How To Win Someone Back Who Doesn’t Want You?

Winning an ex back isn’t as simple as apologizing and promising to do better. Rationalizing with your ex and guilt-tripping your ex won’t work because your ex is convinced that you are who he or she thinks you are and that you and the quality of the relationship will never improve.

Your ex doesn’t even care about your ability to change and make him or her happy in the future because your ex is prioritizing his or her happiness and well-being in the moment. Your ex is doing what is necessary for him or her to keep unwanted thoughts and emotions away and stay in control of the breakup.

In his/her mind, the time for self-improvement and compromise is over. It’s now time to self-prioritize and enjoy life without you. Now that your ex is free, your ex doesn’t want to doubt his or her decisions and return to the relationship just to experience the same issues and feel agitated.

Even though there’s a chance that the same issues won’t recur, your ex can’t risk it because he or she thought about breaking up with you for so long that he or she associated negative thoughts and beliefs with you.

This means that your ex disconnected the love bond and feels uncomfortable in your presence. Your ex can’t and doesn’t want to change how he or she feels. Your ex wants things to stay as they are as doing so gives your ex power and a sense of control.

No matter what you say or do, the picture your ex had painted of you is so black it can’t be fixed anymore.

Not by coercion on your terms, at least. Your ex is the only one who can change his or her opinion of the relationship and you as a person.

But to do that, your ex must want to change it. Your ex must realize that he or she misperceived and undervalued you and that he or she is at least partially responsible for breaking up. If your ex insists on playing the blame game, you won’t win your ex back no matter how hard you try.

This is because your apologizing and begging will reaffirm that you’re the wrongdoer and that your ex has every right to move on and not worry about breaking your heart and hurting you.

After all the pain you’ve directly or indirectly made your ex feel during and after the breakup, your ex now thinks that he or she has the right to worry only about his or her problems and emotions. Your life stopped mattering the moment the breakup occurred because that was when your ex decided to stop caring completely.

Your ex decided that he or she couldn’t stay unhappy and that it was morally acceptable to break your heart and be happy on his or her own or with someone else.

So keep in mind that you can’t force your ex to care about you, love you, and want to be with you. You must remember that you’re a dumpee and that as a dumpee, you lack the power to influence your ex. Your ex took that ability away from you by leaving you and making you fend for yourself.

If you try to win your ex back when he or she doesn’t want you back, it’s highly likely that you’ll put your ex in an uncomfortable situation and witness how your ex reacts to powerless exes who demand things from him or her.

You’ll be forced to see that your ex’s love has diminished and that you aren’t your ex’s top priority anymore.

You probably already know that most dumpers don’t treat their persistent exes very well. Most dumpers (especially young, immature, and immoral ones) get annoyed and treat their highly emotional exes unempathetically.

This implies they not only refuse to give their ex validation but also make their ex feel entirely responsible for the breakup. They say and do things that reject dumpees and push them far away from them. The further they push them, the more distance they create and the safer and happier they feel.

In this post, we shed some light on how to win back someone who doesn’t love you and want to be with you. 

How to win someone back who doesn’t want you?

There are tons of deceptive guides on the internet on how to win someone back who doesn’t want you.

Many of those guides will tell you all the reassuring things you want to hear. Some will tell you to wait 30 days to contact your ex whereas others will advise you to use texting techniques to show you’re doing well and that you’re capable of reflecting and changing.

The worst scammers will even beg you to purchase their ex-back spells for hundreds of dollars per spell and threaten to curse you if you don’t send more money. They’ll have no concern for your money, well-being, or your ex and will just try to profit from you.

Be careful who you trust.

No matter how desperate you are to be with your ex, remember that the easier the reconciliation method seems, the higher the chance that it’s fake and that it will backfire on you.

For example, if you receive advice that you should contact your ex and tell him or her that you’ve been thinking about the good times from the past, that seems too easy to be true and won’t work because your ex won’t appreciate it and reciprocate your feelings.

Your ex will feel uncomfortable and suffocated instead and will probably find a way to end the conversation right away.

No dumper wants to receive nostalgic reminders from an ex that he or she left and needs space from. No dumper wants to think about loving and investing in an ex who makes him or her feel pressured and discomfited.

Your ex is a dumper, someone who needs space and time away from you. You can’t force yourself into your ex’s life (especially not by telling your ex things you feel and don’t feel) and expect your ex to be all over you. Unless your ex loves you and has already decided that he or she wants to be with you, your efforts will be in vain.

Not only that, but they’ll also affect your self-esteem because your ex will respond differently than you want him or her to. And when your ex responds differently, your ex will reaffirm that he or she doesn’t want to be with you, which will open your wounds and restart your healing process.

In other words, your ex will show you that he or she can’t be manipulated into loving you and that you need to respect his or her decision and feelings and accept the breakup. I know how hard it is to do that (I’ve been dumped before too), but denial won’t do you any good.

It will only make you obsessed with your ex and force you to gravitate toward con artists who prey on vulnerable/hopeful dumpees, starving for reconciliation.

It’s okay to feel a little bit of hope as hope prevents you from breaking down and letting unfortunate circumstances harm you. But don’t intentionally look for hope and cling to it for dear life. If you look for hope, you’ll refuse to detach, grow, and understand how breakups work and what your ex needs.

You’ll stay convinced that you can trigger your ex’s nostalgia and talk your way back into a relationship. Convictions like that will keep you dependent on your ex and prolong your suffering.

If you want the best for yourself, you need to know that your ex doesn’t want to be won back. Your ex despises the idea of reconnecting emotionally with you and wants you to give up on trying to get back together. At the moment, your ex wants to avoid thinking about getting back together and needs to be left alone.

By being alone, your ex can stop feeling overwhelmed and start seeing you and the relationship from different perspectives. Time and space can help your ex calm down and avoid resenting you for disrespecting his or her need to self-prioritize.

So keep in mind that you can’t single-handedly win someone back who doesn’t want you. You can say all the right things and your ex still won’t feel love for you.

The only way to win back an ex who doesn’t want you is to give up on “winning” an ex back and let time, experiences, failures, and lessons make that person mature, see you differently, and want you back.

People have free will. You can’t make them think, feel, and do things they don’t want. You especially can’t make them do that when they’re rationally and emotionally convinced you’re not the right person for them.

They can feel positive emotions for you only if they’re ready to feel them and want to feel them.

And that’s how it should be. They should want to love you rather than be forced to love you. I’m sure you don’t want to be with someone you need to convince or force to be with you. You want a person to love you willingly.

It doesn’t matter if you made more mistakes than your ex. Your ex needs to forgive you, forgive himself/herself, discover your worth, and want you entirely to himself or herself.

Your ex can want you back only if you hold on to your worth and avoid befriending your ex and begging your ex to take you back. Self-respect is crucial when it comes to your ex feeling love for you. It’s the most fundamental feeling you need for your ex to respect you and love you.

If you don’t treat yourself with respect and try to convince your ex to be with you, your ex won’t respect you and treat you well (as an equal) either. He or she will see that you don’t respect yourself and that it’s okay not to respect you and want you in his or her life.

Always remember that the most attractive thing about you is how you view yourself. If you view yourself as a person of high value, you’ll act like a person of high value and demand that your ex treats you that way too.

But if you overprioritize your ex and undervalue yourself, you’ll show your ex you’re impulsive and a danger to his or her happiness and well-being. You’ll force your ex to increase the distance between the two of you and make your ex focus even harder on himself or herself and others.

So if you want another chance with your ex, try not to make things worse. Avoid conversing with your ex and thinking you can win your ex back if you just try hard enough. Your ex isn’t a game you can win. He or she is a person with feelings (or a lack of feelings in this case) who is determined that life is better the way it is.

If it weren’t better, your ex would have swallowed his or her pride and come back by now. He or she would have asked for forgiveness and begged for another chance.

So why bother and try to win your ex back when your ex is enjoying the breakup and doesn’t value you? Your feelings may tell you to fight for your ex, but there’s nothing to fight for at the moment.

When your ex doesn’t value you as much as you value him or her, it’s time to stay away from your ex and surround yourself with people who appreciate you.

A lot will have to go wrong before your ex wants you back. A significant amount of negative circumstances will have to occur before your ex misses you as a partner and considers being with you.

Your ex will probably have to get dumped or experience something painful that makes your ex crave your love and reassurance. You need to stay strong and wait for that to happen and avoid winning your ex back on your terms.

Rest assured that your ex will return on his or her own if life doesn’t go the way he or she expected. That’s because life will teach your ex some valuable lessons. Lessons that he or she took you for granted and overestimated his or her ability to be happy without you.

So forget about learning how to win someone back who doesn’t want you. Instead, learn more about how to get yourself back. Your ex will respect you more if you put yourself first and will also be more likely to redevelop love for you because you’ll show you’re capable of taking care of yourself and being relied on.

A shoulder to lean on is what your ex will need if he or she fails miserably and comes back to you. This is why you need to present yourself as a reliable individual. High reliability will let your ex see that you’re capable of dealing with life’s challenges and adversities and that you can offer stability and safety to the person you’re with.

Right now, your emotions are probably telling you to win your ex back before it’s too late, but your emotions don’t know nor care about what your ex needs. They just want you to stop hurting and feel loved.

If you listen to emotions, you’ll make your ex see you lack self-control and understanding of breakups and that you’re not strong and ready to deal with rejection maturely and with confidence. This will severely impact your ex’s attraction to you and diminish the chances of reconnecting as romantic partners.

So if you want to get back with your ex when your ex is ready for another chance, start by avoiding breakup mistakes and things that make you look desperate. Show you’re not going to stay in touch with someone who broke your heart and doesn’t want you.

Instead of contacting your ex and making your ex pity you, go no contact and hide your emotions and expectations. Let your ex wonder how you feel and what you’re up to rather than revealing it all to your ex.

Treat the breakup as a final breakup as that’s the only way your ex will see you’ve accepted the breakup and redirected your focus back to you.

Also, get rid of the idea that you can coax your ex back and accept that your ex has all the power. As long as your ex is in charge and doing well, you won’t be able to get any love from him or her. If you try, all you’ll get is a suffocated/impatient response that destroys your hope for reconciliation and complicates your healing.

There are certain things you just mustn’t do as a dumpee:

You mustn’t try to:

• prove you’ve changed
• promise to be a better partner
• settle for friendship
• compliment your ex
• flirt or sleep with your ex
• contact your ex’s friends and family
• guilt-trip and act as if you’re still together
• threaten your ex or take revenge on your ex

You may want your ex back, but you need to understand that your ex doesn’t want that and that your ex can’t be seduced the way you attracted him or her the first time. You’re dealing with a breakup now (a person who perceives you in a bad light) and can’t feel love for you.

Things will stay that way for a while because your ex will hold you responsible for the breakup and avoid reconnecting on an intimate level for as long as he or she can.

Be prepared to give your ex time and focus on yourself.

You don’t want to keep looking over your shoulder and not make any emotional progress. You want to be emotionally independent and developed as a person by the time your ex hits a snag and reaches the regret stage of a breakup.

That’s when you’ll get the second chance you so badly want.

Having said that, here’s how to “win” someone back who doesn’t want you.

Breakups are about you, not your ex

I know that you’re obsessed with your ex and that you’d like to learn more about reattracting your ex, but know that you have a lot of work to do before you get back together. You have to learn from the breakup so that you don’t make the same mistakes with your ex or other people in the future.

You basically need to grow as a person and a partner and prepare yourself for any challenges you may face personally and as a couple. Time is of the essence.

You can avoid unnecessary suffering by improving your flaws and learning to love yourself. Take the breakup seriously and also do your best to keep your mind off your ex.

This is necessary for your peace of mind and healing.

You won’t heal very fast if you keep looking for ways to win someone back who doesn’t want you. Yes, you’ll still make progress, but it won’t be as fast as it should be.

Getting back with an ex requires patience and lots of self-love and self-distraction. Don’t expect to get over your ex if you keep analyzing everything your ex says and does on social media and in person. Give yourself time (as much time as you need) to process the breakup and forget about your ex.

Once you’ve forgotten your ex, you’ll also forget about winning back someone who doesn’t deserve your time, love, and emotions.

Did you learn how to win someone back who doesn’t want you? What is your advice for those who are going through a difficult breakup? Share your thoughts and questions below.

And if you need assistance to learn why the breakup happened and how you can overcome the pain of a breakup, sign up for private coaching. We specialize in helping dumpees get closure and avoiding breakup mistakes.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.