3 Weeks Of No Contact: What To Expect And Do?

3 weeks into no contact, your ex probably won’t regret leaving you and ask you to get back together. 3 weeks of silence are not enough for an exhausted dumper to get into trouble, change his or her perception of you, and see that leaving you was a big mistake.

It’s enough only for dumpers who started dating someone they’re extremely incompatible with or dumpers who left their ex to extort power from their ex and have their ex chase them.

“Normal dumpers” need much longer than 3 weeks of no contact to discern their ex’s worth. They need months or sometimes even years of time to fail in some painful way. When they do fail, they finally start their reflection process and begin to wonder if leaving their ex has made them happier and their life easier.

It’s worth noting that dumpers don’t always return when life gives them lemons. Some dumpers have good coping mechanisms or are incapable of forgiving their ex and falling back in love.

But despite what I just said, they do return the most when they’re anxious, scared, and have trouble loving themselves. Difficult emotions drive them to seek understanding and acceptance from a person who always loved them and is familiar with them.

That person is none other than their ex as their ex stood by their side and gave them unconditional love and support.

Anyway, if you’ve been in no contact for 3 weeks, you can expect to feel a lot better compared to how you felt when you got dumped. You may not be in excruciating pain, but you can expect to continue thinking about your ex all the time and wondering what your ex is up to.

The only difference between now and then is that your thoughts aren’t inspired by denial.

Denial tends to last a week or two max. By the end of the second week, you’ve probably stopped telling yourself that the breakup didn’t happen (that it’s fake) and that your ex is just testing you and expecting you to act a certain way.

Three weeks into no contact, you’ll still feel brokenhearted. You’ll still obsess over your ex, think about the breakup non-stop, dream about your ex, imagine your ex coming back to you, and feel tempted to contact your ex.

This is especially true if your relationship was intense and/or lasted many years.

Serious, long-term relationships create attachment. And attachment ending shocks and hurts the dumpee and forces the dumpee to put the dumper on the pedestal. This is expected of the dumpee as the dumpee feels rejected and craves the dumper’s recognition more than ever.

Recognition empowers the dumpee whereas a lack of it makes the dumpee feel abandoned, alone, and worthless. It’s that black or white. You either want your ex or you don’t. You might later have days when you feel confused, but that probably won’t happen for another few months.

At that point, you’ll be much more detached and have fewer expectations of your ex than you do right now.

3 weeks of no contact is a great achievement. It took a lot of strength, courage, and determination to get this far. Many dumpees fail to control their thoughts and emotions and reach out when they have a bad day and need validation.

Luckily, you haven’t broken no contact (at least not this time). You remain determined and follow the rules of no contact you’ve imposed on yourself. This is proof you can withstand adversity and bounce back if you want to.

As a dumpee, you know that talking to your ex is counterproductive and that a long period of no contact is best for you and your ex. It has helped you a lot already and it will only keep getting better.

It still needs to patch your wounds and put your ex in difficult situations that trigger nostalgia and pain and make your ex want to be with you again.

Breakups are difficult because you don’t know if your ex will ever perceive you in the way he or she needs to. You don’t know if your ex will come back or if your ex will continue to stay away from you.

But despite not being able to predict the future, you need to act as if your ex will never come back. Focusing on yourself and protecting yourself is extremely important for your healing.

So far, you’ve managed to get out of denial, deal with setbacks, and resist the temptations to reach out. These are all signs of great progress. You’ve come a long way. As for the rest of the detachment, it will come in phases.

How quickly it comes depends on your self-esteem, your breakup mistakes (are you checking up on your ex?), and your coping mechanisms.

In today’s post, we shed some light on what to expect and do 3 weeks into no contact.

What to expect 3 weeks into no contact?

When dumpees pass the 3rd week of no contact, they showcase perseverance and determination. They don’t like the feeling of staying away from their ex, but they stay away from their ex anyway. They know that nothing good will come from reasoning with their ex and pestering him or her with their questions, requests, demands, and presence.

That’s why they resist the urge to reach out and slowly get back control over their body and mind. This tends to happen by the end of the 3rd week. Every dumpee goes through the breakup stages at a different speed, but usually, 3 weeks of no contact are enough for dumpees to engrave no contact into their mind and commit to it at all costs.

This doesn’t mean that no contact suddenly becomes easy but that they feel no contact is helping them and that they realize there is no better way to handle the breakup. The only way forward is no contact as no contact gives their ex the space and freedom their ex needs to self-prioritize and stop feeling guilty and pressured.

You can still expect to have very bad days 3 weeks into NC. Nostalgia, fear, separation anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness don’t go away that quickly. To process these feelings, it normally takes 3 – 4 months for medium-length relationships and 4 – 6 months for long-term ones.

Very few dumpees process the separation in just a few weeks. Those who do typically have a lot of breakup experience (aka got dumped before), have good self-esteem as a result of it, and had a short-term relationship or a fling with the person who dumped them.

That means they didn’t have a close bond with their ex or they learned to deal with rejection pain. They learned not to take breakups personally and think of them as the end of their life.

On the other hand, those who were attached, codependent, and truly loved their ex need no contact and lots of time to get their ex out of their system. They had or still have romantic expectations of their ex, so they need to slowly let go of them.

By forcing themselves to keep their ex out of sight and mind and focusing on themselves and others, they can rebuild their self-esteem and regain control of their thoughts, emotions, and life. They just need to stay in no contact until they stop obsessing about their ex.

They must also stay away from scammy hope-giving breakup coaches and remember that no contact doesn’t end after 30 days. It ends when you’re healed and don’t want your ex back or when your ex wants you back.

No contact needs to be indefinite (forever). It begins (or should begin) on the day of the breakup and ends when or if you want some kind of infrequent friendship with your ex.

Until then, you must keep unhealthy advice and hope away from you and bear in mind that there are no quick solutions to your anxiety and problems. You won’t get over your ex by getting under someone else. That’s the worst advice anyone can give you.

Talking or sleeping with others can help you move on only when you’re almost over your ex. And this tends to happen months (not weeks) after the breakup (provided you went no contact).

So don’t expect to forget about your ex and be happy again by sleeping with someone 3 weeks into no contact. If you ignore my warning and get involved with someone new too quickly (right now), you’ll probably rebound and suffer immensely.

That’s because you’ll expect the new person to be like your ex and to fill the void in your chest. As I said before, this won’t happen until you’ve learned to love yourself and almost completely processed the abandonment.

I know you’re scared you won’t ever see your ex and that your ex might be dating someone else already, but try not to think about that. Instead of making no contact more difficult for yourself than it already is, force yourself to think about other things and people.

Do things that make you feel good, not make you feel worse. If you do that, you’ll realize that your ex isn’t all there is to your life and that you’re stronger, prettier, and more self-sufficient than the breakup made you feel.

To feel that way, you just need to stay distracted as much as you can until the fear of your ex moving on and being happy with someone else passes.

And rest assured that it will pass. It always does.

Here’s what you can expect 3 weeks into no contact.

When you start no contact, every day will feel like a week. It will drag on so much, you’ll feel emotionally drained and wonder why you have to suffer so much when your ex gets to have fun and move on like the relationship meant nothing to him or her.

For a while, you’ll fight your inner demons and wait for your ex to contact you. You’ll keep checking your phone and socials just in case your ex got negatively affected by no contact and has dropped you a message. The urge to hear from your ex will be immense at first as you’ll want to talk to your ex and feel some sense of control.

But as you stay in no contact, you’ll slowly wean off your ex and begin to focus on more important things. Things that keep you busy and make you feel good. This will probably happen 3 – 4 weeks into no contact, depending on how fast you process breakup pain and what you do in your spare time.

If you do nothing but watch your ex’s social media activity, chances are you’ll stay dependent on your ex for quite some time. Probably till you decide to pull away. So make sure you’re not sabotaging your emotional progress.

Bear in mind that most dumpees are able to function again after 2 weeks of no contact. They regain control of their mind and feel stronger. They still need to resist the urge to contact their ex, but this urge feels much weaker.

So if it’s been 3 weeks of no contact and you’re wondering what to do, don’t give up when it feels tempting to reach out to your ex. Instead, remember that no contact is the only way forward and that your ex will contact you if he or she wants to.

It’s not your job to chase your ex and make him or her want to be with you again.

How does my ex feel after 3 weeks of no contact?

No contact starts having a positive effect the moment you start following it. It gives your ex enough space to breathe and think about what he or she wants. If your ex wants to go out and party, your ex can do that and not have to worry about communicating with you and tending to your emotional wounds.

Mind you that no contact alone doesn’t hurt your ex and make your ex want to be with you. But it does give your ex the time to live life and encounter problems bigger than he or she can handle. When your ex encounters those problems, your ex will be forced to deal with them alone, with someone else, or with you.

This depends on each dumper.

The point is that your ex probably won’t get into a pickle in just a few weeks. It will likely take your ex much longer than that because your ex needs to first go through the dumper stages and stop feeling elated/convinced that the breakup was beneficial to his or her happiness and well-being.

3 weeks are barely enough for your ex to notice that you’re gone and that you’re no longer obsessing over him or her and trying to get back together.

This early into the breakup/no contact, your ex merely appreciates and enjoys the space you’re providing. Your ex hasn’t had enough time to reflect and miss you romantically. I say romantically because some dumpers miss their ex as a person or a friend.

They miss the friendship they had with their ex and how easy and nice it was to talk and bond.

That isn’t the kind of missing you need. You also don’t want your ex to feel guilty and talk to you because he or she was mean or straightforward post-breakup.

If you went into no contact, you want your ex to discern your romantic value and regret losing you romantically. And your ex will regret losing you that way only if you leave your ex alone (forever). Your ex can’t know that you want him or her back because it will kill your ex’s curiosity, feelings, and the urgency to reconnect.

You need to commit to no contact and avoid directly or indirectly sending your ex the message that you’re waiting for his or her return.

You especially can’t do that if it’s only been 3 weeks since you started no contact. You must remember that your ex still feels relieved and elated and that your ex needs to go through all the breakup stages. You mustn’t rush your ex while your ex is trying to distract himself or herself and enjoy his or her new life.

You must be patient instead and keep focusing on yourself. A time will probably come when your ex reaches out to you and tries to learn how you’ve been and what you’ve been up to. That will be your chance to portray yourself in a confident/positive light.

In the meantime, remember that no contact is helping you detach from your ex and figure out who you are and want to be.

Are you 3 weeks into no contact, wondering if you’re on track with healing and if your ex is missing you? What’s your biggest worry? Let us know in the comments below and we’ll get back to you shortly.

However, if you’d like to talk about no contact with us in detail and ask questions, sign up for a coaching session with us.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.