How Often Do Ex-girlfriends Come Back?

Since breakups happen for different reasons, it’d be unfair to lump them all together and state that exes always come back a certain number of months into the breakup. The painful truth is that ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends don’t always change their minds about the people they dated.

When they’re bitter, determined, and incapable of dealing with their resentment, they tend not to alter their beliefs and perceptions.

Their personality, maturity, and hurt feelings don’t let them as they’re not developed enough to see things from different angles and improve their thinking patterns.

Such dumpers may not stay angry with their ex-partners for long, but they nonetheless remain confident that breaking up was the right thing to do as they’re much happier and finally in control of their life.

They’re certain their exes were the cause of their problems and that they must respect themselves and do what’s best for them.

Initially, all dumpers are convinced their ex ruined the relationship and doesn’t deserve their love and commitment. The only three exceptions I can think of are self-aware, emotionally unavailable, and depressed dumpers. These types of dumpers may be mature and cognizant enough to understand what brought about the separation.

Sadly, most understanding dumpers shift some of the blame onto themselves much later (when they let go of negative breakup emotions and realize they contributed to the breakup as well). This usually happens months after the breakup as dumpers need some time to process the separation and see things differently.

What and when they realize things depends on how emotionally intelligent dumpers are.

The higher the dumpers’ EQ (emotional quotient), the bigger the chance that dumpers will understand, use, and manage emotions in positive ways. Emotions not only decide the fate of a relationship but they also decide whether broken couples get back together.

Unfortunately, there is no surefire way to tell that a certain kind of person is going to become nostalgic and regretful. Sometimes even the most abusive and vengeful ex-girlfriends feel sentimental and return to a relationship they took for granted and destroyed.

Abusive people wreak havoc wherever they go. And because they wreak havoc, they get hit by karma, suffer immensely, and run back to their exes for comfort and safety. From my observations, such exes tend to come back even more frequently than regular (non-abusive) dumpers.

That’s because they lack the ability to live a peaceful/fulfilling life on their own. They constantly need someone more developed than them to guide them and provide them with something they don’t have.

Nice exes come back too, of course. But the thing with them is that they’re more developed and less likely to put themselves in unhealthy/painful situations. They treat relationships with more respect than immature people and as a result have fewer unrealistic expectations and failures.

Because of their positive attitude, they think things through and tend to stick to their decisions, whatever those may be.

It’d be black and white to categorize dumpers by “nice” and “toxic” as there are probably dozens of categories of people that fit between these categories.

Some dumpers get cheated on and need to dump their partners to preserve their self-respect. Others do the cheating themselves and lose respect for their partners and trust in relationships.

If these particular cheatees and cheaters were to come back, they would likely do so for different reasons and at different times. The people who cheated would have to go through the grass is greener syndrome post-breakup experience and realize the new person is not a good match for them.

As for those who got cheated on, they would likely have to acknowledge that people take others for granted at times, forgive their dumpees for cheating, and become open-minded and willing to explore the possibility of salvaging a relationship that ended because of infidelity.

Reconciliation could happen very fast for open-minded people as most people who forgive their partner for cheating do so very quickly after the incident. Those who forgive much later tend to do that because they haven’t processed the breakup fully (gotten over their ex) and found someone to replace their ex with.

So if you want to know how often ex-girlfriends come back, know that there isn’t a simple answer to this question. The answer strongly depends on the situation, such as the respect the dumper has for the dumpee, her EQ, her self-awareness, ability/willingness to forgive, reasons for breaking up, and the problems she encounters after the breakup.

The least important thing (but still extremely important) is what the dumpee does after the breakup. If he keeps begging and pleading, crying, accusing, threatening, or guilt-tripping, he can significantly decrease his ex’s respect for him and the necessity to get back with him

If you want your ex back, you need to take a step back and preserve your worth by avoiding breakup mistakes.

Today, we answer the question, “How often do ex-girlfriends come back after the breakup.” I hope you agree with the answers.

How often do ex-girlfriends come back after the breakup?

The harsh reality is that ex-girlfriends don’t come back very often. Internet gurus say they return more than 50% of the time (some even claim they return as often as 80% of the time), but that’s not true. That would indicate that most exes redevelop feelings for their dumpees and start a new relationship with them.

Sadly, most exes just don’t redevelop feelings. They can’t or don’t want to as they’re 100% certain their ex isn’t the right person for them. Because of such convictions, they feel smothered, repulsed, or annoyed by their ex’s presence and behavior—and stay far away from their ex.

Exes who do come back either never stop loving their ex or find some kind of reason to reconnect with their ex. That reason can be anything that encourages or forces them to see their ex in a positive light and themselves as people who messed up badly.

So how often do ex-girlfriends come back after the breakup? First of all, ex-girlfriends come back just as often as ex-boyfriends. People (usually guys) say that women don’t come back as often as men because they’re more decisive and emotional than guys.

But such guys are forgetting that emotions intensify feelings of nostalgia and regret and change dumpers’ beliefs.

Negative emotions improve dumpers’ unhealthy/wrong perceptions of their ex and affect the way they think of themselves. Therefore, ex-girlfriends (women) return for the same reasons guys do – because they’re not happy. They come back because they’re tired of feeling sad, hurt, and unimportant.

It doesn’t matter if they have more options than guys.

Reconciliations don’t happen just because dumpers are out of dating options. This can be one of the causes for their return, of course, but the biggest and most important reason exes get back together is because dumpers (male or female) can’t find someone who brought peace, stability, and love into their lives.

They realize they’re way more miserable than when they were with their ex, so they want to once again experience peace and happiness. The quickest way for them to do that is to contact their ex and get back together with him.

It’s generally assumed that in life, women desire security and prioritize family. But I think this is a dangerous broad statement. What about women who don’t want children, can’t have them, and are extremely independent/happy to stay single?

It’s not in their DNA to be traditional wives and have kids/get married.

We must not generalize that all women want what some women want and that they’re “programmed” to seek protection from men and give children. We must look at the bigger picture when we talk about ex-girlfriends coming back. And the bigger picture shows that reconciliations are backup plans for women (and men).

They’re safety nets and rewinds as they allow dumpers to travel back in time and get something they weren’t able to acquire on their own or with other people. I know you don’t want your ex-girlfriend to think of you as a backup plan and come back because everything else has failed, but try not to take it too personally.

Before you became a couple, she chose you because she couldn’t make her relationships with her exes work. You were the newest, yet the best option for her.

And that’s what you’ll always be in her eyes – an option; someone she can be with if she decides you make her happy.

She might also choose to move forward and be with someone completely new. It’s hard to predict whether she’ll return or move forward with someone else. This probably depends on how good her self-esteem is and how quickly she can recover from the predicament(s) she gets herself into.

Generally speaking, people with low self-esteem tend to cling to people for happiness. Your ex could do that too if she ever needs emotional support and chooses to confide in you. I suppose you’ll deal with that problem when you get to it.

For now, you should focus on the problems at hand, such as how to forget about your ex and be happy.

Keep in mind that ex-girlfriends come back most frequently when they have trouble loving themselves and forming healthy relationships with other people. This is the most common reason because romantic failures (especially rejections) lower their egos/hurt their self-esteem and force them to admit that what they had in the past with their ex (or exes) wasn’t that bad.

They just couldn’t see it at the time because they lacked experience and gratitude.

So if you’re still looking for % of exes that come back, you need to stop looking. Reconciliations depend on way too many factors you can’t do anything about.

Factors such as your ex’s:

• perceptions of you
• emotional intelligence
• coping mechanisms
• experiences and problems

As a dumpee, all you can do is start no contact, put your ex under the microscope, and based on what you know about your ex, determine how she’s most likely to react in certain situations. But you sadly can’t tell what she’ll do and how she’ll perceive you if unpredictable things happen to her. Things like depression, anxiety, and another breakup.

Your best bet is to observe some of her behaviors and look for patterns in them. Did she go back to her exes in the past? What were her reasons for doing so? As her ex, you probably don’t know if she went to her exes in the past. Even if you know she did, you don’t know if she has broken that pattern.

She might have grown since then and made a promise to herself not to go back to an ex because it never works for her.

The point is that you don’t know her as much as you think you do. You know her positive traits and even some bad ones. But you don’t know how she treats exes and views them as the things she told you were probably half true or true only from her point of view.

So what’s the point of knowing how often ex-girlfriends come back? I’ve been doing this for years and I still don’t have an acceptable answer to this question. I know how an ex needs to think and feel to come back, but to say they come back this or that often would be an irresponsible and untrue statement.

How often ex-girlfriends come back depends on each person. Some women go back to their exes 5 times in a row whereas other women feel secure within themselves and don’t go back even once.

With that said, the things that determine whether a female dumper goes back to her ex are:

• how she thinks and perceives exes
• whether she can forgive, forget, and improve
• whether she’s willing to admit her faults
• who and how others are influencing her
• how determined she is to stick to her decisions
• what she learns from her new experiences
• how hurt she gets by her new partners/predicaments
• how badly she needs emotional/financial/physical support

Frankly put, exes come back when something goes wrong. That’s when they start to think that the easiest way to deal with problems and be happy is to go back to an ex who was always there for them.

It’s unlikely that your ex will return just because she can. If she returns for little to no reason, she’ll probably leave again because she won’t know why she came back. She needs to know what made her come back so she can learn to respect you and value you for who you are.

You should consider taking an ex back only when you’re certain she regrets leaving you and sees your worth.

So if you want to know how often certain types of exes come back, here’s a much simpler explanation.

Please note that “very often” doesn’t mean 80% of dumpers come back or something like that. It means that these particular dumpers are most likely to develop a desire or need to be with their ex.

Undeveloped dumpers may run into problems and miss their ex whereas developed ones may reflect and realize they shouldn’t have dumped their ex that quickly.

Always remember that reconciliations happen when life doesn’t go in the way it was planned. Unmanifested high expectations create unpleasant situations and give rise to unwanted emotions. That then causes dumpers to reach out and try to meet the ex they dumped.

The only reason people say dumpers come back often is that couples argue, break up, and get back together a day or two later when they realize they still love their partner. This isn’t a breakup but a fakeup.

What should I do if my ex is in the category of people who is unlikely to come back?

No matter which category your ex fits in, it’s just a category. I’ve seen the strongest dumpers come back and cry like babies and the most codependent ones move onto someone else and never look back. Breakups are unpredictable as they don’t always follow clear patterns.

In fact, they seldom do.

You need to act as if you have no idea what’s going to happen. You need to keep your hopes low and treat your breakup as final.

By doing so, you’ll allow yourself to let go of your ex and regain happiness and control of your life. If you try to let go of hope, you’ll be the most attractive to your ex-girlfriend you can be because you’ll handle her breadcrumbs confidently and care less about what she’s thinking, feeling, and doing.

So try not to think about the chances of your ex-girlfriend coming back. Knowing the chances is not only a waste of time, but it’s also counterproductive because it will either hurt you or empower you with hope.

By all means, figure out where you went wrong and find the reason or reasons the breakup ensued. But when it comes to calculating the chances of her coming back, stop yourself from overanalyzing by remembering that obsessing about it isn’t going to give you an advantage in reattracting her.

What’s meant to happen is going to happen regardless of whether you do anything about it or not. So give your ex space to breathe and focus on creating an independent life without her. It will make you look good when or if your ex hits a snag and needs someone familiar to lean on.

What do you think? How often do ex-girlfriends come back after dumping their partner? Post your thoughts in the comments below and we’ll get back to you soon.

And if you want to talk about your breakup in detail, subscribe for 1-on-1 coaching with us.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.