My Ex Went Back To His Ex! What Now?

If your ex went back to his ex, it was no coincidence.

This breach of trust occurred because your ex never got over his ex completely and /or always hoped that his ex would someday return.

The end of his romantic relationship with his ex basically made him so anxious that he thought about his ex very often and fantasized about her return.

As a result of uncontrolled thoughts and emotions, he unknowingly put his ex on a pedestal and thought of her as someone he needs to be with to be happy.

That’s why we can safely proclaim that your ex’s commitment to you wasn’t as strong as it needed to be for your relationship to survive his doubts and insecurities.

It couldn’t because your ex consciously or subconsciously desired his ex’s attention and craved her validation.

And when he finally received it, the pain and anxiety from the day of the breakup resurfaced.

Your ex first felt incredibly anxious to hear from his ex, so his expectations increased.

But when his ex admitted that she wanted him back, he felt incredibly validated.

He no longer had to keep hiding his true feelings for the person who broke his heart.

He could instead show his true intentions and be happy that she finally accepted him for who he is.

By accepting his ex back, your ex could finally fill the void that his ex’s absence created.

So if your ex went back to his ex and you’re wondering why your ex did it when your relationship wasn’t bad, this is the article for you.

We will talk about exes (boyfriends or girlfriends) going back to their exes. This article applies to both genders.

Why did my ex go back to his ex?

First of all, if your ex went back to his ex, please don’t think that there’s something wrong with you.

Don’t think that you’re not attractive or that your ex’s old partner is much better than you—because that’s usually not the case.

One of the few uncommon exceptions to what I just said is when a person comes out of a serious relationship and starts dating right away to pass the time—or to fill the void.

If that’s what happened to you, then your ex may have abandoned your short-term relationship for his ex because he couldn’t bond with you on a deeper level.

He probably tried, but when he decided that you weren’t a good match he quickly ran back to his long-term ex to extort her warmth, love, and care.

Another possible reason why your ex left you for his ex is that you, your ex, or both stopped working on the relationship.

It’s possible that you took each other for granted, became complacent, and lived a very unexciting joined life.

This kind of settling down into a routine oftentimes occurs in marriages and long-term relationships during the couple’s midlife crisis.

And it happens for a good reason.

Due to a lack of self-awareness and a lack of interpersonal skills, couples in long-term relationships sometimes “drift apart” and leave for someone else.

But the truth is that a loss of attraction doesn’t magically occur on its own as if it randomly chooses its victims.

No, it actually befalls couples who don’t communicate efficiently and express gratitude often enough.

It happens to those who take their partner for granted, neglect them, and fail to keep their relationship fresh.

Reasons why your ex left you for his/her ex

Here’s an infographic explaining why your ex lost feelings for you and left you for his ex.

If your ex left you for his ex and you were a fling, a rebound, or someone to fill his time, your ex, unfortunately, didn’t see any value in you as his long-term partner.

He was “merely” dating you to get to know you and to determine if he loves you and wants to continue to invest in you.

This is the point of dating, after all.

And if your relationship with your ex was long-term (more than 6 months) and your ex left you for his ex, then that’s a slightly different story.

There are quite a few possible explanations as to why he cheated on you and went back to his ex.

So try to find your own reason/s.

Your ex left you for his ex because:

• Your ex was still in love with his ex and wanted that person back. He was still heartbroken, so he began to date way before he was ready. As a result, he rebounded with you.
• Because of his lack of self-awareness, your ex failed to develop the emotional strength to appreciate you as his new partner. Due to his poor mentality, he left the moment his ex came back into the picture.
• Your ex was depressed or unhappy with his life, so he expected his ex to heal him.
• He took his new relationship for granted, so he allowed his long-term ex from the past to affect his mind. His ex attracted him more than his functioning, stable relationship.
• His new relationship wasn’t working for him because he entered it for the wrong reasons.

Signs that your ex isn’t over his ex

Even if your ex told you that he was over his ex, he may not have been completely honest with you.

The truth is that many dumpees remain heartbroken even after they get together with someone new.

Such dumpees selfishly jump in a new relationship and soon discover that they can’t bond with their new partner.

They can’t bond because breakups take 8 months on average to get over. Sometimes they take less than that, and other times twice or thrice as long.

It depends on each person and the circumstances surrounding him or her.

So if you’ve met your ex shortly after his breakup, chances are that you came across some signs that your ex isn’t over his ex yet.

You likely didn’t notice them back then because you were too love blind and didn’t care about his ex and his past.

You were probably just happy that your ex was eager to love and be loved.

Here are the most common signs of a heartbroken ex:

• Rushing the relationship by overly professing love and skipping relationship stages. For example, moving in together after a few weeks.
• Trash-talking his ex.
• Comparing you to his ex.
• Frequently talking about his ex.
• Withdrawing love and avoiding bonding after the end of the honeymoon phase.
• Losing physical and emotional attraction for you.
• Falling in depression, stagnating in life, and pushing you away.
• Ignoring your calls and telling you his whereabouts and who he’s with.

You can tell your partner isn’t over his ex if your partner’s focus is all over the place.

If he appears hot and cold and prefers to spend the majority of his time away from you, then your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s actions speak for themselves.

They indicate a loss of attraction and romantic interest as well as the inability to express intimacy.

So whenever you think that your partner isn’t over his ex, pay close attention to signs of cheating and any kind of lying and withdrawing.

You will soon reveal the truth.

Why wasn’t my ex honest with me?

Every romantic relationship starts with attraction.

This attraction naturally pulls couples together and helps them bond.

But when the initial attraction wanes and couples no longer feel ecstatic toward each other, their relationship goes through the “make it or break it” stage.

During this stage, couples become so used to each other that they no longer feel an insatiable desire for each other.

They still appreciate and love each other, of course, but they no longer experience the powerful adrenaline rush feeling in their bellies – the butterflies.

Duos instead revert back to their regular dopamine-free state—which is the state they originated from prior to falling in love.

Due to a loss of enthusiasm, the survivability of their relationship from this point onward, therefore, no longer depends on the newness and attraction, but rather on the self-perceived happiness.

Attitude is everything

How couples feel toward each other after the honeymoon stage is strongly determined by couples’ ability to make each other happy.

The way they communicate, express emotions, contribute to each other, and behave is what makes couples stay together or break apart.

It’s really so simple that even children could understand.

But if it’s so simple, then why are there so many breakups and divorces?

From my understanding, the success of a relationship boils down to attitude which stems from our:

• thinking and behavioral patterns acquired throughout our lives
• self-awareness, self-control, and personal strength
• maturity which is self-developed with experience, knowledge, and willpower
• gratitude, respect, empathy, selflessness, and understanding

If your ex cheated on you, monkey-branched, or hates you for an explicable or an inexplicable reason, you have absolutely no responsibility to take for your ex’s thoughts and actions.

You may have committed various relationship killers and post-breakup mistakes, but you probably had good intentions in mind.

Unless you took revenge on your ex or did something nasty, of course.

This implies that it was your ex who developed strong convictions and self-destructive emotions and treated you poorly as a result.

It was your ex who showed you what it means to lack self-control, respect, empathy, and everything mentioned above.

So don’t condemn yourself for your ex’s actions as they have very little to do with you and what you’re like as a person.

They instead say everything about your ex and the way he is.

Will he come back if he left me for his ex?

You probably already understand rationally and not just emotionally that dumpees feel incredibly attracted to their dumpers.

They feel so pulled toward their exes that many of them would sacrifice everything (including their happiness) to once again be with the person who broke their heart.

But what dumpees fail to understand is that reconciliations (especially premature ones) have a small percentage of success.

Most reconciled couples, unfortunately, just don’t think positively, so they, as a result, lack the determination to make positive long-lasting changes.

That’s why they usually quickly revert back to their old selves and break up due to the same relationship killers.

So if you’re interested in learning the reasons why reconciliations with exes fail, here they are:

1. When the excitement of the reconciliation wanes, ex-couples go back to their old ways of thinking and behaving. Since a lot of people don’t grow unless they absolutely have to, they quickly encounter the same relationship problems as well as new ones.
2. Depending on how much time has passed since the breakup, reconciliations can become a continuation instead of a complete overhaul. And when couples merely continue with the same mindset, they lack the motivation to improve the dynamics of their relationship.
3. Many couples who undergo a breakup and reconcile shortly after are still extremely exhausted from the lack of happiness they experienced in their relationship. Due to a weakened mindset, they are, therefore, at great risk for another separation.

If you consider these points and apply them to your ex and their reconciled relationship, it’s very likely that their relationship is going to struggle.

It’s going to be incredibly rocky as your ex or his ex will eventually revert back to their old selves.

And when they do, their new relationship will be put to the test again.

As for your ex coming back to you if his relationship fails, it’s very unlikely that he’ll run back to you after he left you for his ex.

The fact that your ex abandoned your relationship for an ex whom he always felt more toward means that he’ll probably try his luck with someone new.

Unless your ex becomes extremely desperate again.

What do I do if my ex left me for his ex?

When your ex leaves you for his ex, the last thing you should do is chase and ruin your image.

It’s a huge no-no because you won’t only abandon your pride and push your ex away, but you’ll also hurt yourself in the process.

You’ll experience pain similar to the day of the breakup and continue to recover at a very, very slow and painful pace.

So instead of thinking about what you should do to bring your ex back, think about what you should do for yourself so that you can be happy.

Acknowledge the people who bring you joy and consider spending more time on the things you love.

It’s the fastest way to recovery.

Even though prioritizing yourself may not necessarily bring your ex back, it’s still the best way of reattracting him back after the breakup.

Call it law of attraction (LOA) if you will, but the truth is that your ex won’t come back unless he realizes your value after his relationship has ended.

So work on getting over your ex and find your purpose in life.

You really can’t ever lose by investing in yourself again and regaining your independence.

Did your ex go back to his ex? Did you see any signs that your ex wasn’t over his ex? Comment below this article.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.