Silence is your best tool after a romantic rejection. Whether you got rejected by a crush or got dumped after years of being together, silence will help you keep your worth and make you look and feel more attractive.
It will prevent you from saying and doing desperate/hurtful things and encourage detachment.
Silence will essentially prove to you that you don’t need this person’s love to be happy and that you just need to focus on yourself and those who matter to you and want you in their life.
The longer you stay away from the person who rejected you, the more you’ll process your hurt feelings and the stronger you’ll become.
Since it’s impossible to reason with those who abandon you, silence is all you’ve got. You need space to distance yourself emotionally and heal whereas your ex or the person you wanted to be with romantically needs space to self-prioritize and enjoy life without you.
If you don’t back off and give space, chances are you’ll pressure the person you want or wanted to impress and receive an unwanted response. This response will make you feel even more rejected and unwanted and could cause you a painful emotional setback.
One that makes you reach out and communicate/argue with the person who rejected you, lowers your chance of reconciliation, and increases the time to your full recovery.
So if you still have feelings for this person or you want to get over him or her, know that silence is your universal solution. It will send a message that you’re not going to beg for attention and affection and that you’ll be okay on your own and eventually with someone else.
That on its own won’t trigger this person’s separation anxiety and force him or her to come back, but it will help you in other ways.
It will:
- prevent you from making breakup mistakes that would make you look weak and impulsive
- retain your worth as a person and a (potential) partner
- keep your ex’s ego low
- avoid angering your ex and bringing out the worst in him/her
- allow you to keep detaching and rebuilding your self-esteem
Use the power of silence after rejection to your advantage. Do this by learning about its effects and the consequences of not using it. It will be hard to control yourself at first (to not reach out), but when you manage to stay away from the person who rejected you for a while, you’ll start to feel stronger and send an indirect message to him or her.
You’ll tell the man or woman that you’ve accepted the rejection and that you don’t plan to put yourself in the position of a beggar. The other person might not like that (might want to stay friends), but friendship after rejection is self-degrading.
It’s not something you should settle for if you respect yourself and want the best for yourself.
You should either reject the friendship offer if it’s offered to you or let the power of silence after rejection reject it on its own.
The quicker you make it clear you won’t stay friends with the intention to weasel your way back into a relationship, the better you will feel and the more your ex or crush will respect you, think about you, and doubt his or her decision.
So don’t waste your time talking and explaining things. Go no contact as soon as you get rejected. You won’t look immature for not wanting to talk and stay friends. You’ll look strong, self-reliant, and determined to focus on yourself and those who value you.
You’ll display your most attractive traits that will have an especially strong impact on the person in question when or if he or she gets rejected and needs someone reliable and self-loving to bond with and feel supported by.
Your goal should be to use the power of silence after rejection to heal and rediscover your worth both as a person and a partner.
But if during the recovery process, you get a chance to be with the person who rejected you, you get to decide if that person is the best romantic option for you. If he or she is and there are no red flags (no selfish reasons for wanting you back), you can reluctantly accept the apology and give the relationship a go.
But if you notice that this relationship would be disastrous for your health and that you deserve better, then you can either keep moving on or become friends.
In this post, we talk about the power of silence after rejection. We discuss how silence affects the one who got rejected vs. the one who did the rejecting.
The power of silence after rejection
If you don’t want to feel anxious and desperate for love from the person who rejected you, you must do the opposite of what your heart tells you to do and distance yourself physically and emotionally.
You must realize that talking to a person who lacks feelings is pointless as it goes in one ear and out the other.
Not only does it fall on deaf ears, but it also puts pressure on him or her and destroys remaining interest, curiosity, respect, and attraction. That means you can’t fix things and get a chance with this person by asking for it.
You can only make things worse and feel more rejected and unworthy.
The only method for looking more attractive in this person’s eyes is to go silent as silence exudes healthy self-esteem and the strength to deal with rejections. It makes the person in question doubt his or her importance and ability to make you happy.
No contact lets the dumper/rejecter face his or her fears when the situation demands it. And typically, it demands it when something goes awry and forces him or her to want what you want right now (acceptance, recognition, love).
This often happens when a person gets rejected and faces his or her music.
There’s no guarantee that the power of silence after rejection will work in the way you want it to. Silence could, of course, not change anything. It could enable the person you dated or wanted to date to keep moving on without any interruptions.
But despite that, you can’t let emotions get the best of you and keep reaching out. Explaining how happy you were or how happy you could be together as a couple will repulse the man or woman.
It will cause more problems than it will solve because he or she doesn’t want to remember the past. The main reason this person rejected you is because the past wasn’t fulfilling and a happy future seemed difficult to imagine.
As someone who got rejected, your only option is to accept that this person has made up his or her mind and that you must let the power of silence do its job. If it does its job the way you want it to, you’ll get a chance to be with this person.
And if it doesn’t, you’ll heal from rejection and get a chance with someone else.
Right now, you probably can’t see yourself dating anyone else. You only want to be with the person who rejected you and destroyed your self-esteem. But as time goes on and you stop taking the rejection personally, you might notice that this person did you a favor and that dating him or her would have been a waste of time.
Just keep your distance for a while and you’ll see what I mean. You’ll probably think differently when you detach and get back on your feet.
So even though the success rate of silence (no contact) isn’t 100%, that doesn’t mean that any non-silent approach will work. If you convince yourself you have nothing to lose by reaching out, you’ll soon learn that you have everything to lose or destroy, including your happiness, health, self-esteem, self-respect, and pride.
As long as you’re recovering, the person who rejected you is in charge of your happiness and can cause you immense suffering.
So don’t do anything rash. Learn more about breakup dynamics (link to my book) and things you need to do when you get rejected. It will help you find closure if you haven’t got it or found it yet and encourage you to detach and grow from this ordeal.
You probably have some things to work on—and this is the perfect time to do that. It’s also the time to figure out what you like so much about the person who rejected you and how to prevent history from repeating itself.
This is important so you don’t waste your post-rejection time waiting for this person to help you feel better.
That being said, here’s what the power of silence after rejection does and why it’s so important.
If you use the power of silence effectively, you won’t just improve your flaws but also become the best version of yourself. This means you’ll improve many aspects of your life and turn into an individual your rejecter could only dream of being with.
He or she may never realize your growth and worth, but that’s okay because you and more important people in your life will.
Some things you can work on are your:
- self-esteem
- ambitions
- social life
- hobbies, addictions, unresolved (childhood) issues
- self-control, self-awareness, communication, and other relationship skills
- mental health
Silence takes time to work
It takes time for the power of silence after rejection to yield positive results. Depending on how attached you got, it can take weeks or months to process rejection and months or years for the person who rejected you to get in trouble and realize your worth.
You can’t make this person want to be with you on your terms before he or she is ready to be with you. Life doesn’t work that way as you don’t have the power to present yourself as someone your ex needs right now.
Your ex or the person who rejected you needs to have some kind of epiphany to want to be with you.
This epiphany usually needs to be accompanied by pain, anxiety, depression, and regret as such emotions make room for romantic feelings to grow. So be patient and keep focusing on getting over this person.
If you were rejected by someone you had a crush on, it shouldn’t take long to get over him or her. If you go no contact, you should feel much better or may even be fully healed in a couple of weeks.
But if you were with this person for years and/or had an intense relationship, then you’re probably looking at 8 months of detachment or longer. It could take you twice that long if you were codependent on your ex for self-love and survivability.
In that case, you won’t just have to learn how to forget about your ex but also how to love yourself. You’ll need to rebuild yourself from the ground up and develop defense mechanisms that protect you from people who don’t want you and aren’t good for you.
Be aware that some things could make your healing extremely challenging. If your ex keeps reaching out, telling you he/she still loves you and thinks about you, your ex will likely give you tons of hope and delay your healing.
To deal with that, you’ll have to respond to your ex’s breadcrumbs in a way that prevents your ex from confusing you again. In simple terms, you’ll have to tell your ex to buzz off and stop contacting you.
This will force your ex to respect you and your decision not to engage in meaningless conversation.
So bear in mind that silence after the breakup/rejection is needed for your ex’s respect for you and your healing. Without a reasonable period of silence, you’ll keep getting your hopes up and thinking your ex may still have feelings for you.
Sadly, your ex wouldn’t be talking to you as a friend or not talking to you if he or she still wanted to be with you. Your ex would be doing everything in his or her power to regain your trust and feel secure.
Stay silent and work on letting go
No matter how badly you want this person to recognize your worth and give you a second chance, you have to work on decreasing your attachment to this person. You have to look for your worth within yourself because if you’re obsessed and dependent on this person for recognition, your relationship won’t last even if it gets another chance.
You’ll probably overwhelm this person with emotions and unrealistic expectations and get rejected again.
I know it’s hard to let go of someone you like or love but you need to secure your own safety and happiness before you consider being or getting back with someone who rejected you. If you jump into a relationship with a person you value more than yourself, don’t expect the results to be any different.
Expect this person to treat you the way you treat yourself and take you for granted. Always remember that your crushes, exes, and random people can’t see your worth if you don’t believe in yourself and display confidence.
They can only give you what you give them.
So if you want to make a good impression on someone you fancy, let the power of silence do its work. Let silence communicate with this person in your stead and allow him or her to do what he or she wants.
If at some point in the future, this person fails to find happiness without you and decides to take another look at your personality and ability to make him or her happy, you’ll be the first to hear from your ex.
That’s because he or she will contact you and want to see you soon if not right away.
Your job in the meantime is to persevere in no contact, focus on strengthening your self-esteem, and enjoy your life as much as you can. You never know. You might even learn that you’re happier than you were in a long time and that you wanted to be with the person who rejected you just to heal, boost your ego, and not feel lonely.
Breakups and romantic rejects expose our weaknesses. They show us what we need to work on and how we can feel good about ourselves. So pay close attention to what your rejection is telling you and address your issues now that you have the drive to do that.
Are you trying to use the power of silence after the breakup to reattract the person who rejected you or is your focus on moving on? Share your plans with us in the comments section below the post.
Lastly, if you’d like our help with your rejection, click here to check out our coaching packages.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
one if best articles that you ever wrote Zan! And I know I do say this quite often but this is something different
Thank you for accepting us all and helping us ❤️
Thanks, Linda!
Very good article, thank you Zan! ♥️
I met a really great man 6 weeks ago. We met 5 times in 3 weeks and he was always very attentive and already talked about a future, e.g. that we would go on holiday together at Christmas.
Then his grandmother died suddenly 3 weeks ago. He still contacted me, but it was less contact. When I asked, he said that he couldn’t think about dating at the moment, but he didn’t want us to end it either. Another week later, his father had a heart attack (because of the grief) and he took over the organisation for the funeral service, was very busy at work and worried about his father. He said he was worried about getting burnt out himself. He explained to me either that not meeting my needs (because he contacted me less) made him feel guilty and put an extra burden on him. I offered my help but he told me nobody could help him and he just has to go through it by himself.
I haven’t heard from him since, it’s been almost 2 weeks 😔 He also doesn’t respond to me asking if he’s still interested in me. It hurts so much.
First I had hope he will contact me again when his grief and the stress become less, but I start to doubt it 😔
(Sorry for my Englisch, it is not my native language)
Hi Christine.
This is something he needs to deal with on his own. He seems depressed and emotionally unprepared to deal with major life problems at once. His insticts tell him to push you away so he can focus on himself. I suggest you give him the space he’s asked for and keep in mind that he could do the same in the future. He needs to learn to deal with stressors better and not push people away just because he feels guilty and sad.
Sincerely,
Zan
Honestly the comprehension you provide is unneringly accurate and so so valuable.
This is the only place that can describe the actions and behaviours to an overthinking mind in a way that helps.
I cannot wait until a day I can come on here and thankyou from a centred and nostalgic heart for all you’ve done.
Recently I noticed an oddity that will rarely be asked though and would love your feedback.
I went back in the field under the friend premise and everything you described happened and nothing I hoped for did. Textbook.
It was interesting to note however that when I was in sight, not posing a threat and easily accessible my ex would say ‘I just got too stubborn’ ‘I know we are over’ and all sorts of sensible platitudes that made sense. Essentially she was telling a truth that was more than believable as I was applying no pressure.
Finally withdrawing from the situation however and fast forward two months she has massively changed tact and started blaming me for the entire breakup again (a standard falling out of love breakup with many errors by myself, textbook really) and denies ever mentioning the stubborn comment. Accuses me of being cruel and cold to her lately and starts saying that the children we share should just be picked up and dropped off with no conversation (something that I was literally already doing).
Why was she willing to be honest, calm and composed when I was trying to stay in her life and completely denies any mention of this now iv come to my senses and left her of her own accord?
It felt like underlying resentment had dissipated owing to me trying to stay in her life with no pressure.
It just seems there’s no other description beyond that she has to be the victim in this situation?
Hi Steven.
Thank for reading the blog and your kind words. I appreciate it.
It seems that initially, she felt guilty and was aware of the issues. But as time went on, she got tired of feeling hurt and changed the narrative. This made her put the blame on you and freed herself from guilt, blame, and responsibility. She had convinced herself you were the reason for her suffering and projected her problems and emotions onto you. Clearly, she didn’t want to feel the way she did and that she did something wrong, so she changed her attitude toward you and the problem itself.
Kind regards,
Zan
Today is my birthday and I got some birthday wishes in the group chat that me and my ex are part of with our mutual friends. She was first out to wish me happy birthday. I didn’t read the chat until some more had sent their wishes and then I just posted a smiley before creeping back into my lair of no contact.
In all honesty, I now feel I would be better of withour her wishes. But at least it gave me a chance to show it doesn’t do anything for me and that I can go back under the radar again.
Emotionally I feel a slight setback now, but I will continue to detach and work on myself and do things I like.
And this was the first time in 3 months or so she even acknowleged my precence.
3 weeks ago she had her birthday and I stayed out of it
Hi Gordon.
Belated happy birthday! You had a slight setback, but you’re probably back to yourself by now. Every day gets a little bit better. No contact is helping you rebuild your self-esteem and emotional strength. It’s only a matter of time before you stop getting affected by her altogether.
Kind regards,
Zan
I was the rebound for her. After 2 months together she went cold and when I confront her for what was going wrong, she told me that she would like to keep distance with me and was thinking to give her ex another shot, as that ex of hers was finally divorced with her wife.
I work in the same place as my ex and cannot avoid her. I am now in the 4th week of no contact.
I have been on radio silence, except twice answering her work related questions and asked one myself.
I recognise the need to keep silence and the benefits it will ripe. Are there any other useful suggestions you could provide me with in order to restore my strength and keep the door open for her to reconcile with me? Thanks dude.
Hi Honda.
Talk to her only about work-related things. If it’s not about work, you shouldn’t converse with her. You can say “hi” but other than that, avoid her at all cost. She’s interested in dating her ex-husband, this explains why she’s gone cold all of a sudden. To look and feel strong, keep moving on and improve yourself. Do things that give your life purpose.
You’ll be okay whether she comes back or not!
Kind regards,
Zan
Great article. Thank you.
It’s only been a week and a day post breakup and today is my day that I’ll start no contact. We would see each other all day everyday outside if work during our relationship. And while he was at work(worked 3x week), he’d call me when he had breaks and after work. We truly enjoyed our company together and loved each other very much. Anyway, I was calling and texting a lot for closure and clarity of what the heck happened to us. He ended our relationship abruptly and rushed our break up it was happening last Sunday. I felt a lot of confusion. I now see that he is not the one to help me with closure. He went from loving, attentive, and saying he will always have my back during the breakup to being aggravated by me contacting him for closure. He lost his patience and grace for me healing my deep wound that he caused. It’s only been a week and he doesn’t want to understand that it’s normal for me to be deeply hurt and confused. He wants to avoid that fact that I’m in pain I guess. He’s emotionally immature and can’t communicate his feelings to himself (I guess that’s why the breakup was abrupt. I never thought it would happen bc he said we would work through issues and never breakup but he never communicated what his feelings were and how to help fix. He made me believe that we are overall okay and that we can always get over issues.) So I can’t expect communication from him. During the breakup he was receptive and consoling and giving me answers but afterwards he didn’t want to listen. He felt he repeated his answers to me but he wasnt listening to my new realizations that caused my new questions. I was and am processing our relationship and breakup! Questions like: If he actually deeply loved me as I thought because the ending was abrupt and fast..etc. he said he is tired of the same conversation about our relationship. He’s so immature to understand that it’s only been a week and our lives are completely different now. Duh it’s at the forefront of our convos. He said during the breakup and all of this that he wants me in his life still and as friends.
Has the damage already been done to my dignity and respect in his eyes? I would think not. It’s only been a week of me calling and texting. He came down with a cold a couple days ago and really is annoyed to talk. We did have a nice Convo yesterday afternoon about random things nothing to do with our relationship. It was nice to laugh and flirt like we did before. Then later that night I called and it wasn’t nice. We argued about him not responding to texts and even texts about random funny stuff or logistics stuff like about our softball game The next day. The week prior I called a few times during our week space apart of figuring things out before he dumped me last Sunday. It’s understandable that I wanted clarity and missed our every day all day contact since it all came to a screeching halt. I hope that starting no contact today will keep my dignity and respect.
Hi Rin.
He’s not willing to give you closure, so you’ll have to find it yourself. Talk to your friends and family or sign up for therapy. Any other person than him will probably do. He seems to have low emotional intelligence. And people with low EQ tend to react impulsively and unempathtically. If you want to heal, you have to cut him off and understand that he’s not the type of guy who understands feelings and care about the feelings of others. Your suffering doesn’t mean anything to him because he gets overwhelmed by it.
From now on, it’s time to do no contact. It will help you avoid arguing over unimportant things.
Kind regards,
Zan