and got a good result, i even help her with her financial, and i never hates her whenever shes broke my heart when shes mad at me or not mad at me, i keep forgive her when she do something wrong, and i said, it not her fault, it my fault did lead her go the right way
My ex and I dated for 4 years. I won’t lie, we did have a lot of arguments and the relationship was somewhat toxic. At first, when we started dating, we were both rebounds. However the connection between us was amazing and ended up becoming best friends with time. In the beginning of the relationship, she did a lot of stupid things that made me want to break up, she would talk to her ex or go on websites like omegle to talk. She never officially “cheated” when together, but she sometimes would go through her small phases for “breaking up” for a few days and going on omegle to flirt with guys. When together, we would feel so comfortable, like we had been dating forever. However my ex has an issue with being dependent. When together, she ALWAYS wanted to see me, and I felt like this was suffocating me. I tried to keep some distance between us and only see each other about 3 days per week (towards the end of the relationship). I now regret it.
Last year. We broke up for 3 months during the summer. My ex was under the impression the relationship was completely over and wanted nothing to do with me. She went on tinder and slept with a few guys, saying that it is her way of coping with the break up. I loved her so much, that when she needed me and texted me, I was always there for her. Eventually, something happened where she was in trouble and I was there for her. We ended up getting back together, she cried and pleaded saying sorry about the fact she had hurt me so much. A few months went by, everything seemed ok but my ex has always been sad. Not directly because of me, because unless i don’t do what she wants, she is always happy and laughing with me. For example, she hates when i play video games, or do things that dont involve her. Now this is something ive learnt to accept. However after some arguements in January 2020, we ended up breaking up and she slept with a guy a few days after.
I had already paid a vacation to Mexico, and we were supposed to go in March. After talking to her a little bit, she said she still wanted to go with me. We ended up spending a lot of time together and making it work.
Fast forward June 27th 2020, we got into some stupid argument at 10PM. She wanted to CAM with me, and I told her I would be back in 30 minutes because my cousin wanted to play a game on the computer. She felt annoyed about it, and decided to go on omegle to talk to people. I got very upset when I found out and decided to ignore her all night, not picking her calls.
The next morning, she didnt talk to me at all. I ended up messaging her in the afternoon and we got into an arguement. She ended up saying she wants this to be over. Now, please understand, I have not been a terrible boyfriend. She has always said I was the sweetest guy in her life and that she doesnt see herself without me. Lately, because of the break up from last year and her sleeping around, i havent really been always nice to her. The problem with me, is that I am so stubborn and didnt have the fear of losing her anymore. I felt like she was wrapped around my finger and i decided to take her for granted. Yes i do spoil her and give her attention, but knowing her, i should have given her more attention because i really do love her and wanted to keep her in my life. Its now been over a week we are broken up.
I do realize this is a toxic relationship, but it is not something that cannot be fixed. She admitted needing some help and having to see a therapist because of her sadness and attention problem, we just never took the time to go see one. I have tried everything, I have begged and pleaded for her to come back, she explained to me that she cant because we arent meant to be together. I was so stupid to beg and pushed her away. The break up was June 27th. 2 day later, she slept with another guy on tinder because she was convinced we were over. Monday, I showed her how sad and upset i was. She ended up coming in the car with me and we spended all monday / tuesday together. I felt very sad the fact that she had already slept with someone, but i forgave her because I know how troubled she is. Monday night, we slept together. But to her, it feels like it didnt mean much at this point, she is still convinced we should not be together.
A few days later, I attempted to go to her house and stop her from going to see a guy, she got very upset. She screamed and asked me to leave. So I did.
3 days ago, I brought her stuff back that she had left at my house. I put everything in a box. We sat, talked for about 2 hours. She looked sad and had some tears in her eyes because she told me, all she ever wanted was to be able to have nice talks like this. She told me she regretted screaming at me that night and asked if she could hug me because she wish she had done it.
We left on good terms. However, I tried to go out with other girls from tinder and i just cant. I feel so depressed being with those other girls and dont see myself without my Ex. I keep comparing everyone to her and I miss her so much.
After getting high (smoking weed). I ended up spamming my ex and begging again. She blocked me for good. I tried to go to her house, bring her flowers, she wouldnt take them. Eventually, she took them and asked me to leave. She then closed the door in my face. Since then, we have not spoken, which was yesterday.
I sent her a message this morning, saying that im assuming she has found someone and moved on, and that i wish her best of luck in her new relationship. She didnt reply.
Please, before commenting that this is a toxic relationship. Understand that this girl is my life. Yes, we have problems and arguments like everyone else. I have made peace with the fact that she needs more attention than other girls. She told me we couldnt get back together because she doesnt believe I can change and remove the sadness she has deep down.
I am convinced that I can prove to her that I have changed, and regret the break up. Currently, it seems like she wants nothing to do with me, which is an exact deja vue from last year…
Is there any hope? Is there any chance that she misses me?
If I had the chance to make it right, I would never argue over stupid things again. id do anything for her to be happy.
She is now convinced that she never loved me and only ever took me back out of pity, which i dont believe.
Will no contact work at all this time? What can I do for her to talk to me, or give me a chance?
Im so lost right now. Ive been depressed in the last week. I did start going to the gym again but this wont be enough to attract her.
I need advice. Thank you.
Also, please keep in mind. She doesnt really have friends and was bullied in her young age. She is 23 now and very beautiful. She is very lonely. This is why she goes on tinder and talks to guys, to have this sense of power. I never hated her because I understood that she needs attention, if im not there, who will?
She only has one friend which they dont really talk often. Her parents are divorced.
Even if i try to be upset. The moment we are together i forget everything.. i just miss her and love her. Some would say to just move on, but this is not an option for me. I love her truly and don’t see myself with anyone else.
Just thought id put this out there. Thank you for any advice.
The unfortunate truth is… you do have to move on. 1) This is no longer a healthy relationship 2) She’s telling you that she no longer wants you 3) You’re the only one who still cares. This is coming from a woman who experienced something similar, except it was with a guy I only dated for 6 weeks and I felt as though it was my fault why his perception of me changed, so I unfortunately begged for like a month to the point where he no longer wants anything to do with me. How I’ve been getting through this is to understand that, everything happens for a reason. If it was meant to be, she would’ve been willing to give you guys a try again, but she didn’t want to. This feeling hurts, believe me, I know your pain and it is so hard to accept. But she has her own demons she’s fighting and you cannot help her with that. Let her be someone else’s problem and focus on yourself. You are still young, the right girl is out there for you and you will meet her when the time is right. She just wasn’t the one, and that’s ok, all this is apart of life. 5 years from now, I can assure you that this will not matter. Things will be different and who knows… you’ll be dealing with someone new and you’ll be thanking God that things didn’t work out with this girl. I know it seems like things aren’t going to get better but trust me, they will. Just have faith, trust the process, stop stalking her, and focus on yourself 💕 I hope that helped
Something similar happened to me. My ex and I broke up 15 months ago. Within a month of the breakup she asked me to hangout. That night she told me she loved me and wanted to get back together. Since then it was a cycle of us almost getting back together, then her abruptly and meanly ending things again, no contact and her reaching out saying she loves and misses me. It happened 4 times inside of the 15 months. She would also sleep with a lot of people in the no contact periods.
No contact worked very well for me in all these situations. I never begged but I would ask her to be my girlfriend whenever she said she was considering it. This would always push her away. Go no contact forever never reach out not even for a birthday. Because you’ve begged and pleaded so much she probably thinks you’ll never get over her and that makes her respect you less. No contact will gain some of that back.
My no contact periods lasted between a week to 6 weeks longest if I never reached out. She even got mad at me at times because I didn’t reach out and she cried asking “why I didn’t fight for her”. To be honest you need to be whole before you can see your ex again. Otherwise you’ll act like a clown. Take 6 months NC and work on yourself. If she doesn’t reach out first hit her up with a casual message asking to catch up, no drama in it. I’m sure she’ll at least miss you enough for a cup of coffee and you can show her how you’ve become independent and do not need her, which will make her want you more.
Hope this makes you feel better I know it sucks but the way you’ve been going about things will only hurt you. No contact.
Awww you sound like me such a big beautiful heart. She don’t deserve you, let her go. She actually might try to come back into your life with time but DONT. If you love her you’ll let her go so she can grow and realized what she lost forever so she won’t do the same or stay the same. You’ll find better I promise and you’ll get to play videos games and do all the things you should be able to do.
I begged for one and a half month. I went to NC for around 2 months and then I reached out to her again. I begged for a week now and now I will go into indefinite no contact. Could you please let me know if I have ruined my chances of getting her back? Thanks.
I am in the same situation. What is hsppening now?
My ex broke up with me about a month ago. At first I was okay with it because I wasn’t happy either. He wanted to stay friends but it didn’t work out because I would want him back. Recently we saw each other on a hike and I asked if he missed me so he said take care and I followed him but then we ended up saying goodbye and surely after that I didn’t look for him or anything. A few days ago he texted me telling me “good morning, I hope you’re doing well out there , take care out there “. So I replied the same way than two days later I called him with the intention of making it short. I didn’t think he would answer but he did. We talked for a few minutes & I started talking about us & if we could get back. He immediately rejected me and so I went on to txt him tell him a bunch of things so he could get back with me. Shortly after all that he blocked me , he had never blocked me before and it sucks so much. I really didn’t mean for it to even this way but he shouldn’t of texted me. I was doing just fine & there he goes giving me mixed emotions. I try to email him so I could apologize now I think we don’t stand a chance at all. I’m left with so much hurt
He didn’t give you mixed signals. You should read more articles on this page or even listen to some coaches on youtube. I’ve listened to coach Craig Kenneth for a few weeks now and I knew immediately what your ex’s responses would be as I was reading your tale. Well, except the part where he answered your call, I’ve expected him to reject you right there by not answering.
You see, he was just starting to experience a bit of separation anxiety (which increases your value a LOT) and wanted to see if you still cared about him. Now if you show him you do, his separation anxiety immediately disappears, because he can have you back any time he wants. And so your value also drops to zero.
One of the coaches tried to explain it’s like electric equipment. You have your phone, your computer, microwave, whatever and you don’t value them much. But if you get stranded on a deserted island, you suddenly realize how much they mean to you. You might even kill for a chance to use a phone on that island. Your ex just started to realize that your battery might be drained soon with no means to recharge, but you showed you are still at 100% and even threw the charger at him.
When he contacts you, you can’t show any more interest than he gives you. Nor can you initiate the next contacts until he clearly states he wants something from you. Nor can you show him that you want something from him. You definitely can’t initiate a talk about the breakup. He has to bring that up. He must work for you. If he gets the tiniest hint that you’re still into him, your value immediately drops. The only reason he contacted you is he was scared you might be worth more than him and you’ve moved on. You must still be polite, but act as if he was just some distant associate (not even considered a friend) you occasionally talk with.
If he wants you back, he will show his cards and tell you he wants you back. That’s when you strike. You set up strict ground rules he must accept before you even consider taking him back. Things he did wrong in the relationship and must change. You must be confident and strong. He might not take it, but then it’s for the better. Your relationship would be doomed to repeat the same mistakes anyways. He must be willing to put more into it than last time. But if he takes it, you are in charge and he will value you more than ever. If you make it easy for him, he will drop you a few weeks or months after getting you. He could drop you last time without much trouble after all, why couldn’t he do it again?
In the meantime you have to work on yourself. Keep reading the articles, listening to coaches. You must be prepared for all the tricks, or you will fail. Even if he doesn’t contact you ever again, you can use this knowledge in your next relationships and make them better than this one ever was.
Good luck if you get another chance. Be strong!
I broke up two weeks ago with my ex and it came out of now we’re said I’m amazing person the best but doesn’t love me anymore and that she does not feel the same about the relaiship doesn’t want it that it was toxic then said something else then something else like she couldn’t decide why to break up but I took the love potion and that she does not love me and yea it hurt I begged and pleaded she was saying we can stay friends but that’s it so at first I did then it started to get to me and three days ago I started no contact rule will this give me a chance still as I think she is just scared and confused about things I have not made any contact for three days and it’s hard also I have been improving my self over the two weeks and I work with her so I’m gonna find this hard any advice
5 months relationship / 2 months of Contact / 6 days of NC (6th attempt)
Had a relationship where there were ups and downs. She told me I was her best boyfriend ever. It was my first real relationship and her 3rd. Everyone felt we fought too much for this early into a relationship. It would be about miscommunication and I would blow off plans with her to do something else. I did that constantly and I was so negligent. All she wanted to do was spend time with me but I took her for granted. Constantly would think that maybe I should be alone so I can pursue my career choices. And I was just so unsure of myself and didn’t know what I wanted. We had spoken about breaking it off multiple times but instead talked it out. Ex broke up with me because I asked for space for a few days because we had an argument over text and she was trying to make me feel better over a parking ticket I got, but I took what she said the wrong way. We were both misreading each others texts. She asked to have a phone call but I said lets talk in a day or so. She thought it over for 3 days and broke up with me, citing we both are in different stages in our lives and we both need to work on ourselves. I gave her roses and a stuffed animal. It was super hard for both of us, we both cried a lot. We made love one last time and I played and sang her Hallelujah on my guitar.
The following week I spoke to her and felt good about her being surrounded by her loved ones and also begged over a phone call to take me back. I told her I could be different but she said once she’s made a decision she wants to see it through.
She went home across the country to spend holidays with family. Over the course of this I contacted her a week later and we had a good conversation where I flirted with her over text. But then proceeded with the following days to contact her more and bug her over phone calls and text. She was pretty cold and distant. I mistakenly thought if I described how good I was doing it would help. But all it said was that I’m trying to brag and prove to her I’m good. She said later she hated that. I gave her a phone call for 2-3 hrs one night where I was begging her and saying to let me show you how I’ve changed. Lets just hangout and I can show you or I’ll leave forever. And she agreed.
We were going to meet to exchange gifts after she got back from home. It was preplanned. I called her 3 days before she left home and my intention was to ask her when she wanted to meet and we caught up over the phone. I had decided that I wanted to move closer to the beach for my dog, surf and because I enjoyed that part of town. I also decided to find a job down there. I then decided it’d be good to get involved at her church so I can start working on the production and music aspects to help better my career, whilst becoming a better person. In the meantime I had to come back to the same workplace we met each other at because money was tight. She understood but realized it was really bad timing as it looked like I was following her to her side of town, going to church and coming back to work to be near her. 10 minutes after the phone call, she was upset as I had confused her and bugged her while at home. She asked me not to contact her until she contacted me.
She contacted me a week later to meetup. We agreed on saturday but had both gone to the same friends show on friday. She was with friends and so was i but it was very awkward and she said hi to me and i said it back. I then left saying goodbye to everyone. Later i heard that she had said she was frustrated that i wasnt getting over her and that she wishes i would use my newfound knowledge for the next girl.
The next day we met up at a sushi place. It was uncomfortable, as i was the one who really only ate anything and she was sick. We talked about everything, i apologized for how i acted post breakup. She said there was nothing to forgive. We had laughs here and there when i had described everything. I told her i was confident in being there for her but she stated the same as that she wants to see her decisions through. I told her i wasnt going to come back to our work, i was going to a different church but id still be moving near the beach for myself. I asked if she was okay with me going to this church event at her church and she said she was okay with it as she wouldn’t be there. She stated we shouldn’t talk for a couple months. And i asked if we could leave it open ended and she said yes bc she doesnt know what the future holds. We parted ways after hugging and kissing her forehead. I sent her a song that night that i made for her.
11 days later i hung with my friend who was one of her best friends. He loved us both and is older than us by 10 years. He stated i should block her on social media and her friends. So i did and then told her it was healthy for me and told her i was going to email her all the photos and videos i had of us bc i kept looking at them, and if she wanted them or id delete them.
The next day i unblocked everyone and talked to another one of her best friends who was also my friend and said sorry for blocking im not sure about doing it and that i was doing good but then all it looked like was me trying to pass information from her to my ex. I told plz dont tell her as i dont want to affect her right now. My ex reached out to me a couple hours later saying that she was going to block me on insta so bc she doesnt want it to be back and forth. I said yea im sorry i didnt want to be drastic but so that we dont have to look at each others stuff. She thought itd be best for me. My friends found that she was posting sad stuff about me.
10 days later i contacted her best friend from back home who we hung out with her and her bf. It started on instagram and we were going to have a phone call. But i annoyed her while she was working by blowin up her phone with 5 insta texts as she would read and not respond. My anxiety kept getting the better of me. I apologized and she called me the next day. I told her this conversation was to squash any hopes of me getting back together as the open ended thing me and my ex spoke about was messing with my head. I asked if she ever saw us getting back together and she said no. The phone call ended short and she said shed contact later to finish it. I said yea lmk over text. And she then responded that she didnt have anymore to tell me and that my ex thinks im a good guy with a kind heart but that it was over. She was frustrated and i said yea no problem thats all i needed to know.
Another week later, i had asked a close friend of ours that if my ex was mad at me. And she said of course shes mad at me bc getting a job where she frequents (this job landed in my lap and i didnt know she went there), moving to her side of town, going to her church, talking about her to her best friend and people at church. Which i did but it was blown out of proportion, spoke to a guy about how my ex is dedicated to her field, and he said he knows her and i just asked if they were close bc i was concerned if maybe i said too much and he said no. It was a call and response conversation, i was like yea man wish i couldve done this event with her but oh well now i need to look for the next girl. And that turned into a rumor with me asking where she was and how often she comes here. And all the pieces lined up where it made it sound like i was stalking and following her. My friend over the phone said i was turning into a crazy ex. I called another one of our friends. To explain myself and he and everyone else thought the same thing. Everyone was annoyed at how much i was talking about it and not listening to anyones advice on to stay away from her and focus on myself. I explained myself and he understood but then still really didnt believe me. I blocked everyone from our mutual friend group and unblocked them. I contacted a few of them stating im sorry this breakup has made me lose myself.
I contacted her in a panic stating how sorry i am bc i didnt mean to freak you out so much and i was justifying it bc i was doing stuff in response to her criticisms of me and that im moving out of the city and she wont hear from me again. And then kinda attacked her verbally saying that i wish shed own up to her own actions and not put this stuff on the next guy like she did me, to save heartache bc to think this is all about her is bullshit.
She responded sayin shes sorry im hurting and that for me to stop contacting people in her life about her as its unfair and shes been patient and been hoping ive been working on myself. As she was my first girlfriend not my last. And its going to be okay.
I said im so sorry for being the worst person ever. Then blew up her phone with 6 more text messages and 2 phone calls. I was trying to explain myself so i could clear my name as a creep bc it wasnt the truth. And to ask if it was still okay to attend these church outlets as they are for me. It frustrated the hell out of her as it was me freaking out and she was busy. She said the best way to explain myself is to leave her alone and to accept what has happened and grow from it. And that i cant change anything. And this really has to stop now. And i responded, sorry our friends text about me being creepy sent me into a panic this morning. She said it was all okay.
I severed ties with my friends bc i intruded on their lives and it her. My friends said they’d come back once im happy again.
I’m now in my 17th day, and i will never get a chance with her again. I fucked up royally but I learned so much about myself and how not to behave next time. I just wish that she wasn’t like a test experiment for me in future relationships. I love her so fucking much but all I showed to her was that I’m unstable. Which I know that I’m not, it was just my emotions running wild because I’ve never been through this before. I can’t tell her the truth because she’ll just see it as me helping me. It wouldn’t be helping her and would just be selfish on my part. So I have to not care what she thinks and move on, as sad and upsetting as that is.
Hi. I begged him for a few days. All my friends told me not to talk to him. I never said any bad things or hurtful things to him during the break up. It been 3 weeks after the break up and a week with no contact ( i left something in his place which i badly needed, my friend was the one who took it because i am not ready to see him) On the first week, he would always ask me if i am ok till i decided to ignore his message and not contact him. Do you think we still have a chance?
I begged for maybe a month and the past month isn’t begging as much as it is trying to reconnect. She refuses to give me my stuff back, take back the house keys, date anyone else, take my photos down….yes Im the dumpee. When I go into no contact she reaches out, when I reply she goes cold?
Hi Chris.
Stay in no contact. This is your time to heal and recover.
What your ex says, does, and doesn’t do is no longer your concern.
You have yourself to prioritize now.
Kind regards,
Zan
HI there,
I’d been with my now ex for 2.5 years. The first week post break up we spoke twice on the phone and I messaged a few times. I tried to go around to her house but she was not home – but her neighbour told her I had been. She then went on holiday for a week. When she returned we were pre break up due to attend show. I bought myself a ticket and went. I knew she was there. AFterwards I tried to speak to her outside the show (she went alone) and it ended in disaster. Bit by bit during this time she had been blocking me on various social media. She finally blocked me on whatsapp around this point. Around 3 weeks of NC later I was passing by her workplace and noticed she was in (saw her car outside) so texted to say I would call in and exchange some stuff. Her workplace is quiet in the evenings and there was only her there in the shop she works in. We had what I thought was the most civil conversation post break up – all others had seen her being as cold and blunt as possible. Maybe this time was because she was at work and felt she had to be civil. Anyway, she mentioned there I hadn’t given her money for another show we were due to attend. I offered to pay there and then. When I got home I texted to say I’d still like to go. She claimed I’d never wanted to go and she had arranged to go with somebody else even before we broke up. the other thing she said during this conversation was that she would be willing to speak to me on the phone when I asked her. So I waited a week and texted asking if she was free to call. She replied immediatley saying stop. leave me alone. We texted back and forth a little. the next day I emailed saying everything I wanted to say to her. She replied back blaming me for a lot of things in the relationship – even things that didn’t involve the two of us. Throughout she’s shown an anger I had not previously seen. Clearly she is upset with me. the final part of her email ended “I am glad you are sorthing things out. Have an amazing life. I can’t be a part of it. Not any of it.”
I have been devastated and a warning to anyone reading this. Even as we broke up and she was as cold as possible she said that she would speak to me at some point. I didn’t give her any space and pushed things along on my own timeline. I wish more than anything I could take that back now. She thinks so little of me and I fear she has gone forever.
It’s now been 11 weeks since we broke up and 3.5 weeks of no contact. I want her back and have read every guide and article on the internet about it during this time. This site is one of the best but the truth is the hardest to hear. I guess I will have to just get on with my life and see if she ever comes back at some point in the future. I have complicated issues to resolve involving an ex wife which I think heavily contributed to our problems and was the root of our downfall – so once they are resolved in a few months I am planning on writing a letter to my ex girlfriend explaining things are finally sorted.
Any other suggestions on what i could do would be much appreciated. I’ve read so much that the end of a relationship is often like grieving a death – it’s certainly felt like that for me. I’ve been a mess.
Wow same name same story scary, I read your message and seen the name and was saying to myself I don’t remember writing this. Any updates started no contact after 2 months of contact need so inspiration cheers
What would you consider excessive begging? I didn’t necessarily beg but I pleaded once or twice right after the breakup then I went no contact for 38 days, only to break on thanksgiving (listening to dumb break up websites and their 30 days no contact rule). On that day he apologized for being rude to me the last time we talked which was when I was trying to get some sort of closure and was pleading, so I guess seeing me do that made him sad. But yes he was rude to me when he broke up with me. After thanksgiving I contacted him about 3 different times within 6 days (one casual text convo, one mini convo about if he kept a promise, and then two conversations where I asked him if he either had feelings for me or not). The first convo I had with him about whether he had feelings or if he could just tell me he doesn’t Care so I could move on went ok. He said he loves me but he doesn’t know yet (which I thought was bs which leads me to my next moment of weakness). Then I called him two days later because my anxiety got to me (I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression for a year so this whole breakup makes everything intensified) and asked him the same question again except this tome I went into more depth by telling him all of our issues were solvable and I was willing to try if he was and how this situation has saddened me blah blah blah. And of course he hit me with the “I love you, but no it’s not going to happen. I’m sorry” while he was crying, which made me cry and ask him why to which he said we were toxic (at one point yes because of my anxiety but I had it under control for months and then he started ignoring me for no reason for 2 months before we broke up because of a stupid app). But nevertheless every problem was petty and really was solvable, but idk why I thought someone so immature and who would give up on me over an argument (the day we broke up I was sad so I called him for comfort he said he was busy and would call me later, I feel asleep he never called me and was on ig live instead talking to his friends which made me upset and you know what happened afterwards) could change in 38 days. Even if he was nice to me after Thanksgiving it doesn’t me he wanted me back. Then I proceeded to cry and look dumb and he got tired and we said bye. Then an hour later I saw him on ig live got mad and called him saying mean things because I felt like he had lied to me about sleeping instead of just being upfront and telling me he doesn’t care. He was being hot and cold have the time giving me hope and then taking it away and I’m honestly done with the confusion. Then after yelling and him just not having it I calmed down, apologized for my behavior and read him a last message that I wanted him to hear. After I read the message, he was trying to tell me thanks and it’s ok and he was trying to rush me off FaceTime to which I turned on the light so I could see him (he was in the dark) and he was crying again (but he was trying to hide his tears). At one point I asked if I hadn’t called on thanksgiving would he have reached out to apologize and he said he was actually thinking about. So it just makes me more mad that I felt the need to talk to him first. It would’ve felt so much better if I let this boy initiate contact. So I guess that makes me think after I go no contact again, it might be 50/50 that he will contact at some point. But I’m not sure since I just made a fool out of myself for two days. But then again I haven’t been begging him for months and I think he should realize that my reaction is a normal reaction to being rejected but whatever if he can’t see that, his loss. Anyways how bad have I messed up any chances for reconciliation or him just reaching out? I don’t want to care about getting back with him, but I can’t help it right now because I care about him so much. Also I pushed back my progress as the article stated by breaking no contact because although it doesn’t hurt as much as when he first told me he didn’t want me anymore, I feel as though I am thinking about him more now then I was before thanksgiving.
Background:
long distance for 2+ years, I’m 2 years older than him, he’s just started taking college classes I’m graduating in May, I went out to see him in person last year (he was supposed to see me in December but we broke up October), he’s an introvert I’m an extrovert, I handle my conflicts upfront and he ignores them, he’s not the flirty type( it took him 7 months to ask me to be his gf so I’m not worried about another girl right now he just values his own personal time and doesn’t want anyone around him or worrying about other people’s emotions, not even his parents), I think he’s going through an “I want to be alone, no one talk to me phase” (when he broke up with me he told me he thinks everyone disrespects him, even me when I don’t think I did) and I think he has depression (which he won’t admit but I have it and I can tell because he always keeps stuff to himself, and the way he was crying you can tell this situation is causing him guilt as well, but he’s the last one to tell people he has an issue. He will keep it inside), I try to fix people to much, and this is both our first relationship (lost v cards to each other). Also if I am getting this sad and angry over a guy In the first place I am kind of glad I get some time away from him because no one should bring out that ugly side.
Please advise on what I should do and what the best option is. Is this considered excessive if it didn’t happen for months? Also is indefinite no contact better? Have I messed up too much, can I just start over so I can feel better about myself not being weak and he can forget the negatives about the break up?
A side note:
Never listening to Kevin Thompson, love advice tv, or brad browning again lmao. 30 days is shit and I felt so stupid trying to be nice to him at first when he literally gave up on me, he should be doing the work if he’s the one who gave up and hurt my character. I love how you keep it real.
Also, I asked him if he has no problem with not talking to me ever again to which he said yes in a rushing voice and he doesn’t Care who I’m with as long as I am happy, but given he used to tell me stuff like “I’m going to marry you” “I’ll never leave you”, his words really mean nothing And I’m not going to take them to heart. He said that last time as well, but still answered my call sooo. Lol but extreme words like this still hurt me, but I’m tryna tell myself he was trying to get me away as far as possible because he doesn’t want me right now, so I get it. This is what I read to him that made him cry and hide on the phone
“Please keep your promise by getting better if you really care about seeing me happy. I encourage you to take this time to seek some form of help or relief. You are not a burden to this world, you are not an asshole and you should never feel alone. Make a new friend or two and don’t cut them off when things get hard or conflict arises. Even if you want to be single the rest of your life at least cater to the ones that are there rn like your family who loves and adores you. You are a special light in this world and I will always believe that. I don’t agree with your decision because I know you would’ve been so much happier if you chose different. But that is your choice, and you will see later. But for now I will leave you be. You are your own man, I can’t control you. I know you love me and I love you too, but I will be letting go and moving on so I can regain the happiness that I once had with u within myself. I hope you do the same.When we’re older we are gonna sit back and laugh at these things, but for now it hurts and that’s ok. I don’t know if my future has you in it or not, but time will tell and I will not wait around for it. What ever gift God presents me, I will take. God bless you and your family. Wish your mom a happy birthday for me and enjoy the new year and new decade. Even though this is not how I would’ve wanted things to work out, I appreciate the good memories
Your first love,
Shantée”
So we ended the conversation without yelling or being nasty, so I kind of made up for my yelling the 30 mins before. His way of coping when he is sad is playing video games or going on ig live, which is what he did right after, so I don’t feel like I really got closure by talking to him because he still seemed so confused about what he wants, but if he really wanted me he would’ve done something about it. I think he might still love me, but not enough to stay so that’s his loss because I did so much for him and I always put in so much effort. So sad.
After reading you’re depression article, I believe this one of the main reasons he broke up with me. He has been distant to me and his family for a while. Isolated himself in his room, doesn’t talk to others in his classes and constantly wants to be alone. I just went on someone’s live and a random person told me that he is hurting over me to which I’m confused because he broke up with me. Come to find out he is on periscope live listening to sad songs. He looks so sad and I feel bad but I have depression too so I need to worry about myself right now. I’m happy he’s not a flirty guy and not talking to anyone, but it saddens me that he is so alone and is sad. But he broke up with me, so it’s no longer my job to help him when he felt like leaving me would make him happier somehow. Maybe one day he will realize or appreciate that I tried to help. But then again two depressed people doesn’t make a happy relationship.
How are you right now? How is your ex? I hope everything goes well.
I am actually so much better! I barely come on here to read these articles anymore. I haven’t said anything to him or about him but recently I heard he was talking People on social media I was psycho. He sounds bitter and miserable to me. He couldn’t say it to my face so he would rather say it on a platform which he had me blocked on ( a mutual follower dmed me and told me what he was saying). I’m only blocked on one platform which iS the one he uses the most. I chose not to reply because I don’t want to seem like I care. It hurt to hear him talking trash about me especially when he has done a lot to hurt me too but he’s trying to make me look bad to others, but I’m Star to care less. I honestly don’t really think I love him anymore and I never thought I would be able to say that. It’s been a little over two months since I last talked to him and I don’t ever plan on reaching out again. Funny thing is that his family still hits me up from time to time. His grandma always comments on my pictures, and his mom asked me how I was doing (given I used to talk to theM a lot) but the weird thing was his dad commenting on my Facebook and asking me how I was because he has never done that before lol. But I’m here to say I barely think about him now. I am able to control my thoughts and impulses most of the time. Of course I have my ups and downs but I am able to recover much quicker now and I haven’t cried over him in 2 months 🙂 thank you for asking btw
I dated a guy an then one day I found out that hes cheating on me when I try to talk to him he got very defensive an blame me for everything so I tried to reason with him for 3 days an he was still angry after that I gave him a space for 4 days an I tried reaching out again then he told me he dumped me saying am crazy so since that day it has been 2 weeks of no contact rule do I still have a chance to get him back because I love him
Hi Ouma.
People who are caught cheating tend to act impulsively as if they are the victims.
Don’t worry about him, he’s not worth your time.
Trust me, you will heal from his abuse and love yourself more than he ever could.
Kind regards,
Zan
I only begged him for 6 days then after that I gave him a space even now is 2 weeks since we talked do I still have a chance to get him back?
Hi Ouma.
It depends on his perception of you and how much your actions pushed him away.
I strongly suggest that you prioritize your own well-being for now and see what happens.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi . I was broken up because of me being tough and unfair to him at times. I did not beg that much … just for 1 hour. And after that I tried to give space but he contacted me. He was disappointed in me and I was trying to attract him through text. But many times I got angry and sent some texts not for break up but for his unfair dramas. So he could not trust me again that I will have stability. A couple of times I asked him to go to therapist but he got nervous and did not accept. I tried to get him back but through reasonings and talking and logics. … unfortunately I was not patient at all. But now there is no contact. For 14 days … at least I am working on myself and my anxiety before reach out. I really did not like my actions towards him. Did not like myself promising to be that nice girl but over and over again getting impatient and texting unfair accusations and say sorry sorry afterwards.
Hi Sarah.
Emotional self-control is so important in life. You now know what you need to work on.
You’ve got this,
Zan
Is it bad if I excuse his stuff here to reach out after no contact? I am really interested in my ex, and I like him to come back. I do know how to reach out and at same time this contact doesn’t scare him.
Thanks a lot.
Hi Sarah.
You shouldn’t talk to your ex. You can’t bring him back on your own terms. It has to be his idea, so remain patient and focus on your own happiness.
Best,
Zan
Love the last line, if he had taken me back I would never have grown as I have now, I am so proud of the changes I’ve made with pain and struggle. It really was something I needed to spur me to change my relationship patterns.
Hey Giancarlo,
I think you’ve got to the right conclusion by yourself:
You should stay in no contact until she initiates contact on her own, nobody is able to tell you how long it will take, but as you’ve learned mailing or calling her won’t get you anywhere. You’ve been with her for a long time and also got together at a very young age – give her the time and space to discover what’s out there and do the same favour to yourself.
More important, than what you wrote in your text is what you didn’t put in there. What are your personal shortcomings? Where did those money problems came from? You don’t need to answer this to me but i think those are the problems you should focus on. Work on your career, education, body,..
For the money problem I’d suggest you put some cash aside(monthly) and if she asks for it give it to her.
Read through Zans Blog and also watch his videos – If you need support during this hard time, feel free to join the discord chat
Where do I join the discord chat?
https://discord.gg/6BFBQkU
Me and my ex girlfriend of 13 years (high school sweethearts) broke up a little over 4 months ago but neither of us really acted like we were broken up until I moved out 3 months ago. I took her for granted and their was a lot of stress in the relationship over money. She immediately blocked my number and off all social media when I moved out. She reached out tho a few days later just to talk about a vet visit with one of our animals. We talked about a week after that to clear some stuff up related to that and she was pretty snappy with me but later emailed to apologize. About a month after I moved out she was visiting where I moved to and I knew she was in town and wanted to meet up with her but she said she wasn’t ready and I called over and over again until her mom changed her phone number. BIG mistake. I left her alone for a little bit but I some old bills came up and I had to get ahold of her and called her at her work It turned into a heated back and forth. Fast forward a couple weeks later I realized she hadn’t blocked me on one social media platform and began a convo that ended with me using the call feature on there to talk and I broke down when she said she didn’t love me anymore and begged and promised to go to couple counseling which she of course said no to. After talking to a counselor and her parents I realized I should be making some amends to pay some money I owed her back to her in small payments but this did nothing but make her angrier because I “didn’t send enough money and if I really cared I would have sent more” about 2 weeks later I was in her town and bumped into her. We were both shocked to say the least and I was totally unprepared. She threw me off by being rude and cold she wouldn’t look at me it had been nearly 3 months since we had seen each other in person and when she did finally look at me her eyes were full of fire but also teary. Then told me she didn’t want to talk to me right now to go wait at the restaurant I was headed to before I ran into her and she’d meet me there and I circled back she was drunk and all over the place said “I wouldn’t want her back if she knew how many guys she’d been with” I played it off and finally got her to agree to breakfast but she called me that night saying she couldn’t do it and we talked for about 45 minutes going over what went wrong in our relationship. That night I got drunk and sent her some emails about hooking up she called me over and over around 1am when I was passed out and apparently just told me not to message her like that (I don’t remember) the next morning I emailed her an apology asking if we could get something to eat instead she called we talked for about 2 hours ranging from everything to why I didn’t marry her to why I didn’t hold her hand in public at the end of our relationship. I told her I really wanted to sit down face to face and that I was working on myself but she didn’t care about any of that it seemed like. All in all the conversation ended somewhat positively. When I made it home from the trip I was told she had been spreading rumors about me so I emailed her asking her to not say things about me that weren’t true and not to speak to me again until she was ready to talk face to face and be respectful. She of course called and put me down even more I don’t know why I even answered. I didn’t beg but it was clear I wanted to work things out and get back together still. The conversation ended on a sour note and she sent me an angry email follow up to which I didn’t respond. That was 10 days ago and I knew I had to go no contact. I’ve initiated every interaction since the first two and usually by being extremely pushy. It’s been incredibly hard on me this is the only girl I’ve ever had a serious relationship with (same with her) and all she wants to do now is be single and party. It’s been a little over 3 months since I moved out now. I don’t know wether to continue paying her back the money either.