First of all, you’re badly mistaken if you think that the first text after the no contact rule is yours to send.
I know some people say it is, but those are generally the people that care more about your money than they do about your health.
The 60, 45, or 30-day no contact rule is an absolute bogus and will manifest additional heartbreak and disappointment if you attempt it.
You must understand that your ex most likely won’t be ready to talk to you after such a short period of silence.
He or she likely needs months and not days of alone time. So try not to sabotage your chances and your health—and stay in no contact.
If you don’t and your ex rejects you, you will sink so low the second time that you’ll undoubtedly regret reaching out and extorting validation from your ex.
Your ex’s lack of love will hurt you again—forcing you to regress badly. And as a result, it will take you up to a few weeks of time to get back on track with your healing progress.
So avoid reaching out to your ex first no matter how much you crave your ex’s attention. It won’t ever work if you try.
Even if your actions are genuine and you merely want your ex to talk to you in a friendly manner, you can’t force your ex to be ready before he or she is actually ready.
You can’t do it no matter how good you are at influencing, persuading, and enticing. So let your ex get back to you on his or her own terms and send you the first text after the no contact rule.
And when he or she does, you will respond appropriately based on what your ex says, wants, or needs.
In this article, we’ll talk about the first text after the no contact rule and go into more detail about how you can respond in a nice manner without pushing your ex away.
The first text after the no contact rule
The first text after the no contact rule will likely be difficult to interpret and respond to because of your overwhelming anxiety.
But despite feeling nervous due to the fear of your ex that you develop in no contact, you mustn’t lose your emotional control and do something your ex isn’t prepared to see or hear.
You will probably shake and sweat like you’re on fire, but don’t let your emotions get the best of you.
If you let them control you, your ex will notice your weakened mental state and realize you’re unbelievably nervous and insecure.
And that’s just not something your ex will find appealing. Especially not now that your value has plummeted so low.
So do your best not to let your ex know that you’ve been dying for his or her text.
Instead, show that your ex’s first text after no contact doesn’t bother you one bit.
When you portray secure, alpha traits, your ex will no longer feel threatened by your post-breakup mistakes and might want to converse with you on equal terms.
He or she could think of you as an equal—a person of self-respect and value and might perceive you in a non-threatening way.
Depending on what your ex’s goal is, your ex might, of course, only breadcrumb you, check up on you, or attempt to alleviate his or her guilt.
But whatever your ex’s intentions are, there’s a good, a bad, and a horrible way to reply to your ex’s first text after the no contact rule.
That’s why you must respond to your ex in a way that doesn’t make your ex regret contacting you.
Sounds simple, right?
The first text after no contact rule matters a lot!
It takes some dumpees months and others years to receive the first message from their ex.
But 90% of them will at some point hear from their ex again. And they won’t see it coming when they do.
They will suddenly experience anxiety like on the day of the breakup.
Or perhaps slightly less (depending on how long it’s been since the breakup).
But almost all dumpees will undoubtedly experience some sort of dissatisfaction when they hear from their ex.
Due to their high expectations after the first text, dumpees often switch to their anxiety mode in which they overanalyze every syllable of the text.
They go borderline insane by trying to understand what their ex feels internally and what the dumper intends to do with them.
But to no avail, they can’t figure it out no matter how long they’d known their ex for. They just can’t read their ex’s mind.
So if that happens to you as well, do your best not to obsess as it’s only going to make your situation worse.
As a matter of fact, overanalyzing your ex is going to make you sick to the stomach and cause you to lose your appetite and sleep.
It could cause you extreme obsession over your ex and/or over his or her new partner.
So try not to develop an ex-obsession by practicing various relaxation techniques.
Here are a few chronological rules to follow when your ex sends you the first text after the no contact rule.
Be the best person you can be
When your ex texts you out of the blue and you don’t know whether you should wait, ignore, or seenzone your ex’s message, rely on your core values for guidance.
In other words, do what you would do if you were the kindest and at the same time the most confident person in the world.
You really can’t go wrong by saying and doing what emotionally mature people do.
So don’t listen to anyone who tells you to act dishonestly. They are typically the people who don’t care about anyone but themselves.
And if you need some time to decide what to say to your ex after no contact, that’s completely fine.
Taking a minute or two to think about how you want to reply isn’t ignoring, nor is it dishonest.
You have every right to ponder before you come up with a response and hit the send button.
Just make sure that what you’re going to say is respectful and confident.
You’re not going to make your ex lose his or her respect for you if you treat him or her well.
And you’re certainly not going to push your ex away.
You can only do that if you show a lack of respect for yourself as well as toward your ex.
This includes:
- begging and pleading
- getting angry
- crying hysterically
- ignoring
- appearing pretentious
- lying and deceiving
Examples of the first text after the no contact rule
We could include hundreds of examples of the first text after the no contact rule.
But we’re only going to mention just the most common ones today.
Here are 10 examples:
- Hey!
- Sup?
- How are you?
- Have you seen my toothbrush?
- Hey, what’s my Netflix password?
- Hi, I just wanted to check up on you.
- Do you want your microwave back?
- Do you still have the books I gave you a while back?
- How’s the dog doing?
- Can you fix my computer?
The dumper’s first text after the no contact rule is usually a funny quote, a random picture, an unimportant question, or a silly remark.
That’s why you shouldn’t take your ex’s outreach literally when he or she is trying desperately to break the ice.
Don’t judge or question your ex either.
Try to understand your ex’s real motive instead and listen to what your ex has to say.
You don’t need to plat detective. Just pay attention and help him or her feel comfortable.
How do you respond when your ex reaches out
There’s no right or wrong way to reply to your ex’s first text after no contact.
Unless you say something that offends your ex or pushes him or her away, your response won’t make your ex lose respect for you.
It can’t when you act like a respectable human being.
So reply in a way that reflects your best personality traits and show your ex that you’ve improved.
Here are some examples of how you can reply to the first text after the no contact rule.
They are the replies to when your ex reaches out.
- Hi.
- Sup?
- I’m good. How are you?
- I haven’t seen it anywhere.
- Your password is XYZ.
- Hi. I’m doing good. Thanks.
- That would be great. Drop it off at my parents’ place, please.
- I don’t have your books anymore. Sorry.
- The dog is doing fine.
- I’m a bit busy this week. I can have a look on Saturday.
As you can see, replying to your ex’s first text is no rocket science.
Only your anxious brain makes it seem that it is.
So whenever your ex breaks the no contact rule and messages you first, make sure you wait a few minutes to collect your thoughts.
Your ex wants something from you
You must remember that your ex’s first outreach has a purpose.
It could mean that your ex is guilt-ridden and wants to apologize to you for his or her unfair treatment.
Or perhaps your ex just wants to check up on you and see how you’re coping without him or her.
Whatever your ex’s goal is, it might be in your best interest to provide your ex with what he or she is after.
So if it’s guilt your ex is trying to alleviate, take your ex’s guilt away. If it’s validation your ex seeks, give him or her a healthy amount.
Don’t shower your ex with needy comments, of course, but do show your ex that you’re still the best person around.
Moreover, if your ex is looking for a favor that you’re okay helping with, assist him or her with that too.
Your ex is aware of the fact that you’re his or her ex who got rejected.
But what your ex likely doesn’t realize is that if he or she feels good about himself or herself and toward you, he or she could develop feelings for you again.
Your ex just has to get rid of the negative associations toward you and continue talking to you on a frequent basis.
So don’t think that your ex will friendzone you or think less of you if you take your ex’s fears, anxiety, doubts, guilt, and bad feelings away.
Contrarily, your ex will probably feel more positive feelings toward you and coincidentally be happier around you.
And when he or she is happy, relaxed, and having a good time with you, your ex will likely want to spend more of his or her time around you.
What do I do when I get the first text from my ex?
Depending on what your ex says and does, you either do nothing or something.
If your ex tells you that he or she enjoys your company, say you enjoy his or her company too.
And once you’ve said that, wait for your ex to take the lead.
Don’t make a fool of yourself by inviting your ex out. It’s probably too soon for that unless your ex expresses the wish or shows signs to go out with you.
So wait and be patient.
When your ex wants to see you, talk to you, or do anything at all with you, your ex will open up the topic.
He or she will hint it or say it directly, so you don’t need to play the guessing game.
Not when your ex is decisive and knows what he or she wants.
However, if your ex reaches out for little to no reason at all and doesn’t show any signs of interest, you don’t have a choice but to go back to no contact.
Your ex is only sending you breadcrumbs and isn’t open to communication yet.
And that’s why he or she needs more time to find a reason to converse with you.
So “wait” for him or her to find it.
If your ex never reaches out
Consider yourself lucky if your ex never reaches out to you.
Sure, you may never reconcile with your ex, but your ex will nonetheless make your recovery easier for you.
You basically get to avoid your ex’s wishy-washy post-breakup behavior, dodge breadcrumbs, and learn how to love yourself properly.
When your ex never reaches out and sends you the first text, you’re given a golden opportunity to heal and recover without any false hope and anxiety.
Your breakup recovery simply keeps getting better one day at a time, whereas your ex texting you can string you along and keep your wound open for months.
So if your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, husband or wife never talks to you after the breakup, cut your losses and “thank your ex” for leaving you alone.
You’ll be able to get over your ex and connect to someone else much quicker.
Are you still thinking of sending your ex the first text after the no contact rule or are you going to do what’s best for you and wait for your ex to text you first? Let me know what you intend to do in the comments section below.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Hi, i had a short relationship with a man, he dumped me an i went to no contact, he text me 3 weeks later, it was just a link to a video about same breed dog that i own. No hi, no any other words just a link, i havent respond anything, i cant understand what are his intentions?
How i should react?
Best regards, Diana
me an my ex have diff situation her family was the reason of bein in relation for 5 month even I knew her from 4 years our relation was like good at the first 3 month then like hell in the las 2 month
it end with needy from my side then then I’ve done the NC for 1 month
I try to call her after 48 days of no contact but she didn’t answer for greeting her birthday
what should I do she blocked me on day 30 on social media
What if he has deleted my number? We were in contact for months after the break up, he kept asking me for sex and I refused. The last conversation we had, he asked me to come over and take care of him because he was hungover. Since I knew it would only lead to sex I refused. Then a few weeks later I found out that he had deleted my phone number. So how is he gonna contact me if he ever has change of heart?
He’s already shown you complete disrespect by only contacting you for sex – drunk or not. He won’t have a change of heart. If he goes through his AT&T records or whatever he needs to do to contact you again, it’ll just be to string you along ’cause nothing better has come his way. Lose this guy. Respect yourself.
I agree with the previous statement. You deserve much better treatment than this.
Hello,
Me and my ex were on a break since March. In our relationship, both of used to be together 24/7 and we had become very close. So much that we both couldn’t focus on other things. We used to get upset when the other person did not want to spend time. Also he started having withdrawal symptoms after he left smoking but I was there to support him in all those months. In March, he just started pushing me away completely. His reason to go on a break was that he could not handle his feelings. After that he saw a counselor and went on depression meds. I messaged him a couple of times where he told me that his counselor made him realize he has low self esteem and fear of rejection and it is for mine and his good that we break up and don’t get into a relationship. We have holidays and I won’t be seeing him before July or August. It’s been 30 days since I have heard from him. He has deleted my number and had asked me to move on when we spoke the last time. But earlier he had also said that he was thinking about me. I was planning to check on him after a few days and maybe let him know that I still think about him. He is very shy and reserved and will not tell anyone about his state and I was the the closest to him. I know we can’t get back together so soon because of his state but I think he should know that my feelings are still there and that he can talk to me and come back if he wants. I just don’t want to be the person that influences him to do this. I think it might take him months to even realize about his feelings but till then he will think I have moved on and not contact me. That’s why I feel I should find out what he is thinking. I just want to start again as friends and then see if we can be together again, I don’t want to rush.
He texted me a few days back but he kept the conversation very short. He asked me what I have been upto and I was honest – told him I had started baking. He was glad that I was doing something and said he had texted me only to say hi and check how I was doing. After that he ended the conversation. It left me confused even though I was doing better after not contacting him for 2-3 months. Now I am thinking of talking to him again as friends and maybe trying to figure out what is it that he wants. Because the time during no contact gave me enough time to think about my wants and expectations from a relationship.
Thanks for the great an useful information. My ex texted me last week after 40 days of no contact. She cumplimented me on my new profile picture, said I looked nice with my new haircut and left it at that. I thanked her and that was it. Coming from someone like her, that is kind of a huge effort, I reckon. I went into no contact again, but wonder if I should text her next
Definitely don’t! Have you heard from her since?
Great article, so detailed and empowering.
I dated guy for a month and suddenly he left to his country . He msg me night before he travelled apologising that he didn’t contact me for 2 days . I replied to him if everything is okay and wished him safe travels. It has been more then 2 weeks of no contact . Shall I msg him and ask him how is he ??
Thanks
The problem is that he told me not to call or text him after becoming frustrated by my inability to see him as much as he would like. I tried texting him first to apologize but when I didnt receive a response, I sent some not so nice texts to him, which I now regret. He has blocked me on social media as well as phone calls or texts, which he has never done before. On the rare occasion that we ever had an argument, it was always me who would contact him after a few days and he would reply within seconds. It has now been 30 days of no contact and I have heard nothing from him. I’m heartbroken and dont know what to do. I have no clue if he is seeing anyone else and I am literally sick to my stomach because I really want to hear from him. I’m afraid that he has cut me off because he doesnt want to be sucked back into a relationship that was not meeting his needs in regard to spending enough time together.
I can understand how you must be feeling. I’m in a same situation where my ex blocked me off everywhere. The last time I reached out, she said she does not even want to think of me and hung up the call. She started pushing me away around March and broke things off in April. I’ve never been able to do this no contact religiously. The maximum that I have gone is 15 days only. But I have decided not to contact her anymore, atleast for my own sanity.
Did your ex reach out to you after that?
I just really love my ex girlfriend. We have been together for 3 years, she clearly loves me and still tells me. We had been on and off for a while even though we loved each other and still enjoyed being together things just kept breaking us apart but finally I ignited the break up and at first we agreed to work on ourselves and not talk to anyone else but then i kind of had a rebound after the “break up” and wasn’t really responding to my girlfriend or being dry with her while she wanted to fix the problem but i was busy with my rebound that I saw the true colors of the girl I was now talking too and realized she wasn’t my EX, went back to my ex and she seemed ready to work it out that night but I acted like the toxic me and hurt her feelings again that night while at her house (broken up but not talking to anyone) I texted her that night acting on impulse saying do we just need to cut off the connection and really be broken up and not tied down to anything and it took her forever but she finally braved herself to do it and instantly I realized I made a mistake and the world came down crashing on me and i cried and cried and begged her that i would promise to be better and she said “it doesn’t happen in a day” and she just kept saying we just need to do this and if we ever come back to each other in the future then it was meant to be but she keeps claiming she wants me to be a better version of myself and that she needs space to work on herself and that i don’t need to just change for her but for me as well. We hung out the day after all that and i cried and she held me and hugged me and we kissed good bye but the 3rd day was the hardest cuz her family called me while I was drunk and i let all my emotions and anger out but they still messaged me the next day after all of that. I just went through a bad thing yesterday my coach died and i have been sobbing and grieving and she came right to my messages to talk to me and claimed she’s only there to be there for me and that i shouldn’t get ahead of myself or talk about the relationship. Yesterday was a fun time talking to her and i really missed that and we talked about our old photos and all the past stuff we did and how we met. She also got kind of upset yesterday because I was talking respectfully and being generous and caring and she said “this sounds fake and not like you. you’re not going to change in one day” but as night came around we were agreeing that we would take space and that we will talk again soon when everything clears and that she loves me and that i love her and i said I’ll never hurt you again and she responded “if we ever get back together I’ll trust you that that won’t happen again” and I said thank you for that I love you, I’ll talk to you whenever the wind blows back. And she loved the message and that was it. What do I do now?
Hi Zan!!
I did all the mistakes in the book. I even accepted friendship to not lose her from my life. Friendship or not anyway the outcome is the same. It has to be their idea. Anyway if an ex sends happy birthday should i wish her on her birthday or not?
Hi Beki.
It’s okay. What’s done is done. You didn’t know that you must leave your dumper alone.
Feel free to wish her for her birthday if she wished you for yours.
Stay strong,
Zan
So my ex left me for his ex. He and I where together for 2,5 years. We talked used to talk every day. We were not officially together anymore, but we we still dated. I think to be together at a later point. A few weeks before the incident he told me he still had feelings for me. When he told me he bumped in to his ex and they kissed. I got angry and haven’t spoken to him. She also has a boyfriend and I doubt that she told him about the kiss.
I’m currently applying the no contact rule/ silene, because I understand that I need to heal. But it is really hard. I miss him so much. I has been 16 days since we spoke about what happend and had contact. I do stalk his and his ex page. His ex is very vocal about her current emotions on social media. But I will stop with that from today on. Because I can’t eat or concentrate on important tasks.
Yesterday I dreamed that he send me a message and that she did not like that and when I woke up he did. I checked her page and she was vocal. He apologized for what happend and for hurting me and making me cry. I did not answer yet, because I feel confused. Should I respond now or wait until the no contact is over? I feel like am not ready to contact him. I still feel anger and disgust when I think about it. Do I ignore him or respond with something simple?
Hi Esperanza.
Responding to an ex is always the polite thing to do.
Go back to no contact afterward though. Don’t engage in pointless conversations.
Best regards,
Zan
My ex nar and I were together for 5 years after 2 he started cheating on me I could never really catch him tho he never did anything for me he came home to a clean house and dinner on the table, I stopped having sex with him for a long time except once in a while, one day last summer he told me I was going to push him to someone else I told him to have at it, well he did within just a few mths and I caught him with his own cousin and I put him out the next day, now on Facebook they are posting that they are in love and getting married,also what his family never told me was he was also a registered sex offender for having sex with his 15 yr old cousin and getting her pregnant he was 39 OMG ripped my heart out, I’m a emotional wreck but in love with him.I sent him a text after 45 days NC only because of his mail I already had his new address, and asked if he wanted me mail it there,his text back was his address and that’s all.
My boyfriend and I were in a casual relationship for over 6 months and I knew him for 9 months. We were exclusive and his family sent me gifts and everything. My bf even referred to us as a “couple”. But, he would do this get close and then push away, much like an fearful avoidant. Here is the kicker. He said “I love you so much” which caught me off guard because I knew he didn’t want hot and heavy. However, a few days later when I reciprocated the “I love You” he said it sounded like I was “In Love”. To which I replied, yes I have feelings. He said he didn’t feel the same. He said we were just having fun and said “thank you for your honesty”. He said we are completely compatible and he just didn’t feel the in-love part and said he has never felt the in love feeling with anyone. Then, of course I apologized for ruining our relationship by catching feelings. But I felt I could share my feelings because he said it first multiple times with intensity. Our relationship was intense and fast and we had common goals, values, and interests. I tried the no-contact but I was only able to make it ten days of no contact and we have been broken up for a month. I broke no contact this week as I wanted to wish him a happy birthday. He responded and we had a few text messages back and forth for about a week, on and off again every few days. I’m the one initiating communications though. *My question is, if he is always pushing and pulling will he come back to me? If he is fearful avoidant wouldn’t this reinforce his fears that I’ll abandon him? I need advice on what to do from here to re-attract him to a relationship? He said I didn’t ruin anything because we were only hanging out, but his family wanted to meet me, they sent me gifts, and he referred to us as a couple. He spent every weekend at my house (this was not a FWB relationship). Or, if I step back and say, yes this was a casual relationship how do I re-attract him? Does no-contact still apply? And, I already broke no-contact? Now what? Thank you!
Omg ! I’m in the same situation!
9 months relationship, all good. Then I confesed I started catching feelings for him, he was surprised!
In the relationship he use to present me as his girlfriend.
He was honest and told me he wanted to keep seeing me…but I didn’t accept the deal, I can’t be a mistress I’m always the main women, so I left ….
After this we kept testing each other, no love from him until one day he told me he was too busy and will call me, but let him alone for s few days. I didn’t reply to his message, this was 5 days ago and doing no contact 100%
Thus is actually the way I am, and I know they aaaaaalways come back.
I’m very stubborn, but I’m also dying to know about him 😖
This man is the one, I really hope he comes back.
I’m 34 single mom of 2, he is 44 single father of 1.
Should I reach out to my ex if he suffers from erection problem and low self esteem? I want to get back with him but he doubted it. Our last conversation was he sent me a message out of the blue to be friends and meet for coffee at some point. I said ok but After that, he disappeared.
I am in 83 days no contact. My ex reached out 31 days after I ghosted his narcissistic self. I didn’t respond to it. I have received fake Facebook/messenger fake friend request, calls from weird numbers and when I answer, not a word and then I call back it’s a “non working” number. He was triangulating me and was about to discard me, but, I showed him what Gone In Sixty Seconds really looks like. I am a child abuse, domestic violence, and cancer survivor. Playing the tik tok doc with these toxic people is not on my schedule. I buried my narc mother six months ago, and playing footsies with a narc is not healthy. When you leave these toxic people, LEAVE ALL COMMUNICATION. They are only reaching back to see if they can collect fuel from you, get back with you because the new supply(s) didn’t pan out and they are desperately seeking a re-up. Trust when they start that song and dance of trying to reach back it is only to hurt you worse. It is about to start getting cold now and don NOT be surprised if exes start coming out of the wood works. There will be calls, texts, emails, letters, pop ups, third party contact, Facebook requests, messenger messages, and all kinds of foolery when dealing with the breadcrumb stage. To all those who were discarded by a narcissist, be glad. Focus on healing and moving on. Cutting them off and ignoring their advances will only save you time and heartache. To those like myself who have no problem ghosting toxic people: Cheers! We made the cut and dipped out.
Hi again, themsmith77.
It sounds to me like you’ve made up your mind. Keep healing and improving from here onwards.
I wish you the best of luck!
Best,
Zan
Hi Zan,
My ex reached out after 3 months of no contact to say she misses me and that our relationship is what she needed in her life at that time. I responded back in kind without getting sappy. She said she would like to reconnect in the near future (we now live in different states). Now, there has been no contact again for about 3 weeks since that text exchange. I want to reach out now since she initiated, but unsure if it is wise. Any suggestions?
Hi K.
You can probably talk to her.
Just don’t mention the breakup or getting back together. It has to be her idea.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thank you for anothet helpful article..
Thank you for reading!
I did the no contact crap, and i regret it. I messaged my ex, and her reply was ” thanks, just want to say that it wasnt cool for you to ignore my messages for a month”
I dont know what to do or say. Although she messaged me once by the way. She broke up with me, why does she think she has the right to be snarky?
Hi Beth.
I don’t advocate ignoring the dumper.
If she broke up with you and didn’t say anything to you for a month, you had no reason to break the no contact rule after a certain period of time.
You should have kept healing and improving yourself.
And if she messaged you after a week or two for example, replying to her was the polite thing to do.
I think that you followed somebody’s advice to ignore an ex and it backfired when you reached out.
Taking this into account, provided she still talks to you, do the right thing and tell her that you didn’t know what to say to her.
Best of luck,
Zan
Thank you for all your articles. They’ve been very helpful to me.
I especially appreciate your focus on behaving decently. I’m almost at three months since she moved out and I went into no contact and at times I feel anger towards her, but your reminders help me to stay true to my values and forgive.
She lived with me three months past the breakup and anxiety got the best of me the first 5 weeks or so and I acted irrationally but then I pulled myself together. She thanked me for taking the breakup well on the day she moved out. I can at least say I gained back some respect and acted in a way that I can be proud of after doing some things I wasn’t so proud of.
Keep up the good work.
Hi Trevor.
Anger is part of the process of letting go of an ex. So don’t think that you’re bad for fighting for yourself. Keep forgiving yourself and your ex for what’s happened and you’ll grow into an amazing person!
Your mistakes won’t define you when you outgrow them.
Thank you for commenting,
Zan
My ex did reach out. She used a “breadcrumb” tactic. I was in shock. I was so anxious and fearful that I could have easily gotten sick.
I didn’t rush to respond. I did respond in a kind manner. I am not sure if I conveyed confidence. I just know I did not beg or plead or negotiate.
The conversation was short. It did end with my ex making a comment that I interpreted as very unkind. I did not retaliate. I want to be able to live with myself. I don’t ever want my final words to anyone be regarded as cruel or unkind to the best of my ability. I cannot control that interpretation, but I am aware of my emotions behind my response.
Her text did hurt me. It definitely reopened the wound. I’m not fully healed from the break-up. Her reaching out made me fully aware of the work I still need to do.
I at least know of my current state. Where this event did hurt me, I feel a bit better with this possible conclusive communication.
Hi J.
An ex causing anxiety can last even months or years after the breakup. The best action for you to take is to work on disassociating your ex from emotional pain.
Keep getting stronger and moving on, J. You’ve got this.
Best regards,
Zan
I agree on everything you wrote here.
I think the only thing that was missing was:
If she/ he keeps sending bredcrumbs, then the dumpee should “man up” and actually reject the dumper, by asking either for clear communication or just ask for space.
The dumpee does not need to be dragged along longer than necessary.
I did it. And it helped med more than I can imagine. In this way I may have risked loosing her by “forcing” an answer out of her, but I gained my self respect.
Thank you for the article 💪🏼👍❤️
Hi again, SCV-rush.
You’re absolutely right!
Rejecting the dumper’s breadcrumbs is crucial to the dumpee’s well-being. And from my observations, it doesn’t even hurt your chances. It only helps you recover.
I had mentioned it in previous articles and will definitely include it more often from now on.
Thanks for the reminder!
Zan
the last part is not clear.. u mean to say if no contact from ex’s side is there, then i should forget about his comning back to me ever?? means end of the relation??
Hi Piyali.
What part is confusing you?
If you mean whether you should forget about your ex if he doesn’t contact you, then yes.
You should forget about him if he doesn’t initiate contact with you.
Best,
Zan
Hello Piyali,
Zan has provided a good reply.
I just read your response. I felt bad to read your final questions as they appear to be from a perspective of hurt.
Only your ex can determine if they will return. Please keep in mind that it was your ex who decided to reject you. The relationship has already come to an end. I’m sorry if that hurts to read. I really am.
I hope that you keep working on yourself. You’ll want to as it will prepare you in case your ex does reach out. Don’t fall for ex-back programs that give specific timelines. It just isn’t healthy or realistic.
The articles from this site can provide a great deal of comfort and hope. Hope you keep reading them.
Hello,
My ex broke up with me after 2,5 year relationship which was long-distance for the last 3 months(we’re 23). He said it was due to the distance and loss of emotional connection. However, even with the distance we would be able to see each other once or twice a month.
After the break up I went into NC and he texted me the following 3 days with small talk without mentioning the break up and spoke like everything is fine but without the emojis and sweet talk. He did the same 5 days later even asking about my family but again it was a short conversation.
It’s been a month since then and I never initiated contact.
I wonder what those texts meant and what my next move should be.
Thanks