How To Let Go Of An Ex Fast?

How to let go of an ex fast? Is it even possible to move on from someone you love?

These questions often pop into dumpees’ heads when they fear their ex has moved on while they’re still struggling to accept reality. Many dumpers simply feel tired of seeing their ex enjoying his or her life and don’t want to suffer alone.

They want their ex to struggle too.

As a result, they fall into depression and ask themselves questions like, did my ex love me or was it all a lie? How did my ex move on so quickly while I’m sitting here crying?

Dumpees initially find it impossibly hard to accept that the relationship may be over. They’re in denial, so they tell themselves their love was too strong for their ex to fall out of love and stop caring.

They often forget that their ex lost feelings over a long period and that they hadn’t noticed it because they were close to their ex and couldn’t imagine their ex not loving them.

Dumpees don’t know that ab emotional disconnection happens slowly. First, dumpers associate negative thoughts and feelings with their partner. Then, they start doing things that don’t involve them. Sometimes they meet new people and connect with them instead of their partner.

And finally (when they build rapport with someone else and disconnect from their partner), they either monkey-branch to someone else or leave their partner to focus on themselves.

Either way, it’s extremely painful to be left by a person you imagined being with long-term.

It’s especially painful when someone you view as your exclusive partner starts dating someone else and appears happier than ever with that person. You don’t have to be an insecure person to experience excruciating anxiety and a loss of direction and hope.

Most people experience obsessive thoughts and at least some anxiety. If they love their ex, they feel rejected and abandoned.

So if your ex is happy and you’re miserable, it’s not unreasonable to also want to be happy or happier than your ex. You don’t want to stay depressed while your ex is drinking and partying and getting to know other people.

What you want is to process the breakup, get what you can out of it (learn and improve), and let go of your ex.

You want to close this chapter of your life and stop feeling abandoned and hurt.

The problem though, is that you can’t disconnect your feelings and stop caring right away. Despite knowing there are better people for you out there and that you won’t stay single forever, your heart doesn’t let you let go.

It wants you to hold on to your ex for security and validation.

Why is that?

It’s because you’re still grieving the relationship, detaching from your ex, accepting the rejection, understanding what the breakup means for you and your future, and learning to see the joy in life. You’re not capable of letting go of your ex right away.

Most people aren’t. They need to go through the stages of a breakup for the dumpee naturally. Naturally means that they process the shock, rejection, grief, self-blame, anger, depression, and other unpleasant feelings at a speed that feels normal to them.

Whilst they’re processing these feelings, they should avoid checking up on their ex and comparing their misery to their ex’s happiness. Comparing themselves to a detached person and trying to be happier is a waste of time.

Not only did their ex have weeks to detach, but their ex is also going through different breakup stages (the dumper stages).

Dumpers don’t typically cry over the loss of their relationship (unless they’re depressed, but even if they’re depressed, they cry for different reasons). Dumpers feel relieved and empowered by the breakup because they’d been meaning to leave for a very long time.

Unlike dumpees who feel shocked, sad, and unworthy, dumpers feel happy they pulled the plug on the relationship. The breakup allows them to finally focus on themselves and the things they’d been meaning to do.

So yes, breakups can be extremely unfair. The most attached, committed, and caring person always suffers the most. He or she feels abandoned and betrayed and experiences thousands of obsessive daily thoughts and unwanted dreams.

The dumper doesn’t go through anything like that because the dumper stopped caring about the relationship and found happiness outside of the relationship.

He or she will suffer later when life gets difficult and gives him or her lemons.   

For now, you have to deal with rejection pain alone. And you have to do it by trusting your healing process and sticking to people who care about you and support you. Your ex can’t help you much or at all. Other than giving you closure, your ex is of no use to you.

His or her attention and presence only give you hope and anxiety.

In today’s post, we discuss how to let go of an ex who has moved on. We also share some useful tips that could help you cope with one-sided feelings and attachments.

How to let go of an ex who has moved on?

Letting go of an ex who has moved on isn’t an overnight thing. You can’t just move on by wanting to move on. Sheer will is great and all, but it’s not the only requirement for letting go of an ex. Time and understanding of breakups are also important.

Sure, you can move on by doing absolutely nothing. You can sit on the couch and watch TV all day and eventually, you’ll let go of your ex and get ready for a new romantic connection.

The thing is, if you aren’t very productive and efficient with your time, it will take you longer to detach than most people.

You should never compete with others’ healing process, of course, but you probably don’t want to take twice or thrice as long as them. You don’t want your healing to take forever when you can take control of it and speed it up.

It’d be a shame to suffer even a day longer than necessary. That’s a day of pain and misery you could skip out on and dedicate to better things.

So if you want to know how to let go of an ex fast, the first thing you should do is want to move on and be willing to do what’s necessary to heal. You should understand that healing takes time and that finding what works best for you is key.

No two people are alike, so expecting them to heal the same way and at the same speed would be unreasonable. Some people have better defense mechanisms and support systems than others. They have different personalities and emotional strengths too.

If playing video games works for some people, there’s no guarantee that it will work for you as well. You need to find your own healing methods that work. The best way to do that is to engage in hobbies that you already know work. 

If hiking makes you happy, implement hiking in your healing process. Do it frequently and use it as a distraction technique. Make sure to also rely on various relaxation techniques.

I don’t know what works for you, but generally, dumpees find deep breathing, exercising, and meditating quite useful. They don’t get over their ex just because of them, but they do find them helpful.

Anything that takes their mind off their ex (even if for a minute) makes them a bit more detached and emotionally independent. They may not feel it, but hobbies and healthy distractions teach them to be more self-reliant and self-loving.

As long as they don’t do drugs, excessively drink, and make breakup mistakes, they can expect to heal more than they regress.

Of course, your healing also depends on your contribution to the world. If you don’t work, volunteer, or do anything productive with your time, chances are you’ll feel unimportant and depressed. The breakup will expose your lack of ambition and purpose and make you take your stagnation in life personally.

So make sure that your life has a purpose and that your purpose isn’t driven entirely by self-interest.

Whether you’re going to school, working, looking for work, or you have a physical or mental condition that hinders you from working, you need to work toward some predetermined goal. You need to look forward to something so that you can live with enthusiasm and purpose.

Earl Nightingale, a self-help author said people are the happiest when they move toward a goal (not when they’ve already reached their goal). We need something to stimulate our minds and keep us entertained and busy.

Work is a great place where you can do the things you enjoy. It’s a shame that more than half of people dislike their work. Whether it’s the conditions at work or the work itself, they spend a third of their day unhappily waiting to leave prison and go home.

By the time they get home, they’re so mentally exhausted from unhappily serving others that they remain unhappy for the rest of the day and feel tempted to project their unhappiness onto their loved ones.

I’m not an expert, but something needs to change, whether it’s getting a new job or changing their attitude toward work. Work should be something they enjoy at least 90% of the time. If they don’t enjoy serving people in their chosen field of work, it may be time to go back to school and/or change professions.

To move on from an ex who has already moved on, you need to do many things successfully. And you need to do it often and as many times as necessary. If you have to see a therapist 50 times, see him or her 50 times.

Don’t quit until you forgive yourself and your ex and let go. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. What matters is that you live in the moment and deal with anxiety and problems as they arise. The longer you do that, the more successful you’ll get at handling them. 

Yes, it’s unfair that your ex (a person who quit on you) doesn’t have to seek therapy and improve his or her self-esteem. But don’t forget that you’re not competing with your ex. You’re competing against yourself.

As a dumpee, you can’t beat your ex at moving on even if you wanted to because your ex moved on long before the breakup happened.

The good thing is that you don’t need to beat your ex at anything. You just need to accept that things went wrong and that your relationship wasn’t strong enough to withstand the storm.

When you feel emotional, allow yourself to feel sad and angry. You’re expected to feel angry one moment and anxious and scared the next. Uncertainty and fear of the unknown will accompany you on your journey whether you want them to or not.

They’ll constantly make you crave security and happiness and prevent you from enjoying the moment.

You’ll need to learn to live with unwanted emotions. You’ll need to embrace them and avoid projecting them onto your ex.

It’s normal to question your ex’s motives and wonder if your ex ever loved you. Considering how quickly he or she left you and found happiness without you, it’s understandable to doubt your ex.

But rest assured that if you were with your ex for months or years, your ex most likely did love you. But for some reason, your ex fell out of love and ignored the need to reconnect with you.

You should figure out why that happened because when you understand it, you’ll get the closure you need to accept the breakup.

Accepting the breakup isn’t the same as moving on from it. Accepting (getting closure) is the first step toward healing and enjoying life without your ex.

Some dumpees think their ex needs to talk to them all the time and help them move on, but that’s not true. Their ex can help them if he or she wants to, but their ex isn’t required to help them from start to finish.

Even if their ex wanted to help, the truth is that he or she can’t help them because he or she constantly gives them false reassurance.

So if you’re seeking answers on how to let go of an ex fast, know that there is no quick way to let go. Instead of looking for quick solutions, get closure with or without your ex. Once you’ve gotten it, acknowledge the fact that your ex gave up and that you must respect his or her decision no matter how badly you love and need your ex.

You can’t forcibly change your ex’s feelings because your ex’s feelings depend on his or her perception of you. And your ex’s perception typically depends on how happy your ex is, your ex’s ability to stay happy, your post-breakup mistakes, and what your ex is like as a person.

You must remember that your ex is now living a life that he or she wants to live and that unless something goes awry, your ex won’t come back. Your ex won’t wake up one day and realize he or she has made a terrible mistake.

To have that kind of realization, your ex needs to experience problems and pain. These are the biggest and most common motivators for reconciliation.

Emotions of self-pity, sadness, and depression won’t bring your ex back. And if they do, they won’t make your ex stay long because your ex will see that the happiness he or she gets out of it isn’t worth the effort he or she puts into it.

Years ago, my ex cheated on me, ghosted me, and left me for his ex. I was depressed beyond belief and asked myself a million times why he treated me so badly. How was he able to live a happy life with his girlfriend (who knew about me) while I was miserable and trying to put my life back together?

Day and night, I asked myself interrogative words (why, when, how) and tried to obtain an explanation for my ex’s decisions and actions that I badly needed. I analyzed the breakup so much because I was desperate for information and love.

It was something my brain needed to keep my anxiety levels under control.

On bad days, I found imperfections in myself and put myself down whereas on good days, I listened to my friends and family who told me “He’s a cheater, he doesn’t deserve you.” I had rational days where I knew I needed to move on and emotional days where I rejected logic and desired my ex.

Like you, I was holding on to my ex, hoping my ex would come back or at least help me feel better. I wanted his warmth, love, connection, and most of all, validation. It was over for him, but not for me, so I refused to let go.

At that moment, I couldn’t accept that he was gone and happy.

Deep inside my heart, I was still waiting for him to come back and tell me he was sorry. I was hoping it was just a bad dream and that things would soon go back to normal.

Well, things didn’t go the way I wanted them to go. My ex didn’t change his mind about the breakup, so I had to find my own strength and will to carry on in life. Initially, I didn’t want some other person to receive the benefits that belonged to me.

But over time, I got used to it and stopped caring about that too. I detached and started seeing my ex as a cheater and a ghoster.

Today, I’m well aware that his cheating was entirely his fault. His ex may have known we were together, but he cheated because he wanted to. She didn’t put a gun to his head and forced him to take her back.

I don’t want you to blame yourself like I did. It may be difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel if you recently got left, but you don’t have to suffer alone. There’s lots of help or self-help material available in most parts of the world.

You just have to want to help yourself. Join our Discord to talk to people going through similar ordeals. They might be able to assist you and you them.

As tempting as it can be to wallow in depression, you have to force yourself to resist it. Open up to friends, family members, therapists, or even strangers. Things get a lot easier when you express yourself to someone who understands and cares.

Also, start journaling. Put them down your thoughts whenever you feel that anxiety is spinning out of control. You can write how you feel and why you feel that way. It will help you de-stress.

You must accept that what you had before is gone and that it may not be all that bad. Now you can focus on yourself more and perhaps even be happier than before. You might realize you were attached to your ex for the wrong reasons and that your life got better, not worse.

So if you’re wondering how to let go of an ex who has moved on, you have to understand that every person has different ways of coping with the breakup and that your way may not necessarily be wrong. It may just be different.

Having said that, if you want to know how I let go of my ex, here are my tips.

1)Let go of control

You probably want to know everything about your ex’s life. You want to know what your ex is thinking and feeling, what your ex is doing, and who he or she is talking to.

Anxiety is telling you to look for information that could potentially ease your pain. What it doesn’t tell you, though, is that the wrong kind of information will make things much worse. It will make you take the breakup personally, reset your healing, and make you more dependent on your ex.

One way to let go of an ex who has moved on is to understand that you can’t control the situation. You can’t make your ex love you and want to be with you just because you want him or her to.

As a dumpee, you lost the power to reason with your ex on the day of the breakup (or even before). You must now learn to accept that you lack power and that no crying, begging, or reasoning will convince your ex to see you in a positive light.

It will only portray you as a needy and highly anxious individual who doesn’t know when to quit.

So try to let go of the idea that you must try to win your ex back and that your ex will come back if you say and do the right thing. Your behavior and actions are important, but what’s even more important is your understanding of breakups.

If you try to let go of control instead of looking for ways to be in charge of a situation that’s out of your control, you’ll recover quicker because you’ll understand that some things are out of your control.

Make sure to also delete or unfollow your ex on social media. You don’t want constant reminders of how your ex is doing and what you’re missing out on.

2)Love yourself

If you blame yourself for getting dumped, you must learn to give yourself a break once in a while. You must realize that anxiety caused by self-criticism after the breakup is extremely detrimental to your health and well-being and that you don’t deserve to suffer.

You may have made mistakes, but we all did. You don’t deserve to suffer because of them.

The breakup didn’t happen to punish you for hurting your ex. It happened because you and your ex couldn’t communicate efficiently.

So instead of putting yourself down all the time, tell yourself you deserve love and that you’ll feel love again. It may not be with your ex, but you’ll definitely have more romantic opportunities later down the line once you’ve healed.

Your love life hasn’t ended with the breakup. It merely received a chance to evolve and be better as a result of this failure. You need to frequently remind yourself that your ex doesn’t determine your worth.

If you do that, you’ll slowly stop feeling worthless, appreciate who you are and what you’ve accomplished in life, and not let your ex decide how you think of yourself.

Self-love can take a while to improve. So be patient and kind to yourself and take it one day at a time.

3)Change your perception of your ex

Your perception of your ex is also very important when it comes to letting go of an ex you love. If you see your ex as your savior and someone you can’t live without, you won’t let go of your ex anytime soon.

Contrarily, you’ll stay hooked on your ex for many months or years.

As a dumpee, it’s of utmost importance to knock your ex off the pedestal and give your ex only as much credit as he or she deserves. You mustn’t praise your ex and crave him or her after your ex has given up on a commitment.

You especially mustn’t do that if your ex threw away years of love and commitment.

If you want to let go of an ex quickly or as quickly as you can, you have to start seeing your ex for the person he or she is. Forget the person your ex was when you fell in love (that person is not real) and focus on what your ex showed you during and after the breakup.

That’s the real version of your ex.

If nothing else works, then you can always do something that kills your reconciliation hope. This will likely hurt so don’t attempt it before you’re certain you don’t want your ex back.

To move on once and for all, push your ex away on purpose by making your ex lose respect and interest in you. When you see that your ex doesn’t want to be anywhere near you, you might feel more determined to walk away from your ex and move on.

4)Expect ups and downs

Healing isn’t linear, so no matter how well you handle the breakup, you should expect ups and downs. Sometimes you’ll barely think about your ex whereas other times, you’ll miss your ex like crazy and dislike the idea of letting go.

Your thoughts and feelings will change, depending on how you think of your ex and yourself.

It’s perfectly normal to crave your ex one day and not want anything to do with your ex the next. That’s a sign of detachment and that you’re gradually regaining your power.

Understanding your feelings is a very important part of your healing process. So admit that you’re hurt and that it’s okay to feel the way you do. Don’t pretend you’re okay and lie to others because people won’t be able to help.

5)Prioritize Self-Care

Taking care of your physical and mental health is just as important. Whether it’s hanging out with friends, going to the gym, or learning a new language, you must surround yourself with people and do things that make you happy.

A good support system and an active schedule will keep you occupied and prevent you from obsessing over your ex.

Don’t just stay home all the time and wait for things to get better on their own. Anxiety will drag on forever and tear you apart if you have too much time on your hands to think about your ex. So get out of the house and out of your comfort zone.

If your heart tells you to stalk your ex online and feel sorry for yourself, do exactly the opposite. Get busy with life and try to enjoy it too. That’s how you’ll release stress and sleep better at night.

Speaking about sleep, make sure to get plenty. Eat a well-balanced diet and get enough exercise. Remember that you won’t function properly if you neglect your body and mind.

6)Set boundaries

You won’t let go of your ex in the near future if you don’t create some healthy boundaries with your ex. One of the most important boundaries you can create is called the no contact rule. This rule prohibits communication with your ex unless you need to talk about your kids, the house, or something essential.

No contact will help you regain your sanity bit by bit and encourage you to see you don’t need your ex to exist and love life.

Another boundary you must set with your ex is a no-breadcrumb boundary. You must basically discourage your ex from reaching out unless it’s about reconciliation. You can do this very easily. All you have to do is let your ex know you’re not open to friendship and that you don’t want to communicate.

Tell your ex this when your ex reaches out rather than randomly messaging your ex.

Every dumpee’s situation is different, so make sure to let your ex know what’s allowed and what isn’t. By doing so, you’ll move on in the fastest time possible.

7)Grow from breakup

The breakup doesn’t have to ruin you. It can serve as a stepping stone to self-growth and better personal and romantic opportunities. Make sure to reflect on your relationship and your mistakes so that you can be a better partner and pick better partners.

No one’s born perfect. Developed people are who they are because they’ve put time and effort into developing themselves.

You can be developed too. But you need to think about your errors and come up with ways to improve them. Do this many times and you’ll avoid making the same mistakes in your next relationships.

You can grow by:

• reading self-help books
• finding a mentor or mentors
• writing down your mistakes and flaws and methods for correcting them
• acting as if you’re already the person you wish to be

8)Establish personal and career goals

I’ve mentioned before that a lack of goals and purpose can be bad for your mental health. It can make you envy others and think that your life is meaningless.

If this part of your life is lacking, figure out what you want in life and set some new goals. Think of something you want to do and achieve in life. Be it your physical looks or some kind of achievement related to your career, personal development, or financial stability, make sure to want it bad enough.

The more you want it, the higher the chances that you’ll take action and feel a sense of direction and accomplishment.

Conclusion

I understand that letting go is often easier said than done. It’s especially hard when your ex doesn’t seem to care about you and shows no signs of regret. The mere thought of your ex having moved on while you’re still picking up the pieces of your shattered self-esteem can cause immense pain, fear, sadness, and even self-doubt.

Despite that, I encourage you to be strong and consider the possibility that letting go is not only necessary but also an important path toward personal growth and healing. If you stay in denial and attached, your healing will simply not progress at a satisfactory rate.

That’s why you should embrace the pain you’re going through and keep letting go even when you want to give up. Your negative emotions might overpower you at times and tell you to give up but don’t listen to them.

Deep inside, you know you can get through the breakup and let go as well. It will take some time. How long it takes depends mainly on your ability to let go and the mistakes you make.

So don’t overthink and let breakup emotions control you. Instead, convince yourself that letting go is your only option and that letting go isn’t a sign of weakness, but rather a testament to your strength and resilience.

Are you still holding on to your ex? If so what’s hindering you from letting go of your ex? Share your reasons in the comment section below, and we’ll get back to you.

And if you’d like to talk to us about how to let go of an ex, visit our coaching page to sign up for 1-on-1 coaching

Angelie

I’m Angelie, a writer and a designer at Magnet of Success. Whether I’m writing compelling content or designing engaging pictures, I create content that resonates with our visitors and aids them on their self-improvement journey. I enjoy writing about relationship dynamics and the difficulties couples may face.