My Ex-husband Wants To Be Friends But I Still Love Him

If you love your ex-husband but he wants to be friends, it’s obvious that you and your ex are in two completely different emotional states. You’re attached and anxious whereas your ex is detached and ready to downgrade your romantic relationship to a relationship with no expectations – also called friendship.

By downgrading, your ex can get the best of both worlds which is a friend he doesn’t have to commit time, effort, and emotions to. He can just chat with you when it’s convenient for him and then stop interacting with you to do whatever he wants.

He doesn’t have to give you anything he doesn’t want to give. Your ex is a free spirit now and will remain free until he meets someone else or gets back together with you.

You have to keep in mind that ex-husbands who want to be friends don’t always understand the situation their dumpee is in. They don’t know that their ex is struggling emotionally or that she still has feelings for them.

We could say that they lack breakup knowledge and awareness of the situation as they only see things from their perspective and suggest things that are beneficial to them even though they’re disadvantageous to their ex.

Of course, they don’t want to make the breakup difficult for their ex on purpose, but they often do just that because they get caught up in their own world and forget to think about their ex’s feelings.

The most common suggestion or request coming from dumpers is friendship as friendship lets them have the cake and eat it too.

Friendship allows them to keep their ex around in such a way that they don’t let their ex get too close or too far. Emotionally, they like to keep their ex at a distance as distance gives them the space they need to do the things they want to do.

Some of the things new dumpers usually do are:

• spend time with friends and family
• engage in new and old hobbies and activities
• sign up for dating apps/start dating
• and try to stay distracted and busy

So if your ex-husband wants to be friends but you still love him to bits, don’t agree to friendship the moment your ex makes it sound like it’s a good idea. Being your ex’s friend will not only force you to stay attached to your ex but also give you hope that your ex might eventually come back.

It will make you stay close to your ex and make you feel hopeful until you realize your ex started dating someone else and that he has no desire to return.

That’s when you’ll get hurt again and be forced to process separation anxiety all over again.

If you want to be valued and have respect for yourself, you must show your ex-husband you’re prepared to lose everything – including friendship. Your ex might not like it, but that’s the only way you’ll get your importance back and give yourself a chance to detach and move on.

The topic of this post is “My ex-husband wants to be friends but I still love him.” We’ll discuss why your ex-husband wants to be friends or friends with benefits and what you must do the moment he offers friendship.

My ex-husband wants to be friends but I still love him

It’s okay to still have feelings for your ex-husband. You are/were married, so you were probably with him for years if not decades. But regardless of how long you were together, it’s not okay (not good for you) to befriend your ex and try to pretend you don’t love him.

Sooner than later, you’ll lose control over your cravings, become needy, and show your ex you still expect him to come back and love you. That will put immense pressure on your ex and probably cause him to seek even more alone time.

Even if your self-control is impeccable, nothing good will come of hiding your feelings. You’ll still suffer from unrequited feelings and watch your ex pay others way more attention than you.

And when you compare the people your ex interacts with to you, chances are you’ll feel very neglected and unimportant.

How could you not when you felt you were his most important person for years?

Anyway, you can avoid feeling unvalued and insecure by playing your cards right. All you have to do is say you’re not ready to be friends but that you appreciate him asking.

Your ex will probably say he understands and leave you alone there and then – problem solved.

But if he doesn’t understand where you’re coming from and persists/guilt-trips you, then you should state firmly that you need time to yourself and that you need him to see things from your perspective and give you space.

If your ex doesn’t get it after explaining it to him, he likely won’t understand for a long time. He’ll probably need to get dumped and befriended to see how miserable it feels to get friend-zoned and strung along.

So don’t worry too much about what your ex will think. This is no longer about him. It’s about you pulling away and looking after yourself. Your ex is doing just fine in this regard. In fact, he’s doing very good otherwise he wouldn’t have demoted you to a mere friend.

I know it can feel tempting to give friendship a try, but you need to understand that most dumpees don’t go from friendship to a relationship. Most dumpees who get back with their ex do so in the following order.

Partner ->ex-partner ->partner.

There are no friendships, friendships with benefits, close coworkers, homework buddies, or any other pre-relationship stages. When exes get back together, they usually do so because they give each other time to experience each other’s absence.

So don’t think you must remain close to your ex-husband for him to want to be with you. It’s quite the opposite as exes can only appreciate you when you remove yourself from their lives and stop caring about them.

That’s when they start thinking about you and wondering if you’ve met someone new.

Keep in mind that your ex asked for space by breaking up with you and that you must give him space. You must show him he can either be your partner or nothing. Friendship is out of the question,

Why does my ex-husband want to be friends?

We’ve already mentioned that your ex-husband wants to be friends because he wants to talk to you from time to time.

But what we haven’t mentioned is that your ex wants things to be okay between you two. He feels guilty for forcing the breakup on you and hurting you, so he wants to make sure you get the second best thing he can offer.

Sadly, his second-best offer (friendship) can’t help you. He thinks that it does, but in reality, it’s not even meant for you. It’s for your ex as it gives him a chance to keep interacting with you whenever he wants.

Your ex-husband may also want to be friends to support each other. Although there’s nothing wrong with that, your ex doesn’t understand it’s a bit too early for you to have that kind of selfless friendship. As long as the dumpee has feelings, it’s impossible for the dumpee to wish the dumper luck in his or her next/new relationship.

Well, you can wish an ex you love luck, but you probably won’t mean it because your heart will still crave your ex.

Again, there’s no point in supporting your ex as a friend when you have feelings for your ex and want him to love you and not someone else. You should be honest and support your ex only when you’ve healed and lost feelings.

If you have children with your ex-husband, you should definitely have a good relationship with your kids’ dad. But that doesn’t mean you need to be friends with your ex, hang out, visit each other, and do the things you did before as a couple.

That’s not what having a good relationship means.

You can have a good relationship with an ex without being his friend. But you have to keep the conversations strictly about your children and make sure your ex does the same.

With that said, here are 7 reasons why your ex-husband wants to be friends so badly after the breakup.

Some dumpees think their ex wants to be their friend so he can come back later if he changes his mind, but this is seldom the case. Dumpers don’t leave the door open like that because they don’t think about securing a spot in the relationship with their ex.

They focus on the present moment and enjoy themselves. The only time they wonder if their ex is still available is when they experience issues and need help. That’s when they normally reach out and show or express what they want.

Rest assured that you’ll know your ex wants you back if your ex actually wants you back. You won’t have to pick up on any hidden signs or anything like that. Things will be very obvious.

My ex-husband wants to be friends with benefits

If your ex wants to have a sexual relationship with you, it’s the same as if your ex wanted friendship, only more disrespectful because your ex only values you physically. He doesn’t care about your good qualities and the things that make you-you.

Your ex only wants to take from you and by doing so make himself feel sexually fulfilled.

If you give your ex what he wants, you’ll allow him to use you for selfish gain and push you aside when your services are no longer needed.

So if you have even the smallest suspicion that his intentions are selfish, don’t reward your ex unnecessarily.

The guy left you and broke your heart, so he shouldn’t be treated like a king. He should work extra hard to prove he’s sorry and that he’ll never take you for granted again and hurt you.

Regrettably, an ex-husband who wants to sleep with you doesn’t regret anything.

He just wants your goodies until he finds someone new and more interesting. Sooner than later, your ex will find that person and make you feel stupid for thinking you could get back with him by sleeping with him.

So be smart and don’t sleep with exes. I know it can be hard to resist an ex you have feelings for, but a person who loves you for the person you are won’t sleep with you the first chance he gets. He’ll be scared of disappointing you and getting rejected by you.

Always remember that exes tend not to redevelop feelings by continuing to speak/sleep with you. They fall back in love when something or someone disappoints them and makes them see your worth.

My ex wants to be friends but I don’t

You don’t have to feel bad for saying no to your ex-husband. You must put your healing above your ex’s desire for friendship and do what you need to do.

If rejecting your ex is hard, you can say you’d like to be friends (or that you are already), but that you need some time to yourself to process things. That should tell your ex that you mean no harm, but that you need to distance yourself from him and take care of your own things for a while.

No matter how your ex takes your need for space, it’s of utmost importance that you persevere and stick to your word. Going back on it will give your ex power and the ability to control not only your feelings but also your actions.

So if you love your ex-husband but your ex-husband wants nothing more than friendship, show him you respect yourself and know your worth. Prove you won’t bend over backwards for an ex—because that way, you’ll heal the quickest and also make him realize what you bring to the table the quickest.

Your ex may not redevelop feelings, but at least he’ll know that you don’t settle for friendships with exes who fell out of love and offered friendships out of guilt, pity, or some selfish reason.

Does your ex-husband want to be friends but you still love him and miss him? How did you respond to him asking for friendship? Comment below.

However, if you want to talk about your breakup with your ex-husband privately, subscribe to coaching and get in touch.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.