Why Does My Ex Want To Be Friends So Badly?

If you’re asking yourself, “Why does my ex want to be friends so badly,” the answer you’re looking for is very easy to understand.

Your ex wants to be friends with you because your ex got used to talking with you and would hate to break the emotional connection he or she still has with you. Your ex would rather hold on to that connection and downgrade your intimate relationship to friendship.

By doing so, your ex would hit two birds with one stone. Your ex would ease his or her worries about losing you, and at the same time, alleviate his or her guilty conscience.

Knowing that he or she has ended the relationship on good terms would essentially reassure your ex that you don’t think poorly of him or her and that he or she is a good person.

That’s why some dumpers stay friends with their exes for the sole purpose of feeling better about hurting their exes. Such dumpers usually propose friendship right off the bat and breadcrumb their ex-partners for many months.

They do this until they’ve received their ex-partners’ forgiveness or acceptance or met someone who can take their guilty, regretful, or nostalgic feelings away.

There are also some exes out there who want to stay friends with their exes just to receive certain relationship benefits from them. These benefits can be anything from sex, money, entertainment, or anything that makes their lives easier.

So if your ex is trying to be your friend very desperately and you don’t know what’s in it for your ex, know that your ex wants the cake and eat it too. Your ex wants you to settle for less than you deserve and keep you posted about his or her life.

This article is for people who are curious about their exes’ reasons for wanting to stay friends.

Why does my ex want to be friends so badly?

Your ex wants to stay friends so badly because friendship allows your ex to make a clean transition from a relationship to a single life. The downgraded relationship relieves your ex’s guilt and reassures your ex that you’re not going to beg and plead for another chance.

And that’s all your ex wants. Your ex wants to keep some distance from you, but at the same time, tether you and restrict how far away from your ex you can go.

Consider your ex’s friendship request unfair or self-centered if you’d like because that’s exactly what it is. It’s a double standard that prevents your ex from losing and you from winning.

The only way your dumper ex can lose is if you don’t give your ex what he or she wants and instead let him or her seek reassurance and solace from someone else.

From someone who doesn’t still have feelings for your ex.

Here are 8 possible reasons why your ex wants to be friends so badly:

• guilt
• regret
• fear
• nostalgia
• relationship benefits
• self-doubt and uncertainty
• lack of personal strength and happiness
• to stay in touch with you

Dumpers insist on staying friends after the breakup because they don’t understand how dumpees feel. They think that dumpees are full or semi-detached like them and that staying friends doesn’t hurt anyone.

Unfortunately, though, staying friends after the breakup does hurt. It hurts those who still have feelings and hopes for reconciliation. And it doesn’t just hurt them once. It hurts and continues to hurt them until they’ve distanced themselves from the source of pain or got used to living with pain.

So next time your ex reaches out and makes you wonder, “Why does my ex want to be friends so badly,” remember the picture below. It will help you understand what your ex wants from you and encourage you to get some space.

Can being friends with an ex lead back into a relationship?

There’s always a chance that staying friends with an ex you still love can lead back into a relationship. Your ex could eventually date someone new, become unhappy/depressed, and come crying back to you.

There’s always that possibility.

But the odds of that happening while you’re playing friends with your ex are not very high. There’d be no sense of urgency for your ex because your ex would know that you’re always going to be waiting for him or her.

Your ex would know that you’re just one call away if something goes awry, hence why your ex would take his or her sweet time.

And time is something you just can’t waste.

You can’t waste it by hoping that your ex’s post-breakup strategies don’t go according to plan while you’re right there next to your ex, giving your ex relationship advice and moral support.

Of course, your ex needn’t necessarily date another person to realize your worth, but chances of your ex hitting an all-time low point in his or her life are higher if your ex dates someone new and that person makes him or her extremely unhappy.

Chances are higher if your ex goes through the 5 stages of a breakup for the dumper and gets his or her hopes up because that way, your ex can fall extremely low and look for a shoulder to lean on.

That shoulder can be yours if your ex is desperate and has no other options.

Why being friends with an ex is a bad idea?

As you know, staying friends with an ex who’s on a completely different emotional level from you can be very dangerous. It can endanger your health and delay your recovery time (the time it takes to get over your ex).

That’s why staying friends with your ex and hoping that your ex comes back are the most self-torturous predicaments you can put your body and mind through. Not only are you wasting your precious time, but you’re also preventing yourself from moving on and finding your well-deserved peace and happiness.

You’re hurting yourself and it’s not worth it.

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known your ex or how badly your ex needs you in his or her life. Unless someone else’s life is in danger, your happiness and well-being always come first.

They’re your number one priority.

That’s why talking to your ex as if nothing’d happened most likely won’t work for you. If your wounds are still fresh, you won’t be able to have a normal conversation with your ex.

You’ll always think about attracting your ex back and in the process, neglect yourself.

So make sure you treat yourself with respect at all times. You’re the only person who’s been there for you since the beginning and is going to be there until the end of time.

The only person who can guarantee it, anyway.

Boundaries for being friends with an ex

If you’re going to stay friends with your ex despite my warnings, you’ll have to set some boundaries. You’ll have to keep your ex emotionally away from you so that you can heal and get over the breakup.

One way you can do that is to avoid crossing the friendship line – being intimate with your ex. Although having sex with an ex can help you get your ex back, it can also make healing much, much more difficult for you.

It can trigger your old feelings of desirability and make you emotionally dependent on your ex.

That’s why engaging your body and mind in couples’ activities with an ex is a big no-no. Bonding with an ex will make you feel great in the moment, but it’ll also make you hungry for love and affection.

You really shouldn’t spend too much time with your ex. If you want to become friends with an ex, at least give it a few months before you attempt to do so.

It’s possible to be friends or even best friends with an ex. Many exes become friends. But there’s a perfectly good time for that. And that time isn’t right after the breakup when your wounds are still fresh.

The most important rule when it comes to setting boundaries for being friends with an ex is to not rush the friendship. If you’re desperate for a connection and your ex sees it, you’ll probably smother your ex and hurt yourself.

You’ll cause problems for everyone.

So keep your distance from your ex until you have your thoughts and emotions under control. Rational thinking and emotional detachment are very important.

You also need to change your old habits. Your ex is your ex which is why cute nicknames are no longer appropriate. Neither is the way you used to communicate with your ex.

It’s now time for you to think of your ex as just a friend—and treat your ex that way too.

If you cross the friendship boundaries by pretending that the breakup never happened, you’ll likely get reprimanded for your behavior. Maybe your ex won’t tell you that you’ve crossed the line, but he or she will definitely do something about it if you don’t get the hint and stop.

The best advice on how to be friends with an ex goes like this; don’t say or do anything you wouldn’t say or do to a friend. Be respectful, considerate, confident, and know what not to stick your nose into.

How to tell my ex I don’t want to be friends anymore?

If you don’t want to be friends with your ex and you don’t want to get stuck in the friend zone with your ex, there’s a very practical solution to your problem.

You can avoid unnecessary pain and drama simply by following the indefinite no contact rule and avoiding any of the typical post-breakup mistakes.

By following the rules of no contact, you won’t just leave your ex alone and give you ex what he or she wants. You’ll also preserve your worth as a dumpee and allow your ex to process the separation.

Even though your ex might not need to get over you, it’s possible that your ex feels other unwanted emotions such as guilt and doubt—and needs time to process these negative emotions.

It’s possible that you ex needs some time to recover.

That’s why the best thing you can do for your ex, as well as yourself, is to distance yourself from your ex and give yourself and your ex an opportunity to process the separation.

By doing so, you’ll show your ex that you’re not going to be his or her safety net and that you possess the strength to do what’s best for yourself.

You can tell your ex you don’t want to be friends in the following manner:

• I’ve been thinking for a while, and I think it’s best that we don’t stay friends right now. We should do some soul-searching first and then figure out if we should be friends.
• I think it’s best we get some space from each other for at least a few months. Once our breakup emotions have subsided and we’ve become more rational, we’ll discuss if it’s possible to become friends.
• We just broke up, so staying friends right now wouldn’t be a good idea. We need to grow individually and process the breakup before we can have any kind of a relationship. I hope you understand.
• I’m glad you want to be friends and stay in touch, but it’s too soon for me. I need more time to myself to think things through.

I told my ex we can’t be friends! Now what?

Once you’ve told your ex that you don’t want to be friends, your ex might try to guilt-trip you, get angry with you, and do his or her best to change your mind. Your ex might play the victim and try to prevent you from getting the space you deserve.

If that’s what your ex does, your ex won’t do it just to hurt you. He or she will do it to feel better about himself/herself and/or to gain your sympathy or forgiveness.

So don’t fall for it. Don’t fall for your ex’s reaction to your rejection or you’ll end up stuck in friendzone.

Instead of giving you ex what your ex wants to be happy, remember that your ex has an ulterior motive and that your ex needs you more than you need your ex. Your dumper ex needs you to feel better about the breakup/post-breakup life whereas you as a dumpee, need everything but your ex.

You need space and time.

So if you see your ex get mad because you said no to friendship, keep in mind that your ex feels hurt. Your ex feels hurt that you rejected his or her “gesture of goodwill” and wants you to validate him or her.

Does your ex want to be friends with you? How are you handling it? Post your thoughts, actions, and suggestions below.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.