No contact is based on self-respect, so of course, no contact works if you were just dating. It can work if your relationship was short-term or long-term, if you were, ghosted, lied to, cheated on and replaced, if there were cultural or religious differences, and if your ex got depressed or was talked into breaking up with you by his friends and family.
No contact is the best method for getting back with an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, someone you dated for a brief period, and anyone and everyone who’s lost interest in you and decided you’re not a great match.
If you were dumped for any reason at all, no contact is the life vest that keeps you from sinking. It’s the only medicine you can 100% rely on when you’re lost and in pain and feel like the world is ending. So rest assured that doing no contact is the right thing to do.
But don’t just do any no contact. A limited 30 day no contact or any other type you’ve come across on the internet won’t convince your ex to come back. You’ll reach out prematurely, so it will just annoy your ex and ruin your image and healing.
If you’re going to do no contact, you must do the indefinite no contact. That’s the only no contact that will encourage your ex to reach out when he or she is ready to reach out. Any other no contact is highly risky, unlikely to work, and much more likely to cause more damage than good.
Long-term no contact is necessary unless your ex is just playing power games with you. But an immature, power-hungry ex like that will soon come running back anyway because he or she will become afraid of being forgotten and replaced.
So if you’re wondering, “Does no contact work if you were just dating,” the quick answer is yes. No contact works for short-term relationships and relationships without a label. And the reason for that is that it can help dumpers solve their personal issues that prevented them from getting emotionally involved with another person.
You must understand that some dumpers pull away because they:
- recently got out of a new relationship
- developed trust issues
- feel they need to find themselves first
- want to date other people before they settle down
On such dumpers, no contact can work wonders as it can give them time to deal with their issues and explore other options. Once they’ve seen what else is out there, they can then see that the person they dated briefly was a good person and that they have no hard feelings for him or her.
It’s hard to have hard feelings for someone they dated for a short time as they didn’t fully get to know that person yet. They haven’t seen how that person acts or reacts under pressure, so they tend to remember the good times they had with him or her and come back.
Things get a bit more complicated when the dumper thinks he knows his ex fully and is convinced she’s not good for him. Convictions like that can lead to degrading thoughts and feelings that prevent the dumper from ever seeing his ex as a dating potential.
But no matter, no contact is still the best way to go about it. The chances of it changing the dumper’s opinion of the dumpee when he dislikes or hates her aren’t very high, but it’s still her best bet. It’s the only thing the dumpee can do to preserve her worth and increase the chances of her ex returning to her when something goes badly wrong in his life.
Today, we’ll talk about whether no contact works if you were just dating or if you were in a short-term relationship. We should mention that “work” means your ex will regret leaving you and come back to reconnect and fall in love.
Does no contact work if you were just dating?
No contact can work, but it doesn’t always work if you were just dating. Sometimes people just don’t return and it’s not your fault. It’s theirs because they intentionally destroy their opinions of you and get involved with someone else shortly after.
Such people don’t always return because they don’t see a reason to return. They just focus on moving forward and dating one person after another.
No contact works after short-term relationships and dating mainly when the man or woman you dated is mature and has a healthy relationship mentality. Healthy thinking and the ability to reflect can make him or her miss you and crave your strength when things go south with other people and life in general.
So apply yourself to no contact and stay in it forever if needed. You need to let the universe take care of reattracting the person you grieve over while you focus on preserving your value as a person. If you beg and plead, that obviously won’t preserve anything and attract no one. It will show you need the person you dated to gain control over your life and that you feel lost and miserable without him or her.
You need to understand that the key to reattracting an ex or someone you dated is self-respect and strength (on your end) and failure and weakness (on your ex’s). It’s the difference in power, self-esteem, strength, happiness, and overall worth that attracts someone you dated.
So don’t waste your precious no contact time by merely waiting for the guy or woman to come back. Make sure to work on improving your flaws, confidence, and becoming the best version of yourself. These things will make it possible for the person you dated to think about you, come back, and also stay with you.
You want things to be different next time. And the best way for that to happen is to feel stronger about yourself and choose a different approach. One that makes it crystal clear that you value yourself and expect the same from the person who left you.
Those who don’t take power and control back often get broken up with again. They don’t convince their ex they’re a catch and that he or she should stay, so of course, their ex loses interest shortly after coming back.
To prevent that, you need to put in the work now that you’re broken up. You need to invest in areas of your life that you didn’t know or didn’t have the will to invest in before. This separation is your biggest opportunity to reflect on your life and make some important changes.
You won’t make any important changes later if the guy or woman comes back. You’ll feel too validated and relieved (too happy) to improve anything big as people grow noticeably mainly when they’re hurting. They want things to change, so they change them and have better relationships in the future.
So if you’re wondering “Does no contact work if you were just dating,” asking this question when you’re not going to change anything about yourself is pointless. Even if the guy or woman you dated left because of personal issues and unhealthy beliefs, he or she still associated unhealthy emotions with your behavior or presence and ran away to get a break from you.
That means that if he or she comes back, old behavioral patterns will likely come back as well, making him or her feel the same way about you. The best way to avoid dealing with that is to deal with it now rather than later. Identify your flaws and improve them so that you can have a fresh start with the person you dated or with someone new.
Here are 5 reasons why no contact works if you were just dating for a few months or so.
When do short-term exes usually get back together?
From my observations, I see emotionally unavailable dumpers come back after a few months. A few months are enough for them to solve their issues and start missing the person they left. This is because their ex lets them do what they want and focuses on more important things that don’t involve their ex.
Of course, the dumper doesn’t necessarily find the walking away attractive. The dumper merely appreciates it because he or she wants space and freedom. It’s much later that the dumper starts to question his or her worth and begins to wonder if leaving the dumpee was really a beneficial thing to do.
That’s when he or she gives in to anxiety and pain, returns to the dumpee, and usually apologizes for leaving.
So if you’re hoping for your short-term partner or fling to return, my advice is not to wait too long. Although dumpers sometimes return after just a few months, it can also take them years or decades. And you don’t have decades to wait for someone you’d only dated for a little while.
You may have developed feelings for that person, but you must understand that you only saw his or her best traits. You were in love (hormones enraptured your feelings), but also got dumped just when the relationship was supposed to have smoothly progressed to a more serious stage.
Because it didn’t progress, it’s evident that something went horribly wrong. Maybe your ex wasn’t emotionally ready for a new relationship, but it’s also possible that he or she just didn’t feel like settling down yet.
We can speculate about the dumper’s reasons for leaving all day long, but I think it’s more important for you to accept that the relationship has ended and that the best way to find true happiness is to focus on yourself and be happy on your own. Self-love is not only attractive to exes but also good for you. It’s what you need even though you’re convinced that the person who dumped you is your key to happiness.
So don’t deliberately stay hooked on the person you dated for a little while just because there’s hope that he or she will come back.
There’s always a chance that a person from the past will come back, but if you ask me, it’s not worth putting your life on hold for that person. Your happiness comes first – before any guy or woman. And you need to remember that no matter how compatible you thought you were and how much fun you had.
No contact always works for you
No contact may not always guarantee you a second chance with the person you had a short-term relationship with, but the good thing about it is that it always works for you. It teaches you valuable relationship lessons, helps you recover emotionally, and allows you to focus on your own wants and needs.
That’s a hundred times more important than getting back together with someone who quit on you before he or she even got to know the real you. I know you understand what I’m saying, but you’re likely too hurt to emotionally comprehend it. That’s okay.
Today, I just want you to know that you want the person who left you back because you got severely attached. You invested in him or her wholeheartedly and as a result, got your heart broken just when things were getting serious. This is the reason why it hurts so much to separate from him or her and start from scratch.
But despite that, you must agree with me that it’s good the breakup happened now rather than later. Imagine how devastated you would be if the man or woman stayed with you for a year or longer and then dumped you for someone else.
Separating now is definitely much better (easier) than staying together with someone who isn’t ready or willing to be in a committed long-term relationship just to get dumped when you have long-term plans with that person. Getting dumped much later would affect your self-esteem more than it did now and make you wonder if you weren’t good enough. It’d give you unnecessary anxiety, maybe even cause depression.
So if you’re wondering does no contact work if you were just dating, know that it always works for you and periodically works for the dumper. How successful it is with the dumper really depends on how unlucky and unfortunate the dumper is and how brave and confident you are.
That’s the short explanation you need to remember whether you’re trying to reconcile with someone you dated for a month or many years.
Exes come back when you move on because that’s when they get hurt and fail to find what they hoped to find. As a result, they quickly run back to a familiar person who was always there for them and make themselves feel better. So stay strong during no contact and rebuild your self-esteem.
The person in question can chase the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow all he or she wants. You’ve got more important things to do, such as learning to love yourself and finding your enthusiasm.
No contact is a universal rule for all breakups. The only time you should not use it is when you messed up—and your ex told you to prove you’re capable of changing. But in that case, your ex would reprimand you it’s your last chance to make amends. Let me know in the comments section below if you intend on doing no contact with someone you were never in a relationship with.
Magnet of Success takes pride in providing breakup support. If you need our help making a no contact plan, share your story with us through email or voice coaching.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Hi Zan,
I was seeing this guy for a year and a half and he ended it for good because he said he doesn’t want a relationship. We never had a label. He said he has love for me and cares for me but he’s not in love with me. I still hope he’ll come back even if he told me never to contact him again. 😔 I’m doing NC for nearly a month now.
Hi E.
Don’t ever reach out. He doesn’t want commitment and shouldn’t be pursued. Respect his wishes and work on detaching from him. He knows where to find you if he reflects and realizes he has feelings for you.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi Zan
I was Dating a girl for about 2 month. The first date went amazing she asked me for kiss half way through. The next fee date went just as well with us both not being able to keep are hands off each other. About 5 week in I told her i crazy about her i didn’t get the response i thought I might because we both said we wanted all the same things. She had a kid which i really didn’t mind as I want kids anyways and would always make an effort to ask they where doing and such. But she started pulling away from me and i vould feel her doing this which affected me and made me insecure about everything and affect my mental health which i can struggle with at times anyway. Anyways at the 2 month mark she ended saying she didn’t have the spark or butterflies any more or didn’t feel excited to see me. How ever she went to say I was an amazing kind caring guy and she was gutted that she didn’t feel the same. I still really care about her I tried to explain after the break up that i beleice a spark will go but you turn that into fire and a fire needs to be feed for it to grow. Its been just under aweek of no contact. Is there a chance that no contact with her will work in away that she might contact me?
Gareth
Hi Gareth.
It seems that she wasn’t emotionally ready for a new connection. When things started getting serious, she got overwhelmed and realized that fun has ended. It was time to invest time and emotions that she wasn’t prepared to invest. Your relationship ended just as quickly as it started. This is normally a sign that the dumper entered the relationship for selfish reasons and that no matter what you do and say, it won’t change the outcome.
No contact is the only thing that could take your expectations and the intensity away.
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi Zan
Thank you for the reply. Since I wrote to you I received a message from my ex regarding some photos I actually put up on social media only yesterday from an event I went to this week so there where lots of me smiling. First she liked them she sent me a message saying she loved the photo’s. I haven’t responded yet as I guessing she is just reaching out as a friend. I know there s no way to know why she suddenly decided to reach out 1 week after I started no contact with her. Should I respond to her? I do like her alot and I know my feelings aren’t going to change for a while.
Thanks again Zan reading you blog gave me the courage to start no contact in the first place.
Gareth
Hi Gareth.
Respond to her, but don’t engage in conversation. By the looks of it, she reached out for support and to conceal the guilt and/or other inconveniences caused by the breakup. Also, make sure she knows you don’t want to communicate. You don’t want her to breadrumb you like that.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Zan,
Thanks for the blog, has helped a lot. I was dating a girl who had recently gotten out of a 3 1/2 year relationship just a few months before we met. Sparks flied immediately and even though we live a few hours apart we traveled to spend time with each other at least every other week. She had a very hard time talking about her ex and really wouldn’t share anything deeply personal with me. I thought time would help and continued to treat her well, and honestly, everything seemed great. Then I showed up at her house one weekend after her mom and sister had visited her and everything changed. She was inconsiderate and sometimes rude to me until I became upset, then she ended the relationship, saying she needed to focus on work and told me she hadn’t fully recovered from her past relationship. It seemed like a brash decision and I was completely caught off guard. Thankfully, I said I understood and went full no contact immediately after leaving her house eight days ago. Haven’t heard from her since. Question is- should I have tried to dig deeper into her personal feelings regarding her ex while we were still dating? And is this a situation where indefinite no contact is the best option? I can’t imagine sending her a message but like all of these situations, it’s very confusing. Thank You.
Hi Mark.
This person wasn’t ready for a new relationship. Despite trying, she rebounded and failed miserably. You shouldn’t have asked her about her ex. It wouldn’t have made a difference because she was going to leave eventually. You couldn’t save the relationship yourself.
No contact all the way! Don’t send her anything. She doesn’t want it and hasn’t earned it!
Zan
I recently ended things with a guy I had been seeing for almost 3 months. After our first date we had sex and a week after he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship, but that we could keep seeing each other. I agreed and had no problem with his decision, but as time passed he began to become more distant. He would always reply to my text but but almost never start the conversation. We started to get closer and after almost three months I asked him what we were and he said that he didn’t want a relationship and didn’t know when he will want one. He told me that he cared about me and had feelings for me, but I had to ends things because it was hurting me. But now I miss him and and don’t know if he will reach out. It’s been 4 days of NC. What should I do?
Hi Marielisa Da Silva.
You did the right thing. The guy wasn’t ready for a relationship and probably wouldn’t be for a while, so ending the relationship was all you could do. If he comes back, he needs to give you what you want. And what you want is a relationship and commitment.
Stay away from him until things change.
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi Zan,
I was seeing a girl for 3 months, she is 35 and never had a single serious relationship just fwb type of relationships and short ones, she slept with over 100 guys. She pointed out all guys that fell for her eventually she ghosted them.
I got involved with her, no sleep overs, no hanging outside, just Netflix, dinner and sex. She didn’t want to hangout outside with me and didn’t want me to sleep over. I slept over only 3 times but she said she couldn’t fall asleep with me next to her. She started to warm up and eventually she said we were more than fwb, more like dating.
Few weeks ago, she said she was having doubts what she wanted from this, that she doesn’t have feelings, just liked the sex and my company and if she ever come to the conclusion im not the guy for her future, that she couldn’t be fwb forever with me. A week later, she said she feels I want more from this than her and this is starting to be a problem because she is very busy and seeing me twice a week is taking too much of her time. 3 days before she left me, I called her twice she didn’t answer and then in the evening I called 3 times and she finally answered and was very angry that I blew up her phone. I think she figured out I’m insecure, create drama and turned her off. 2 days later,
Sunday, she called to end things.
I broke no contact a week later saying I’d be willing to take it slow and she replied it’s not gonna work out slow or not slow and that things went too fast too serious and the doesn’t want that and no more fwb with me, it wont work out. I waited another week, sent her a happy birthday text, apologized for not accepting her decision of ending things right away and told her I accept her decision. She replied, thanks no hard feelings.
It’s been 2 months no contact, keep going?
Hi Ricardo.
Stay in no contact and do your best to understand she’s not the right person for you. She has problems (fears) committing and settling down. Since she hasn’t had a single long-term relationship in 35 years, you can tell she has some serious issues to address. She doesn’t bond with people (nor have the drive to) most likely because of the way she was raised. If you love yourself and want to be happy, you must leave her alone permanently and eventually find someone who will appreciate and reciprocate your love.
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi Zan,
Your article really helped me feel better, when I am at a low right now currently doing no contact. I was looking for a reason to contact her but this will help me stay strong doing NC.
We dated for 4 months and hit it off very strong in the start. She seemed very into the relationship and went above and beyond showering me with gifts etc. I think it was almost too overwhelming for me as she was trying too hard. Where we failed is that we both struggle with communication and never discussed our relationship, or feelings. She left me saying she felt I wasn’t looking for long term and wondered why it wasn’t brought up yet, but she never did either. After breakup I messed up showing up at her house with flowers. She told me it was nice but it’s over, and she’s with someone new, It crushed me. I wrote her an email explaining how I felt, then just went into no contact. It’s been 2 months but I still miss her. I’ve been working hard on my flaws, lots or reading and learning, and exercising. It’s crazy that you need to suffer this kind of pain and depression in order to become a better you, but its definitely true. I just wish I could use what I’ve learned with her.
Thanks again for your article, it’s really helping now when I almost broke down.
-Colin
Hi Colin.
She lost feelings. I’m not sure if bad communication was the issue or that she’d met someone else. Either way, you have to stop making mistakes and let her do what she wants. If she changes her mind, she knows where to find you.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Zan,
We dated for 3 months and everything was going really well. We went on one date and we were instantly hooked and attached to each other. After that we spent all our free time together to the point where we’d go out on dates sometimes twice a week and see each other 3 or even 4 times a week. There was a lot of reciprocity on her end as well. She love the level of attention I was giving her so I just continued to. Everything was going really well. We continued to go on amazing dates mixed with her staying overnight multiple times a week. We even went on a week vacation together 2 months into seeing each other. She would tell me how perfect, attractive and appreciative I am throughout the whole relationship. But throughout the relationship she would ask how I haven’t gotten sick of her yet and have mentioned that I was being too needy. She broke up with me and said I was a perfect boyfriend, but we aren’t compatible. I pleaded for a week then went no contact and started working on myself. Does no contact still work in my case? How long do you think it would take? Thanks!
Hi Tyler.
Your ex got overwhelmed. It’s possible she wasn’t ready for a new (intense) relationship and that she pushed you away out of self-protection. No contact is highly advisable so she can see you have a life outside of the relationship and that you don’t need her as much as she thinks.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Zan,
Went on two dates with a girl from my gym. She said she enjoys my company and that I always make her smile. I arrange a 3rd date and tell her about it. She doesn’t respond & goes distant. We didn’t see each other at the gym as I was away for a week & she didn’t reach out to me during that week.
She just reacted to and liked my Instagram stories. I text her two days before the date about our date. She replies the next day saying “heyyy, I can’t remember saying yes to that”
In the gym she told me she had already made plans (but she didn’t tell me this initially when I arranged a 3rd date) I am currently a week in NC but I still see her in the gym. She still views and likes my Instagram stories. How should I handle things considering I see her often?
Hi Josiah.
Be friendly, but not too friendly. Say hi, how are you (if she looks at you – don’t initiate if she’s avoiding you), and keep doing your things. She’ll put the work in if she wants to.
Best,
Zan
I recently was dating a woman (only went on one date) and asked her out for a second while later.
She said sorry she had gone MIA as she had just got back from holiday and life was crazy but said, “would that be ok if we catch up later”. Maybe it was or maybe it was an excuse (I don’t care) but I said of course its ok and chat later. Ive walked away and left her to it as she can show me she’s keen as I am or she can go without.
I used to chase woman, be needy and come across as desperate but now I just let woman go and make up their own mind on if they want to be with me. I know my worth. I did probably text her too much without her initiating texts so a bit needy so will see how this goes.
First time I’ve fully committed to walking away from a woman and its hard but will be worth it for my own wellbeing in the long run and I can focus on me. Changing your mindset is tough from years of doing the same old shit but I’ve come to realise that doing the same old shit hasn’t been working so time for a change of mindset and plan.
Hi Grant.
That looks like an excuse to me. Even if she had things to take care of, she would have been more direct if she just wanted a few days to figure things out. You should continue to leave her alone and focus on yourself and others. She knows where to find you.
Never chase a person who doesn’t respond or asks for alone time.
Best,
Zan
Hello Zan,
So even before seeing this I learned my lessons in the past and always go no contact in situations the outcome wasn’t what I wanted. I’ll keep it brief but a girl I wanted to take out for more than year I finally got my shot. We went out for a month or so and everything was perfect, until it wasn’t. We met for the third time at her place and when I’m really into a girl I would date I don’t rush to have sex. I’m the past I did and it never worked out or I lost interest. Well when we were at her place we did everything but sex to each other and it was still great. Then it was a little cold on her end after and seems maybe I should of went for it, but she texted me and talked about it saying she thought we would do it but wasn’t upset it didn’t happen and loved everything that happened that night. So, thought it was all good we set up the fourth date at my place this time we talked about doing it now and we’re excited. Well, on the day it was suppose to happen she cancelled a few hours before, saying she was getting sorta serious with someone else and felt wrong to continue seeing me. I said I understood and to let me know if it didn’t workout have happy holidays. She texted back but I didn’t respond since it was nothing important. Over the next month she still replies to a decent amount of my Instagram stories and I just like it but don’t reply. Kinda confused since she said she was getting involved with someone else and still does that.
I look at her stories here and there but not all and she watches every single one of mine. I’m going to stick no contact on this and date other people I guess my question is did I mess up? Or is it really she just felt something for this person or saw them for a longer time? In my past these girls were the ones to come back down the road when it goes south with the other person (months, year or more later) anyway to know this will be the same? since we did get intimate and never got to really know one another. I’ve had some we only kissed and they came back. Thank you in advance. I’ll stick to improving myself in the meantime
Hi Darren.
This girl two-timed you. She was seeing two guys (or more) at the same time and didn’t feel as good about you as you felt about her. I can’t tell you if she’ll come back months/years later when things go south, but no contact is definitely the way to go about it. Her opening your stories doesn’t mean anything, it just shows she’s curious and respects you.
Stay away from her and keep moving forward. Don’t wait for her.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi, so if you’ve just dated or spoken casually with someone for a couple of days/weeks texting does watching their instagram stories break no contact or is no contact only when you don’t initiate contact anymore. thx
Hi Zerdan.
No contact means no reaching out. But if you respect yourself and want to feel better, you should also stop checking up on that person.
Sincerely,
Zan
Oookkaayyy…where to beginn with I still feel very much like an idiot but anyway. A while ago i matched with a girl on a dating app but I missed the opportuntiy to met her in person. We texted and called for a long while since then…more or less 4 Month or so and I really felt a connection. We had inside Jokes and deep disscussions about interesting topics. Due to reasons of my own insicrurity I never really asked her how she feels about this and after a while i assumped that we where becomming friends but i still had devolpet feelings for her. A while ago I made a huuuuge mistake. My exgf which I had a very messy breakup with still wants to be part of my life and invited me over. We only had another figth. The next morning I told my crush about this (i have no idea why…srsly it was so stupid to even go there. I just wqs really confused…) first she seemd understanding but our contact changend shorty after. A few days later i asked her if everything is allrigth. She responded that she felt unwell with me telling her about what happend and that she dosent want us to communicate anymore. I wanted to explain myself and apologize but i was in panikmode and made it worse i guess. Its been a while now. I have not written her anything but I really miss her. I dont know if i should reach out or just move on or what else to do…
Hi Greg.
You shouldn’t reach out to the girl. She asked for space, so let her come to you if she wants to. From now on, you should probably stop going to your ex’s place.
Best,
Zan
I learned with time and with your help Zan that no contact is based on self-respect before anything else 🙂 NC works always for me
and i learned that I need to let the universe take care of things and i’m so good now.
hope you all have amazing 2022
NC works wonders, doesn’t it, Linda?
It’s the best medical treatment the dumpee could ask for.
Best regards,
Zan