What Makes A Dumper Change Their Mind?

What makes a dumper change their mind usually has nothing to do with the dumpee. The dumpee may be a good person and easy to work with, but that doesn’t compel the dumper to come back and give the relationship another shot.

Almost always, it’s some kind of personal failure that makes the dumper reflect and change his or her mind. I’m talking about something difficult and painful that makes the dumper think back and crave the comfort and security he or she had in the past.

If you think about that, you’ll realize that the thing that causes the most problems for dumpers (and people in general) is relationships. Relationships affect people’s moods and happiness and force dumpers into difficult situations. The worse a relationship (or the breakup) is, the bigger the chance that the dumper will become nostalgic and miss the dumpee.

Of course, it’s not just relationships that affect the dumper and change the dumper’s mind. Personal happiness, (emotional) health, friendships, finances, work, school, death in the family, and hormones can also make a dumper change his or her mind.

It’s just that these things tend not to make as big an impact on the dumper as failing romantic relationships. Romantic relationships affect dumpees deeply and in multiple ways.

They annihilate their self-esteem, trigger their fears and insecurities, make them anxious/depressed, force them to analyze and compare things, and help them realize their ex’s worth and improve their perception of their ex.

Romantic failures cause some of the worst pains humans can experience. That explains why dumpers who come back usually come back after they’ve failed with someone else (or multiple people).

This is especially true if they put those people on a pedestal, invested wholeheartedly in them, and got dumped by them without a warning or explanation. A lack of closure can be difficult for dumpees to process as it can make them crave answers and acceptance more than anything.

It can hurt them so badly that they turn to their exes for emotional support and reassurance. Reconciliations like that tend not to work in the long run, of course, but that’s one way your dumper can change his or her mind and invest in you with the expectation to be invested in as well.

Preferably, you want your dumper ex not to use you as a healing backup plan. You want him or her to deal with the abandonment and pain and see you as someone he or she wants to (not just needs to) be with. That would make it possible for your ex to stay with you even after he or she has healed.

So if you want to know what makes a dumper change their mind, know that it’s something bad. Bad things encourage reflection and growth and enable them to abandon old perceptions and hard feelings.

Your ex is extremely unlikely to come back and stay with you just because he or she can. Something needs to permanently change in your ex’s mind before that can happen. Something or someone needs to make your ex regret leaving you and motivate your ex to be a better and more committed romantic partner.

Therefore, you shouldn’t hope that your ex has an epiphany out of the blue. Your ex won’t miss you or miss you as a partner if your ex has lost feelings for you. Dumpers who miss their exes romantically don’t really want to be in the position they are in.

They feel they were forced to dump their ex because their ex did something unforgivable to them. Something like cheat, lie about something important, or ghost them.

The majority of dumpers leave their partner because they want to, not because they need to. They think that their partner holds them back, exhausts them, steals their happiness, and isn’t the right person for them. That’s why they get so angry, cold, and impatient with their ex when their ex reaches out and tries to rationalize with them.

If you don’t want to bring out the worst in your ex and you hope that your ex changes his or her mind in the future, you must keep yourself together and refrain from questioning, pressuring, and guilt-tripping your ex. Breakup mistakes will make your ex feel uncomfortable and consequently, decrease your ex’s respect, interest, and attraction to you.

They’ll also annoy your ex and encourage your ex not to look back and see you as a reliable person who is strong and capable of helping someone who needs help.

So don’t try to change your ex’s mind directly by telling or showing your ex how valuable you can be. Such attempts will have the opposite effect as they’ll back your ex into a corner and leave him or her with no choice but to push you away and disappear.

In this post, we discuss what changes a dumper’s mind after a breakup. We talk about all kinds of things that can affect the dumper emotionally, cause the dumper to see you in a positive light, and force the dumper to want what you have (strength, determination, high self-esteem, healthy self-perception).

What makes a dumper change their mind?

Anything that doesn’t go according to plan and that doesn’t feel good can make a dumper regretful and change his or her mind about the breakup.

This includes circumstances that cause a lack of emotional strength, an overestimation of the dumper’s worth, an inability to handle stressors, low self-esteem, and any unmanifested goals and expectations the dumper lacks the skills and willpower to accept and overcome.

If the dumper feels that the current situation (in the present) is too difficult to handle, the dumper can feel tempted to look for solutions to his or her problems in the past. That’s how the dumper can start thinking about the dumpee again and wanting to have what the dumpee has.

A dumpee has a lot to offer. But unless the dumpee religiously follows no contact and preserves his or her worth, the dumper doesn’t see a way to benefit from the dumpee. Conversely, the dumper thinks the dumpee will continue to steal his or her happiness, time, and effort and that his or her life won’t improve if the dumpee is in it.

That’s why it’s so important that the dumpee understands breakup dynamics and that he or she stays away from the dumper. The bigger the emotional distance, the less annoyed the dumper is and the fewer unhealthy conclusions he or she draws from the dumpee’s behavior and attitude.

Sometimes, little things can also change the dumper’s mind. But usually, the dumper needs to encounter numerous little problems and concerns. Many little things can cause the dumper to feel overwhelmed and eager to get his or her life back in order.

Small things can be anything like guilt, shame, and everyday problems. These things combined with medium-sized problems can add up over time and snowball into big issues that need to be resolved immediately.

So if you want to know what makes the dumper change their mind, it’s a lot of small issues or a few big ones that require the dumper to rely on the dumpee. By relying on the dumpee, the dumper can receive proper support and see that his or her life wasn’t that bad when the dumpee was still around.

Just be careful not to befriend your ex. Many dumpers want to keep their ex around for convenience and support. That doesn’t mean their ex needs them romantically, but that their ex sees them as just a friend.

And friendship seldom leads to romance and attraction.

Most of the time, the dumpee stays in the friendzone with the dumper no matter how hard he or she tries to break out of it.

That means it’s not friendship and being nice to the dumper that makes the dumper change his or her mind. It’s confidence, strength, and a busy and good life that encourages the dumper to respect the dumpee and get back with him or her when life gets hard.

Keep that in mind so you don’t think it’s up to you to do something to impress your ex.

Right now, your ex isn’t emotionally and mentally ready to be impressed. Your ex won’t get impressed until he or she fails in some important way and gets tired of hurting and dealing with problems alone. That’s when your ex will remember you and perhaps even try to reconcile with you.

Your ex might, of course, also just breadcrumb you. But if that happens, you need to let your ex know you’re not open to friendship and that you want to be left alone.

That being said, here are 7 things that make the dumper change his or her mind.

For the dumper to change his or her mind, the dumper must regret taking certain actions and behaviors. And for the dumper to regret those things, the dumper must regret them on his or her own.

People need to draw their own conclusions and make their own decisions. When they do, those decisions have weight behind them and can be long-lasting.

So don’t even think about intervening with the dumper’s thinking process. If the dumper is dating a new person already and drinking himself or herself to death, that’s the dumper’s choice. You don’t have the right to lecture the dumper and try to influence him or her.

Only the dumper and the people whose opinion the dumper trusts can do that.

You shouldn’t try to persuade your ex into feeling a certain way about you. If your ex wants to find you worthy of being with, your ex will do that of his or her own accord. Your job is to work on yourself, detach, and wait for your ex to express romantic interest in you.

When that happens, you’ll be in a position of strength, capable of dictating the direction of the new relationship. That’s because the dumper will feel a sense of urgency and will want you and need you back urgently.

The dumper won’t just casually wait and hope that you ask for another chance. As prideful and stubborn as dumpers (and people in general) can be, pride means nothing to them when they’re hurting and feel that their ex will move on if they don’t act fast.

Just as you’re prepared to lower your pride and do anything to get another chance, so does a regretful dumper. Don’t underestimate the power of regret, anxiety, and desperation.

How long do I have to wait for the dumper to change their mind?

This is a question neither I nor anyone else can answer. Every dumper perceives stressors and deals with them differently. Some dumpers need weeks to change their mind whereas others never go back on their word.

Dumpers’ return depends on many factors;

Some of those factors include:

• how unfortunate their life is
• how mature and capable of reflecting they are
• what they do and don’t do
• how their dumpee behaves

Instead of waiting for something out of your control to happen to the dumper and change his or her mind, you should take control of your life and get over your ex. If you do that, you won’t care how long it takes the dumper to change his or her mind about leaving you.

You’ll be detached, happy, and secure and will know that waiting for an ex to return is a waste of time and emotions. It would make a lot more sense to heal and find someone else to date. Someone you don’t have to wait for and beg to be loved by.

And yes, people make mistakes, but breakups don’t qualify as mistakes. They’re premeditated decisions that dumpers make consciously and deliberately.

You should use this time to evolve as a partner and a human being. If you take the breakup seriously, you’ll outgrow your ex and attract someone much better.

What do you think makes a dumper change their mind? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below and we’ll get back to you.

And lastly, if your breakup is different or complicated and you want our help analyzing it and devising a breakup plan, subscribe to breakup coaching with us.

See you next time!

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.