Why Do I Still Think About My Ex Every Day?

It’s normal to think about your ex after the breakup. The breakup shocks you, hurts you, and forces you to think about your ex 24/7. It makes you blame yourself for your mistakes, gives you hope, and turns your ex into someone who can save you from your post-breakup problems and wrecked self-esteem.

Your ex is the only person who can heal your trauma, fear, and pain and encourage you to live with joy and purpose. Your ex has that much power in your life because he or she showed you that you’re not wanted and made you feel unworthy and dependent on him or her for self-love.

The simplest explanation for why you think about your ex every day is that you’re obsessed with your ex. You had plans and goals with your ex, so you didn’t expect them to go up in a blaze. You especially didn’t think your ex would give up on the relationship so quickly (without talking) and invalidate your importance.

Things weren’t perfect, but you thought you could work on relationship problems just like you worked on other problems.

Unfortunately, this problem couldn’t be worked through. Your ex wanted different things from the relationship, so he or she distanced him/herself from you and made you anxious and fearful. For the first time, your ex deprived you of love and the hormones love released into your bloodstream.

Pain quickly incited desperation and made you want to beg and plead for another chance. You were willing to drop your pride and do anything just to reunite with your ex and feel secure with him or her. You assumed pain meant love, so you quickly convinced yourself you loved your ex and needed to be with him or her no matter what.

What you didn’t consider at the time of the breakup is that the relationship wasn’t working (at least for your ex) and that focusing on the bad points was more productive than telling yourself the relationship was fine and that you lost someone great.

The more you told yourself your ex was a one in a million, the deeper you buried yourself in denial and the more you needed your ex to validate you and return to you.

If you were in love with your ex when you got broken up with, you couldn’t avoid getting hurt and thinking about ways to get back together and stop feeling anxious. You were in so much pain you probably contemplated all sorts of things, including reaching out, staying friends, and perhaps even getting angry and taking revenge.

You were overwhelmed with emotions and weren’t thinking clearly (rationally). All you could think about were the happy times you shared with your ex and wished you could go back in time and feel loved and needed once more.

The breakup itself was a difficult rejection and a big loss for you, so you started going through the withdrawal stages of a breakup. These stages started with depression, denial, and anger and lasted a month or a month and a half each, depending on your coping mechanisms. They pushed your ex deep into your subconscious mind and made you remember your ex all the time.

Simple things such as places, words, and songs reminded you of your ex and made it harder for you to get your ex out of your head.

If you can’t stop thinking about your ex every day when it’s been a few weeks since the breakup, you need to understand that a few weeks are nothing when it comes to breakups. After a long-term relationship, you’ll need weeks (preferably of no contact) just to get out of denial and eat and sleep better.

To process rejection, focus on yourself more, enjoy your life, and forget your ex, on the other hand, you’ll need months of time. How much time you’ll need hinges on your ability to deal with rejection pain and insecurities, your breakup plan (do you follow no contact), your support system, and what your ex says and does.

If your ex is reaching out and telling you he or she is dating someone else, you’ll think about your ex a lot because you’ll feel jealous and wonder what the new person has that you don’t. You’ll obsess over the things you did or didn’t do to get you replaced (almost) immediately.

So keep in mind that your obsession with your ex takes time to break free from and that how much you obsess over your ex depends on your and your ex’s post-breakup maturity, strength, actions, and inactions.

In this post, we discuss why you still think about your ex every day and how you can stop it.

Why do I still think about my ex every day?

You have thoughts about your ex for a reason. Whether it’s been weeks or months since the breakup, you think about your ex because you’re trying to understand what happened and why it happened. You’re trying to accept and process the unfortunate turn of events by going over them in your head and wondering what your ex thinks and feels.

You want to know why your ex left you, why he or she didn’t resolve problems with you the way healthy couples do, and what you could have done to prevent the breakup. You consider the breakup a personal failure that could have been avoided if you knew what was going on with your ex and/or acted differently.

There’s no point in pondering about the could haves and should haves because they’re making you obsessed and the breakup already happened. But despite that, you can’t help but relive the breakup a million times and regret doing or not doing something to create better results.

You blame yourself because your ex’s departure and/or behavior made you feel responsible for the breakup and shattered your self-esteem. Due to regrets and unmet emotional needs, you now think about your ex and want to feel important again.

If you don’t have any regrets and feelings for your ex but still think about your ex more often than you’d like, then you’re probably just obsessed with your ex. You went through a lot of pain when your ex broke up with you and developed an obsession with your ex. This obsession keeps reminding you about your ex and torturing you every day.

It’s not letting you be because you’ve created a habit of thinking about your ex during certain (or random) times of the day. It will take some time to break these habits. It will happen either when you’ve processed the breakup or found healthy replacements for your ex.

Replacements aren’t necessarily a new person (although another person can give you the final push to get over your ex. They can be new hobbies or interests that occupy your mind and show you that life goes on.

Also, figure out if you’re happy. Do you have a social, busy, ambitious, meaningful, and fulfilling lifestyle? If you’re lonely, sad, nostalgic, and bored, you probably think about your ex because you’re not doing very well. Whether it’s emotionally, socially, or professionally, something’s missing and telling you that you were happier when you were with your ex.

Your ex-thoughts automatically come back and remind you that you had more going on when you had relationship responsibilities and a sense of purpose.

Another reason you may be thinking about your ex daily is that you occasionally reach out to your ex, stalk your ex online, and do other unhealthy things that reopen your breakup wounds. Breakup mistakes keep you obsessed with your ex and discourage emotional independence. The more you interact with your ex, the more you can expect to think about your ex and the longer it will take you to put the breakup behind you.

As a dumpee, you should strive to distance yourself from your ex and mentally prepare yourself for a new relationship.

It’s okay to think about your ex once in a while. You’ll never completely stop thinking about your ex because your ex is a part of your dating history. But you will eventually find better things to think about. Things that you associate positive thoughts and emotions with.

It might take time, but it’s just that – a matter of time. Since your ex isn’t a part of your present or future (unless you have kids or something else together), it can’t hurt to push your ex out of your life. You’ll stop obsessing quicker if you don’t chat with your ex, hang out, and feel hopeful and tempted to impress your ex.

Your ex must also not be allowed to contact you whenever he or she feels like it. If your ex can reach out anytime and confuse you, you’ll take much longer to heal and/or stop thinking about your ex. That’s because you’ll get hope from your ex’s breadcrumbs and try to present yourself as an attractive individual worthy of being with your ex.

So give it some thought and figure out why you still think about your ex every day. Is it because you haven’t had enough time to let go of your ex yet or does your or your ex’s unsuitable post-breakup behavior have something to do with it? When you discover your reasons for thinking about your ex weeks, months, or even years after the breakup, you’ll know what you need to change to better your life.

Having said that, here are 7 different reasons why you may still think about your ex every day.

How can I stop thinking about my ex every day?

If you recently got broken up with, you won’t be able to stop thinking about your ex. Most of the time, you’ll feel abandoned and hurt and think about your ex and the way you felt when you were together. The breakup will make you depend on your ex emotionally and prevent you from moving on and thinking about better people and things.

You don’t have a choice but to accept that you got dumped and that it takes time to wean off your ex and fall back in love with yourself.

There’s no quick way to stop thinking about someone who rejected and hurt you. All you can do is embrace the pain and consider it a part of the healing process. Things will improve when you process the breakup, regain rationality, and see that you don’t think about your ex every day or as often as you used to anymore.

That’s when you’ll realize that you were thinking about your ex a lot because you craved your ex’s validation and love and wanted your ex to help you feel better.

Even though you aren’t able to stop thinking about your ex, know that there’s a lot you can and must do to detox from your ex. For starters, you must create a life independent of your ex. This means you must get busy and force yourself to stay physically and mentally active. Read, exercise, socialize, study, work, meditate, pray, and do whatever it takes to live in the moment rather than the past.

Don’t just feel sorry for yourself and wait for your feelings to disappear and wounds to heal. If you do nothing but wait, you’ll heal at a very slow pace. You might even act on your urges and reach out to your ex to ask for another chance. That will get you rejected again and further complicate your detachment process.

So take back control of your life by staying busy and creating a self-sufficient life for yourself. If you grow as a person and appreciate the life you’ve created, you’ll notice that your ex-thoughts are less frequent and that you’re on the right track.

However, if it’s been a while since the breakup happened and you don’t want or need your ex back, then you’re probably thinking about your ex because you’re not happy and need to find a way to become happy. You need to figure out what’s lacking in your life and replace that lacking with something or someone else.

If you often went hiking with your ex or had other hobbies that revolved around your ex, take up some new hobbies. Participating in various activities will help you spend your free time productively and allow you to miss your ex less. You won’t think about your ex when you have fun because you won’t have a reason to compare the past to the present.

You’ll simply enjoy the present and look forward to the future.

So figure out if you even had enough time to get over your ex or if you still miss your ex and want to be with your ex. It’s not unusual to think about your ex multiple times a day 4 or 5 months after the breakup. It’s quite common actually, especially if you had a close/intense long-term relationship with your ex. You can’t just stop thinking about someone you were attached to and got your heart broken by.

To stop thinking and caring about your ex, you have to accept the breakup, feel safe and fulfilled without your ex, and have goals, friends, and ambitions outside of the relationship with your ex. When you fall in love with yourself and find someone else you want to invest in, your ex will lose significance in your eyes and exit your mind for good.

You won’t think about your ex every day because your wants and needs won’t have anything to do with your ex. They’ll be all about you and your new life.

Do you still think about your ex every day? What in particular do you think about? Comment below and let us know.

And if you’d like to talk to us about the reasons why you think about your ex every day, get in touch with us through our coaching program.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.