Does She Still Think About Me?

Whether it’s been a week, a month, a year, or many years, your ex still thinks about you from time to time. It may not be every day and in a loving kind of way, but she does remember you and wonder about you.

She’s your ex-girlfriend, a person who bonded with you and created many memories. She can’t erase you from her mind even if she wants to. It doesn’t matter if she’s single or with someone else. You were a significant part of her life for a while, which means that she thinks and probably even dreams about you.

Your ex remembers you randomly because people, locations, emotions, and experiences remind your ex of you.

For instance, when your ex hears a song you used to sing together or walks by a place you frequented as a couple, your ex connects that experience with you and remembers you.

She may not like it, but your ex doesn’t have a choice. She can’t do anything to avoid remembering you and thinking about you. That’s how the mind works. It remembers things from the past and may even trigger nostalgia, anger, repulsion, or some other emotion.

How the dumper feels after remembering an ex depends on the dumper’s perception of the dumpee. If the dumper blames the dumpee for the breakup and associates pain with the dumpee, she typically doesn’t want to think about the dumpee for very long.

She wants to stop thinking about her ex to avoid re-experiencing undesirable emotions.

But if the dumper has processed the breakup and forgiven her ex for the past, then the dumper may not feel hurt and angry. She may think of her ex as someone she tried to make things work with but couldn’t because of a lack of effort or compatibility.

In that case, the dumper typically doesn’t feel much. She may feel a bit nostalgic or guilty for hurting her ex, but that’s about it. To miss her ex romantically, she needs to be unhappy with her life and have no better romantic options.

So if you want to know if your ex-girlfriend still thinks about you, the answer is yes. She remembers the good and the bad times every so often and wonders what you’re up to and if you’re happy. If your ex’s perception of you is healthy, a little bit of curiosity is normal.

But to badly want answers from you, your ex needs a hidden agenda. She needs to feel guilty about what she did to you, want you in her life as a friend, crave validation and support, or have some other use for you.

That implies your ex will reach out when your ex needs you to make her life better or easier. 

Thinking about you and needing you are two different things. The former shows your ex is still processing things and has no expectations of you whereas the latter indicates emotional progress and a use for you. 

Don’t worry too much about whether your ex is thinking about you or reaching out. The reaching out part has a bad side to it because it makes your ex contact you for non-romantic purposes. In other words, your ex breadcrumbs you for selfish gain and confuses you.

Yes, your ex shows or says that she thinks about you and misses you, but what good does that do when it forces you to think about your ex obsessively? If your ex doesn’t want you back, you’re better off not knowing whether your ex still thinks about you.

Many dumpers have no idea how it makes their exes feel when they admit to thinking and non-romantically missing their ex. They don’t know it gives their ex tons of false hope and forces them to take a more aggressive get-your-ex-back approach.

This approach involves giving their ex their undivided attention and reeling their ex in with confidence and determination. 

When dumpees try to “win their ex back” on their terms, they forget the most important thing, which is that they lack power. They can’t persuade their ex to come back because their ex feels victimized and doesn’t want to come back.

Their ex hasn’t yet found a reason to reconcile and work on herself and the relationship.

What dumpees don’t understand is that dumpers don’t deliberately look for reasons to reconcile. They usually find such reasons by chance after they’ve failed to be happy and succeed without their ex.

A reason to reconcile is revealed to them only when they’ve explored other options and realized the grass isn’t greener. That’s when they come running and begging for another chance.

So don’t expect your ex to come back because you want your ex to come back. Expect your ex to ask for another chance only when your ex prioritizes her wants and needs for a while and experiences failure and pain like never before.

It’s unhappiness that triggers nostalgia and makes your ex think about you in romantic ways. Unhappiness lowers your ex’s ego and forces your ex to reflect on her decisions and actions. Your post-breakup behavior doesn’t play a big role in it because you no longer influence her.

You lost the power the do that when she broke up with you and decided to chase happiness elsewhere. Keep that in mind when you feel determined to do something to win your ex back.

In this article, we answer the question “Does she still think about me?” We explain when your ex will think about you the most and what you should do to maximize your chances of getting noticed and being on your ex’s mind.

Does she still think about me?

Yes, your ex still thinks about you. It doesn’t happen as often as you think about her because dumpees are anxious and want validation, but your ex does remember you and wonder how you’re coping with the breakup. 

Unlike you, your ex can stop thinking about you when she wants. She’s not dependent on you for self-love and healing and doesn’t have to process the breakup. She can easily redirect her attention to other things.

Dumpers are over their ex the moment they pull the plug on their ex. They don’t visualize breaking up a million times and looking for solutions to their problems. As far as they’re concerned, they’ve dealt with their problems by leaving the relationship—and can focus on themselves and others if they want to.

They’re detached and in control of their thoughts and feelings. And because they’re in control, they don’t deliberately think about their ex too much. Doing so would imply that some emotion is pulling them toward their ex.

An emotion like guilt, shame, anxiety, regret, or attachment.

So even though your ex thinks about you from time to time, keep in mind that your ex doesn’t get as emotional as you do. Your ex might miss friendship and the benefits she got from you. But to miss the romantic aspect of the relationship, your ex needs to crave your love and validation.

And to miss your love and validation, something must go wrong and convince your ex that she left a good relationship.

I’m not saying that will happen, but if your ex does fail at finding happiness, your ex could think about you romantically and regret leaving you.

If you want that to happen, you must understand that you can’t rush the process. You can’t make your ex realize your worth by talking to her.

Your ex must learn your worth on her own by getting herself into trouble. When she sees she traded a fulfilling life for an unfulfilling one, she could think about you in ways you want her to and reach out to be with you.

Until that happens, let your ex think, feel, and do what she wants. Let her have the freedom she needs to self-prioritize and not worry about your needs. Your ex mustn’t think that you’re waiting for her because your refusal to move on kills the attraction, curiosity, and need to get back with you before you move on.

It encourages your ex to stall and date other people. If you’re there as a backup option, your ex feels validated and doesn’t see you as an equal. 

So don’t empower your ex for no reason. Don’t give her your remaining power. Your ex mustn’t know that her departure changed your life for the worse and made you obsessed with her.

You wouldn’t find an obsessed/codependent ex attractive either. You’d think she’s emotionally weak and desperate and that you can do better.

Instead of hoovering around her, show her you care about yourself more than her and that you don’t think about her all the time (even if you do). Do no contact because no contact will demonstrate your ability to self-focus during this difficult time.

It won’t make your ex want you back right away, but it will force your ex to see that you respect yourself and that you demand respect from her as well. Love can’t grow without respect. It won’t happen because respect and self-respect are the foundation on which love is built.

So even though your ex still thinks about you, know that a lot of things must happen for your ex to miss you (especially romantically). Your ex must get in a pickle, let go of any remaining grudges, acknowledge your worth, and want life to be the way it used to be.

As a dumpee, you must do your best to preserve your worth. Do this by avoiding breakup mistakes and deeds that would pressure your ex into doing what you want her to do. 

Remember that your ex left because she couldn’t give you what you wanted. She felt forced to focus on you and the relationship when all she wanted was to focus on herself. Now that she’s gone, she must think that you’ve accepted the breakup and found better things to think about.

That could potentially make her think about you, respect you, and trigger her curiosity.

With that said, here’s why your ex still thinks about you.

When does your ex think about you the most?

Your ex will think about you the most when your ex isn’t social, busy, comfortable, in love, feeling validated, and fed up with you. That’s because your ex will feel that something’s missing and that you may be able to give it to her.

You used to do it in the past, so your ex might consider going to you to receive the benefits she no longer has.

It’s not a guarantee, but boredom, anxiety, problems, and self-unreliability tend to incentivize dumpers to think about their exes and interact with them. Negative things in general, give dumpers the best reasons to think about their exes.

When your ex encounters problems and lacks information about what you’re up to, your ex could think about the past and remember that you were reliable and helpful. She might consider breaking no contact and reaching out to discuss your new lives.

It probably won’t lead to reconciliation unless your ex has discovered your worth, but it will prove that your ex isn’t as happy as you’d thought and that she still thinks about you. You’ll be reassured that your ex still thinks about you even if months have passed since the breakup.

For me, it’s been years since I left my ex, and I still think about her occasionally. I mostly remember the bad times (the reasons I left), but I also get curious and wonder what she’s doing and if she’s happy.

It’s hard to say how often I think about her because her absence doesn’t stimulate me emotionally. I don’t get angry, nostalgic, sad, or anything that would make me think about her for long. If I had to guess, I’d say I think about her once or twice a month. It depends on the trigger.

But that could be due to my line of work.

When I left her, she was on my mind every day, multiple times for a couple of weeks. After that, my ex-thoughts became less frequent and passed quickly.

As a dumper, it’s perfectly normal to think about an ex once in a while. We all have times when we’re not particularly busy and get reminded of our exes. It doesn’t mean that we miss them but that they’re a part of our memories we can’t forget.

So keep in mind that your ex could think about you out of the blue and also when things go awry. Both are feasible and normal.

But your ex is much more likely to reach out and ask for another chance when difficult emotions come and make her desire your happiness, strength, and support.

If you’re hoping for reconciliation, you need to remember that your ex’s post-breakup plan must fail and that your ex must consider you a viable backup option. Only then will your ex remember the nice things you did for her and seek validation and love from you.

Don’t expect your ex to come back just because you were a good person. Many good people don’t get another chance because their ex doesn’t value or learn to value them. Their ex values other (often superficial) things and has the strength to deal with problems alone.

Reconciliation happens when the dumper doesn’t see a path forward. That’s when the dumper feels motivated to invest in the dumpee and fix what she broke.

For now, focus on yourself and remember that eventually, a time will come when you stop caring about your ex and whether your ex still thinks about you. You’ll only care about what you and the people who remain in your life think.

Do you wonder if your ex still thinks about you? Does it worry you? Share your thoughts and fears in the comments below.

And if you want to discuss your ex’s nostalgia with us, click here to visit our coaching page.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.