5 Rules For Getting Back Together With An Ex

If you want to get back together with your ex back, you need to know that simply following your heart isn’t going to cut it. It’s going to make your ex feel trapped and pressured and bring out the worst in your ex. So be careful about what you say and do.

The more anxious you are and the worst your impulse control is, the more likely it is that you’ll do something you’re not supposed to do and push your ex away. And when you push your ex away, you’ll also get hurt because you’ll have high expectations of your ex and depend on your ex for well-being.

Therefore, the only way to get positive results for yourself as well as your ex is to remain in control of yourself and follow the rules for getting back together with an ex.

These rules won’t just maximize your chances of getting back together with your ex, but also make it possible for you to heal as fast as possible and get yourself back. Healing is important because you deserve to be happy, first of all. And secondly, if you’re not happy with yourself, your ex won’t be either. He or she will see that you’re struggling and feel guilty or pressured by it.

So if you got dumped and are looking for ways to get back with your ex, keep in mind that following these rules is extremely important. Not only must you earn your ex’s respect back, but you must also allow time and space to change your ex’s opinion of you and feel something for you.

You must leave your ex alone so your ex can see your importance and come back when or if nostalgia and regret convince your ex to return.

This article is for dumpees who recently got broken up with and are looking for ex-back guidelines. We’ll talk about ex-back rules, techniques, and traits you need to have to attract your ex back.

1)Indefinite no contact rule

Let’s start with the most obvious and probably the most important rule – the indefinite no contact rule. This rule is essential as without it, your ex won’t be able to self-prioritize and alleviate guilt and pressure. Your ex will think that you’re relying on him or her for self-love and acceptance and as a result, feel responsible for continuing to talk to you and take care of you.

This will further pressure your ex into doing what you want or need your ex to do and make your ex feel worse rather than better.

You’ve got to understand that your ex doesn’t want more responsibilities placed on him/her. Your ex broke up with you to be responsibility-free. And the only way your ex can be free now is to get a lot of physical and emotional distance from you and worry only about his or her own wants and needs.

That’s how your ex can stop feeling guilt, pressure, pity, and concern about whether you’re handling the breakup. Your ex can be independent of you and enjoy life after the breakup the way your ex had envisioned it.

Even though your ex’s return strongly depends on unhappiness, the truth is that you can’t be the cause of your ex’s unhappiness. You can’t force your ex to stay by guilt-tripping, threatening, demanding, and pestering your ex. You can’t even talk to your ex because everything you say and do sends a message that you want attention and that your ex needs to give it to you.

So no matter why the breakup occurred, start no contact immediately. The sooner you give your ex space, the less smothered your ex will feel, and the quicker your ex will process the breakup and feel that it’s safe to communicate with you.

No contact is effective because it cuts your ex off and demands respect. If your ex can’t give you respect and see your worth, you mustn’t convey to your ex that you see his or hers. Instead, you mind your own business and prove that you don’t need your ex to be happy.

Furthermore, bear in mind that no contact includes all the rules of no contact, not just the ones you like. If you’re going to do no contact, follow the rules that help you stop analyzing the breakup as well.

Rules like:

• no checking your ex’s social profiles
• no jealousy games and posting things to bait your ex into contacting you
• no asking your mutual friends to update you on your ex’s life
• no holding on to your ex’s pictures
• no visiting places your ex frequents and “accidentally” running into your ex

If you respect yourself and want your ex to respect you, you have to follow the rules for getting back together with an ex and avoid making post-breakup mistakes.

2)The no friendship rule

The next rule for getting back together with an ex is the no friendship rule. Many dumpees are so hurt and want their dumper back so badly that they ask for friendship or settle for friendship. They have no idea that they’re setting themselves up for failure because they’re friend-zoning themselves (appearing unattractive and/or desperate) and delaying their recovery.

Friendship with an ex just doesn’t work because the dumpee has expectations of the dumper and wants to hang out, talk, and bond much more than the dumper. He or she isn’t over the dumper, which is why the relationship becomes unbalanced in terms of interest, attraction, respect, and power and feels forced.

And because it feels forced, one of three things usually happens.

1. The dumper notices that he or she needs to invest energy in the dumpee he or she doesn’t have. As a result, the dumper asks for space.
2. The dumpee gets tired of chasing the dumpee (feeling unfulfilled), regains some strength and self-worth, argues with the dumper (or not), and leaves.
3. Or the dumper is okay with friendship and strings the dumpee along until the dumpee recovers and becomes ready for friendship.

Romantic feelings seldom develop after dumpers downgrade to friendship. It’s much more common for dumpers to desire dumpees when they spend some time away from each other.

The no friendship rule also means you can’t be friends with benefits. Sex with your ex could eventually bring your ex back when things go bad for your ex, but if the breakup just happened, it’s very unlikely. It’s much more likely that you’ll make yourself even more dependent on your ex and find it harder not to think about your ex.

So if you’re contemplating befriending your ex to boost your chances of getting back together with your ex, keep in mind that friendship isn’t something your ex needs. Your ex may want it (especially if your ex feels bad for hurting you), but it’s not something he or she needs to redevelop feelings and come back to you.

Your ex needs to have some kind of epiphany that will encourage or force your ex to reflect and crave who you are and what you can do.

3)The zero breadcrumbs policy

Dumpers are notorious for breaking no contact and confusing their exes with breadcrumbs. They like to check up on their exes to assuage their guilt and make themselves feel better.

By learning how to distinguish between meaningless breadcrumbs and meaningful reach outs, you can react appropriately and protect yourself if you need to.

You can keep your ex at a healthy distance and continue to detach and exude high self-esteem.

So first things first, learn more about breadcrumbs, which is the way your ex could reach out to you. Knowledge is power – quite literally because you’ll know how to respond or not to respond. You’ll know whether your ex wants you back or wants to use you to deal with boredom, guilt, nostalgia, or some other unpleasant or bittersweet emotion.

Once you understand that breadcrumbs don’t help your ex return but give your ex a chance to get things off his or her chest, implement a zero breadcrumbs policy and stop your ex from reaching out whenever he or she wants to. Your ex needs to see that with the breakup, he or she lost all perks and relationship benefits.

This includes conversations about health, well-being, school, work, friends, family, and pets. If your ex is out, he or she is out completely. No more how are yous and what are you doings.

You can make an excuse to leave the conversation when your ex reaches out, but that won’t stop your ex from breadcrumbing you in the future. It’s much, much better to be frank with your ex and tell your ex you need more time to focus on yourself and that he or she can message you only if it’s urgent.

Some dumpers get upset when the dumpee shuts them out, but don’t worry about that too much. You need to put yourself first and prove you respect yourself.

4)Improving yourself

Following the previous rules won’t be of much help if you don’t plan on learning from the breakup and improving yourself. Everyone’s got flaws and things to work on. Those who don’t only think they don’t. They usually lack self-awareness and have even more things to work on.

This is why they encounter the same or very similar issues in their next relationship and get another chance to improve their flaws after the relationship has ended.

So make sure to invest in yourself now that you’re hurting. This is your best and probably only chance to make some healthy changes and improvements and become the person you want to be.

It’s not your fault your ex left you, but that doesn’t mean you should blame your ex and do nothing to grow. If your ex comes back, you’ll probably have to be more assertive. You’ll have to respect yourself more, take care of yourself better, spend more time with your friends and family, and enjoy your life more.

Something will have to change so that your ex doesn’t perceive you the way he or she did last time and get tired, bored, or tempted to cheat and monkey-branch.

When your ex comes back, your ex must be certain you know your worth and that you won’t settle for less than you deserve.

Successful reconciliations require dumpees to take power back. By taking back power, they can control the flow of the new relationship and silently convey to their ex that if their ex doesn’t grow fast enough that there could be another breakup.

Only next time, it’d be on dumpees’ terms.

So if you’re eager to learn about the rules for getting back together with an ex, learn this one too. The work you do on yourself now will determine the success of your next relationship whether that relationship is with your ex or with someone else.

5)Letting go of hope and moving on

Initially, dumpees hold on to hope for dear life and refuse to let go of their ex. They think that if they hold on to hope and know what their ex is going through that they’ll be more successful at getting back together with their ex.

The truth though, is that they won’t.

They’ll just make themselves more emotionally reliant on their ex and feel/appear more anxious when their ex reaches out and wants something from them.

That’s why it’s of utmost importance that you don’t wait for your ex to reach out and want you back. Waiting won’t just stop you from investing in yourself and getting things done but also hinder you from processing the breakup, finding internal happiness, and moving on.

It’s okay to be curious about your ex. Heck, it’s okay to think your ex was the best you ever had and want your ex back. But you don’t need to stay hooked on your ex and do nothing with your life. The key to becoming independent is to become happy. And to become happy, you need the willpower to detach and the determination to persevere through the days when you feel lost and miserable.

Breakups are difficult and take time to get over. You need to be strong so you fall in love with yourself again, sever the bond you still have with your ex, and figure out if your ex is the person you want to be with. Give yourself enough time to understand what you like and don’t like about your ex. You might realize that you were in denial and that your ex isn’t your soulmate.

One last tip I have for you is to use logic and common sense. People might give you all sorts of advice and encourage you to do things that are supposed to give you positive results almost instantly. Don’t fall for it. Be smart and keep in mind that if something sounds simple and too good to be true that it probably is.

The dumper has to put the work in because that’s the only way you’ll be able to take control of the situation, encourage your ex to grow, and guide your ex in ways that you need to.

Do you agree with the rules for getting back together with an ex? Do you have any other rules of your own you follow or want to follow? Let us know in the comments section below.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.