How To Reach Out To An Ex-boyfriend Or Ex-girlfriend?

First of all, you don’t ever reach out to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend if you want him or her back.

You don’t do it no matter how badly you want your ex to acknowledge your worth.

You must understand that breaking no contact is dangerous for both the dumpee and the dumper, so make this the first rule of the breakup.

Write it down, memorize it if you have to, but just don’t reach out to an ex.

Nothing good will come of it if your ex isn’t ready to converse with you as an equal yet.

The most you will do is talk to your ex for a minute or two until your ex gets tired of you and ditches you again.

And then you’ll be back to the beginning of the breakup, wondering how to get over your breakup.

So to avoid unnecessary pain, remember that as long as you’re heartbroken and dependent on your ex for happiness, you shouldn’t risk contacting your ex.

When your partner broke up with you, he or she stopped supplying your brain with happy hormones—which coincidentally gave you drug-like withdrawal symptoms.

As a result of shock, you can’t eat or sleep and do the task that you normally take for granted.

The reason why I’m telling you this is that when you talk to your ex after the breakup, you basically resupply yourself with the drug your ex has taken away from you.

For a moment, you feel ecstatic.

But the moment your ex disappears again, you immediately regress back to your overdependent state and prolong your suffering.

So if you want to know how to reach out to an ex after the breakup, this article will help you reach out in a way that causes you the least pain.

When is it okay to reach out to an ex?

You already know that you shouldn’t break the no contact rule “to get your ex back.” You also know that it will likely harm you even more if you’re still hurting over your loss.

So get the, “I must do something or my ex will start dating someone else” out of your mind.

You need to know that as a dumpee, you lack the power to influence or manipulate your ex right after the breakup.

He or she is just too busy going through the 5 stages of a breakup for the dumper, minding his or her own business.

That’s why you mustn’t try to reason with your ex and play mind games on him or her. It won’t work, so let it go.

But what if you absolutely need to talk to your ex about something urgent?

Well, luckily, there are a few exceptions to the no contact rule.

You shouldn’t think that you can’t ever talk to your ex about important matters.

You can and you should.

I’d actually like to encourage you to solve things that you and your ex need to take care of before its too late.

If you have unfinished business with your ex and you want to know how to reach out to an ex after the breakup, you first need to understand the times when it’s okay to reach out as a dumpee.

You need to inspect your intentions and become aware of your own thought process before you contact your ex.

Here’s a picture explaining the steps you should take before you decide to break no contact.

The times when you can reach out to your ex

Since a lot of people find the no contact rule confusing and often impossible to follow, I’ve come up with the simplest, most efficient explanation as to when you can reach out to your ex.

It goes like this.

The times when you can break the no contact rule is when the desired topic of conversation is important and it concerns neither you nor your ex specifically.

This means that contacting your ex is acceptable when the subject of your reach out doesn’t include one individual at a time—but rather both people.

If you’re still following, it implies that you can contact your ex as a dumpee when you wish to talk about:

• mortgage
• divorce
• loans
• kids
• any unfinished business that can’t wait

How to reach out to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend?

The only way to reach out to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is by appearing simple and authentic.

Be open, kind, respectful, and get straight to the point.

For example, if you’re following the no contact rule when you have kids, reach out directly about the children.

Ask your ex if he or she can look after your child or anything you’d like him or her to do as a caring dad or mom.

Don’t demand, push, show signs of anger or anything that will make your ex resent you. It won’t end well for you if you do.

Instead, be nice and reach out in a way you’d like a person you don’t get along with too much to communicate with you.

Keep in mind that your ex is not your partner. He or she doesn’t share your best interests at heart—and will most likely not hear you out if your message is selfish and doesn’t concern a common interest.

That’s why your intentions must be 100% selfless and can’t have anything to do with your ex.

They have to concern both of you at the same time and must be of an urgent matter.

Here’s a picture explaining how to reach out to your ex during no contact.

Provided you and your ex spent a decent portion of your lives together, your ex is probably old and mature enough to respond to you.

He or she should be self-aware enough to know his or her priorities and talk to you in a friendly manner.

And even though your ex might not like it, your ex probably won’t mind talking to you if the topic of the conversation is urgent and demands immediate attention.

Examples of how to reach out to an ex

Reaching out to an ex after the breakup is difficult when you have expectations of your ex.

As long as you want your ex to react in a certain way, you risk making impulsive mistakes.

And these mistakes are not something you can afford as a dumpee.

If you behave on emotions alone, you will most likely ask for what your ex wants to give you the least.

You will demand love, attention, and validation—and drain your ex of remaining energy.

So to avoid disappointment, follow the rules of “how to reach out to an ex” you’ve learned up to this point.

And when you’ve mastered them, feel free to use the following ways to reach out to an ex.

Reaching out to an ex about children

Contacting an ex about shared assets

Reaching out to an ex after months or years later

Getting back together with an ex years later is possible.

But just because it’s possible, it doesn’t mean that it will happen on your terms.

Nothing will raise your chances of reconciliation higher than when your ex reaches out to you after he or she has had the time to think thoroughly.

You must understand that attraction develops when your ex thinks, ponders, ruminates, contemplates, and reflects about you.

It doesn’t occur even a second before he or she fires up his or her brain and pictures you in a positive light.

So no matter how tempted you are to reach out to your ex after months or years, you need to hold your horses and wait for your ex to self-reflect.

He or she has to think about his or her life, the past, the future, and determine what’s best for him or her.

And that’s the kind of realization you can’t force on your dumper ex.

You can’t just reach out to an ex with some masterful cunning technique and make him or her fall for you again.

It doesn’t work like that.

It won’t work on a random person and it certainly won’t on someone who’d spent his or her time before and after the breakup degrading you.

So wait until your ex becomes receptive and reaches out to you when he or she is ready.

How to reach out to an ex that ignores you?

Your ex might not want to talk to you even if you do everything as advised in this article.

If that’s the case, your ex lacks the mentality, self-awareness, and personal strength to act and react accordingly.

He or she doesn’t have the mental capacity to do what’s best for your ex, you or someone else.

Due to your ex’s overwhelming victim mentality, your ex doesn’t have it in him or her to respond to you.

Your ex is still stuck in the past—holding grudges and refusing to act mature.

So if that’s what’s happening to you and you’re wondering, “How to reach out to an ex that ignores you,” I can tell you that you can’t.

You can try to reach out, but you’ll only make things worse and get ignored again.

So to avoid more pain and suffering, simply leave your ex alone, stay true to the indefinite no contact rule, and don’t reach out to your ex ever again.

The time will probably come when you hear from your ex again—and you might not even want to talk to your ex anymore.

You will have gone through all the stages of no contact the dumpee goes through and be glad you’ve managed to detach from your ex.

How to reach out to an ex if you’re back on talking terms

If you’re back on talking terms with your ex and your ex happily communicates with you, reaching out to your ex is no rocket science.

After your ex has contacted you for the first time, simply reach out and establish a healthy balance.

This means that if your ex doesn’t contact you first or often enough, you don’t reach out to your ex either.

You know that you can’t make your ex want to talk to you if you don’t let your ex invest in you again.

So let your ex invest in you by allowing him or her to see your worth on his or her own.

This implies that you shouldn’t say or do anything to your ex directly to raise your value after the breakup. You know you won’t be able to influence a stubborn ex.

Your ex basically has to learn to value you to find satisfaction in talking to you.

How your ex will get to this stage, it’s not your concern. All you know is that your ex will need a while to get there.

For some, it’s a week of introspecting and others, something thought-provoking has to occur first.

So whichever route your ex decides to take, make sure you give your ex all the time in the world to do as he or she pleases.

And while you’re waiting, start improving your shortcomings and focus on getting over your ex.

Only when you’ve improved and got over your ex will you be able to captivate the attention of your ex or someone new.

Did this article teach you how to reach out to an ex after a breakup? Is there anything else you’re curious about. Let me know by commenting below.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.