What To Do When You’re Still In Love With Your Ex?

A lot of people ask themselves what to do when they’re still in love with their ex. They don’t know whether they should try to impress their ex, apologize to their ex, or give their ex a few days before they get back in touch with their ex.

If you’re one of those people and you can’t stop worrying about what to do now that it’s over, you need to hold your horses and understand that acting on anxiety and desperation won’t help you get your ex back nor make you feel better.

It will just repulse your headstrong ex and if you don’t pull away quickly enough, cause him or her to think even worse of you.

I’ve been through these thoughts and feelings of wanting to do something to get my ex back, so I know how tempting it can feel to want to reach out and talk to your ex.

But let me tell you that if you take the initiative and try to reason with your ex before your ex can be reasoned with that you’ll make things worse. Much worse, in fact, because you’ll trap your ex in a position your ex doesn’t want to be in and trigger his or her overwhelming need to be alone.

Don’t forget that your ex thought long and hard before coming to a decision to leave you. He or she counted the pluses and minuses and in the end, decided that it’s better to break up and go separate ways.

So don’t tell your ex that his or her feelings are wrong and only temporary. As far as your ex is concerned his or her feelings are real.

They’re a real concern.

So if you want to know what to do when you’re still in love with your ex, a good piece of advice is to stay away from your ex. Do what gives you strength and makes you happy and you’ll likely hear from your ex when he or she is ready.

This post is for dumpees who want to know, “What to do when you’re still in love with your ex?”

What not to do when you’re still in love with your ex?

When you’re still in love with your ex and think you need your ex to be happy, try to understand that your emotions are deceiving you.

They aren’t telling you how to be happy with yourself and what’s best for you in the long run. They’re telling you how to fix your separation anxiety, depression, loneliness, jealousy, or unhappiness with as little effort as possible – by running back to your ex.

Think about that whenever you feel anxious, sad, or nostalgic about your ex. You’ll probably realize that talking to your ex or getting back with your ex isn’t the solution to your problems.

It’s merely a bandaid – a quick fix that doesn’t encourage self-growth.

I know it’s difficult to leave your ex alone when he or she seems to be the cause of all your problems, but if you try to rely on your ex for happiness, things could go badly for you.

Not only could you self-sabotage your healing, but you could also cause your ex to:

• ignore you
• block you
• talk badly about you
• or get angry with you and refuse to help you deal with anxiety

When it comes to breakups, the saying “You have nothing to lose by reaching out/following your heart” is the worst advice you can get. You have a lot to lose. Way more than you can imagine.

For starters, you can lose your dignity and experience a powerful setback that ruins your healing and detachment.

The level of pain a person undergoes after reaching out is different for each person. But generally speaking, it depends on how your ex treats you and how badly you need your ex for recognition.

This means that if you’re not mainly healed and you decide to reach out, you can expect to get hurt a lot.

You can expect to see your ex moving on without you and maybe even see your ex dating someone else.

So if you want to know what to do when you’re still in love with your ex, my advice is to mind your own business and let your ex enjoy his or her life. If your ex isn’t giving you signs that your ex wants you back, you shouldn’t be giving them to your ex either.

You should be focusing on things that can help you move on instead.

Here are 8 things you should not do when you’re still in love with your ex.

If you want to get over an ex you still love, stop analyzing the breakup and everything your ex is up to. It will be hard to take your focus off your ex at first. But as days go by, it’ll get easier and easier.

What to do when you’re still in love with your ex?

If you’re still in love with your ex and it hurts, I suggest that you engage in activities that distract you from your ex and help you love yourself. Doing that will boost your self-esteem and remind you that you don’t need your ex to love yourself.

You just need yourself and things or people who are of more use to you than your ex.

So if you haven’t already started working on yourself and detaching from your ex, now is probably a good time to do so.

Start by:

• accepting that breakups happen for a reason and that they’re out of your control
• learning to let go of the past and the memories that you associate with your ex
• throwing away gifts and reminders of your ex
• making new friends and becoming more social
• learning new skills
• accepting your mistakes
• doing some soul-searching and learning more about yourself
• reflecting on your upbringing and identifying your triggers
• journaling your thoughts and feelings
• becoming fit
• practicing relaxation techniques (meditation, yoga, music therapy…)
• setting new short-term and long-term goals
• starting no contact
• increasing your passion for life
• spending time with your friends and family
• improving your flaws and imperfections
• getting rid of bad habits
• learning more about relationships and breakups
• participating in hobbies and activities you enjoy
• unfollowing your ex on social media (hiding his/her updates)
• telling your friends not to talk about your ex
• forgiving yourself for hurting your ex and forgiving your ex for hurting you

All of these things will significantly lower your anxiety, nostalgia, and loneliness and decrease the time it takes to forget about your ex and move on.

So don’t just wait around because waiting won’t help you get over your ex. It will just waste your precious time and leave you without any goals and ambitions.

Consider the breakup to be beneficial to your growth

If you love your ex a lot, you’re likely wincing in pain right now, wondering when the nightmare your ex forced on you will end.

Before you start feeling sorry for yourself and give up on love completely, allow me to say that the breakup can be a really good thing for you.

It may not be something you physically and mentally enjoy (especially if your ex treated you like dirt), but as far as transforming yourself into a better version of yourself goes, you’ll never get another chance like it.

I don’t remember who wrote it, but he or she said that if you’re at your lowest point in life that you’ve been blessed. Blessed with a unique opportunity to develop yourself into a better, stronger, and well-aware individual.

I agree with the author because people don’t get many chances to reinvent themselves. They normally get a chance to better themselves only once or twice in life when they realize they’ve lost something dear to them.

So try to look on the bright side and see that you have a lot to gain from your breakup.

You can either ignore the breakup and the signs it’s giving you or you can identify your weaknesses and use the pain from the breakup to your advantage.

It’s your choice.

Understand that the breakup happened for a reason

Since the breakup occurred, it’s evident that you, your ex, or both weren’t ready to be in a relationship with each other. You both had different expectations of each other and valued different things, so eventually, you hit a roadblock and broke up.

It’s essential for you to understand that there was no way you could have stopped the breakup back then.

As a person, you were who you were, so even if you behaved slightly differently on the day of the breakup and dodged the breakup, you would still get broken up with in the near future.

Maybe you wouldn’t make a mistake, frustrate, or smother your ex for a week or two, but eventually, you’d behave in a similar fashion and find yourself in the exact same spot as you are today.

That’s why the breakup couldn’t be avoided and needed to happen. As difficult as it is for me to say this, you needed something devastating to teach you that your relationship couldn’t keep going and that you need to do things differently next time.

You either have to learn your breakup lessons and improve yourself or you need to find someone who won’t leave you for the reasons you were left.

It’s unfortunate that big personal change usually requires a person to hit an all-time low point in his or her life, but that’s the way people are. We don’t change much about ourselves (especially something deep-rooted like our behavior) unless we absolutely need to.

We tend to start working on ourselves only when we’re in pain and want to be happy.

So if you want to know what to do when you’re still in love with your ex, bear in mind that personal change is crucial. It’s crucial whether you want your ex back or if you’re looking to have a better relationship with someone else.

Do something you’ve been wanting to do but never had the chance to

Since your ex is no longer a part of your daily life, you finally have the opportunity to do things you previously didn’t want to or didn’t have the chance to do.

Some of the things you can engage your body and mind in are:

• Physical activities: Playing sports, working out, dancing, hiking, swimming, kayaking, rock climbing.
• Mental activities: Singing, reading, writing, studying, learning new skills, meditating, solving puzzles, editing, memorizing.
• Social activities: Hanging out with friends, making new friends, attending classes, going to church, joining social groups, playing games, volunteering.

There are a lot more things you can do that aren’t on this list. But the idea is that you need to figure out what you enjoy.

When you figure it out, you’ll finally stop asking yourself what to do when you’re still in love with your ex and start asking questions such as “How can I get the most out of my day?”

I know it’s tough to self-prioritize because you can’t let go of your ex emotionally, but if you want the best for yourself, you have to start participating in activities that have nothing to do with your ex.

By keeping your mind engaged at all times, you’ll slowly but surely regain control of your emotions and push your ex out of your mind.

Let go of your ex

You need to understand that letting go of someone you love requires time, willpower. and patience. It requires every fiber in your body to open up to the unknown, so be prepared to give it as much time as it takes.

If you try to rush it and you fail, you’ll most likely get hurt and disappointed—and restart your healing clock. So don’t do that. Don’t try to rush your recovery by expecting to be over your ex by a certain date.

Instead, convey to your anxious brain that it’s okay if the breakup takes time and that it’s okay if you’re not completely over your ex just yet.

Don’t worry about what your friends and family think. What’s on their mind should be the least of your problems right now as healing is about you and your well-being.

It’s about regaining your happiness one step at a time.

So take your time if you need to and acknowledge the fact that you’re detaching from your ex every day, little by little.

Steve Maraboli, a well-known radio commentator and motivational speaker once said, “The truth is unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”

Steve is absolutely right. Those who drag the past into the present usually set themselves up for failure. They manifest the same results and suffer because of them.

Did you learn what to do when you’re still in love with your ex? Do you have any tips for getting over an ex you still love? Leave your comment below the article.

Angelie

I’m Angelie, a writer and a designer at Magnet of Success. Whether I’m writing compelling content or designing engaging pictures, I create content that resonates with our visitors and aids them on their self-improvement journey. I enjoy writing about relationship dynamics and the difficulties couples may face.